A/N: Oh my gosh! It's been a while hasn't it? I could make excuses but I wont. All I can say is I FINALLY got my muse back. Thank the maker!
A huge thanks to my wonderful beta alyssacousland. Especially when it came to Sten's bit. I was majorly uninformed. She's totally awesome and when you all get a chance go read her fics. They are fantastic!
Thanks to all of you who read this. Again sorry for such a long wait. Enjoy!
Ostagar army camp
November 10th, 2009
12:15 am
Trent
Standing alone in a dark corner of the camp tavern, I watch my brother make an ass of himself by taking on three wardens in a drinking contest. He would no doubt lose, but he was trying his best. Pity he doesn't put as much effort into fighting as he does drinking. He would be absolutely unstoppable.
I'm nearly tempted to join him, but even in his drunken state my brother would out my magical gifts without a second thought and not regret it in the morning. No. Best to keep my distance and watch with pressure from the shadows.
"Oh bloody hell," yelled one of the gruff looking wardens. "you can barely stand and you look as green as the grass. Give it up man."
My brother, much the defiant ass that he is, orders another gin on the rock and downs the full glass in one gulp. I can't help but smirk as he holds himself steady against the bar with little success. His eyes are half-closed in order to keep the room from spinning. Wanker.
"Never!" He slurs mightily as he motions to the bartender for another round.
"No." Says the same warden as he stops the bartender from serving another drink. "You've had enough solider. I think it's time you get yourself to bed."
My brother sneers at the mere suggestion, as he usually does when anyone with more power than he decides to give him an order. "Who are you? My mother? Just because you're an all mighty warden doesn't mean you get to tell us lowly army ants what to do. Go shove your nose up the kings ass. It's what your lot does best."
The room fell deathly quiet. All heads turning towards the three wardens. Everyone was waiting for one of them to throw the first punch. Instead of punching my brother's smug face, one warden came forward, lifted my brother up and over his shoulder and carried him out of the tavern. "If you're going to act like a child then you'll be treated as such." With that they disappeared into the night.
Upon their departure, everyone went back to their own bouts of drinking. With any threat of my magical outing gone, I was free to partake in a bit of drinking. I've never been much of a drinker, but with the upcoming war and the news of Highever a bit of a nip was a bit necessary.
Taking a seat at the bar, I ordered a beer, which the chipper bartender was more than happy to retrieve for me. The next fifteen minutes would be spent nursing the damn thing. Unlike my brother I am in no rush to dull my senses.
Jessica was heavy on my mind, as she had been for days now. I just can't begin to wrap my mind around the fact that she's actually gone. There was still so much I wanted to tell and show her. I wanted her to meet my family and everyone in Lothering. Most everyone there who had an ear knew about her and was dying to meet her. It broke my heart that now, none of them would have that chance. It's hard to believe someone who could lead men into a darkspawn army of thousands could be killed by...well anything. Much less a human army.
Thinking of our happier times was even more depressing. Not that we didn't have any. We did and they were wonderful. It was the fact that I was thinking of our happier times in the pretense that made thinking of them rather depressing. Those thoughts alone were enough to send my stomach into a churning fit.
Another thought that turned my stomach was the fact that no one had recovered any of the Couslands' bodies. Since the castle had been burned to the ground, it was likely no bodies would be recovered. There would be no closure there.
It had been outed on the news that the Howe house had been responsible for the attack. Yet Rendon remained a free man because he "claimed" the Cousland family was conspiring with Orlais in a hostile takeover of Ferelden. The man even provided documents proving his claims. He must have paid a bundle to whomever he could find to forge these so called 'documents'. In a morbid way, his plan was genius. He knew that no one would even contact Orlais about the authenticity of these documents.
I left for Ostagar the day after the attack had been on the news. Mother and Bethany tried their best to talk me out of leaving so soon saying my emotions were ruling my common sense. It was true, but I promised them I would take out my rage on the darkspawn and no one else. This brought them little comfort, but they both know once my mind is made up on something it is very difficult to change. They wished me luck and let me go on my way.
I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice the stool next to me had been occupied.
"That brother of yours is a real handful." A smooth male voice came from out of nowhere, which snapped me out of my reflective thoughts. I wasn't sure if I was grateful or angry for the interruption.
