I picked out his rosary. It has red beads that hang on a black chain which also holds a silver cross. It wasn't cheap. By any stretch of the imagination, but I suppose I under-estimated how much inheritance money I have from my filthy rich dad. My biggest concern now is that Mello might be offended because he knows I don't believe in god. I don't think he'll mind too much. It's his favourite colours, red and black, and it's going to mean I'm always looking out for him. Maybe he will forgive me afterwards, but I don't know. I knock on his door and I hear a mumble that sounds vaguely like a 'yes' so I open the door and enter his room. He's reading the newspaper, as he always does when it's ten in the morning. I walk over and sit down on the bed. He sits up and looks at me, smiling. It makes me smile in return. He notices the box and tilts his head.

"Whatcha got there?" He asks taking an interest in the jewelry box I have on the bed.

"It's uh for you actually." I say, growing redder by the second. I feel my breath start to speed up, I really wish I wasn't so shy about everything, and especially not this, this is just stupid.

He can tell I'm a little too shy to give the box to him, so he takes it from where it is and opens it. He gasps as soon as the lid of the box is opened. I start freaking out.

"I-if it's the wrong colours I can take it back, o-or if you don't want it then I also cou"-

"Shut up Matt it's beautiful." He says sliding it around his neck. I let out a huge heavy sigh, letting my emotions from only seconds ago drain out.

"I'm glad you like it, Mells. I didn't know if you would or not."

"Of course I like it Matt. Thanks." He leans in and kisses me on the cheek, which makes me blush instantly. He draws back again, his face no different from what it was a while ago, so I assume he doesn't think anything of it.

"So what are you sorry for? Or is it just because?" He asks me sounding interested.

"Uhm, well, I'm sorry about fucking up when we were five, then again when we were eight. It was wrong."

"Forget about it. It's done. I've sorted it out in my own mind. I'm okay with it now. It hurt back then, but I'm over it now. No reason stressing over what's done I guess." He smirks. "But just for payback…" He punches me really hard in the arm, I rub the place he hit, it's definitely going to bruise. "There, we're even now" He smiles at me.

"Okay man, but I am sorry, I wish you could trust me again with your secrets." His smile fades instantly. "And the last thing you told me is driving me crazy I want to know, I do . They're your secrets, I guess you don't have to tell me, and I get why you never did."

"Matt…it's not that I don't trust you, that stopped being a reason. It's more because I want to get over it. I've been trying so hard to forget about it."

"and how's that working out for you?"

"R-really well, actually." He says over defensively, obviously lying.

"Mell come on, you can't lie to me." I reach out a hand and place it on his shoulder. I know he probably won't, but I hope he does admit that he's not over it.

"I'm not lying. I mean it. I'm doing fine with it." He explains, shoving me off of him.

"Mells come on. I can tell your lying, just own up to it."

"Fine okay? I'm not doing great I've been having fucking nightmares and they haven't gone away. I feel like shit everyday because of it and I hate thinking about it. Is that what you wanted me to fucking say? That I'm not okay?"

And now even though I'm in his room, he pushes past me and heads to the kitchen, where he grabs the keys to his motorcycle.

"I'm going for a ride. Be back later"

I just want Mello to talk to me. I don't care what about but he's been silent now for days. It's driving me mad. I just want to hear his voice. He hasn't even bitched at me, just remained silent. It's 2:00 am now. I can't sleep. I can't even think. I really can't do anything but game. I've beat my highscore on seven games and I'm about to reach and beat my highscore on game number eight. I hear full out, bloody-murder screaming coming from Mello's room. I jump out of my couch just from the sudden noise. Then I get up and go see what's happening.

What I see upon entering his room is a bundle of blankets that have been pushed to the floor, probably by the body on the bed that is writing it what appears to be pain. Mello is tossing every which way and the only noises he makes alternate between silent 'no's and screaming. I walk over to the bed to find that he's sweating like mad. I go to the bathroom and wet a towel. Once in his room again I press the damp towel to his forehead.

"Shh it's just a dream Mell. You're safe, I promise."

"N-no no please no don't touch me" He murmurs quietly in his sleep.

"Who Mello, who keeps touching you, I promise they won't anymore." I'm getting concerned now, I start stroking his face, trying to soothe the terrified child that is sleeping before me. That's what he is now. A child, he feels scared and alone, and he can't say why. He's screaming for help but it would seem no one hears him.

"Mr….Mr. K-kingsmith…" He mumbles sadly into his pillow. He jolts and again screams "NOOO Please no!"

I start shaking him now, trying to wake him up. Mr. Kingsmith, our astro-physics teacher from when we were eight? He touched Mello? I can't help but go back to when we were eight, the first time he came in in tears, quietly saying "Mr. Kingsmith…" but then stopping. I suppose it made sense, why he ran away, why how after he came back Mr. Kingsmith didn't teach anymore….oh god, and that's the year Mello started being really angry. I was such a terrible friend… I assumed he was just mad at being second. But he was mad because he was being molested. I feel sick, I feel ashamed I feel…

Mello screams once again and jolts awake. I jump backwards, not expecting the sudden movement. He's in tears, probably from his nightmare, I go back over to the bed.

"Mello, you, you had a nightmare. You okay?" He nods, and now he's breaking down. I hold him and let him cry, as he has done so much before with me.

I wait until he stops crying. The whole time wondering if I should tell him I know or not. I decide to tell him, why not?

"Mello how come you never could finish saying what Mr. Kingsmith did to you?" He freezes into me.

"How did you find out?" He says looking up at me with scared eyes. And for the first time he seems vulnerable, scared, all this while awake.

"You uh, you talk in your sleep." I say stroking his hair.

"Oh. You weren't supposed to hear that." As if I fucking don't know that. "I never told you because I didn't know how to, and then you started assuming things, it went on for months before I ran away." He started crying again, but this time trying to be tough about it, sort of wiping his own tears and sitting straight up.

I'm holding him now. He fell asleep and I'm holding him here, safe. And I will never let another person ever touch him again.