Chapter XI

What the hell am I doing here?

This is why he cannot look at her.

He doesn't know how to talk to humans. He doesn't know what to think, what to expect, what to… say. He feels Rey's gaze fixated on him, and he's reasonably conscious of the fact that he just broke a man's neck in front of a woman who just went through a traumatic experience.

(Caused by said man, sure, but even so there's no way a human being can keep calm in a situation like this one).

If he could, he would simply stay there, still and wordlessly, with his gaze piercing the floor.

(He doesn't dare, after all, to leave her alone, yet he doesn't really know how to face her).

Rey cleans out the dust (he can see this out of the corner of his eye) and walks towards him. It's dawning, and he's completely aware of the fact he doesn't even know how does he look: is he clean? Is his appearance agreeable to human beings?

Is he… handsome? He wishes she would find him handsome, but he's certain someone like him couldn't possibly be considered that.

He doesn't even know about human canons of beauty.

He just knows Rey is the most beautiful person between all of them.

"You saved me."

Rey puts a halt to all his thoughts with those words. He raises his head and looks at her. It's the first time his gaze is actually reciprocated, after more than twenty years of knowing her.

He wishes he could answer something sound —to tell her he knows her since she was a child, to tell her he knows about Tito, about Poe, about her father.

To tell her that he wishes he could have taken her hand and comforted her all those times.

But he only has here and now, and he's a stranger to her.

"I couldn't let them hurt you."

It's the truth —the only problem is that Rey doesn't understand the hidden layers of his declaration.

She must think she's a nobody to him, someone he coincidentally crossed paths with.

But she isn't that to him.

At least she smiles, shaking as she is because of the whole ordeal.

At least she sees him.

And since he has nothing else to say to her, he leaves silently.

Rey doesn't stop him nor questions him.

It's a tacit agreement that they won't ever talk about tonight.