Chapter 11

After bathing, Sully had found Michaela and lay down with her to sleep in the sun, soaking in all of the warmth he could possibly get after such a cold night. Michaela wasn't sleeping, though. She watched him sleep, and she watched her hand rise and fall against his chest with each breath he took. Her head felt foggy, as if it was full of water or something.

Sully woke when he heard Michaela sigh softly. He turned and faced her, seeing that she was about to cry.

"What can I do?" he finally murmured, feeling terrible she'd had to go through it alone. She shook her head.

"Nothing. Just…just hold me." Sully pulled her in, rubbing her back in small circles. He closed his eyes, hoping what he was about to say wouldn't make things worse.

"I know it's hard to see now, but it wasn't your fault. You tried to protect the baby the best you knew how. But ya never expected what happened. It was an accident, and that's what caused it, Michaela. You didn't do this to our baby." He could feel a warm dampness against his chest, and he knew she was crying again. "Ya didn't do nothin' wrong."

"I did. I doubted having him. I doubted being a mother to him. I didn't know how I could be a mother to the child of a man I despise more than anyone on this earth."

"Hey, but what happened…it wasn't 'cause of you."

"Maybe it was. I wanted to find you. I went out there knowing it was going to storm, and I...I just needed to see you. I was so scared."

"That don't mean ya wanted this to happen. I know you, Michaela. I know you've been worried and scared, but that don't mean ya wanted anything bad to happen to the baby." Michaela nodded her head.

"I know that. I do. I just can't help but feel as if I'm being punished." Sully sat up a little, grasping her hands in his.

"Why would ya ever think that?" She shook her head.

"I don't know," she whispered. "It's just how I feel, and I can't help it. Sully, I…I feel so…so selfish! Just as I felt as if I could truly be happy, I'm proven wrong. This child was taken from us. And of all the thoughts running through my head, I began to wonder if it was for the best. But I know it wasn't! It wasn't. My heart is breaking for a child I cannot save. It's over, Sully!"

She broke down in his arms again, the rest of her words muffled by her choked sobs against him. He closed his eyes, trying to stay calm for his wife. He wanted to cry with her. He wanted her to see how broken he felt inside right now too. He'd hadn't been there for her, and he hadn't been able to do anything to save their child. It was over before he'd had the chance to be there just to hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be ok. He was there now, but he still felt so guilty.

"I wish there was somethin' I could do," he said quietly. "I wish I could make ya stop hurtin'." Michaela closed her eyes, and she shook her head. "You're here. That's enough." She smiled sadly. "This baby brought us together."

"And now?"

"Now, we're stronger. It just doesn't…it doesn't seem that way right now." She shook her head, wiping the tears from her face. She blinked, looking up at him. "Sully, I…I'm sorry. I'm sure you're…I know you really cared for this baby." Sully nodded his head.

"It's ok. You got every right to cry right now."

"So do you. This was your baby too. I'm sorry I didn't say it enough. Most of the time I was too…too focused on how angry I was for what happened." She shook her head. "Our baby's gone, Sully." She placed her hand on her stomach. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, slipping into doctor mode once more to try to protect herself from these emotions.

"Michaela?"

"When we get back to town, we need to wire for a doctor."

"What?"

"I didn't bleed very much," she said quietly. "When a miscarriage occurs, it's important to note if all of the tissue is expelled." Sully nodded slowly. "In this case…it wasn't."

"So," he said quietly, "how do ya know the baby's…" She shook her head.

"After what I went through, Sully, I don't think there's any way a baby could have survived."

"But there's a chance?"

"Sully," she cut him off. He felt bad, not wanting to get her hopes up. "Please..."

"Michaela, look, I know ya don't want false hope, but maybe the baby's ok. Maybe it was just a scare. I'm sure it's happened before."

"Well…" She sighed. "Sully, we'll wire for a doctor. Unless the tissue dispels itself, I…I suppose there's a chance that…that our baby's still with us." She placed her hand there. "But I don't feel him. Maybe part of me doesn't want to." She closed her eyes. "This is why this is happening to me, Sully. I can't grasp onto any feelings toward this child for more than a moment." She looked into his eyes. "Am I a terrible person?"

"'Course ya ain't. You're just hurtin', and nobody can blame ya. As much as ya love your child, ya want what's best for him, no matter what that is." She nodded. They'd had this conversation before, but it seemed as if they were going around in circles. It wasn't until she'd had to face a miscarriage that she truly realized that she wanted this child. She wanted to continue to nurture it and care for it until it was ready to come into the world.

