Sorry it's taken me this long to update, I've had my own funeral to go to, and it hasn't been all that easy on me.

This has been my life for the past few days:

Chapter 11: Grief

EPOV

The day Bella was released from the hospital was also the day a service was being held for Mike at the school. I knew I wasn't supposed to, but I couldn't not bring Bella to it, she would hate me if I hadn't done it, she would blame herself forever for not at least getting to go to this. I didn't bother telling Carlisle what I had planned, he would more than likely stop me, saying Bella needed to remember for herself, but she wasn't, so I decided to help.

Checking out of the hospital was a long affair. Me, Jasper, Alice, and even Emmett were there to bring Bella home, it shocked me slightly that her parents couldn't get off work to come see their daughter home safely, but it also helped with my plan.

We finally checked out, and Bella was wheeled out in a wheel chair, even though it obviously wasn't needed. But before I could leave the hospital, there was someone I needed to say goodbye to and thank.

I gave everyone a quick explanation and a promise to be back in no more than five minutes and headed for the children's wing of the hospital.

I made it to my destination and walked towards Jane's room. I knocked softly but didn't wait for an answer, I just let myself in. There was someone I hadn't expected sitting on Jane's bed, Carlisle. I looked at him with a puzzled look. I knew he worked here and all, but how could he have possibly known that I knew Jane. Then I realized Jane wasn't even here.

"Where is she?" No threat or hard feelings in my voice, simply curiosity.

"Well, she had cancer Edward, and she passed on a day ago, she left this for you though." He pulled out an envelope from his pocket before I could even register the words of her death.

On the top of the envelope was my name, scrawled in a child's handwriting, it was precise, but not necessarily neat. She had spelled out my entire name, though I couldn't recall telling her that my middle name was in fact Anthony, or mentioning that my last name was Cullen, maybe she had asked Carlisle. He had in fact been the one to hand deliver that letter. I sank down on the bed before opening the letter; Carlisle got swiftly to his feet and exited the room. I wasn't sure if I wanted to read it here and now, or later in the solitude of my room, where I could pour over the letter and read it over and over. In the end I decided to do it here, where she had written it, just for me.

Edward Anthony Cullen

Dear Edward,

I'm sorry I'll never be able to say these words to you face to face, I knew when I met you that there was no way I could tell you the seriousness of my cancer.

You were already hurting so much because of Isabella that I didn't want to be the one to add to your pain.

It's easier for me now, knowing I will probably never see you again; it's easier to write these things instead of saying them and seeing the pain in your amazingly green eyes grow.

I didn't want to see the corners of your mouth turn down slightly when I told you I had no time left in my life.

There's no one to blame for my cancer, and no one to blame for the lack of a cure.

I know more than anyone how unfair it is for someone my age to die. But that's what has happened; I'm in a better place as you read this, somewhere where cancer can't hurt me anymore.

I'm forever thankful for this place, thankful there is a place, and I can be here.

My only regret is that I never got to feel what you feel when you look at Isabella.

I'll never know the love of one person to another other than the love of my family for me, and mine for them.

I wish you the best of luck in your life and everything you do Edward, you were a friend, no matter how brief our relationship was, I hope I helped, I hope I might have made things easier for you, and I hope you remember me every now and then.

Just stop and whisper a little hello, I'll hear it, no matter where I am.

Jane

"Thank you Jane."

Ten minutes later I was headed for Carlisle's car to take Bella home. It was a long drive; I was so insanely glad that it was such a long drive, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I held Bella's hand the whole way home, only occasionally looking away from the road to throw her a quick and crooked smile, I watched as she stared out the window, a smile on her lips at the beginning of our trip, but now a frown was setting in.

I couldn't tell what she was thinking about, and her constantly changing expressions were so confusing and hard to read.

"Bella, what's the matter?" The only way to know was to ask, right?

"I'm not sure, I'm just getting weird flash backs, déjà vu kind of stuff, you know?"

Maybe this was it, maybe she was remembering the wreck and then the ceremony today wouldn't come as such a shock.

I hoped.

I prayed.

We made it back to her house without much fuss, she told me she couldn't figure out why she was having such a strong sense of déjà vu, and that maybe if she just got home things would clear up a bit.

I parked Carlisle's car on the side of their driveway, got out quickly and ran to her side of the car to open the door for her before she could even turn around to get her crutches.

Just as Emmett had done earlier when he had brought her to the car after getting checked out of the hospital, I picked her up bridal style like he had done, and carried her to the front door.

Jasper and Alice had taken Alice's car here and gotten home before us. Jasper opened the door before I could knock, and held it open so I could carry her in without having to put her down. He then walked out to the car to get her crutches and brought them back into the house.

Alice was perched on top of the coffee table that occupied a corner of the Swan's living room. I laid Bella down as gently as possible on the couch so as not to hurt her leg further.

The first thing Alice did when Bella was down was jump up and run to her side, I swear she was a never ending ball of caffeine and energy. I didn't know where it came from either, her mother Esme was a calm collected woman, but Alice? She was unlike any person, animal, or alien I had ever encountered. Apparently she didn't fall into any of those categories.

"Bella, how are you feeling?" Good God, how did Alice think she was feeling?

"A little foggy, I can only remember little bits of what happened."

"Well, what can you remember the best? Start with the beginning of your date with Mike."

"Ok, I remember you coming over after school and doing my hair and makeup. I got in the car with Mike, we went to see a movie, and he made me pay for my ticket, and after the movie we went to eat, I can't remember where, but I paid for that too. I remember walking out of the restaurant and Mike pulled me into an alley or whatever and pretty much attacked me . . ." The more she talked about her date with Mike the more furious I was becoming. How could Mike be such a jerk to Bella?

