Okay all here's a crack fic for all of you. I know that my crack is usually total crack, but I do hope you all enjoy this. Thanks to everyone that reviews and all that jazz.
I'm sorry that it's taken me ages to update but life has been rather hectic for me lately, so I haven't been jumping at my laptop for a while. I've been rather busy helping my poor Mom to clean up the entire house. I'm not sure when I'll be updating next, but I try to make it a habit to update at least once or twice a month. You see my Mom is having surgery and she won't be allowed to move around a lot afterwards, so I will be (unfortunately as it were) taking over the household until she's up and about. I apologise to all of you that have to wait for my updates, and I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Thanks for your patience everyone.
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The Mission in The Make Out Bar.
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Sasuke, Sakura and Sai were waiting at the team seven meeting spot, the bridge, for Kakashi. Of course Kakashi was late. The weird part was that Naruto was late too. That was when the trio saw Naruto running towards them, his face set in a look of absolute horror and fear. His eyes were wide and teary as he ran straight up to Sasuke and moved the statuesque raven, to stand behind him. There Naruto cowered.
Sasuke, Sakura and Sai all looked at Naruto.
"What's wrong with you Dickless?" Sai asked.
"Yeah Dobe, for once I actually agree with him." Sasuke added. Naruto shook his head fearfully and carried on hiding behind Sasuke.
"Naruto it can't be that bad. Whatever it is." Sakura quipped.
"It's bad Sakura-Chan. It's so bad that I don't even want to talk about it." Naruto squeaked out.
"Come on Naruto what could be so bad?" Sakura asked.
"We've got a mission." Naruto replied.
"We usually have missions Dobe. Doesn't mean that you have to get traumatised." Sasuke stated.
"This is different." Naruto said quietly.
"Why?" Sai asked.
"Baa-Chan is so evil. How could she do this to us?" Naruto squeaked out.
"What mission is it?" Sakura asked.
"!" Naruto shot out quickly. Then carried on hiding behind Sasuke.
"What?" The trio asked. Naruto trembled.
"They want us to go undercover in a make out bar as prostitutes." Naruto said more slowly.
Sasuke, Sakura and Sai all gave Naruto strange looks. Sai didn't understand the implications, and Sasuke and Sakura both thought Naruto was joking. That was when Kakashi arrived with Jiraiya.
"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura yelled at Kakashi.
"I was in a meeting with the Hokage and it ran over." Kakashi replied.
"LIAR!" Sakura yelled.
"Why is Naruto hiding behind Sasuke?" Jiraiya asked.
"I'm not doing it Ero-Sennnin. I'm NOT doing it!" Naruto yelled. He still hid behind Sasuke. Sasuke tried to move to the side. Naruto moved with him. He moved to the other side, Naruto still moved back behind him. At this point Sasuke just shrugged and gave up, allowing the blond to cower behind him without complaint.
"It's because he overheard you talking about an undercover mission to a make out bar. Which is ridiculous because we're underage." Sakura stated. Kakashi and Jiraiya looked at each other without saying a word. Sasuke and Sakura glared at the two elder males.
"I'm not going to a make out bar." Sasuke stated blandly.
"Well you'll have to take it up with the Hokage because she's already given you the mission." Kakashi replied. Sasuke squared his shoulders defiantly.
"Fine I will." Sasuke said. Sakura, Sai and Naruto looked at their teammate in surprise. Naruto didn't carry on hiding behind Sasuke as the raven walked off towards the Hokage tower.
"Should we follow him?" Sai asked.
"Why?" Sakura asked.
"Because he's going to die. We might as well view his last moments." Jiraiya stated. Naruto and Kakashi were already walking ahead. Sakura and Sai shrugged as they, along with Jiraiya followed after them.
They watched Sasuke walk into the Hokage Tower, they waited outside, under Tsunade's open office window. They heard her office door slam open.
"I am not going to go to a make out bar for a mission!" They heard Sasuke yell.
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU BRAT? YOU'RE GOING ON THAT MISSION AND YOU'LL LIKE IT YOU DUCK IMPRESSIONIST!" Tsunade yelled.
"I WILL NOT YOU OLD HAG!" Sasuke yelled back. That was when the group heard a large thump. Then they waited and after a few minutes, Tsunade came out of the Hokage Tower, dragging an unconscious Uchiha behind her.
"Take him and get going on the mission. Just because he complained you dress him in a purple leather mini dress." Tsunade hissed. She threw the Uchiha at the group and no one said another word.
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The group (plus an unconscious Uchiha) were all in the red light district of the city shopping for clothing for their mission. Sakura glared as Kakashi tried picking out clothes for them. Naruto hid behind Sakura. Sai was just... Sai. Kakashi and Jiraiya were looking at the emotionless boy curiously.
"Does he really need a new outfit? He's already dressed like a male prostitute." Kakashi stated.
"He's easily recognisable in that outfit." Jiraiya replied. Sakura and Naruto both cringed.
