Hello all,

Sorry for the delay in updating. I got into an accident this week. Someone rolled into my car while entering the freeway. Luckily, I didn't suffer injuries, so I'm thanking my lucky stars. Actually, writing this week's chapter has been very therapeutic for me. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Whitechapel belongs to ITV.

FanFiction\Whitechapel: Someday

Chapter 11: Desperation

Chandler rubbed his forehead as the migraine continued to pound away inside his head, particularly at his temples. Even the ointment balm that he usually used didn't help. Kent still had not reported in to work and he was beginning to worry that something had happened to his detective constable. He had not answered any of Chandler's messages either, which further heightened his anxieties. At first Chandler thought that Kent had either overslept or was just pouting because of their argument yesterday, but it was unlike the DC to not let anyone know if he was running late. Maybe it was Kent's way of punishing him. He wouldn't have blamed his DC if he did.

Chandler grimaced in pain and self-loathing as the memories of their fight replayed in his mind over and over again. Once again, he had taken out his frustration on the person closest to him as he reacted badly to the fact that Kent found out about his estranged relationship with his father. He hated that Kent knew. Even worse, he hated himself for hurting Kent when he was only trying to help him face his past as well as to overcome it. There was no brushing aside the fact that Chandler had acted like a cruel and heartless bastard. How could he have acted that way towards Kent, of all people? He wouldn't have treated anyone on his staff the way he had treated his youngest DC. Because it was Kent, his emotions had run high and he couldn't control the harsh words that spewed from his mouth. What exactly did Kent mean to him? Chandler was clearly attracted to him physically, as well as emotionally. Was it because he was truly in love with his detective constable that he had reacted so badly? He was confused now more than ever.

Although Kent knew about his previous demons, the fact he now knew about his past made Chandler feel raw and exposed, as if he had lost the last remaining piece of armor he had left to protect himself from his true feelings for him. When Kent went behind his back to find out about his past, it had hurt him deeply. If he had really been honest with himself, he would have realized immediately that Kent never had any evil intentions. But he had reacted without thinking; almost like a frightened cornered animal that was desperate to get away from danger when threatened. And as always, his first reaction whenever he felt he was cornered was to lash out in anger. But even in his blind anger, Chandler couldn't ignore the hurt and confusion in Kent's eyes.

Chandler looked at his phone and was about to call Kent again for what seemed like the millionth time, but resisted the urge. Instead, he sat down at his desk and began counting the colored tacks on his desk as he felt his control beginning to slip. He couldn't be thinking about his personal life during working hours. Thinking about his relationship with Kent was making him lose sight of his duties and responsibilities. He had a job to do. He had always been able to put aside his personal issues and perform his job, in spite of how he was feeling emotionally. So why was it that he couldn't he focus on a single damn thing?

After a few minutes, Miles entered his office to drop off a historical file, catching the DI at a bad time.

"Miles, haven't you ever heard of knocking?" he replied in irritation.

"Aren't WE in a pissy mood this morning?" the DS shot back. "What's the matter?"

"Kent hasn't reported in yet. It's not like him to be so late for work."

"Don't worry about the lad. Maybe he overslept or something. After all, we did work late last night. No need to get your knickers in a twist."

"Who said I was worried?" Chandler replied defensively.

Miles pointed his gaze towards the colored tacks aligned in perfect formation and sorted by color on the DI's desk. He had seen this behavior once too often and knew what it meant.

"Why don't you try calling him?"

"Don't you think I've done that already? He's not responding to any of my messages."

"Hmmm. That's not like Kent. Come to think of it, he was unusually quiet yesterday. Maybe he's avoiding you."

"It was a Sunday and we all had to work over time. Everyone was out of sorts," Chandler replied quickly.

"Including you, sir."

"Miles, if you have something to say, I wish you would just come out and say it."

"Fine. I think you should go and apologize to Kent for whatever happened between you two."