"I feel so disgusting," she breathed, "wanting to have the child of a man that…"

"Hey," he said with a shake of his head. "No matter what happens, if the baby's still with us or if it ain't, the only pa that baby has ever had or ever will have is me, alright? This is our baby. It's as much mine as it is yours." They sat in silence for a moment, while Michaela composed herself.

"Do you really think…our baby could still be alright?" Sully nodded.

"I do," he whispered. "I really do." She nodded her head.

"Oh, Sully. If our baby's alright, I'll be so thankful. I…I'll be thankful to Cloud Dancing and Snow Bird. And to you for being so wonderful to me." She chewed on her lower lip, not wanting to get her hopes up.

"We'll wire for a doctor just as soon as we get back to town. Don't worry, Michaela. Don't worry. Everything's gonna be alright. You'll see."

Everyone sat in the church that evening holding a prayer vigil. Loren, Maggie and Charlotte were with Abagail at the clinic. Grace and Myra had helped clean up everything and were now both doting on little Hanna as they sat next to one another in the church. Everyone was silent, unable to comprehend the happenings.

"This man needs to be stopped," Robert E. finally said. "Dr. Mike goes missin' and now Abagail's…she's…" He shook his head. "He can't have just disappeared. The stagecoach don't come through 'til tomorrow mornin'."

"There's a lot of ways to get out of payin' for a crime, Robert E." Jake said with a shake of his head. "As much as he's to blame for violatin' Abagail, he's to blame for her dyin'. He might as well have put the bottle in her hand himself." A few murmurs rose up from the crowd.

"Jake," the Reverend said quietly. "Nobody knows why one decides to leave this earth early."

"'Course we no, Rev.," Hank pointed out, "she couldn't take it. Couldn't take the shame she felt or the idea of folks lookin' at her for the rest of her life and knowin'."

"Hank, please sit down," the Reverend asked quietly.

"Why? I say this bastard's done enough to the ladies of this town. I say it's time the men do somethin' about it."

"Hank, we don't even know where Dr. Mike is," Horace said slowly.

"Yeah, but sittin' round here prayin' ain't getting nothin' done," he said angrily. "We got to take care of this ourselves. Can't sit around waitin' for some God that couldn't even save a lady from getting hurt in the first place." Hank walked off, and he headed out to his horse. After a few minutes, Robert E. stood up.

"I'm sorry, Reverend, but Hank's right. We got to take care of this man 'fore somebody else gets hurt."

Later, Michaela and Sully had said their thanks and started the trek back home after filling their bellies with as much food as their new friends could spare. They'd drank to quench their thirsts, and now they were heading home. Cloud Dancing had offered a couple of horses, but Michaela didn't want to ride and risk further complicating her already possibly terminated pregnancy. Sully promised Michaela they would take it easy and rest as often as she needed.

On one of those rests, Michaela looked at Sully with a sudden realization.

"Loren!" she exclaimed.

"What?" Sully wondered.

"I didn't tell you," Michaela said, shaking her head. "Loren's offered us a piece of land until we can build our own home."

"What?" Sully asked. Michaela nodded.

"Abagail and Henry's homestead. He's offered it to us."

"What? Why?" Sully wondered.

"He said he needs to sell it, but he'd like to offer it to someone who's going to take care of it. I told him I'd speak with you." She placed her hand on her stomach. "And God willing, it'll be the place we bring our baby home to." Sully placed his hand over Michaela's.

"You feelin' any better?"

"Yes," she said. "The herbs Cloud Dancing gave me to take home are working so far. I'm not in any pain, and I don't feel ill."

"Good," Sully said with a smile. "I know it's kinda cramped at the boardin' house. I want ya to have more room…your own home. I'll build us the nicest home in Colorado someday."

"I know you will," Michaela said with a smile. "I have faith in you." Sully kissed her cheek.

"I'll talk to Loren when we get back to town." Michaela nodded. "If that's what ya want?"

"I'd love to have a place to call home…even a temporary one until we have our own." Sully nodded. "We can sell it to someone else when the time comes, right?"

"Sure," Sully nodded. He took his wife's hand in his. "Ready to get goin'?"

"I think so."

"I'll carry ya if you want."

"No, I'm alright." Sully handed her a canteen of water, and she took a long sip before handing it back to him. Pulling his arm protectively around his wife, Sully gave her a gentle kiss upon the forehead before they headed off toward town.

One life taken from this earth has orphaned another child. Surely she'll fall into the desperate category of young girl turned street whore, entertaining men to make ends meet. Pathetic. I know I should feel a little guilt in the situation. After all, I'm the one who planted the seed of darkness in the fair Abagail's head. I'm the one that took away her faith in the world. She wasn't as strong as Michaela. No, Michaela has begun to thrive.

