Chapter 11

Hephaestion

I wake sometime in the afternoon by the look of the sun. My servant had brought me food some time earlier and even though it was cold I eat it. I had not eaten since early the day before and was starving. I called the servant over telling him to go and bring me all the maps and scrolls from our last battle. I had been contemplating organizing these items and figured it would keep me busy for some time keeping my mind off Alexander and Bagoas and Clitus…

As I went through the baskets of scrolls and maps I used any and all surfaces in my room to create piles. The bed was where I was placing the maps, my desk had different piles of notes and correspondences, the floor was covered with open scrolls waiting to be examined and placed in its appropriate pile. Reading through the material and establishing a sensible way to organize them was time consuming but by day three I had a logical system going and was moving along quickly. I had not been bothered by anyone and had not needed to cut myself, but I had not left my room either nor had anyone came to visit me.

By night fall of the third day as I was digging through drawers and baskets for extra candles to light so I might continue to work my door opens with a rush sending papers closest to the door floating through the air. I bent down to pick them up and put them back in their proper place looking to see who would barge in without knocking. It was Alexander. I smiled, wanting to show and tell him all that I had been doing.

"Ahhh Alexander I am so glad you are here, look at what I have done, I think it will help us in our future endeavors." I exclaimed excitedly.

Alexander looked around my room it was a mess for sure but organizing always starts off in utter chaos.

"This is why I have not seen you in three days?" Alexander slurred.

I could smell the wine coming from him; he was drunk.

"I thought…." I began to explain myself

Alexander walks through the papers on the floor stepping on them and sending them about.

He grabs me around the waist and begins kissing me, pulling my chiton up. I pushed him away angrily. "Alexander I have been working on this for many days, be careful where you step" I cried in frustration.

I was so angry at his audacity and not prepared for the direct punch to the cheek just below my eye. I stumbled backwards falling against my desk sending the paper piles down in an avalanche. Alexander takes a step towards me; taking my chiton by the hem pulling it up over my head.

He takes my hips and lifts me up slamming me down on to the desk in a sitting position sending even more papers flying off the desk. Pulling my legs apart to position himself between them, he brutally pulls my head back by my hair and begins kissing me again. I again shove at him trying to push him away from me, leaning back so I might kick at him. This only giving him the opportunity to yank my legs sending me backwards as the back of my head hits the table.

"Stop Alexander, Wait… can you just wait a minute" I cry out. He leans over me one hand on my face keeping me from sitting up the other hand is forcing his cock into me. I try to push his shoulders up and away from me as he tries to enter me. He grabs my thighs and pulls me down towards the edge of the desk I feel the wood scratch my spine. Pushing my thighs up against my chest he enters me with no preparation causing me to yell out. He continues to pound into me; I can feel my spine moving back and forth across the rough wood. I am struggling from instinct now, as he attacks me. . I am again punched in the face. I do not understand what is happening. He pulls out then grabbing my legs and twisting me so that I lay face down on the table. He holds me down by the back of my neck. He enters me again causing me to yelp, tears and blood are flowing down my face onto the papers. He pulls me up by my throat and whispers in my ear.

"Shhhh Relax Phai, it will only hurt more if you struggle"

He is right and I go limp, letting him finish. We are both quiet as he cleans himself off. I am standing, holding myself up by leaning against the desk. My back is burning from the friction of the wood and my cheek is cut and swollen from one of the many rings Alexander wears.

I can taste blood from my broken lip. My mind is racing; what did I do? Why is he mad at me? Alexander gives me a sideways look.

"Why did you make me force you Hephaistion?" he asks his voice full of guilt. He cannot look me in the eyes.

"I just wanted … you to wait" I whisper more to myself.

"We are having a meeting with all the Generals tomorrow you need to be there" he informs me as he walks out of my chambers. I look around the room, all my hard work scattered. My head is screaming, my body aching. I begin to laugh. To think, I was so scared of being raped by my fellow generals when in reality it was Alexander who would rape me. What did I do? Why would he do this to me? My laughter now turning to sobs. I drop to my knees, grabbing for my chiton crumpled on the ground. I feel around for my knife, finding it I slash my thigh feeling the sharp pain; it overshadows all my other aches and pains. I lay down among the papers drawing my knees up towards myself watching the blood drip down from my thigh onto the floor.

It is morning and I must get ready for the meeting. I wash myself from the bowl brought to my room by my servant not wanting to go to the public baths. I dress in Persian garb, a tunic and pants hiding my arms and legs. My cheek is black and blue with a gash in the center and my bottom lip is split making it difficult to drink or eat anything. I sit on the edge of my bed.

My room is in shambles maps and papers everywhere. I fondle my little knife poking each finger tip with the blade testing its sharpness. I am startled by a knock at my door; I put the knife away in my waist band and get up to answer the door. Clitus is standing there seeming as big as the doorway. He looks me up and down.

"I am here to escort you to the meeting" he claims.

"I know where the meeting is at Clitus, I do not need an escort" I inform him as I continue to stand in the doorway not letting him pass.