"Why do you always assume that I'm the one at fault?"

"You usually are," Miles retorted without hesitation. "Isn't that what happened last time as well when Kent left your office in anger?"

"I didn't realize you were keeping score. And anyway, why should I be the one to apologize first?"

"Because it's probably just as much your fault as it his. And you'll never be satisfied until you've cleared the air between you two. And, because I can't stand it when you're this moody."

"I can't apologize to him if he's avoiding my calls."

"Then apologize when he shows up. God almighty, you act like such a girl sometimes," Miles said as a matter of fact, and left the DI's office.

When Kent finally came into the office later that morning, he didn't even bother to check in with Chandler to give an excuse for his tardiness. He couldn't really blame the younger man for avoiding him. His heart constricted tightly in his chest as he could tell even from his office that Kent's eyes were red, no doubt from crying. But there was a different look in them today. One could almost describe it as a look of hopelessness that he never thought he would see. Chandler was going to call him into his office to check on him, but decided against it. He would give Kent his space and leave him alone for now. Maybe he would be in a better mood by the end of the day.

"Could I talk to you?" Kent's voice asked from the door of Chandler's office.

He had waited until everyone left for the evening before confronting the DI. Kent knew that he couldn't hide from him forever. Chandler got up from his desk and walked over to him.

"I've been worried about you all day," Chandler said softly, his voice reflecting concern.

"I'm sorry for being late. I was busy with something."

"Like avoiding my text and voice messages?"

The DC lowered his gaze to the floor guiltily. He had read each text and heard each voice message, but didn't respond for fear that he might change his mind.

"That was rude of me. I apologize."

"I should be the one apologizing. I was angry yesterday and I took it out on you. I didn't mean what I said."

"Yes, you did," Kent automatically corrected him.

Chandler's face reflected surprise that Kent was so direct with his assessment of the situation.

"Nevertheless, it was no excuse for the way I behaved. I'm sorry, Kent. Please say that you'll forgive me."

Kent's thoughts were unreadable as he took a moment to discern if Chandler's intentions were genuine. In his eyes, he found that the DI was truly remorseful for his actions.

"Apology accepted."

"Really?"

The younger man sighed in resignation. "Really."

"Thank you. What was it that you wanted to talk about?"

Kent handed him a thin stack of papers in a manila folder. "I need your signature on this requisition. It's urgent."

Chandler scanned the papers and looked up at Kent in shock and disbelief. He had not anticipated this chain of events.

"You can't be serious about this. Is this some sort of twisted joke?"

"I'm dead serious. I want to be transferred to another division, effective immediately."

"I didn't think you were the type of person to act so rashly. I know you must still be angry, but…"

"Give me a little credit, would you?" Kent interrupted him abruptly. "This is not about my hurt feelings. I'm not that petty. You ought to know that by now."

"Then what the hell is this all about? And what about us?" he demanded tossing the requisition papers haphazardly on his desk, not caring for once that it disturbed his orderly arrangement. "Or did that play any part in your sudden decision?"

"You should be thanking me for giving you a way out. Now, you won't have to be inconvenienced by this relationship anymore."

"Don't play games with me, Kent. Just tell me why you're doing this."

"Do you really want to know why I don't wish to continue with this farce of a relationship? It's quite simple. You continue to take out your frustrations on me when all I've ever wanted was to be with you. You tell me that you want to be with me and yet you keep me at arm's length when things get too uncomfortable for you. You refuse to let me be part of your life because you won't allow yourself to love me. And you dare ask me why?"

"I've been trying to change my ways. Doesn't that tell you that I want us to be together?"

"You have a funny way of showing it. Do you always accuse people that you want to be with of manipulating your emotions?"

"I never said I was perfect," Chandler replied quietly. "I thought you understood that."

"I understand more than you give me credit for. Did I make demands on you? Did I once ever ask you to change for me?"

Chandler lowered his gaze to the floor and replied "You didn't have to."

