A/N: This is set around 2005-ish, some evening when Magneto isn't busy formulating huge villainous plans.

It's moderately crack.

"Hello? Charles Xavier."

"Hello, Charles."

"… Erik?"

"Took you a moment."

"Well it's… it's three AM, if I'm reading the clock right. Forgive me for being a bit disoriented. Is this a social call, in the middle of the night?"

"Do you have the internet at your school, Charles?"

"What?"

"The internet. You know, computers…?"

"The-… of course. Of course, the children love the internet."

"Are you yourself computer-literate, as they say?"

"Me? Yes, I suppose. I've used the things. And I've picked up plenty of information about them from other people too. By this point in my life there's very little I don't know, you know that. Why?"

"So modest. Well, because I was recently introduced to something called Facebook. Know what that is?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"It's my favorite, closely followed by something called Fuck My Life, if you'll pardon the language. In any case. Having now spent the past four days peeking in on the lives of people I don't know, I feel I owe you an apology. Ahem: I was terribly wrong to have dragged you from Cerebro all those times and insisted that you come down to dinner. Now that I understand the intoxicating pleasure of what you were doing, I see I should never have disturbed you."

"Are you… making fun of me, Erik?"

"Not at all, old friend. Not at all. I am well and truly addicted – I haven't left my desk once in the past forty-eight hours, and really, if you don't count the times I've dozed off and landed on the floor, I haven't left it at all since Thursday."

"Since… Erik… have you actually been playing on the internet for four days straight?"

"Mm-hm!"

"That's nothing to be proud of, my friend. Ah, I hear you clicking! Stop it – turn the computer off and go to bed."

"No."

"Four days? ! Are you eating?"

"Not much."

"And I won't even ask how…"

"Pissing into a garbage can and floating it down the hall."

"Ah. You always were very resourceful."

"Indeed."

"Go to bed, Erik."

"Are you trying to set curfew for me, Charles? I'm not one of your students."

"Clearly. Or your computer would be turned off at eleven like everyone else's. Go to sleep. Or at least hang up and let me sleep – you can call back in the morning."

"No I can't. In the morning I'll feel too ridiculous."

"Well… hang up anyway."

"If you insist. Goodnight, Charles."

"Goodnight."

"Yes?"

"It's Erik again."

"Yes, I assumed it would be. I thought I told you ten minutes ago to go to bed."

"Mm. Sorry to wake you, but there's something I forgot to tell you a moment ago."

"I hope it's important."

"Oh, it's of the utmost importance."

"Well? What?"

"This: if you do get a Facebook page sometime, you can be my friend."

"Go to bed, Erik."

The End.

I kind of like the idea that Charles was basically the world's first facebook-stalker. He was doing it before there was even facebook.