PSManiac: Howdy readers! PSManiac here, with the latest chapter to Dimension Dilemma. Idiocy, randomness, and protein shakes that smell like a pair of Tiny's old
socks will ensue in this chapter. Crash: Dimension Dilemma is property to PSManiac. PSManiac is not responsible for any nausea, hyperventilating, or side-splitting
laughter that is caused by this story. Apply directly to the funny bone. Results may vary. PSManiac does not own anything. Please continue to read the story without
a live badger in your mouth while dancing the Macarena. If you are wondering, yes I am insane. Enjoy the hilarity!
Chapter Ten: Mild, Mild West
The bandicoot heroes trudged through the jungles of Tropica. They were tired, hungry, and slightly constipated.
"I'm so tired," Crunch gasped, "Coco, how long have we been in this jungle?"
She checked her watch.
"Two and a half minutes," she answered. Suddenly, Crash tripped over a rock and tumbled down a hill.
"Crash!" his friends called as they raced after him. It wasn't long before Crash collided with a tree at the bottom of a hill. Then, the tree moved.
"What in the name of Don Knots is going on here?" Aku Aku asked.
In fact, the tree wasn't a tree, but the lag of a huge brontosaurus. The dinosaur looked down at the bandicoots before saying, "Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here,"
and return to his tree leaf meal.
The bandicoots looked around the giant lizard to see a grassy field filled with dinosaurs. Insert Jurassic Park theme here.
"Wow," The bandicoots muttered in unison.
They gazed at the dinosaur herds. There were Pterodactyls, Triceratopses, Brontosauruses, Tyrannosauruses, Larry Kings, and many more.
Suddenly, a blast of plasma whooshed over the bandicoots' heads. The dinosaurs, scared, fled away from the source of the plasma shot. The before mentioned
source was, in fact, a tall blue lizard creature armed to the fangs with ammo.
"Who in the name of buttered gravy are you?" Crunch asked.
"Funny you should ask, bandicoot," the walking pile of weaponry replied in a distinctly Australian accent, "I am the herald of hunters, the wizard of weapons, the
accountant of ammunition, the king of KO's, the Earl of extermination, the lord of lock and load, the prince of plasma, the sultan of sting, the guru of guns, the real
estate agent of-"
"Get on with it!"
"Okay! I am the legendary bounty hunter… Nigel."
"Nigel?" Aku Aku asked, "Not a very good name for a bounty hunter."
"Apparently, I was on PSManiac's stupid name list," Nigel explained, "But hey, he was going to call me Paul, and that's way worse than Nigel."
"True," Coco commented, "We are going through loads of fourth walls in this story, aren't we? We're going to run out soon and then we have to break the
nonexistent fifth wall, but that's less fun."
"Back to the story," Nigel said, "I am hunting you for two reasons. First, N. Terdimensional put a pretty price on your heads."
He threw the bandicoots a poster that was tied to a brick. It hit Aku on the noggin and knocked him out. Coco picked up the brick and looked at the poster along
with Crash and Crunch. Printed on the front of the poster was a picture of the four of them with "Wanted" in large letters at the top and "To be destroyed" in smaller
letters below that.
"Three hundred million Zeroids (the 0th Dimension's currency, and 300 million Zeroids are only about five bucks) for each of you, dead or alive, but preferably dead,"
Nigel stated, "And reason number two is because bandicoots and magical witch doctor masks are very rare in the 0th Dimension, so what a catch that would that
be!"
"So what now?" Aku Aku asked.
"Well, I'm going to capture you, kill you, hand your corpses over to N. Terdimensional, collect the reward money, and then buy a flying mansion over the Wet Sea."
"You'll never succeed!" Coco declared, "Crash has faced way tougher enemies than you and won, right Crash?"
Crash nodded.
"Until today!" Nigel stated, "Zivax! Carl! Get them!"
Two obviously vicious raptors jumped out of the jungle foliage and chased out heroes.
"Run!" Aku Aku screamed, floating away as fast as he can. Then Zivax caught Aku Aku in his mouth.
"Aku Aku!" Coco called, fighting off Carl with a stick. Suddenly, Zivax's eyes went wide. He dropped Aku Aku and ran away, yelping in pain. Carl followed Zivax after
getting bopped in the noggin several times because of Coco's mighty stick. The heroes ran over to Aku Aku.