"Joe, I know you're trying and I appreciate it because you did it for my sake, but I'm afraid it's not enough," Kent answered sadly. "Not anymore. I can't keep doing this. And working with you day after day knowing that you may never be able to give me what I need is slowly killing me. I thought things would get better after our stay in Somerset. I even thought that…"

Kent stopped in mid-sentence, not wanting to admit that he believed that Chandler was beginning to fall in love with him. "Things have changed."

"Are you saying that you don't love me anymore?" Chandler asked meeting Kent's eyes, his voice trembling slightly with fear and uncertainty.

"I will always love you, Joe. But I'm only human. There's only so much that I can take. I've given you every chance to reciprocate my feelings, but you won't trust me. Not with your past and not with your heart. And every time I try to reach out to you, you slam the door in my face. Even before we were dating, you took your frustrations out on me when I was only trying to protect you. I'm tired of trying and getting nothing in return. And I'm tired of being your emotional punching bag."

"I won't let you do this!" Chandler replied vehemently, grabbing Kent's shoulders. "I won't let you throw away everything we have together."

Kent lowered his eyes to the floor again, not being able to meet Chandler's gaze.

"I'm afraid you can't stop me. I'm not blaming you for everything. You can't help the way you feel. I was naïve to think that loving you was enough to make up for the fact that you could never commit yourself to me."

Chandler reached over to gently grab Kent's chin, forcing him to meet his gaze.

"I've never cared for anyone the way that I care about you. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to admit that I had feelings for you, Kent? Does that even mean anything to you?"

Kent pulled away, not being able to bear his touch for fear that he would change his mind about leaving.

"Of course I realize that. But you're not willing to give all of yourself to me. As long as that's the case, it will always come between us. And you will always have that option open to leave me if you wanted to. I'm sorry, but I can't live that way anymore. I won't."

Chandler had a completely lost look in his eyes. He couldn't lose Kent, but if he gave in to his true heart's desire, he would lose the control that had ruled his entire existence up to this point in his life. He knew that that Kent had every right to leave, and he was in no position to make demands when he was the one that had driven Kent to his decision. He had no business asking Kent to give him a second chance, but he had to try.

"Tell me what I have to do to change your mind. Tell me what will make you stay."

Kent looked at Chandler straight in the eyes, challenging him to meet his needs.

"Tell me that you want me to be a part of your life. Tell me that you love me enough to let go of your fears and insecurities. Tell me that you want to be with me in every way. If you can do that, I'll tear these papers up right now."

Kent was still giving him a chance, in spite of everything. But even with that reprieve, Chandler couldn't do what Kent was asking, no matter how much he wanted to. Kent stared at him with a pained look in his eyes as Chandler's damning silence gave away his answer.

A heavy silence permeated the small office as neither of them said anything.

"I'll have these forms submitted first thing in the morning," Chandler replied quietly.

There was nothing else left to say. When Kent had left the building, Chandler turned around and angrily swiped his arm across his desk causing everything on the surface to scatter randomly across the floor. He collapsed into his chair and leaned forward, raking his hands through his hair and hung his head down in abject defeat. He could have stopped this from happening. He should have stopped it, but his stubbornness and reluctance to put his trust in Kent prevented him from following his heart yet again. Now he knew without a shadow of doubt that he loved Kent. But his revelation came a little too late. Kent was leaving. And he had no one to blame, but himself.

"Joe? What are you doing here?" Rose Chandler asked in concern as her nephew burst in through the door to his family estate in Somerset later that same night, as he entered into the living room. "You look like hell. What's the matter?"

Chandler collapsed into the nearest armchair. He had driven non-stop ever since Kent dropped his bombshell on him.

"He's leaving me, Aunt Rose," he replied quietly, staring out vacantly into the fireplace with his head leaning against the back cushion of the armchair, facing away from her. After he finished cleaning up his office, he just started driving until he ended up in Somerset.