Poor, poor Abagail had no one, nobody who could reach her and make her feel worth something in this miserable world. Perhaps I taunted her too much. Perhaps I dropped in when she was sleeping, only to frighten her awake. Still, I was drawn to her. I found comfort in the sweetness of her frightened, tearful eyes while I could not be near sweet Michaela.

I yearn to be with her again. I am filled with hatred for her decisions. Married to a man not worthy to kiss her feet? It's laughable. She would never have chosen me. Nor anyone else. Brothers can fight over women all they want, but when a woman thinks she has the right to choose what makes her happy, then everything changes.

She should have been mine, but I had to take her for myself whether she liked it or not. I had to take her and break her and show her that I'm better than her. I'm better than anyone she could have chosen. And she chose him! What a disgusting thought. I could have given her everything. She wouldn't give me the time of day, and I will make her pay again. I will see her, and I will hurt her, and I will do it out of the love I feel for her and the hatred I have for her foolish little mind.

He closed his book, leaning against a tree off toward the tree line. He had made himself scarce after sneaking into Abagail's room the afternoon before and scaring her beyond comprehension. He had wanted to scare her for the thrill, and oh, it had worked, but still, there was something empty in it all. It wasn't Michaela. She was the one. The perfect woman who had a mind of her own that he wanted so badly to control. He figured that a woman like that could be so good if she wasn't such a self-serving, pushy, egotistical, spoiled little rich girl with her father's money and an imagination bigger than the grandest ocean on the planet.

With a sigh, he stood, looking out over the land. He was going to have to continue to lay low. With Abagail's death and the murmurings of men looking for someone fitting his description, he was certain that if he wasn't careful, he'd be swinging from a tree that very night.

All he knew was that he had to have her again. He had to taste her and touch her and feel her bending to his will. The thought drove him mad with power, and he wanted to seek her out. He knew he'd see her again, and soon.

Michaela and Sully arrived back in town to find that the streets were quite empty, and the shops were all closed up. Myra Bing sat on the porch of the telegraph office with little Hanna in her arms. Michaela and Sully made their way over there first. Michaela, feeling a little light headed now, leaned on her husband.

"Dr. Mike, are you alright? The whole town was worried sick!" Myra exclaimed upon seeing the lady doctor. Michaela closed her eyes, nodding.

"I'll be alright, Myra," she said softly. "We need to wire for a doctor, though."

"We got one comin'. Should be here on the stage tomorrow. 'Course, we don't need him anymore. It was for Abby." Michaela and Sully exchanged glances.

"Has she had a breakthrough?" Myra shook her head, tears in her eyes.

"No, Dr. Mike. Abagail…she…she's dead."

"What?!" Michaela asked, eyes wide and heart pounding. "That can't be!"

"She broke into your medicine cabinet and took a whole bottle of laudanum."

"Oh my God," Michaela breathed, feeling as if she were going to be sick. "Where's Loren?"

"He's with the rest of the search party. They're out lookin' for the fella that did this." Michaela shivered as her blood ran cold. There was a very real possibility that she would soon see her rapist face to face, and only he, she, and Sully would know what had transpired in Boston.

"Maggie's stayin' at the boardin' house tonight. She don't wanna be alone."

"I can imagine not," Michaela said softly. She looked up at Sully.

"I'll clean the clinic up, and…" he started.

"It's taken care of, Sully. Everybody pitched in and helped. Jake even offered to do the burial for free."

"That was kind of him," Michaela said with a nod.

"Ya don't expect someone so young to just…to up and…"

"I know," Michaela said softly. She swooned a little bit, and Sully held onto her.

"Dr. Mike?"

"I'm alright," she assured the younger woman. "If you need anything, Myra, I'll be resting. I…I'll be at the boarding house if there's an emergency." Myra nodded sadly.

"Alright. I'm glad you're back, Dr. Mike. I'm sure the rest of the town'll be relieved to know. I'll tell Horace as soon as they're back. I hope they find the fella that did this. He deserves to pay for what he done." Michaela's voice held back, and it kept her from saying what she wanted to say. She wanted to agree, but she just couldn't muster the strength to hold the conversation.

"C'mon," Sully said worriedly. "Let's get you home." Michaela followed her husband, but each step felt as if she were one step closer to being trapped in a corner by the man she hated most in the world. All she wanted was for this to be over so she could put him out of her life once and for all.

"Dr. Mike! Thank God!" Charlotte exclaimed, sweeping the younger woman into a hug. "We were so worried about you!" The Cooper kids all came rushing in from the kitchen at their mother's sudden outburst.