"What happened to your face?" he asks boldly

I smile which only breaks open my lip I lick the blood away tilting my head to one side I give Clitus a questioning look

"Is there something wrong with my face?" I ask haughtily.

"Usually no, you are often very pleasant to look at" If I was judging his reaction right Clitus almost looked bashful. I have my hand high on the door and my other on my hip leaning somewhat. My whole body is sore, my hips and back are bruised it is hard for me to walk as I usually do. He pushes pass me

"You probably deserved it with your smart mouth" I spin towards the room shutting the door behind me.

"Yes, yes I did deserve it" I say this more to myself, trying to prepare myself for when I see Alexander. Fighting with Alexander only make things worse for me I have convinced myself that I deserved it. I should not have denied Alexander.

I look up as I almost walk into Clitus's chest. He takes my chin pulling my face upward.

"Those are pretty hard hits you took, not deserving of a smart mouth" he says softly letting my chin go he looks around the room.

"What the Hades happened here?"

"I'm organizing" I state bluntly hoping he leaves it alone.

"This is your idea of organizing?" He has a questioning look on his face, shaking his head.

He begins to walk back towards the door.

"Are you ready to go?" Clitus barked I walk to the door and step into the thresh hold, hands on either side of the door. I stop. My heart is starting to race. Clitus is waiting for me just outside the door. I look up at him, knowing that the panic is registering on my face. I feel along my waist band for my knife, stepping back away from the door as I begin to shut it.

"Just give me a couple of minutes alone Clitus, I will be out in a minute" I stammer. Just one little slash and I will be able to do it. It will release the tension and then I can face Alexander. Clitus will not allow this, he burst through the door and I drop my knife.

"Leave It!" Clitus howls.

He grabs my upper arm and yanks me out the door. He takes me by my shoulders and shakes me roughly. He slams the door shut and yank's me down the hallway. The anger I feel at that moment was phenomenal, I am sick and tired of being manhandled, too many occurrences in too short a period of time. I yanked my arm free from Clitus's grip and jumping in front of him I push his chest backwards.

"Get away from me" I hissed at him.

Within seconds I am in a headlock face down. He chokes me for a second until he see's blood dripping down from my re-opened lip. Clitus yanks me to my feet and pushes me forward

"Go on then" he spats

I walk down the hall sucking on my lip to stop the bleeding. I enter the meeting room, walking through the room I nod at the men already there until I reach the back. I lean up against the wall, not wanting to sit, not really able to sit. The men are all questioning my battered face, but I give them no answer. It is none of their business. Clitus sits at the table facing me, watching me. Alexander arrives.

Alexander

My head is pounding from the many drinks the night before. I also feel a slight bit of shame for my treatment of Hephaistion. I see him standing in the back of the room leaning against the wall, his face bruised and lip swollen. He is wearing Persian garb which suits him. Even with his battered face I would fuck him on the spot. From the moment we met, I have wanted him.

He made me wait almost two years before I could claim him. Taking that time to build what I could only suspect was a true friendship. Now at the age of 23 I am overwhelmed by my responsibilities as a King. Trying to divide my time between all my commitments was becoming increasingly difficult. The drink at the end of my days helped to relax me, but also seemed to bring out my father in me. I glance again at Hephaistion. I was surrounded by people ready and willing to do as I bid maybe I wanted to take something; maybe I heard no because I wanted to hear it. I am overcome with guilt and do not glance at him again. I discuss with the generals our next move we must find Darius, many of the men want to let Darius go they feel that we have accomplished enough, that we should go home. I dismiss this quickly no if he is alive he can be obeyed. We forge ahead a plan. Debating and discussing what will come next, when we will leave. The route we will take and the potential forces we will come up against. By nightfall we are exhausted and ready to relax. The men begin to file out of the room talking of food and women and drink. Hephaistion walks past me on his way out. I stop him.

"May I speak with you a moment?" I ask tentatively.

"Of course, my King" he reply's we wait till the room is empty. I notice Clitus lingering by the door, when he sees me looking he walks off.

I turn to Hephaistion and touch his bruised cheek and lip "Does it hurt much?" I ask

"Only when I smile" Hephaistion informs me.

"I did not mean for our night together to go that way, if I had not drank so much It would not have" I begin trying to apologize without taking all the blame.

"I know" Hephaistion does not look me in the eyes when he says this.

I feel a rush to defend myself

"You hide for three days and when I go to you, you tell me No, I do not have time for your games Hephaestion. You are being selfish"

Hephaistion looks at me I can see the anger in his eyes, as he looks away.

"What Hephaistion! Say what you want to say!" I exclaim.

"I did not tell you No, I asked you to wait! I am being selfish? you are the one that took what he wanted, look at me Alexander, I have not been this bruised since my father" Hephaistion is almost panting with anger. His lip is bleeding and I reach up to wipe the blood off his chin.

He cringes away from my hand.

"I was not going to hit you Hephaistion" I say defeated, knowing that my abuse last night has brought on his reaction.

I pull him towards me, hugging him, stroking his hair. "I am sorry Hephaistion" it is all I can say.