Chapter 11. Speaks of Sorrow
The suite was packed with people. Corff had offered to let them rent out the place for the night, but Varric declined, after all the more the merrier. A number of Ferelden refugees stopped by to meet the Warden Commander, thanking him for saving their country and crowning their new king. Many wanted to return home once they had sufficient sovereigns, but until that day they would proudly remember their homeland and its heroes. Aedan had smiled charmingly and shaken dozens of hands, but retreated to Varric's room for a quiet pint.
"So, the Hero of Fereldan graces the Hanged Man. They'll be talking about this for years, might even rename the place." Aedan laughed and raised his glass to his host.
"What can I say, its got the charm of the Gnawed Noble without the good beer. I take it you are the one we have to thank for this little party."
"It's not a party, just a friendly card game between some friends, with alcohol and celebrities." Varric shuffled his cards, Isabela and Fenris had taken a seat, ready for a game of Wicked Grace. "I believe you already know the lovely Isabela, so by extension you are a friend." The pirate queen winked at the young Cousland, she had several fond memories of him and his Orlesian bard. It was too bad the lovely red head wasn't with him, or she might try for another round of memory making. Aedan just smiled back at her, one would never know that he to was remembering a night of her demonstrating her 'dueling' skills.
"Well, if that's all, I won't decline a game."
"Perhaps we should make it a game of strip Wicked Grace, I'd love to see that griffin tattoo of yours again." Aedan laughed and a lifted the edge of his tunic to show a small part of said tattoo. The rest covered his lower back and left buttock, only a privileged few ever saw the whole thing. Or unlucky dwarves who tried to outdrink him. "You tease. Maybe we can convince a few more Wardens to join us and start a proper game of strip Diamondback."
"You might be able to convince Anders or Sigrun if she's tipsy. Don't try Nate or Beth though, I suggested it once and you'd think I'd insulted their mothers. Speaking of annoying mages..." Anders plopped down on the seat next to Isabela, already slightly drunk from three free drinks. He grinned at his Commander and stole Isabela's mug, downing it in one gulp. The mage's cheeks flushed an even deeper scarlet as he tossed a companionable arm around the lovely pirate queen. "Sometimes, I can't believe you survived the Joining."
"And yet, here I am. Amazing how things work out sometimes. What's this about strip Diamondback? I like that game!" Aedan groaned, the mage was a terrible card player and always ended up in his smalls, or less. Maker, please don't force him to see the mage's scrawny backside again.
While the card game started in Varric's suite, Garrett entered the Hanged Man, still not entirely sure what to say to Anders or if he even wanted to say something. He found the place packed to the gills with Fereldens. Many of them were his workers on their day off, he smiled as he observed their good cheer. It was a hard life for most of them, but he did what he could to make it better. He had changed it from five straight days of work to four with three days for rest, and raised their pay to livable standards. He gave them what few people in this city would, their dignity. After speaking to a few people and inquiring on what they thought of the recent additions of guards and a healer to the mines, he looked for the Commander's party. He managed to find his sister first in the crowded common area.
"Hello Beth" he walked over to the table his sister and Howe were occupying, "good to see you having some fun." She gave him a tight smile and stood up. She did not embrace him as she might once have done instead maintaining a bit of distance. It hurt him that she was still so bitter towards him. He loved his little sister, he would continue to love her even if she were to spit on him and look upon him as scum. He just wished she would allow him his say.
"And you brother, I hear the last two years have been good to you." He noted the acid in his words, but did not rise to her goading.
"Yes, its been a few good years. Mother is thrilled to be living in the old Amell estate, it's a wonder she ever loved the old house in Lothering." He reached into his coin purse and removed a few shining sovereigns. "Have a couple rounds of Corff's better stuff on me, can't have your friend here thinking it's all dog piss and rat droppings." Nate smirked and took the gold. Garrett glanced around, no sign of Anders or the other Wardens. "You seem a few Wardens short, I thought everyone was coming out tonight."
"Sigrun called it a night after Varric kept flirting with her. The Commander and Anders are up in his room with Bela and Fenris. I think I overheard them saying something about Diamondback." Hawke thanked her and headed up the stairs to Varric's palatial suite. He could hear the voices and laughter coming through the thick wooden door. It sounded like everyone was having a good time. As his hand came to rest on the door knob, he stopped. He wanted to go in, he wanted to join in. But he couldn't make himself turn the knob. A strange, clawing fear had taken hold of him. His heart was pounding so hard and loud that it perfectly mimicked the sound of darkspawn war drums. It was the tower all over again. Yes, logically he knew that he would not find Aeryn and Anders shagging behind this door, but the animal hindbrain was telling him otherwise. If he went in, he would just end up hurt again. And he couldn't handle that again. It had nearly shattered him the first time. If he were to be perfectly honest, he'd barely been able to put himself back together after escaping the Tower. It was only the gentle spirit healing magic of his father that had soothed his soul deep pain. With him gone, there was no way he would survive a second time.
