TELLY. . .THE KELLY. . .IS HERE!
DISCLAIMER: NARUTO IS MINE! HAHAAAHAAAAA!. . .*ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF*
ME: WTF?!. . .FUUUUUUUUCKKK! AGAIN?! NOOOO!
DISCLAIMER: OBVIOSLY NARUTO ISN'T MINE AS THIS IS A FANFICTION. . . IF YOUR JUST LEARNING OF THIS INFORMATION, PLEASE CONSULT YOUR NEAREST PSYCHOLOGIST AS YOUR BRAIN MAY BE SUFFERING FROM CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE OVERDOSE. . .I KNOW I HAVE. THAT'S WHY I HAVENT BEEN UPLOADING….BUT WHO GIIIIIIVVVVESSS A FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK?! IM SLIM IM SEXY, IRIGHT TO TUCK AND FUCK LETS START THE SHOW! LOL NO REALLY.
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. . .
A very sexy black haired boy left the comfy bed he shared with an insanely horny blonde, with nothing but his birthday suit on. His toned muscles glistened in their room's ceiling lights. The moans of a blonde left unpleased rang in his ears as he neared the door which slid open upon his approach. He dared not turn and look at Naruto, because he might lose what control he had and pounce back into bed for yet another hour of ecstasy
Hours earlier he was fighting Naruto in angry sex. The damn blonde had hidden the last cookie the night before. Gaara piloted the ship after menma got tire, they landed on planet seemingly neutral to the Uchihas so they could be at least halfway out of their jurisdiction, and he bought food for the team. Of said foods, was a big box of chocolate chip cookies. Naruto couldn't help himself and so after everyone called dips on what was theirs he ate his own share, then after making sure everyone was asleep, hid Menma's.
The black haired deviant didn't have to investigate to find out what happened to his food, because the blonde always made it painfully obvious how insane he was about the sweets.
Nevertheless, there he was afterwards with Naruto on all fours, legs spread, arched back, taking it up the back door from Menma, who had only time to unzip his pants and go to town. They fought it out like that in different positions for at least an hour and twenty minutes. But after a while Naruto gave in once Menma hit his sweet spot. Though Naruto didn't want to admit it, he went crazy.
It was like he was tripping balls or something.
Menma walked his way through the big glossy insides of the ship till he found the kitchen. Opening the cabinets and finding the place Naruto hid his share of cookies wasn't hard. The hard part was getting out of the trap the boy left. Naruto had used translucent string they found in the storage crates down in the cargo hold and set it up so that when someone reached for his stash, the strings would snatch down on their hand and hold them tight.
Menma was in quiet the scene. He had to get on top of the kitchen counter to reach the damn Cabinets because they were so high and now he was stuck there.
"Well, well, well." Said a triumphant blonde moseying into the room with his arms crossed.
"Put some damn clothes on!" Menma shouted. "And get me down from here!"
Naruto check out his nails as if he didn't hear a word he said then shifted his gaze over to Menma sarcastically "Oh, what? This? I just like to feel the breeze on meh…"
He walked over behind Menma and yanked his foot down so he was hanging by the arm awkwardly.
"Oi! Stop it!" He twisted away from the cupboards and tried kicking Naruto in the torso but the blonde easily dodged and wrapped his foot in his arm. Then leaning close he said: "I think you're sexy when you're stuck like this."
Gaara had just woke up. But not to the sweet harmonies of birds chirping outside the ship, no. but instead to what sounded like someone getting rapped in the kitchen. He could hear Naruto's laughter and Menma's constant shouting. He was swearing every five seconds.
It was useless trying to go to sleep now. Those two were gunna get it this time.
"Naruto! Give me my fucking pants!" Menma shouted across the kitchen. Naruto was trying them on and smiling. "Heh, perfect fit. Hmmm…" he walked over and flipped Menma's so his back faced him.
"Stop struggling! I'm setting you loose." Naruto reached up and popped one of the strings out of place. The tight grip loosened. As Menma reached up to undo the tangles Naruto slipped his jacket off his free arm to tease him. Finally the tangles were undone but just as that hand freed his other…another trap was sprung to grab the savior hand.
"Narut you bastard!"
"Finally!" the blonde said happily. He slipped the other side of Menma's jacket off and slipped it on. He slouched slightly and gave his best angry mug.
"Hey, I'm Menma." He mocked walking around awkwardly. "Yeah I go commando what of it? That's what makes me a badass."
His black haired counter part's eyes glowed red and the cupboards suddenly vibrated violently. he fell out onto the floor, steam emitting from his fingertips and a purple hue vanished from his palm.
He had blown his way out. The blonde felt his heart pace pick up as an angry delinquent scrambled to his feet and charged at him like an angry bull.