"Are you okay?" Crunch asked.
"Fine," Aku Aku answered while getting to his feet. But he doesn't have feet so he just floated up.
"What made that raptor run away?" Coco asked. Aku Aku smiled.
"Splinters," he said, "Being made of wood does have its advantages."
"You still have me to mess with," Nigel called as he jumped down in front of the bandicoots.
"After all," he said, whipping out several heavily dangerous weapons, "I do love the smell of fried bandicoot in the morning."
"But it's three in the afternoon," Coco pointed out.
"Fried bandicoot in the afternoon, then," he corrected himself.
"Wait, no, my watch is broken. I have no idea what time it is."
"You just had to ruin the moment, didn't you?"
"… Yes."
Meanwhile, the N-Team was sitting in a saloon with that weasel guy, Billy Bob. Nina was slurping down her milkshake, Neo was talking to Billy Bob, Tropy was tuning
his stick-
"It's a scepter!"
What ever… and N. Gin was busy amusing himself by spinning around on a revolving bar stool.
"Ya see, ol' Gila Lobster and the Six Pun Gang has bin' terrorizing the West World for eva'," Billy Bob told Cortex, "He has robbed trains, stolen bikes, vandalized
statues, jaywalked, and took candy from babies. He has run outta' town every single sheriff this town had. We need someone ta' stop 'im!"
"Sorry," said Cortex, "we can't because we need to find power crystals, not save some puny town in the middle of nowhere."
"Oh! I almost forgit! He has one of those there crystal things y'all had bin babbling about."
"Really?" Cortex asked.
"'Tis true! He uses it ta' fuel his bike, Gravedigga'. And, tha' only way ta' git that crystal is ta' beat 'im in a showdown."
"Hmm… We're in," Cortex confirmed.
"Okie dokie. But are 'ya any good wit a lasa'?"
Oh please," Cortex gloated, whipping out his laser gun, "I'm the tops."
He laser went off without warning and the laser shot bounced up and down the saloon before frying N. Gin's butt.
"Maybe, I'm a little short of the tops?" Cortex said.
"Never tha' less," Billy Bob said, "Ya' are our new sheriff now."
He stuck a sheriff's badge onto Cortex's chest.
"Ouch!" Cortex yelped in pain, "That went into my skin!"
"Can I be your deputy, sir?" N. Gin asked.
"No," Cortex answered.
"Please?"
"I said no."
"Pleeeaase?"
"No!"
"With a cherry on top?"
"No! And I hate cherries!"
"Pretty please?"
"Grr… fine! You're my deputy now!"
"Yay!" N. Gin cheered as he did the robot. Billy Bob stuck a Deputy's badge on N. Gin's chest.
"Ow!" N. Gin yelped in pain, "That went into my skin, too!"
"Honestly, something is wrong with that cyborg," Tropy said to Nina.
"Don't blame him," Nina answered, "Blame the author."
"… Good point there, Nina."
It was high noon, even though no one knows what high noon means. There was Cortex, in cowboy attire, looking as if he was about to- he did wee his pants. Gila
Lobster walked onto the dirt road, with fiery hatred in his lizard/lobster eyes.
"This is like one of those old western movies," N. Gin commented, chomping on some popcorn, "Do you want some, Tropy?"
The time scientist would say yes, if N. Gin wasn't eating it with his axel grease-covered gloves. He shook his head and N. Gin shrugged.
"More for me then."
Western showdown music filled the background of the West World.
"I don't know where that music is coming from," Tropy said, "And I don't care."
"Yes, I would like to raise my uncle's life insurance," Nina stated on the phone.
"We draw on three," Gila Lobster said, "One… two…two and a half… two and three-fourths… two and seven-eighths…three."
Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma…
Our bandicoot heroes face the dreaded bounty hunter Nigel in their race to collect the crystals and gems. Also, the N-Team has a classic western showdown against
Gila Lobster. But what other possibly dangerous mysteries await our heroes in Chapter Eleven: Idiotic Park.
PSManiac: I love cliffhangers, don't you? Be sure to review! That may urge me to update more quickly. Hmm…