The Homecoming Hardship
Six days later
On Penny's last day in Nebraska, she woke up before the sun or the alarm clock. She put on a pair of won down jeans and her red flash t-shirt before covering that up with a tight fitting button down flannel that she'd found in her closet. Slipping on Billy's hat, she made her way downstairs where she knew her father would already be.
He said nothing to her as she found him putting his jacket on by the front door but he held the door open and let Penny got through first.
The back of the truck had fourteen or so bales of hay, his truck was big, a dually Ford F-350 with sleek black paint and more mud on the tires than you could find in a pig pen.
Penny climbed up into the passenger seat and watched as her father started the engine. It roared loudly, louder than Abby's truck did and that was a fact she knew her dad was quietly proud of.
The sun was just barely starting to light up the horizon, putting a dark blue hue over the sky. It was cool out, but not brutal and Penny found herself enjoying the serenity of the farm at this early hour. Something about the calm of it soothed Penny, as if she knew that when she left it would continue to be like this. That it would continue to be okay without her.
By the time they reach the stables, the sun has found its way up just enough that an orange hue has illuminated the tallest tips of trees. Penny got out of the truck first and made her way to the back. Her dad opened the stable door and began to let the horses out. They barreled into the crisp morning air with one thing on their minds… breakfast.
Hoisting up the first bale, she balanced it on a raised knee and found a better grip before moving to her father's waiting arms.
Fourteen bales later, Penny was thick with sweat and a smile on her face. She felt good, light for the first time in two weeks and when she plopped down on the bed of the truck, she patted the spot next to her and her dad obliged.
With her legs swinging back and forth over the lip of the pickup, she looked at her father and smiled. "You okay?"
Wyatt let out a heavy sigh and nodded. "Your brother never listened to me, I only ever wanted him to be smarter. I wanted him to make better choices and I worried about him all the time. He stopped listening to me a long time ago. I—I love him and I'll miss him but I know I couldn't have stopped him." He then leveled a heavy gaze onto her, one she recognized from being in trouble growing up. "You couldn't have stopped him either."
"I shouldn't have stopped talking to him." She admitted painfully.
Her father shook his head. "That boy never did anything worth a damn for any of us, Penny. He put your mom through hell, he talked to me like I meant nothing to him, he was…,"
Fearfully, she interrupted him. "He stopped me from being raped." She wasn't looking at him, she was terrified too. Her eyes facing the rising sun and his silence drawing Penny to look. He was watching her in absolute disbelief.
"What?"
"There was a party… a long time ago and you guys had told me not to go, but I went anyways. This guy gave me a drink… I'm pretty sure it was drugged and I got really tired and him and a friend of his carried me into a bedroom and started taking their shirts off and… I knew what they were going to do."
Wyatt's hand was on the flat of her back, fear and anger in his eyes. "Pen…."
She waved off his worry. "Billy came into the room and fought them, he carried me to the car and brought me home. He and I were close after that for a while until he started with his drugs and I left and I hadn't talked to him since."
"I—I can't believe…," Her dad faltered, he looked away from her and down at his hands that were shaking just a bit. "Your brother, Penny."
"I know." She said softly before running her hand over his back. "He was never a saint, Dad… but he cared about us all, even if he couldn't ever show it right."
Wyatt took a strong breath and nodded. "Parents aren't s'posed to bury their children."
"No… they're not," she smiled at him as best she could, tears building in her eyes. "I love you, Dad." Her voice broke a bit, it had been years since she'd told him this.
He pulled her into a hug. "I love you too, Slugger."
That broke her.
After another good talk with her mother where she continued to push the issue of Penny telling Sheldon about her feelings. Followed by a rather intense chat with her sister about leaving the husband she hated and trying something new, Penny found herself at the airport with all three of her immediate family members watching her go.
It was hard and that surprised her. When she left years ago the damn plane couldn't rise up off the ground of Omaha fast enough. Her dad hadn't spoken to her in a week, her sister had all but called her a delusional idiot and her mother acted as if she was being betrayed.
Now, they all felt as if they were part of some fractured circle that was holding together for dear life not to break. Somehow, Billy had brought them all closer and reminded them that family was important.
