Chapter 11

I take one last breath before deciding to take a walk to let my anger at everything that is happening drain. I walk around the building a few times and sit on the curb twisting the watch on my wrist. It's stained with blood, I'm not even sure how that happened and I shudder at possibilities. I hear someone behind me and whip around, expecting Tobias. Evelyn wears a proud grin which makes me even angrier than I was before. She thinks that one fight, no not a fight, disagreement will split us apart? I'm angry but my anger isn't going to push Tobias and I to end the relationship that has been developing for months.

"hello, Evelyn."

"Tris."

"Can I help you?"

Evelyn stands taller, "I feel like you should be aware of the fact that you are not a permanent fixture in Tobias's life. That should be very obvious given the events of a few moments ago."

"Tobias and I love each other. I won't be going anywhere, any time soon." I tried so hard to let my anger go, worked so much to make sure that I could remain selfless and polite to everyone I meet. And Evelyn just threw all the work out the window.

"You are a replaceable girlfriend, you will go away at some point. I'm sure you are one of many. But I'm his mother, I won't go anywhere. I recommend you leave now, while you still have a chance of being reunited with the other Abnegation. I heard that they went to Amity for refuge. Tobias belongs here, you do not."

How dare she? "I'm not leaving." I stare at Evelyn, "and you did go. You left him to Marcus who had to raise him without a mother. You are not his mother, yes you gave birth to him, but you didn't love him or care about him like most mothers do." I feel tears sting my eyes at the mention of my mother, I blink them away, "I won't just leave him like you did. I am here for him no matter what, you don't even deserve to have him as a son, Evelyn. He is intelligent, and kind, and honest, and brave, and sweet, and loving, and just absolutely perfect. I am truly sorry you didn't get to see him grow into such an amazing person...And...And I love him, and I am not just going to disappear on him when times get hard."

Evelyn snickers at me, "you think you know Tobias, but you don't. You don't know anything about him. I know my son and you will be gone from his life once he realizes he doesn't need you."

"I don't know him?" I scoff at her, she just doesn't understand what Tobias and I have. I take a sharp breath, "I know more about him then you ever could. I know that his favorite color is the color of the sky, I know that he loves rainy days because he likes the sound. I know that his favorite day of the year is April 6, because it was the day that he first met me. I know that he loves his chicken a little burnt on the ends and he always eats his peas his eyes closed because he hates the taste. I know that when he wakes up early in the morning his hair sticks up in the back and that he still sings his ABCs when he brushes his teeth...I know that he loves my laughter even though I hate it, I know that he thinks I am beautiful even when I'm not, and I know that I am madly in love with him and I wonder every day why Tobias Eaton is in love with me." I glance at Evelyn, "I think it's best if you left Tobias and I alone, from now on."

Evelyn purses her lips together, "when this entire relationship ends you are going to realize that you were wrong about him. And you are going to wish you had listened to me when this conversation began, Beatrice."

"I hope Tobias sees you for the woman you are, manipulative, selfish, and completely replaceable." I don't wait for her to respond to what I have said. I turn on my heel and walk to the doors of the building but stop short. Was he standing here this entire time? I stare at Tobias and see that the anger within his eyes. Is he upset that I spoke against Evelyn? Did he realize that he could have a beautiful woman, not a little girl? I take a breath before running past Tobias and Uriah to the roof at the top.

A million questions run through my head. What if Evelyn was right? What if Tobias sees me for the little girl that I am? I stand at the top of the roof and look down at the street below, my mother is down there somewhere, rotting. I'm up here, on the verge of tears over a boy and my entire world is crumbling around me. Where is my father? Where is Caleb? Everything is falling apart because of one person's greed and thirst for power. How can one thing just toss my world into complete chaos?

I feel the air shift around me, "Tobias?"

Tobias stands next to me and put his hands in his pockets, "I heard what you said to my mother..."