"YOUR SO DEAD NARUTOOOOOO!"
The blonde shrieked and took off in a sprint. His acrobatics allowed him to stay just out of reach. He'd hop over inactive fryers, large awkwardly placed ovens, sinks, jumped onto counters. Hell if Menma new any better, he'd realized that's why the blonde was so great at sex.
Naruto kept laughing as the angry naked boy repeatedly missed him by mere inches. Finally he made for the door and slammed into something hard. Both he and the object flew out of the kitchen and onto the cold floor a few steps below.
Naruto raised his head out of this things chest and found an unsightly image. Menma appeared in the doorway and once he saw it too, his adrenaline depleted almost instantly.
"Gaara we…"
The red heads eyes mimicked his hair in color. "I'm going to eat your souls!" He said in that dark mono tone that just made their knees feel like jelly.
A minute of abuse later, Naruto and Menma were tied up and on Gaara's bed. As his quarter's room door slipped closed Gaara sat comfortably in his cushioned rolly-chair, at a solid desk, mounted by a large Computer.
He was searching up places that they could go that were out of the Uchiha sector. He had a hot plate of well-made breakfast next to the pc. Its steamy goodness wafted over to Naruto and Menma who sat like two sad puppies in a basket far away from it.
Naruto's head was in Menma's lap. Every time he shuffled, Menma could feel his hair rub up against his junk. Gaara of course undressed Naruto, gave Menma his clothes back, and redressed Naruto, before bringing them in, but as Menma always went commando, it was hard to not feel anything that rubbed his package. Menma fell on his side. His hands were bound behind his back and he couldn't move an inch, not with Naruto in the way all the time.
"How's this…Konoha place sound?"
Naruto lit up. "Yes absolutely!"
"Eh too bad it's a weeks' fly from here and we're already low on fuel and time. We gotta ditch this ship anyways, too easy for the uchiha's to spot us."
Gaara went on for about two minutes about what they should do with this time they had to escape, but he soon realized those two bickering bastards weren't even listening.
A vein pulsed at his temple. "Have you moron's even been listening?" They're attention had been focused on the hot steaming food. They could probably care less about whatever the hell Gaara was saying.
"You're not getting any of my…"
Gaara stopped when he heard Menma and Naruto's stomachs growl. He turned over to them and even though Menma did his best to look like he didn't care, his face was red with embarrassment. Naruto on the other and gave Gaara his best puppy eyed look, before head-butting Menma in the leg to tell him to do the same.
He refused but it got Gaara's sensitive spot anyway. "Fine…" he graoned rolling his eyes, picking up the plate of food, and rolling over to them. Naruto started for the plate but Menma hopped on his back and weighed him down. Now on top, he leaned his head forward and opened his mouth. Garra flicked him in the nose for acting like an animal and once he flinched, he used one hand to brush him completely off Naruto and fed the Blonde first.
"Here, Menma." He said finally turning and giving him food to eat. After everyone was finished eating Gaara untied them and went back to the computer.
"So here's our choices." He said back in his usual tone.
"Here. Here. And here." He pointed to three little planets. They were Getsugakure, Hachō, and Jōmae.
"Not resorts I guess." Menma pitched in.
"We just need to lay low for a while the red head assured, "we're targets now." He nudged the blonde so he'd stay awake. "How are you so tired?" he asked.
"Me and Menma here, pulled an all-nighter." He said
The Red heads eyes narrowed he slid back in his chair awkwardly. "Nobody even asked me for sex." He mopped with that dull expression and monotone voice. Naruto reached out to him. "No Gaara, it's just."
Gaara twirled around in his chair and faced the wall. He hadn't successfully made it to the desk so now he was just facing the wall like a nutjob
"Gar-"
"Shut up…" Naruto couldn't see it, but he heard Gaara typing again. He turned to Menma. He was fast asleep. Naruto smiled. He looked just like him when he slept.
Drowsily, he got up found another rolling chair up against the wall and sat next to Gaara. He leaned his head on his buddy's shoulder.
"Hey pal…" he tenderly mocked. Gaara didn't even look over.
"Feeling alright?" Still nothing.
"Wanna buy a soda? Hmm?" Gaara grunted
"No."
"Sex?"
"What about it?"
"Wanna have sssssome sssseex?"
Gaara looked over and his face turned red. "Stop playing games." He demanded turning away to the screen.
"Fuck it. I tried." Naruto subsided and stopped talking completely. He just watched Gaara type into the computer. He was good at it. Very quick with his fingers and specific with the way he searched for things. Funny thing was, Naruto never liked computers much. Hated them up until now really.