Penny hugged her dad first, it wasn't like the embrace they shared in the truck that morning, truthfully neither of them thought that would ever happen again and doing it in public would be odd. It was meant only for them, the only time really that they'd shared the pure words of love for one another and it would most likely be the last.
Still, when he gently cupped the back of her head and kissed her temple, she felt what neither of them could ever say.
That took her to Abby who rolled her eyes and groaned before pulling her sister in for a hug. They'd fought a bit earlier in the day but it was all okay now, Abby was unhappy but Penny couldn't carry any sympathy if she wasn't willing to fix it for herself.
"Just think about what I said, okay?" Penny whispered in her sister's ear and pulled back with a smile.
Abby's face was stoic, her eyes almost empty. "We can't all be dreamers, Penelope." And that was it, Abby pulled away and distanced herself. She didn't want Penny's help, not this time.
Then she came to her mother, a woman who could not let something go if it intrigued her in the slightest and right now her favorite past time was pushing her daughter towards love.
Kathleen had a wry smile on her face, one that made Penny's insides turn over. "Next time I talk to you, you had better be dating that boy."
"There's no guarantee he'll feel the same way, Mom." Penny countered, hugging her mother. "In fact I'd say it's about 70/30 odds that he'll be against the idea entirely."
When they pulled away from one another, there was enough distance that the others couldn't hear them. "You tell him anyways. There is nothing worse than not being able to tell someone something and then losing them. You can't ever know what's coming, Penny. Time doesn't give a damn if you're too scared to be happy."
With a long and heavy breath, Penny nodded and kissed her mother on the cheek before the loudspeaker called out her flight. "I'll miss you guys, I'll call when I get home!" She said, feeling a niggling of guilt at referring to leaving them as 'going home', but it really was now.
She belonged in Pasadena, that's where her MoonPie was.
As Penny boarded the plane, her mind and her heart was set on one thing. She was going to see if there was any hope of landing Sheldon Cooper.
The flight home was much better than the one out to Omaha, perhaps it was the joy of seeing Sheldon and Amy rather than the earlier fears of seeing her family. There was no old man sitting next to her making weird noises, just a business man who spent most of his time writing in a notepad.
He was even kinda cute, but he lacked a certain wack-a-doodle quality so it was easy for her to brush him off when he attempted to flirt with her.
When the plane touched down in Pasadena, Penny was welcoming to the heat and the crowds of people. She gathered her luggage and began to scour through the masses in search of those thick rimmed glasses of best friend.
Eventually, Penny found Amy waiting for her by a gift shop and had to stop at goofy smile on her friend's face. Amy was busily typing away at the keys of her cellphone and completely uninterested in the world around her.
Penny furrowed her brows and wondered with agony for only a moment if she was texting Sheldon. No… even if Amy was texting Sheldon their talks of science and experimentation would never bring out that smile.
Then she remembered that accidental text she'd gotten… the one that was meant for Leonard.
Something bubbled up inside of Penny at the thought, was it still Leonard, was he the one bringing out that smile from her? She couldn't decipher her feelings about that, was she jealous? Not really, she would be more so if it was Sheldon, friendly or not. Perhaps it was just weird, it was easier to connect with someone through texting and email than in real conversation.
Penny shook it off as perhaps a random moment, for all she knew Amy could have been texting her mother.
"Hey!" She called out; close enough to garner her bestie's attention.
Amy looked up with absolute delight and stuffed the phone into her purse. "Wow, even prettier than I remember." She said calmly and Penny blushed with embarrassment. "I was worried I would build up your return well beyond the actual capacity of what this moment could be but seeing you now, all glistening and beautiful… you're a vision." Amy then pulled her in for a hug that Penny graciously returned. "I missed you, Bestie."
The blonde grinned and laughed softly. "I missed you too, Amy."
"Were your family members as equally sad to see you leave as I am now to have you back?"
Penny nodded as she picked up her bags again only to have Amy tear the heavy one from her hands and carry it. "Yeah I think so, it was hard to leave them but I had to get back." Amy gave her an expectant look, urging her to continue. "I mean they only gave me two weeks off and I need to pick up shifts cause I'm falling behind a little on some of my bills."