"Emerson? But why?"

"It's my fault. I drove him away. I not only broke his heart, I made him leave the job that he loves, as well. I knew something like this going to happen again. I just knew it."

"What did you do, Joe?" the older woman asked suspiciously.

"We had a fight. I got mad at Kent for digging up my past and learning about father. I accused him of using that knowledge to manipulate me in our relationship."

"Bollocks! What utter rubbish!"

Chandler turned his attention towards the older woman who had placed her clenched fists against her hips angrily.

"I beg your pardon?" he replied in confusion.

"For your information young man, I was the one that insisted that he know about what happened to you. If you want to be angry at someone, then blame me. Emerson didn't think it would be right for me to tell you. He was worried that it would cause a rift between us. I told him that it would be all right."

Chandler stared in incredulous disbelief at the one person who had been the tiny bit of light in his youth.

"How could you do that to me? I trusted you."

"I did it for you," the older woman replied softly. "Joe, Emerson needed to know. He only wanted to understand."

"He told me that…and I didn't believe him. I didn't want to believe him. I've made such a mess of everything."

"I've always thought you were your own worst enemy. Every time you have a chance for happiness, you sabotage yourself with your negative thoughts and feelings of worthlessness."

"They're not without merit."

"I've never for a moment believed that and Emerson obviously doesn't either. Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked me if there was a chance that you would ever change for him."

"I can't change my ways. I tried to tell him that, but he never understood."

"It's too late, Joe. You already have changed. Being with Emerson has changed you, whether you realize it or not."

"What am I going to do? I don't want him to leave."

"Are you talking personally or professionally?"

"Both," Chandler admitted softly.

"You can't make a person stay if he wants to leave. But that doesn't mean you can't try to change his mind."

"I don't know if I can do it. What if I try to convince him to stay and he still wants to leave?"

The older woman went over to her nephew to tilt his chin up. "I have faith in you, Joe. If you really love Emerson, you'll know what you need to do. Your father didn't know what he was missing by not being a part of your life. He's taken away so much from you. Don't let what he did in the past keep you from a chance at happiness now."

After a moment of contemplation, Chandler got up to leave when she stopped him.

"You're going back now? You can't leave in your condition. I bet you haven't even eaten yet."

"I'm really not hungry right now. Besides, I should get back to London."

"Why don't you stay tonight? I'll make you something myself since the kitchen staff has already retired for the evening."

"I appreciate the thought, but I've caused enough trouble for one day. Don't worry. I'll be all right."

Chandler reached over and gave his aunt a warm hug.

"Thank you, Aunt Rose."

"You can thank me by bringing back Emerson the next time you visit."

"Emerson, don't you think that enough is enough?" Jed asked as the three flat mates gathered together for supper the following night.

"Don't you like what I made?"

"That's not what Jed's talking about and you know it," Will chimed in.

"Not you too. Look, I tried my best to make it work with Joe. But it's over now. End of story."

"You always were a terrible liar. You're still in love with him, aren't you?" Jed replied suspiciously.

"I appreciate your concern; both of you. But frankly, it's none of your business. He made his decision and I made mine. And in two weeks' time, I'll finally be free. We both will."

"You can't fool us. Face it, Emerson. You're not dealing with the problem. You're running away from it."

"You really have no idea what you're talking about. And I'm not in the mood to share the details of my failed relationship."

"Will's right you know. If you're willing to throw in the towel after one fight, how do you expect to make it when times are really tough? Being in a relationship takes work and commitment. Weren't you always telling us that running away never solves anything?"

Kent was silent as he absorbed his flat mates' words of wisdom.

"You two picked a great time to make sense," Kent replied begrudgingly.

"Just have another go at it. At least talk to him. What have you got to lose?

"Everything. Even if I changed my mind, I couldn't. He's already submitted the papers for my transfer."