Every time he'd see one was if he was getting his bad deeds catalogued if he'd gotten caught by the authorities, or after he was captured by those bastard Uchihas, getting in trouble. So much to the fact that Sausuke would have to literally look up ways to punish him.
He wish he had a way to get him back somehow. Just then he noticed something funny on the computer.
"Hey is that….the Uchiha email?"
Back at Uchiha manor the young angry Sasuke was on his computer, in his room which was still trashed from the time he and Naruto fucked, setting bounties for his lost blonde.
But annoyingly he kept getting all these pop ups for his email.
"You've got mail "
It kept telling him. "Ohhhh! Who keeps sending me this crap!?" he screamed. The raven opened his screen and saw nothing but repetitive emails from the same sender, each with a thumbnail attachment. He clicked through them and every last one was an inappropriate picture.
One of them had a simple picture of a duck and words under it saying: Someone ripped off the back of your head and shoved it onto this duck's ass.
The Uchiha screamed and tossed the computer across the room.
Even from under the pile of clothes it fell into, he could hear the constant notification that he had mail.
Sasuke went to find his brother. He left his room, passed maids, workers, butlers, other servants and all till he found Itachi at a window calmly looking through it to the sun.
"I'm pissed itachi."
His brother glanced back at him for a second and then looked back to the window without a word. "Our slaves did this!" Sasuke gestured to their sham of a palace. "I know exactly what that little hoar pirate is doing right now!" He fumed "Off somewhere on some distant planet where no one knows he escaped yet, slandering the UChiha name!"
"Calm down Aniki." Itachi ordered. "Your slave's never been that smart. He'll give himself up before long."
Sasuke's face told him that he wasn't even listening he was just sitting there, with steam emitting off his body thinking about the Uzumaki's smug face.
Sasuke pulled his phone and looked at the screen. It read:
YOU HAVE 16 UNREAD E-MAILS
"WHY DO THESE GUYS KEEP SENDING ME EMAILS!?"
Itachi narrowed his eyes in his younger sibling's direction before walking over and grabbing the phone. He studied it intently and opened the email. Ignoring the picture of a masked man flicking off the screen holding a sign saying: FUCK THE UCHIHAS, Itachi continued to scroll down until he saw…
"Sent from the royal embassy ship computer…"
Sasuke froze. "It said what?"
Itachi handed his brother back his phone and touched him on the shoulder. "Told you."
Sasuke snarled. "Have all our scouts be on the lookout for the yellow embassy ship."
Itachi looked to the window once more. The words he exchanged with Gaara sliding in and out of his mind. He sighed. "Gaara…there's more to him than I once thought."
MEANWHILE
The blonde and his fellow fugitives stood in front of a food court Asian food restaurant wondering what they wanted to eat. Menma's eyes narrowed on the indecisive blonde who had been holding up the line for at least eight minutes.
"Just choose something." He growled. He felt a wave of irritancy breeze over him when the customers behind complained about the hold up.
"NOW BLONDY!" Menma roared.
"Ehh…" Naruto still hadn't chosen. He looked to the annoyed, angry, knife holding chef behind the counter and obliviously continued his full fucking investigation of what he wanted. "See if I get the chicken flavored ramen, then I can have the beef flavored ramen half off right? Or is that only for the shrimp?"
"YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT! IT'S ON THE HOUSE! JUST GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT!" the angry chef yelled, slamming his knife on the table and leaning over the counter into Naruto's face. The blonde still didn't get it.
"Well if you say so I want a….well, I do have to lay off the chicken…"
The crowd behind him fell backwards in agony. Menma grabbed the slick blonde locks, and pulled him away to his side. "He'll have the Chicken flavored Ramen just give it alread-"
SLAM
The chef in literal desperation, tossed dozens of bowls of cooked ramen at Menma in hopes of sending them away. The first slammed into his face, but through use of skill he didn't know he had, he casually caught each of the others, clasping them on top of one another.
He looked over his new mountain of food, which Naruto snatched away immediately and ran to the table. "Ah thank god. So can I have a-"
Before the next word could get out, the furious mob of feisty customers rushed to the counters to get their food first, trampling him in the process. He squirmed his way out of the thick mob and slipped out with a pair of chopsticks.
He found the table the Red head was sitting, sat down, and watched as Naruto scarfed down bowl after bowl of tasty ramen.
"Thanks Men, I thought I would never decide what I wanted from that place!" he said holding his chopsticks to the air and smiling hard.
Menma grabbed his head and slammed it into the bowl before looking to Gaara. He calmly ate outa of a container of assorted foods. His eyes looked over and settled on Menma. "What?" he asked in his monotone.
"I've never seen anything like this before." He said.
"Yeah he eats like this almost every other day."