"You know, Penny," Amy started as they approached her car, Penny basking in the heat of California. "If you are in need of money I can loan you some, Neurobiologists make far more than Cheesecake Factory waitresses." It could have easily sounded crass or belittling coming from anyone else, but Amy was steady and truthful and there was no doubt in Penny's mind that the comment wasn't meant that way.
Still, she waved off the offer. "I couldn't Ames, but thanks. Like I said I'll just need a few extra shifts and I'll get caught up."
After loading up her things they were headed back to Penny's apartment building. Amy had talked about her work, the weather and everything imaginable in the happenings of Pasadena except for the one thing Penny wanted to hear the most.
With each new topic that Amy brought up Penny's mind begged her to mention Sheldon.
Finally, as Amy went on about the new comforter she'd bought for her bed, Penny snapped. "How's Sheldon?" She interrupted far too loudly and much to intensely.
Amy smirked just a bit. "It took you thirty-four minutes to ask about him, I'm impressed really… I'd had a bet with myself that we wouldn't make it out of the parking lot before you started in on your sweet smelling little physicist." Penny merely kept her gaze fixed, anxious for an answer. "He's still alive, if that's what you are searching for."
It was, to a point but Penny figured he'd survive, she was more interested in if he'd talked about her, and missed her and all of those other silly things that sixteen year old girls worried about.
Penny hated being this vulnerable about a boy, any boy but with Sheldon it was all new to her. She'd had crushes before and growing up she'd confused a lot of them with love. But this, this was real love and it messed with her mind and her heart.
"Well that's good," she said in a very unsatisfied voice. "I'm glad he's… alive."
Then she saw Amy's smile upturn even more. "He's complained about you constantly."
Her heart sunk. "What?"
"Oh yes," then she dropped her voice to a lower tone to mimic Sheldon. "Penny is not here for Halo night, I loathe playing the single player mode of Halo as it is far too easy for me. Penny is not here for Thai night and any time I order for just myself they always give me far too much. Penny isn't at the Cheesecake Factory to take my order, I think I'll just pass and eat sugar packets and drink gallons of water to fill my stomach." Amy then gave a quick glance to her bestie and nudged her with an elbow. "So to answer the question you are childishly not asking, yes… he did miss you." Penny smiled brightly and felt her stomach roll over in that wonderfully agonizing way. "Of course who wouldn't, you do light up every single room you step into. I still say that if they merely brought you into an internal affairs boardroom this world would be a more peaceful place." Penny rolled her eyes and smiled shyly. "And we would all most likely dress much better as well."
Taking a deep breath, Penny saw their building in the distance. "I think I'm gonna tell him."
Amy gasped. "Beautiful and ballsy, though you must be worried."
"Terrified might be a better word." Her hands were wringing together in her lap, sweaty and shaking. "Maybe I should wait, right? I mean see if there's anything coming from his end."
"Research." Amy said simply.
Penny's face lit up, if anything it was a good postponement. "Yeah! I'll do a little research, you know push his buttons and see if he's interested." Just saying the words hurt her a little because she had so little hope that he really was. Sheldon didn't do this sort of thing; if he did it would have been with someone his own speed like Amy. Not a waitress/actress who had sixteen dollars in her account.
Not that Sheldon would ever care about money, but Penny did, she cared that she had none. She cared that she was senselessly chasing an acting career and settling for being a waitress for the last seven years.
Maybe she should go back to TJ, a waitress and a construction worker made more sense. Hell she could just be a mom for his children… she would love her children, that might make up for not loving him right?
Shaking her head, she silently chastised herself, it was when she thought to hard about her love for Sheldon that she ended up finding nothing but faults in herself. The faults she constantly assumed that he always saw in her.
Suddenly her apartment building was approaching to fast. She wasn't nervous about seeing Sheldon, she was terrified. Over her time away she settled on the fact that there wasn't anyone else out there who could replace him. The distance and absence and her random texts and that silly phone call during Zombieland had only built up the image of him in her mind. Seeing him now and having him not be who he was in her dreams was frightening.
However, Amy didn't stop the car and Penny didn't ask her too. They reached her apartment and ambled up the stairs, Penny was afraid she might puke.
As if it were on fire, Penny avoided 4A by merely sprinting up the last two steps and fumbled with the keys to her apartment. She unlocked the door and ushered a trailing Amy inside before closing the door too hard, with too much emphasis.