"Do you really want to leave the Whitechapel division? After all, that's where you first started off."

"I don't want to leave. I have to."

"Kent, we need to talk," Chandler said to the DC as he caught him leaving the witness room.

"I'm sorry, but I'm on my way out," he replied quickly, not wanting to be alone with the DI.

"Please?"

Kent looked up into his eyes and silently cursed Chandler for his mysterious way of making people fall for him.

"I'll meet you on the roof in five minutes."

Kent stared after Chandler as he walked down the stairs back to his office. What could he possibly want to talk about now?

Kent shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and let out a sigh of apprehension. He was so engrossed in his own thoughts that he didn't hear Chandler come up behind him. When he put a hand on his shoulder, Kent literally jumped back in surprise.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

"What did you want to talk about, as if I couldn't already guess?"

"I just want to talk. I agreed to sign the approval of your requisition for a transfer, Kent. I don't agree with your decision, but I respect your wishes."

"How noble of you," Kent retorted sarcastically. The sarcasm dripping from his voice was uncharacteristic of the usually amiable and accommodating DC. "Is that the only reason why you wanted to talk to me?"

Chandler felt his heart twist in pain. To think he had caused Kent to react this way, saddened him greatly.

"We only have two weeks left together before your last day. Couldn't we have a truce until then? For the sake of keeping the peace and our sanity?"

"You mean you're not going to try to stop me?" Kent asked in surprise. A little part of him was also bothered by the fact that Chandler wasn't going to even put up a fight.

"I have no right to keep you here if you're not happy. A good supervisor puts the need of his subordinates above his own wishes. What do you say?"

"All right," Kent replied softly. "I don't want to fight with you anymore."

"Neither do I. In fact, that's the furthest thought from my mind."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, now that we have a truce, it leaves me free to do everything I can to try to change your mind."

"Meaning what, exactly?"

"You're being very suspicious. Don't you trust me?"

"No," Kent replied automatically, making Chandler smile, in spite of the circumstances. Kent felt his heart flutter when he smiled at him. Chandler took out what looked like several business cards from inside his breast pocket of his blazer and handed them to Kent.

"These are for you."

Kent hesitated briefly before taking them from Chandler's hand. Their eyes met when their fingers touched after exchanging the cards. The electricity between them was as strong as ever, much to Kent's dismay.

"Damn it! Why can't I stop myself from reacting to him?" Kent silently cursed himself for having succumbed to a moment of weakness.

"Um…what are these for?" Kent replied awkwardly as he attempted to gather his composure.

"Pick out one and read it."

"The bearer of this card has the right to ask for anything of the issuing party as long as it is within reason and the issuing party has the ability to grant the bearer's request. I don't understand. What's the meaning of this?"

"There are four different requests for each of these cards in the set I handed to you to be used at your discretion. Each request can only be used once. They will expire in two weeks' time…before your last day here. You can use them whenever you wish and I will do everything I can to honor them."

"You're trying to bribe me into staying?"

"I'm asking you to give me a chance to persuade you to change your mind."

"Do you really think this will change the way things are between us?"

"I'm hoping like hell," Chandler admitted reluctantly.

Kent looked through the cards and gave some serious thought to his request, as Chandler looked on anxiously.

"It's very creative, I'll give you that much."

"Does this mean you'll give me a chance?"

"I can't make any promises…but I'm willing to try."

He reached up to touch Kent's cheek ever so gently. "Thank you."

Kent's heart beat unevenly as he watched Chandler leave. He hoped he was making the right decision. Only time would tell.

To Be Continued

A/N:I honestly don't know how the paperwork process works within the UK police system or how long it takes, so my apologies if I am misinformed.

Looks like there will be at least another chapter. You can thank another fellow author "agirlinherhead" :) (oops! I meant "jerseybelle". Sorry jerseybelle!)

Hope I have enough time and energy to finish this project. This has indeed been a labor of love. As always, thanks for reading.