Hawke released the warm metal of the knob and turned back down the stairs. He didn't stop to say his goodnights to Beth or her brooding companion. Or to any of his employees to whom he would always spare an open ear and kind word. He just kept moving. Just as he had always done.
As the night went on, Varric noticed a distinct lack of Hawke. If he were going to be late, normally he would have sent a note. But no message came. After a few hands of Diamondback Bethany and Nathaniel came to join the party. They were both a bit tipsy by this point after sampling some of the Hanged Man's finest. The Howe actually smiled a bit as he took a seat next to his Commander. Aedan Cousland would later ask the barman to send him several barrels of the stuff so he could attempt to pass some of the good cheer onto the nobles of Amaranthine.
Bethany sidled up to Anders, laying her dark head on his shoulder as she enjoyed the buzz of good spirits. Anders considered shoving her off onto Nate. It could be really, really bad if her big brother walked in to find her cuddling up to him. He might turn his force magic on Anders' face.
Varric noted the way Bethany was cozying up to her fellow Warden. Anders looked like he was expecting her big brother to come beat him up for touching his baby sister. It didn't seem to bother Bethany though, she was one big pile of liquored contentment. Speaking of big brothers….
"Hey Sunshine, you seen Hawke around? He said he was going to drop by for a game of cards earlier." Anders stiffened, now appearing truly nervous. Cousland was also now looking at him, though his expression was bordering on frustration. If the mage sabotaged the relationship between the Wardens and Hawke because he couldn't keep it in his pants, he was going to kill him.
"He was in the common area earlier, I saw him talking to Jansen for a bit." Jansen was the foreman at the Bone Pits. If there were any major complaints from the workers, Jansen usually passed them on to Hawke. "Maybe something came up? He left pretty quickly after that." It was not impossible that business could distract Hawke from an evening of fun and drink, the man worked himself to the bare bones to keep his people happy. It was no wonder he had started going gray in the last few years. The white haired elf snorted.
"If there was trouble he would have asked Aveline or I to come as backup." The former slave carried quite the torch for the dark haired apostate ever since their first meeting. Where he was snappy and defensive around Merrill or any of the mages from the Gallows, he was more reserved and thoughtful in his word choice when it came to Garrett. It might have been love if Fenris were a less damaged individual.
There was a possessive tone in the elf's voice that made Anders jealous. Were Garrett and Fenris lovers? Or what about this Aveline person? Maker, he hoped not. This Fenris was entirely hostile towards any magic or mage. It would be a poisonous relationship at best.
"Calm down Broody," Varric interjected, "I'm certain there's a good reason our fearless leader left in a hurry. Maybe he had to go save the Viscount from a rampaging army of blight bunnies." That got a laugh out of everyone. Varric mentally stowed the idea away for another story. Still, he wondered where big and scruffy had run off to in such a hurry. It wasn't like him to break a promise. Garrett was nigh fanatical about keeping his word. It would take something truly horrifying to make that happen.
Leandra had already turned in for the night when Garrett came home. The house was completely silent except for the crackle of burning logs in the fireplace. The dark haired mage took a moment to warm himself up. It was windier in Hightown than Lowtown and he had forgotten his cloak before he had headed out that evening. His fingers were nearly numb by the time he had gotten back to the Amell estate. His mabari Archon came bounding down from the upper level when his master had returned. The furry beast had hopped around excitedly and covered his face in wet slobbery kisses. The unwavering affection always brought Garrett out of his darker moods.
"That's a good boy," Archon settled next to him, resting his large head against his legs. "Up for another adventure boy?" He needed to get away. If he stayed here, he wouldn't be good for anyone. If he were to spend any time with Anders, it probably wouldn't end well. He still wasn't able to think of the man without thinking of him and Aeryn in the Tower. Besides, Beth hated him. She'd have a better time without him around. He owed her that. He couldn't save her from the Blight and couldn't save their father. He was useless. Utterly, utterly useless.
After grabbing a few necessities from his rooms he left a note for his Mother and guests telling them not to worry, but he had been called away on business. He did however mention in a separate letter he left for Varric that he was going into the Vinmark mountains. The dwarf would understand that he was going there to be alone and not send anyone after him. Satisfied with his letters, he grabbed his staff and headed out into the night with his best friend trotting amiably at his side. As he went along the moonlit streets he found himself softly singing a song his father had often hummed as they worked the fields of Lothering. A song from his younger mercenary days that were not so different from that of his son's.
'Oh, how long must I roam, till my feet bring me home
So many miles have come, come and gone
It seems the journey shall carry on to eternity
Where I am going, I have no knowing
No companion but the wind, farewell love and kin
There's a song in the breeze, echoes through the trees
A voice that speaks of sorrow, begging for the morrow'