"What are you talking about?" I turn to find a elf in mage robes smirking at me.
"Oh you're right. I'll just ignore the similar facial features and the satisfied smirk you were wearing just a bit ago," he said, pointing to the corner where I had been concealed not well enough as it would seem.
I turn and snort into my beer bottle. "I suppose mages are mind readers now too?" I ask, hoping to end the conversation here.
A musical chortle comes from the elf beside me. I do my best to ignore him, but the damn elf is determined to speak.
"How easy it would be for us mages if we could read minds. But alas, I'm merely observant."
Cautiously, I crane my head towards the chatty elf, giving him the blankest stare I can muster.
"What do you mean "us mages?" are you implying something?"
A sly smirk plays over the elf's lips. "Playing coy now are we?" He asks rhetorically. "I'm aware you barely know me, but if you wish to keep it a secret, then so be it. I can respect that." He grins. "I'm Surana by the way."
"You'll have to forgive me Surana, but I'm not exactly up for talking right now. So if you don't mind going about your merry little way, it would be appreciated."
"Then I'll leave you to your self-pity party then. I have a joining to get off to anyways. Not my own grant you. Been there, done that. But it's a joining nevertheless. Fun times there let me tell you. But I hear this newest recruit is a strong lass. So I think she's got a shot."
"Wait. You're a warden?" I couldn't keep the surprise from my voice. All of the wardens I've ever come across are never this willing to speak with a soldier. They mostly just keep to their own.
"Yep. I got bored watching the others drink and watching my partner in crime text her honey bunny. So here I am, annoying you. Congratulations."
Feeling somewhat embarrassed I raise my head and smile apologetically. "I meant no disrespect warden."
He waved away my apology with a dismissive hand wave. "Please don't do that submissive soldier bullshit. I'm really getting tired of it." He said, grabbing his own beer and taking a long sip. "So what happened to your brother to make him such a pleasant prick?" He asked, getting back to his original topic.
There was no use in denying it. Plus something in my gut told me I could trust this guy. It might have been his laid back demeanor, but I can't be sure.
"Me."
"Oh. Makes perfect sense." He said smirking slyly.
"How do you figure? You barely know me."
"How much older than him are you?" He asked, ignoring my question.
"I'm five years older," I mutter.
"Now his behavior makes sense. Judging by the looks of you, I'd say you're a guy who has a solution for nearly any problem. Jealously, plain and simple."
"Duh. It really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out." I said, despite the fact that I was rather impressed with his observation. Most people assumed it was just Carver being himself. Surly and unpleasant.
"Yep. I'll make it as a late night TV psychic yet!" He declared proudly.
Before I could make a retort he looked at his watch and jumped from his stool.
"Well. Duty calls. Joinings and all that fun stuff. It was nice meeting you?" He waited for my name.
I smiled and offered my hand to the warden. "Hawke." He eagerly shook my hand. "I must say it's been interesting meeting you."
"I get that a lot."
"I'm hardly surprised," the elf smirked.
"Good luck at your joining thing. Give the new recruit my best and wish her luck. From the whispers I hear around here she'll need it."
Surana sighed heavily. "You don't even know the half of it. But I'll tell her. It's been a pleasure to rescue you from the depths of your despair. Good luck in tomorrow's skirmish." He said before trotting across the tavern and out the door.
Left alone again, I tried my hardest to keep my mind of the conversation and elf I had just met, but as expected, my mind when right back to my memories of Jessica. Looking down at my neglected beer, it wasn't half as tempting as it was before.
Leaving the half-empty bottle, I got up from my stool and walked out the door. My eyes are heavy and I know I need sleep, but it's been days and hearing of his new warden recruit has me somewhat intrigued. Sadly, my body had other plans. It would not be denied sleep any longer.
Reluctantly, I made my way back to the army camp site and entered my tent. Not bothering to remove my uniform, I laid down my cot. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
Lake Calanhad
November 10th 2009
12:30 am
Sten
Our noses are filled with the burning stench of Ferelden. I have smelled death and decay, yet this smell offends me. I find it puzzling, but I do not tell the others as I know they feel the same way. We are warriors and we do not complain over such trivial inconveniences.