"Dr. Mike!" Colleen exclaimed.

"You're alive!" Brian said with wonderment. "They said ya got swept away in the river!"

"I did," Michaela said nervously. "But Cloud Dancing found me and saved my life. Sully was brought to me this morning." She smiled, gripping her husband's hand.

"You met Cloud Dancin'?" Matthew asked.

"I did," Michaela nodded. "And he's a wonderful man." Charlotte eyed Michaela, wondering if there was more to the story.

"Can I get ya anything? Hot tea? Somethin' to eat?"

"We ate before we left, but I could go for a little bit of something anyway. Perhaps a biscuit?"

"I'll get some whipped right up for ya," Charlotte said with a nod. "Kids, why don't ya go help your old ma by getting the kitchen ready?" Colleen and Brian scrambled off, and Matthew lingered behind.

"Sully, I wanted to help, but I came lookin' for ya, but…"

"It's ok, Matthew," Sully said, shaking the young man's hand. "Everything's alright. You didn't have no business bein' out there anyway. It was too cold last night."

"It's a wonder ya don't both have pneumonia," Charlotte said, shaking her head. "Um, Matthew, go on and help your brother and sister, make sure Brian don't get into the cake we're savin' for dessert?"

"Yes Ma'am," he said with a nod, heading out of the living room. Michaela and Sully sat down, both eager to rest their aching bones.

"Dr. Mike, is there somethin' I can do?" Charlotte asked. "Is the baby?"

"I…I heard a doctor's coming in the morning. I'd like to see him," Michaela said quietly. "I may have had a miscarriage, and I'd like a confirmation." Michaela bit back the urge to cry again, and she felt Sully squeezing her hand as if to give her his strength.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Mike," Charlotte said with a sad shake of her head. "I wish I had the right tools and gadgets to tell ya myself, but I'm sure the doctor comin' in will be able to tell ya better'n I could." She smiled a little. "It sure is good to have the both of ya back."

"Well," Michaela said quietly, "we may not be here for long."

"What?"

"Loren's offered us his land. He wants us to live in Henry and Abagail's old home."

"That place? He offered it to ya?"

"Yes, just yesterday. I…I would understand if he didn't want to give it up now, with Abagail gone now."

"No, he's a man of his word. He might be a stubborn man, maybe a little naïve sometimes, but he does need to get that land off his hands. I don't think he'll take it back." She smiled at the doctor.

"So long as you and Sully stay in Colorado Springs, I guess it don't matter where you live." She reached out and took the doctor's hand in hers. "Go on up and rest, Dr. Mike. I'll let ya know if anybody comes for ya."

"Thank you," Michaela said tiredly.

Sully helped her up the stairs, and when they were in the privacy of their room, they just stared at one another, uncertain of what to say. Finally, Sully came forward.

"I wanna go after him."

"What?!"

"I wanna go find him, Michaela. I wanna make him pay for what he did to you."

"Sully, no!" she exclaimed. "You can't go out there!"

"Why not?" he asked, going over to the window and looking out over the town. "Huh? Why not? It's my job to protect ya, and…"

"And you would do a better job of it if you were right here!" she exclaimed. "I don't want you going out there, Sully. It's dangerous. He's managed to follow us here and keep himself hidden, and he's managed to do damage to Abagail that will never be undone, and now she's gone! I won't have you out there risking your life for me."

"I'd die for you, Michaela."

"Not like this," Michaela said, shaking her head and crossing her arms. "Sully, I need you here with me. I need you to promise me you won't go." Sully leaned against the window frame, and Michaela came up behind him, gently placing her hands at his sides above his hips and resting her forehead against his back. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Please, don't go. I want him to pay, but I don't want to risk giving him the satisfaction of knowing he's taken away something else from me. No, Sully. I love you too much to watch you go out there and hurt yourself because of me." Sully turned to bring his hands to his wife's face, making her look him in the eye.

"I'd never leave you, and you know that."

"I know," she whispered. "I know you'd never hurt me. You'd never leave me. Not on purpose. So don't go out there. I'm begging you. I can't risk losing you. I love you too much. I need you too much." Tears were in her eyes, and he realized how desperate she was to keep him safe, and he could feel the fear shaking her. "Stay, Sully. I need you to stay here with me."

It was against everything his anger was telling him to do. It was against everything that was expected of him. He was supposed to be the one to bring the man in and teach him a lesson. He was supposed to kill the man for hurting his wife so terribly. But if he did that, he'd be a murderer, and they wouldn't have won. He would have won. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"I'll stay," he promised. "I'll stay."

Thanks for the feedback so far. Please let me know what you think of this chapter!