Everything that has ever happened in my life crashes down on me in this second. All the frustration of growing up in Abnegation, all the stress of my Aptitude test, Caleb's betrayal, my fear of being Divergent, my uncertainty of my relationship with Tobias, my mother's death, my father's disappearance, every raw emotion I have felt. I open my mouth to respond to Tobias and instead end up fighting tears. "I should go, Tobias."

"Don't listen to what she said, Tris. Tris," Tobias looks at me, "I love you. My mother deserved that." Tobias kisses me lightly on the lips, but holds me close to him, "it's okay to cry, Tris. So much has happened to you, I wouldn't think anything less of you if you cried. I would think you were strong, it takes bravery to cry, Tris."

"I don't feel brave, I feel like a coward, I feel small, I feel like I'm not enough."

Tobias kisses my temple, "Tris, don't worry about any of that, just know that I love you and that is all that matters."

I nod and stand in Tobias's embrace until I feel his grip on me loosen, "we should go inside. We need to get to Dauntless soon."

Uriah twirls a knife between his fingers, I watch carefully as it twists and turns between his hand and never once makes contact with his skin, but the blade comes alarmingly close. How is he so comfortable with this? Would I be this comfortable with it, if I was in Dauntless? Uriah glances at me, "you're small."

I resist rolling my eyes, first Edward now Uriah? Is everyone determined to undervalue me for my stature? "I will tell you what I told Edward, small doesn't mean deficient."

Uriah puts his hands up in mock surrender, "apparently it means feisty...We need to go, there should be some guns lying around from soldiers who somehow are incapacitated or dead." Uriah glances at me and must see my question. Uriah frowns, "no one was really ever fighting back, but Eric hates certain people and took them out knowing how they couldn't fight him back."

"Eric?" Tobias questions.

"That's one of our leaders. A violent, manipulative, sadistic person. Change into something black from the Factionless, if you look Dauntless and mindless they won't question us. In that grey you have targets literally on your back."

I start sifting through the dirt and trash lining the floor of the room we are in. I come across a large black shirt and toss it to Tobias along with a pair of dark jeans. I force myself to continue going through the scattered litter instead of allowing my eyes to wander over Tobias. I finally find a pair of jeans that I hope fit and a long sleeved shirt that I know will be to large for me. I turn to the boys, "I am going to change now."

Uriah nods and continues looking at me, Tobias growls and hits Uriah in the head and turns him around. Both boys stand with their backs to me as I change as quickly as possible. The pants hang off my hips and I find a piece of fabric and use it as a belt, rolling the sleeves up but the shirt clings to my body in a way that almost makes me feel naked. Hopefully the belt ensures that my pants won't fall to the ground and I won't look too out of place. "You can turn around now."

Tobias look at me and smiles. I feel my cheeks warm at the fact that he can now see every curve of my body, not that there are that many. Uriah snickers, "okay you guys can flirt or whatever the Abnegation call this process of smiling at each other...When you guys smile at each other does that make you married?"

"No, it does not." I snap, Tobias laughs under his breath. He kisses me for a brief moment, but within it, full of passion and love and this new tingling bubbles forth form my stomach.

Uriah gasps, "you guys kiss like that?"

Tobias quirks an eyebrow at Uriah, "how do you think all these little Abnegation kids get here?"

Uriah nods as if Tobias has just told him why the sky is blue, "well there are a lot of them, so that is a valid point."

"We need to go, boys." I strap the knife Uriah gave us to the inside of my belt as we head outside into the cold air. We walk to the trains, "jump on," Uriah hollers from the left of me.

I follow his lead and run along the train, pulling ourselves in with ease. I don't know if I trust Uriah, but for the time being he has made me laugh once or twice. Maybe if we were in Dauntless together we could have become friends. I try to forget about my mother for a moment and focus on this exhilarating feeling that being on this train gets me. I glance at Tobias then shift my focus to the city blurring past my eyes.

What does it take for our worlds to fall apart like this? Better yet, what does it take to drive someone to do this?

I just wish that the answer was simpler than what my life has turned into.