"What is wrong with me?" She groaned out loud and leaned back against her door.
Penny put her bags in the bedroom and checked the clock by her bed, it was a little past four in the afternoon, a bit early but she needed a damn drink.
While Amy studied her every move, Penny went to the kitchen and plucked a bottle of wine from atop her fridge and then found a glass to pour it in. She swallowed the first fairly quickly, then took down half the second and leveled a stare at her bemused best friend. "What?"
"I thought I had shyness issues but you're like a thirteen year old girl at a Twilight convention, you're freaking out!"
Snorting into her glass, Penny finished the second. "I know, it's so ridiculous. I mean it's Sheldon, yeah I'm in love with him and yeah… if he doesn't feel the same way I'll probably spend the next three days crying on your living room floor."
"Oh! I'll get an extra set of blankets clean." Amy mumbled to herself and Penny couldn't help but smile.
She looked at her wine bottle and rolled her eyes. "But it's still just Sheldon, screw this… I'm gonna go see him."
As she started for her door, Amy said something about needing to check her mail and they parted on the stairs in the hallway with a hug.
Now Penny was face to face with Sheldon's apartment door, her hands shaking just a bit, she knocked a few times and turned the handle out of routine.
It was unlocked.
She heard the music before she stepped in and the sight before her was of Sheldon standing in front of his TV with a little plastic guitar over his shoulder playing Rock Band.
Penny froze and watched him; she didn't know if he was aware of her being there, he certainly hadn't acted like he did.
So she watched him, listened to the sounds of Green Grass and High Tides. It was one of her Daddy's favorite songs.
There was a smile, so soft and delicate on his face that Penny found herself falling even harder in that moment. She was wrong, the image she'd built up of him from being gone wasn't too much, it wasn't even close to enough.
This was who she loved, for better or worse, he was her boy… her everything.
A moment later, the solo started up and he shifted his fingers down to the lower set of keys on his guitar. She closed the door softly behind her, happy that it hadn't broken his concentration. His fingers, those long fingers that haunted her dreams started to run off the notes as they rolled across the screen.
Penny wasn't sure why, but her legs were drawing her into the apartment more and more.
She knew when he'd noticed her, his eyes flicked for only a moment in her direction before returning to his cues.
Relieved that he'd seen her, Penny sat down on the couch in her spot and ignored the screen, she only had eyes for him.
By the time he'd finished the song, all eight or so minutes of it, Penny was desperate to touch him. He turned off the TV and sat his guitar down next to it before finally sending his eyes to her fully.
She rose from her spot and held her hands behind her back, smiling bashfully. "Hi," she offered.
"Welcome back, Penny. I trust you had a decent flight home?" She nodded as he moved to the kitchen. "Can I make you a cup of tea?"
Like a moth, she followed him. "Sure." Penny pulled a stool out and took a seat at the counter. "Did you miss me?" She asked, her voice teasing as he wanted it to seem offbeat and challenging.
He looked at her over his shoulder and shrugged. "I suppose that your presence was noticed on Halo night and I haven't had my barbeque burger for two consecutive Tuesdays now."
"Oh," not the 'yes I've missed you' she was hoping for, but it wasn't a no. "Well I'm here to make sure you get your burger now and I'll definitely be around for the next Halo night." That was when a thought struck her. "And I have a bunch of dirty clothes in my suitcase so maybe I'll join you for laundry tonight."
Sheldon sat down a cup of tea in front of her. "Very well," he said and then moved past her back to the living room.
Penny swiveled on her stool, cup in hand and watched as he sat down in his spot and turned on the television.
Nervously, she moved with her tea and sat down next to him, her knee touching him for only a moment before he pulled it away.
Her heart sank a bit at him recoiling from even incidental contact.
They stopped on a show about jaguars on the National Geographic Channel and Penny sat her teacup down on the coffee table before settling back with heavy, tired eyes.
"Penny," Sheldon called out and she rolled her head to the side, facing him in response. "Will you be joining me again for Paintball tomorrow? I've also missed that the last two weekends because the idea of going with Kripke and Leslie Winkle is nauseating."