"No I mean this." He looked around the big food court they were in. "this huge…massive just people filled place."
Gaara smirked. "I guess you haven't have you? It's not much to look at though, so don't get too interested in it."
Menma looked a bit confused so Gaara explained. "The people you knew in that prison, assuming you met anyone other than killed, are no different than the scum of this place. Everyone's crooked somehow. It just depends on where you're at."
Menma looked down at the table, sighed and then looked to Naruto. His head was still in the bowl. Quickly as he could, he grabbed his locks and pulled his head out of the ramen.
"Breath you idiot!"
All he found was a smiling face, and an empty bowl. Naruto licked his lips. He had slurred the contents of the bowl like it was nothing. "Next!" he said grabbing another bowl and chowing down faster than Menma had ever seen before.
A group of guys sitting a few tables down looked over in complete shock. Menma just looked over and shrugged. "He's hungry." He called.
Gaara sat there, straw in his mouth, waiting for the Blonde to finish eating. Menma decided he'd grab something to eat, since Naruto had stopped him from being able to do so earlier. Once he was gone Gaara's gaze shifted from the back of the black haired boy to his Blonde, who'd stopped eating completely.
"Do you trust him?" Naruto said quickly, shocking Gaara was his seriousness. "Menma."
The straw slipped out of his mouth and the red fugitive looked back at him. "I don't really know." He said. "But you do don't you?"
Naruto sat up straight then leaned on the table, using his arm to prop up his head. "He's…something…Gaara if he's making you feel uncomfortable then-"
"It's fine Naruto."
"I've seen the way you look at him. that creepy glare you shoot at everyone gets more intense when you look his way." Naruto started poking his friend in the forehead until finally a hand came up and slapped his away.
"He seems so much like you and…Its nothing anyway…I found a ship." Gaara changed the subject. "It's in a hangar a couple of floors above us. Its large, spacious, Gots big guns. Just what we need, but I don't know how were going to pay for it.."
Naruto smirked. "Did you forget who you're talking to?
Just under and hour later the gang was in the hangar springing the most retarded plan Naruto had ever Hatched, Menma walked in front of the manager of the Hangar and simply fell unconscious. Then while the man sought to help him, Naruto and Gaara snuck in the ship using the master key snagged from one of the ship cleaners.
Just as the engines Roared to life, the manager looked behind him and screamed. "HEY! TURN THAT SHIT OFF!"
Menma's hand grazed his shoulder. His eyes turned and met dark purple irises, and in one punch Menma knocked the man out clean.
As more and more of a crowd appeared around Menma, authorities and onlookers alike, a very hilariously obnoxious blonde's voice rang out on the microphone.
"Hello and thank you for being today's every day sucker! The ramen was great!" Menma Back flipped onto the lowered landing pad of the ship and slipped in as the Ship rose higher.
"Bye bitches!" the blonde yelled. And they took off. The wind blasted off hats, flew up skirts, and pushed away cops. Inside the cock pit Naruto was laughing his ass off while Gaara clanged on to his seat. They were going so fast he felt like he was going to faint.
"FLY BABY FLY!" the Blonde screamed as they accelerated even faster out into the atmosphere. They flung out of the planet and Naruto slammed his fist on the hyperspace button with coordinates for Hachō locked in.
"Naruto you idiot!" Gaara shouted. As they slipped into hyper speed. Gaara turned on the ship camera to see if Mena was still alive.
"Hey, menma are you still there?" he neither saw the boy nor heard his voice. He oly heard the sound of supplies falling and getting crushed.
Then they both heard footsteps stomping into the room and Naruto soon found himself at the mercy of a very angry, shirtless, black haired beauty. "Youre dead Naruto!" He shouted pulled the blonde out of the pilot's seat and throwing him onto the floor. He mounted and right there on the floor both of them fought for sex dominance.
Of course Menma was winning. But Naruto's flexibility and sexy way of fighting back made Menma have many conflicting emotions on how mad he was. Gaara just sat there.
"Ugh..still no one asks me…" he moaned slipping out his large meat and standing up. Menma glance over and froze, as did Naruto.
"I forgot how big it was…Wait what're you doing with that?"
Gaara looked down at the sexy ravaged Blonde. "Scoot over Menma."
SO I GOT HORNY AT THE END, SEW ME!
CHAPTER COMPLETE! (QUE STARWARS CELEBRATIONG MUSIC COMPLETE MUSIC) DAH! DAH! DAAAHHHH!
LOL TOO MUCH? I DON'T THINK SO! HAPPY DAY! I LOVES YOU PEPS!
I WILL TRY TO UPLOAD SOME MORE FREQUENTLY NOW THAT I HAVE TIME! LOVE YOU PEPS. EAT BREAD!