Well, here it is. The final chapter of 'Highway to Hex'. Once this is done, I'm going back on hiatus until November. So please, make it last. As always, Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Enjoy.

Highway to Hex: Epilogue.

(Pachym Desert, Zunaan Dimension: June 6, 2046)

"And that's pretty much it." The Latino King said, bringing his story to a sudden, but overall satisfying end. "From that day on, your Aunt Janna never let me out of her sight. Always watching me, making sure I was on my best behavior. And Jefferson, that sanctimonious jackass, was always ready with a lecture and a smug remark. Sweet Christmas, I didn't know one day of peace until I graduated high school. Later that summer, I severed every tie I had to Earth, and I've never looked back."

"But what about your parents?" Marisol asked suddenly. "Don't you ever visit them?"

"Don't need to. They think I'm dead."

"What?"

"Yeah, I faked my own death a few weeks after graduation. It was… easier than telling them about my plans."

"That's horrible!"

"Not the way I see it. Oh sure, I loved my parents, but I also recognized them as a potential inconvenience. That's why I never told them about a lot of things. So as far as they know, I lived and died as their perfect son. And really, what better farewell gift could I have given them?"

"That's messed up."

"Now, now, little princess. No need to be so judgmental. After all, this universe of ours is full of all kinds of people. And their ways of thinking are as far apart as their home planets." Marco explained, before adopting a somewhat condescending smirk. "But of course, if a little thing like contrasting ideologies upsets you this much, maybe you should just go home and spend the rest of your life hiding under your bed."

Marisol winced a little at the older man's derisive comment. Clearly, she wasn't used to being spoken to this way by someone other than her sister.

Solaris seemed a bit bothered by it as well, and he would've voiced his discontent, had his other daughter not shoehorned herself into the conversation.

"Wait, I don't understand." Artemis spoke up suddenly. "If you hated Jefferson so much, why did you go to his funeral?"

"Say what now?"

"I mean, you just said you won't go to Earth to visit your own parents. So why would you go there for someone you hated? It doesn't make any sense."

"It's complicated, kid." Marco replied bluntly. "You'll understand when you're older."

"I can't wait that long. Explain it to me now."

"Look, I don't know why I went to that stupid funeral, okay? Maybe I felt guilty because I spent all of high school treating him like crap even though he was only trying to help me? Maybe I felt like I owed it to him since his stupid restrictions kept me from turning into a monster like Chantelle? Maybe I just wanted to see your mom? I don't know. I'm not a f***ing psychiatrist. Leave me alone."

Just then, the mighty warrior king made an unusual face.

The kind of face a person makes when they realize they've just said something they shouldn't have.

"Chantelle?" Artemis asked confusedly. "Who's Chantelle?"

"Uh…" Marco replied dumbly; looking as though he were about to defuse a time bomb. "Well… you see… Okay, here's the thing about that…"

Fortunately, before the great Destroyer God could embarrass himself any further, a fiery portal suddenly opened on the other side of the room and a familiar figure walked through.

Not surprisingly, it was Marco's wife, the lovey and powerful Lady Hekapoo, who was carrying what appeared to be a pair of human-sized hamster balls; one in each hand.

"Hey, Babe. Sorry I'm late." The elegant fire witch said; blissfully unaware of the awkward conversation she'd just prevented. "Would've been here sooner, but you know how those Lombaxes are. Oh, our species is the greatest in all the universe because we invented the s***iest method of interdimensional travel ever. Bunch of fur-faced pricks. You know, if they'd just quit acting like f***ing martyrs and ask for my help, they could've rejoined the rest of the universe decades ago instead of rotting away in that lame ass pocket dimension of theirs. Wait… what was my point again?"

"No idea." Marco answered, shifting gears faster than a professional drag racer. "But it's good to have you back, Gorgeous."

Falling back into his usual swagger, the great warrior king walked toward his horned queen and trapped her in a loving embrace, before further exercising his authority as head spouse by engaging her in a forceful, but welcome kiss.

Fortunately, the two orbs she was carrying seemed to be lighter than air; for they remained floating in place long after Hekapoo's arms had gone limp form ecstasy.

One micro-eternity later, the kiss was broken off, and the little fire witch was left feeling weak in the knees.

"What was that for?" she asked, looking flushed and out of breath.

"I'll tell you later." Answered her husband, before immediately changing the subject. "So, are these the new Restoration Pods?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, and they're the latest models too. Those Lombaxes aren't good for much, but they make a damn decent pod. Way I see it, these should have the girls back in fighting shape in about… half an hour."