"There is no one here. Perhaps we should search elsewhere for the signs." Said my fellow Qunari. We all nod in agreement and move back the way we came.
We all take one look back towards the Tower across the lake. This is where they keep the mages. Not as tools to be used in times of war, but as pets. This idea is unrealistic, but that is humanity at its core. I do not understand them nor do I wish to.
As the three of us turn back towards our entrance, we are met by a small group of darkspawn. I unsheathe my beloved Asala, ready for the inevitable attack.
In all honesty, I am baffled by their speed. I was told darkspawn were lacking in any kind of combat training. The creatures that stand before us obviously know how to wield a sword and quite well.
I feel a presence behind me and before I can react the darkspawn behind me knocks his shield into my skull. I was not expecting such resistance. I fall to the ground and everything goes black.
Xxxxxx
I regain consciousness several hours later. I find myself disoriented for a time, but quickly collect myself.
I find myself in a house and there is a human child staring at me. I sit up and a woman approaches me and asks me how I feel. There is a man who smiles and talks to me, but I am still too dazed to understand what they are saying.
"Be careful, there, friend. You were badly hurt. Take it easy."
I remember the battle with the darkspawn and start to panic and I try to control myself.
"Where are my brothers?" I ask the human in a growl.
The man is startled by my anger.
"They were all dead. The darkspawn, they-"
His words trail off as I look around for my Asala and find her gone. Rage fills me and I stand up, towering over the now cowering human.
"Where is she? Where have you put her?" I snarl.
"I don't understand..."
A blood-curdling yell escapes my throat as I attack the man, my hands snapping his neck with a speed I did not know I possessed. Growling, I turn to the child and his small neck breaks almost instantly. I am so fast, that the woman never manages to scream and falls dead to the floor. In a few moments, I kill two more children and another man who is trying to run out the door to cry for help. A whimper guides me to another room where I find another woman, an elder one, crouching next to a bed. I wring her neck and watch as she slides to the floor.
The door bursts open and several men rush in having heard the screams coming from the small house. I stand there, my anger spent. I look at the death around me and an emotion I've rarely felt rises within me: regret.
I slowly drop to my knees. "What have I done?" I pointlessly ask myself. "They don't have her."
And the humans rush forward with clubs in their hands, screaming angrily. I do not make a move to defend myself. I had lost everything. Asala was gone. There was no way I could go back home. I didn't have the answer to the Arishok's question, and I did not have honor. I was less than a soldier and I wanted to die.
They take me to other humans with guns all aimed at every important organ of my body. Some part of me hoped they would pull the trigger, but I knew they wouldn't. Nevertheless I went with them peacefully. What else could I do?
I was led to the town square of the town they call Lothering, I survey my surroundings and the humans. They look at me with disdain, but I can sense their fear. Not only for me, but for something else. As this village surrounded by forest, I was positive there were darkspawn near. Their fear is justified.
I was brought into a large building. I held my head high as I was marched before a stern-looking human female, who did not attempt to hide her disdain for me.
"Do you know why we have brought you here Qunari?"
I say nothing, but nod my head.
"Do you deny your crimes?"
"I do not."
"Do you feel remorse for what you've done?"
"What I feel is irrelevant." What could I say?
Her glare turns into pity. This has me slightly confused.
"Then you leave me no choice. You will be confined into the care of the templars until we have reached a decision."
"No."
Confusion and anger crosses her face.
"I will decide what will be done," I pause to remember my surroundings. "On my way in I noticed a small cage at the edge of town. I will stay there until I die. It is the only way to repent for what I have done."
The human female appears thoughtful for a moment, then nods in agreement.
"An execution would be far more fitting," a human says quietly with a gun in his hand.
"No," I retort. "The cage will give me time to reflect on my actions." I look directly into the female's eyes. "I will be brought no food or water, as I deserve no such treatment. It will be a slow death. I deserve nothing more."
Pity again fills her face, but despite what she is feeling, she nods.
"Very well. Take him away."
They did. Now my people would never know of the shame I've brought them. Their hatred was more painful than anything the humans could inflict.
That thought alone brought me comfort.