She smiled slightly and nodded slowly. "Sure, I'll just need to sleep good tonight because I have to work tomorrow night and that with getting up early to shoot little brats is gonna take it out of me."
"Perhaps you should nap now, jump start on a decent REM cycle."
Penny sighed gently and nodded. A nap sounded great but dammit she didn't want to leave the warmth of this couch. "Can I take one here? I'll lay on the other side."
Sheldon looked put out. "You snore." He countered.
"Not if I lay on my side, which I'll have to on the couch." She was silently begging him to concede.
He shook his head slightly, but not saying no, she knew he was accepting. "Fine, please keep your feet out of my lap."
"I'll have my head on the wrong side, will you protect me from any marauders?" She asked with a look of innocence.
Sheldon shifted a bit in his spot and refocused on the TV. "I will."
With a flutter in her chest that felt like she was hollow inside, Penny settled onto the couch and curled her legs up so they weren't touching Sheldon.
That was when she felt the blanket fall across her and lifted her head up to see that Sheldon had retrieved the one from the back of the chair.
She took a deep and shaky breath. "Thank you." He offered her a half smile as she closed her eyes.
Through the fog of darkness, Penny felt her leg being slowly lifted into the air. She rolled onto her back and watched as Sheldon held it up by the ankle and ran his inside hand down her calf and thigh. She was taking slow breaths while he removed the same hand and grabbed her other leg.
They were bare, what happened to her jeans?
He held them both up in the air and kept his eyes locked onto her. She swallowed the massive lump in her throat before he tenderly kissed the back of her heel and the flex of her calf and then the inside of her knee which made her mewl in pleasure.
Swiftly, Sheldon slipped her one leg over the back of the couch and put the other one on his shoulder. She then felt him tug her panties to the side just a bit before running his finger up her wetness.
She cried out into the emptiness of the apartment and grabbed onto the arm of the couch above her head. He continued to do this, slowly, never adding any new pressure or making any sudden movements, just gentle strokes.
"Sheldon, please." She cried and he stopped to study her, that damn smirk was still on his face.
"What?"
Penny panted out just a bit and reached down to ask for his hand, he obliged. "I want you inside of me, Sheldon please."
He shook his head, but clutched her hand even tighter. "I can't, Penny."
"Why?" She asked sadly.
Sheldon licked his lips. "It's not in my plan… just leave me to this." Then he let go of her hand and plunged a finger deep inside of her, almost hoping it would be enough by the expression of guilt on his face.
His padded thumb found her most sensitive spot as he moved in and out of her. She rolled against him, crying out his name as tears fell down her cheeks. She wondered if he would ever give her anything more, if he would ever give her anything. She moaned and writhed and when the world went white, it turned suddenly black.
Penny's eyes fluttered open to find the apartment much darker. The television was still on and she sat up just a bit to see Sheldon still sitting in his spot watching TV. He looked different, new clothes and slightly damp hair, like he'd just showered.
Another dream, or perhaps they were nightmares now.
Her panties were wet now and she flushed with horrible embarrassment before lying back down and burying her head under the blanket he'd given her.
She wanted to weep, or jump him, or perhaps both but she needed to get away from him.
Briskly, she sat up and startled him just a bit. "I really fell asleep there." She said lightly before yawning and rubbing her eyes.
Sheldon looked at her, his hair a bit messy and his expression tired. "At least you refrained from snoring, though you were mumbling something about 'wanting pie', I couldn't really make out the words."
"Oh, well my mom makes good pie." She covered and stood up so fast that she went light headed and nearly fell over. "Are you uh… ready to do laundry?"
He checked the clock on the TV. "It's 7:58, we still have seventeen minutes."
Perfect…
"Okay, well I'm gonna go get ready then, put all my dirty clothes in the basket. I'll meet you there?" She barely caught his answer before she was stumbling out the door and rushing into her apartment.
Her clothes were off before she even reached the bathroom, Penny jumped into a cold shower and fought the urge not to cry.
She was supposed to have come back stronger and ready for this, ready to push him but she could never find the strength when he was that close. She had to do something to get his attention. She had to take a risk.
Fifteen minutes later she was walking down the stairs with him towards the laundry room, each of them with a basket in hand.
Penny had her red Flash t-shirt sitting right on top.