"Good, then get right to it." He said in a calm but commanding tone before turning his attention back on the Mewman King. "Solaris, would you mind joining me out in the hall for just a moment?"

"Why?"

"Because before they can get into the pods, your daughters have to take their clothes off first."

"Oh, yes, of course!" the legendary swordsman said embarrassedly; blushing profusely and needlessly averting his gaze. "Now, um…girls, you be good for Lady Hekapoo. Understand? You are the heirs to the Royal House of Butterfly and I expect you to behave as such. Is that clear?"

"Yes, daddy." The twins answered in unison.

"Excellent. Now, if you need me, I'll be out in the hall with your Uncle Marco. TTFN and all that."

And with that, the two kings exited the room; once again freeing them to speak without the fear of revealing something they shouldn't.

"Well… that was almost a huge f***ing disaster." Marco said with a sigh, once he was certain they were out of both sight and earshot.

"Indeed." The Mewman King replied, pausing for only a moment to regain his composure. "Though from here on out, I do advise caution. When it comes to you, my wife tends to be a bit… overly forgiving. But when it comes to the events of that night… well…"

"You don't have to tell me, Kingy. I was there. I saw what that f***ing lunatic did. What she… made Star do. Shudder. That s*** 'll give anyone nightmares."

"It's not that. I just… I don't want the girls to get the wrong idea about their mother. I don't want them to think she…"

Just then, the Latino King placed a hand on his companion's shoulder; the universal gesture of sympathy between two men, for those of you who aren't in the know.

Fortunately, Solaris was in the know, so he gave Marco the customary 'manly smile'; indicating that he both appreciated the warrior king's gesture and accepted his sympathy.

"Hey, don't worry about it, man." The Latino said good-naturedly. "It was just a slip of the tongue. It won't happen again. You have my word."

"Thank you." The Mewman King replied gratefully. "And I know you'll keep it. Despite your numerous flaws, I know you to be an honorable man."

"Thanks… I think." He said, before switching gears yet again. "But listen, there's something else I've been meaning to talk to you about. And it's kinda important."

"Very well, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's not so much a problem… more of a helpful suggestion. It's about Marisol. Once this summer is over, I want you to start training her to use the Flash Step technique."

"What? Why?"

"Because she's a natural." The Latino King answered bluntly. "You may not have noticed this because you're so f***ing overprotective, but that little powderpuff has the instincts of a Whimsy Clan fighter. She thinks she's a coward because she avoids direct confrontation, but when she's cornered her body goes into autopilot. She bobs, weaves, blocks, and pivots like a professional boxer. All she needs is a little push, and she could master the Flash Step by her seventeenth birthday."

"I… I had no idea." Solaris replied, sounding more than a little ashamed of himself. "Are… are you sure?"

"Solaris, please, I'm the strongest warrior in the universe. I know talent when I see it. And little Marisol has it in spades."

"My word… but wait, what about Artemis?"

"Sigh. Yeah… Artemis is a whole 'nother story. She thinks she's a scrapper, but she's got no instincts whatsoever. Her movements are erratic and formless, and she's so desperate to distance herself from her mother that she blindly throws herself into conflict without giving any thought to strategy. And if she keeps it up, she'll be dead before she turns fifteen."

"Good gracious… what should we do?"

"Well… while I have her, I'll do my best to try and rid her of some of her more self-destructive habits. But at the end of the day, Artemis just isn't built for combat. Her aura's more suited for spellcasting than fisticuffs. And the sooner she realizes this, the longer she'll live."

"I see… then we must tell her immediately."

"EEEH! Wrong!" Marco bit back with playful sharpness. "Do that and you'll just push her closer to death. You want kids to do something, you gotta make 'em think it was their idea. That's Parenting 101."

"Uh-huh. And how do you propose to do that?"

"Not sure yet. But if I can't think of something, I'm sure Jackie will. Helping lost souls find their way is kinda her thing after all."

"Hmm… well, you're not wrong about that. But still, this is all a bit much for me to swallow. I've known those girls their whole lives and nothing you've said sounds even remotely like them."

"Look, you believe whatever you want, but mark my words. Artemis is destined to sit on her mother's throne. And little Marisol… well, give her twenty years or so and she might even have a shot at my tittle."

"My little Marisol, as strong as you?" the Mewman King said aghast. "You-you can't be serious."

"As serious as a heart attack, baby." The Destroyer God replied, sporting a playful sort of smirk. "But then, that's just my humble opinion."

End Notes:

Coming this November: Flowers and Brimstone.

Pinball Wizard vs Georgia Devil.

See you then, my faithful followers.

Peace.

PS. Lobaxes are owned by Insomniac Games and Sony Interactive Entertainment.