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That evening (with a conscious Uchiha) the group were outside the make out bar. All of them were wearing very weird outfits. Sakura was dressed in a red leather cat suit. Sai was dressed in blue leather pants and tank top. Naruto was dressed in a black leather bodysuit and Sasuke was wearing the purple leather mini dress. Sasuke was in a foul mood. Poor Naruto was being led around on a lead in handcuffs and Sakura felt almost sorry for him. That was until he decided to open his mouth.
"Hey Teme, you make a good looking girl." Naruto stated. Sakura sighed as Sasuke whacked him upside the head. Sai just blinked and watched with a slight tinge of amusement in his eyes.
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They entered the make out bar and Kakashi (dressed in full pimp mode with giant gold chains and everything else) sat down in a booth. Sasuke and Sakura were both standing up. Somehow, Sasuke was wearing purple leather hooker boots and he was not a happy man. Sakura tried her best to just accept her situation. At least what she was wearing wasn't revealing. Then again it clung to her like a second skin so she couldn't really be thankful about that.
Kakashi had Naruto sitting on the floor at his feet, and Sai sat on Kakashi's left side. That was when a big looking male made his way over to them.
"Hey how much for the pretty girl in the purple dress?" The guy said. Sasuke felt his fists clench in anger as he tried to keep his cool.
"Or I'll take the little gimp off of your hands for a good price. He's got such cute blue eyes." The man stated.
Sakura's eyes went wide when the group heard the chirping of birds. She looked to see Sasuke with a Chidori formed in his hand. "No Sasuke!" Sakura tried but failed to get the raven to stop. The bar erupted into chaos.
"I'LL SHOW YOU GIRL YOU DIRTY OLD BASTARD!" Sasuke yelled.
"AND I'LL SHOW YOU TO TRY AND PICK ON INNOCENT DOBES!" He added. Sakura sighed as she saw Sasuke beat the crap out of the male. After smashing a few tables and a giant crater in the floor with his Chidori. Naruto just sat there wide-eyed and innocently.
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The group were in Tsunade's office that evening.
"So you managed to complete your mission even though Sasuke destroyed a whole make out bar?" Tsunade asked.
"It just so turns out that the guy who wanted Sasuke's and Naruto's asses was the one we were looking for." Kakashi replied. Naruto was officially hiding behind Sakura again. Sai stayed neutral, while Sasuke practically growled.
"Oh well. At least I got my specialist brand Sake and you caught that pickpocket at the bar." Tsunade replied. Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto all stared wide eyed at Tsunade.
"This was all about a pick pocket and Sake?" Sakura asked.
"Yeap!" Tsunade replied.
"You made us dress up as prostitutes and gimps for Sake and a pick pocket?" Sasuke asked, too shocked to even yell.
"Yeap!" Tsunade replied.
That was when the group saw red chakra emanating from Naruto. His eyes were red and slitted.
"I JUST HAD THE MOST TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE BECAUSE YOU WANTED SPECIALIST SAKE?" Naruto screamed.
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Jiraiya was sat outside the Hokage Tower in a tree, watching events unfold in the office.
"RASENGAN!" Naruto yelled.
"NO NARUTO SHE'S THE HOKAGE!" Sakura yelled.
"YOU CAN'T KILL THE HOKAGE DOBE!" Sasuke yelled.
"Yeah dickless. I thought you wanted to be Hokage." Sai quipped.
"SHUT UP YOU FREAKING EMOTIONALLY RETARDED ASSHOLE!" Naruto yelled.
Jiraiya snickered to himself as he wrote notes into a new notebook. On the front of the notebook was a title.
S&M Icha Icha for Gimps and Hoes!
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The next day, the group were waiting at the bridge again. All of them wearing their regular clothing. Except for Sai, who seemed to have taken to his blue leather pants and tank top. He had also added a spiked collar and wrist bands to the ensemble.
"So Sasuke how comes you got so mad at that dude? It was an undercover mission." Naruto asked.
"Because you're way too innocent to get all the implications Dobe." Sasuke replied.
"Awe you were protecting our little Naru-Chan." Sakura cooed.
"I think I might go to that make out bar again. It was very interesting." Sai stated. The group stared at him wide eyed before falling over anime style and fainting.
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Kakashi arrived. He didn't hear the usual shouts that accompanied his late entrance. That's when he noticed three of his squad collapsed on the ground and Sai standing there looking at them in confusion.
"What happened Sai?" Kakashi asked.
"I told them I was going to go to the make out bar again. Then they just fell over and haven't moved since." Sai replied.
"How long have they been like this?" Kakashi asked.
"Four hours. I tried poking them with sticks but it didn't work." Sai replied. Kakashi sighed deeply.
"We'd better take them to the hospital." Kakashi stated. Sai just helped to carry his teammates to the hospital without complaining. Jiraiya was still watching them whilst scribbling in his notebook.
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Okay all, I hope you enjoyed that. It was very random. I know it was. Please R&R and tell me what you think.