"After I told him no, we went back to his car because I had apparently ruined his day. We started driving me home, and that's when he undid my seatbelt, and I started to get worried, and . . ." Her face got tense, and tears welled in her beautiful brown eyes.

"Bella, what do you remember after that?"

"He died didn't he?" Her eyes searched for an answer in mine, Alice's and even Jasper's eyes. We all knew the answer but no one had the heart to tell her.

"Bella," Alice started to say something but couldn't finish.

"He died," she was full out crying now, and all I knew to do was sit with her and hold her to my chest while she cried.

It went on like this for a few hours, till I finally, noticing the time, decided to let Bella know about the ceremony in a little bit.

"Bella, I know you're really upset, but I wanted to tell you about the ceremony for Mike. It's a candlelight ceremony in the gym at school, I want to take you, is that ok."

Her face was completely blank, she wasn't crying at the moment but it usually came in waves. She didn't say anything; she just nodded, got up, grabbed her crutches and went to her room.

No more than five minutes later, she reappeared in sweat pants that didn't cover her cast, and a black hoodie, maybe not what she would have worn under different circumstances, but considering her current state, I don't think it could be avoided.

I helped her once again into Carlisle's car, and we were headed for the school. I wasn't sure how Bella would react, and I was a little nervous myself, not knowing how I would react.

When we pulled up to the school, the parking lot was packed. Bella and I made our way to the gym, her on her crutches, and me walking beside her, wishing with every step that I could hold her hand.

The gym was unnervingly quiet, something I was not used to. The only time the gym was quiet was when it was empty. And today, the gym was full, full of people morning the loss of a student and a friend.

Bella and I found a spot on the floor near the middle of the gym; we were sitting directly in front of the table that had been set up for Mike. On the table was Mike's jersey, a football in a glass case, signed by everyone on the football team, and other things of Mike's, like his helmet, some school project that we had turned in recently, and last, a candle.

When everyone arrived, our principle came out to talk to us.

"I know probably better than most people what it feels like to lose a friend, I know that there is no easy way to deal with it and questions go unanswered. I'd like Mike's coach to come out and talk for a little."

Our football coach came out and did the whole pep talk type speech, letting us know that it was ok to grieve, and that it was natural to feel bitter. Surprisingly, he did a pretty good job, his speech was moving.

BPOV

I couldn't stop crying. This was the worst thing that had ever happened in my life. I had known two people in my entire life that had died, my great uncle who I'd never met and didn't know about until we were driving cross country to see his funeral, and then my God father, who had died of natural causes, in his old age, which was in my opinion, the way to go. Those funerals had been celebrations, and although I was sad that they were gone, it was nothing to the heart breaking suffering I, and many others, were going through listening to pastor after pastor talk about Mike's life.

Mike had been a sophomore in high school. He would never be able to graduate, go to college, get married, and have children. He would never be able to sit on his porch, and old man, hold the hand of the woman he loved, and live a peaceful and long life. He just wouldn't. Because he was sixteen, and dead.

Sixteen . . .

I cried again.

I knew me and Mike hadn't been all that close, but he was someone my age, who had died suddenly and tragically. This was terrible, no one was supposed to die that way, not like that, not that young. People were supposed get older, have a great life, and die knowing they had accomplished something with their time on earth.

No one was talking now, the lights in the gym were going out, and the sad music had begun again. A candle was being passed around the circle everyone had formed around the gym, and around the table of Mike's things in the middle. As the candle was passed around, everyone lit the candles in their hands.

When all the candles were lit, we began to sing along to the music, some songs only a few people knew, others everyone could join in. By the end, everyone had their candles raised in the air, like a salute to Mike's memory.

EPOV

At the end of the ceremony, Bella was greeted by most of the student body and then the faculty. I was glad people weren't angry with her; they weren't blaming her for the accident. They just wanted to hug her and tell her they were glad she was ok. Bella talked to everyone, gave everyone a hug, cried on everyone's shoulders, and grieved with Mike's friends.

When it was finally time to leave, she told me there was one thing she still had to do. I understood, and obliged. We stopped at the convenience store and picked up some flowers.

I drove her to the only cemetery in Forks, she got out by herself, and I knew it wasn't my place to follow, this was her turn to say her own goodbye to Mike, and she needed to be alone for it.

On her crutches, carrying her flowers, she made her way to where I had pointed out Mike's tombstone to her. She stood by it for a few minutes, I'm not sure if she was talking to Mike, or just giving herself a moment to collect her thoughts after the ceremony. She eventually made her way back to the car, got back in, and I took her home. Never wanting to have to go through this again.

I know all too well what Bella is going through, I recently lost a good friend of mine but he was someone much closer to me than Mike was to Bella.

It happened with a lot more tears and a lot more fucking hatred to all things automotive.

No one deserves to die before their life has a chance to begin.

And I find myself questioning God like I never have before; he takes the lives of the wrong people, at the wrong time, for no reason at all. I know in time I'll forgive him, but now with the wounds so fresh, and the constant reminder with my friend's grave to look at every day on the way to and from school, I just can't yet.

I'm sorry it's another sad chapter, I'm honestly surprised after the weekend I had that I am in fact writing, I didn't think I'd be able to function for a while. But here I am, moving forward as best as I can.

Happiness in my story is just around the corner, I promise.

This and everything else I do and accomplish is dedicated to you Kody, I love you and I miss the shit out of you.