Hiiiiii! I'm so so so so sorry to take so much time to upload! I don't know why but I kind of blocked myself and I couldn't write! But I found out that changing the background colour of the pages and changing the font type and size, the blocking goes away, so I guess it's a psychological thing or something. (Maybe it's because I'm tired and stressed because of college D: ) I'm also sorry that it's short, but I'm pretty sure you'll like it c:
Well, anyways, here you have~ No music again, just cuteness. Enjoy!
Chapter 11
Piano
"No, no, we shouldn't…" Levi whispered as he tried to move Eren away from him. After they'd lunch, he had stood up and walked towards the stairs when Eren suddenly grabbed him and pushed him towards the wall to passionately kiss him. He was overcome by the kiss, yet he stopped at some point and said those words, saddened by a large amount of reasons.
"Why not?" Eren whispered, surrounding Levi's waist with his arms and getting closer to him, despite the intentions of Levi to move him away.
"We shouldn't, alright? We just shouldn't." Levi tried to escape to Eren's affective gestures. However, Eren knew that he wasn't really trying to get away, since he wasn't even using his strength for that. Was that Levi's way to say "Please, convince me that we should"? He stopped him and asked the same question again. Levi sighed, tossing his head back and resting it on the wall. "You're fucking fifteen and you're a minor. We shouldn't." He snapped as he shoved him away. "Now where did that come from?"
Eren walked away, laughing. "You were asking for it, after being an asshole by ranting my food."
"And what do you expect when you're food tastes like crap?" Levi pointed out, completely annoyed, and his next words were suddenly shut up with another of Eren's kisses. "Stop taking advantage of my blindness!"
"No, I won't; you're giving me too many reasons." Eren guided his steps to the kitchen again to wash the dishes.
"You're constantly asking for me to beat your ass. Stop it already." Levi grumbled as he frowned. "And there are no reasons to annoy me like that." He added.
"Of course there are!" Eren screamed from the kitchen. "You complained about my food all the time during lunch; and now you've forgotten that my birthday was before retaking Wall Maria! I'm sixteen now! You deserved it!"
"Tch, stupid sixteen little shit." He finally resumed his steps up the stairs, annoyed by this new game of Eren.
Anyways, he agreed that he deserved those surprises from him and wasn't really annoyed by the kisses themselves, but more about the fact that even though he knew that Eren was notoriously willing to stay with him and reach him, he still wasn't completely comfortable with that. Nevertheless, that passionate kiss had actually been a painkiller for all those sad feelings he had when he told Eren about his past.
He'd never done that. He'd never talked someone about it except for one person, and it wasn't even to Alessa; the only person he'd ever told that story was now death. But there was Eren, overzealously juggling to cross through his barriers to reach him, full of good intentions. The truth was that he couldn't reject that, at the same time that he couldn't accept it. Why to choose him? Really, why? He couldn't get it, he truly couldn't. For him, there was no reason why Eren could ever be interested in him, a former soldier who got blind and has no future, because there was nothing for him to do now as well as to depend on others. But, talking to Eren about his past was quite a relief, because he listened and supported. He was there for him. Those words had felt like a stab in his heart, or maybe like a Cupid's touch. He couldn't know, and he couldn't decide whether to let Eren reach him or not, even though Eren seemed to be gaining too many points in his favor.
He walked into his room to lie down in the bed, leaning on his right side, caressing his own arms and thinking about the fact that they'd already slept together in the same bed for the second time, and in each of those two, it felt overwhelmingly good. It had faded the loneliness away, the darkness and all his demons. He sighed; he was confused. He was way too over confused that he'd already forgotten that they had plans for that afternoon. Eren interrupted his moment alone.
"Hey, weren't we going to the Bohemian Sub?" He said from the door of the room, waiting for a reply; but as Levi didn't answer, he approached and kneel beside the bed. "Are you even awake?" He put a hand on Levi's waist and pulled to get him on his back.
"I don't feel like going out today." Levi whispered. Eren, on the other hand, sighed and rested his forehead on the bed, trying to recharge his energies. He then looked up again.
"How do you feel, then? If it's not like going out, it must be something else." Levi turned again to face the wall, wondering how much Eren would ever be trying to meet his goal. "You're quite bipolar today. Why don't you let everything out and leave it to me?" Eren continued.
"I'm not a burden you have to bear." Levi sadly whispered, hearing another of Eren's sighs.
"God, give me strength." Eren thought before standing up. "You're right." He stated. "I do not really have to bear you, nobody really has to." He continued. "But I already told you that I want to."
"Why!? I don't get it… We both know that I'm not someone easy to stand."
"You're right again; it really isn't easy." Eren chuckled, sitting next to him and raising one of his hands to reach one of Levi's and to hold it. "You're also stubborn, blunt, unbearable and unapproachable. You're a fucking clean-freak and very uneasy to be around."
"You're not helping at all to my self esteem." Levi grumbled.
"But you also are a good and honest man. You care about people, more than anyone would imagine. You're brave, clever, scrupulous and confident. You're admirable. And most important; you've got way too many feelings about everything, because you feel everything in a too much intense way." He paused, feeling how Levi was now squeezing his hand. "Am I correct?"
It took a long moment for Levi to answer. "Yes."
"Now, let go that depression of yours and feel better, ok? Otherwise, I'll have to tickle you until you suffocate because of laughing." He softly smiled as he interlaced his fingers with Levi's, lovely holding hands. "And also, stop keeping those feelings for yourself."
"I can't help with that…"
"Entrust them to me."
Slowly, the silence was replaced by the sound of Levi standing up, Eren helping him to get down the stairs more quickly than usual and both of them leaving the house and holding their hands. Before, it was a gesture in which Eren would help Levi to go around the streets, but now, it wasn't a task anymore, but an affective gesture. They were holding hands because they wanted to, not because they had to; and it was comfortable for both of them. They headed north, to the inner door of Sina.
·
The night before had been a complete failure; not because something had gone wrong with the work they were doing, but because Alessa couldn't find the opportunity –or the courage- to talk to her father, but there was another day to try. She was thinking of how to approach him with the right words when a soldier approached her, telling her that her father was calling her and that he was up in the Wall. "Perfect." She thought before maneuvering her 3D gear to get to the top of the Wall. There, Erwin and Hanji were looking down to Shiganshina, but looked at her as she approached to see what they were looking at. "What is it?" She asked as she glanced down. Suddenly, her heart seemed to skip a beat at a first moment, only to accelerate into override out of sheer terror, riddled with a sudden rush of cold sweat, his breathing was cut short by fear.
"Hey, are you alright?" Hanji slightly touched one of her shoulders to make her react. Erwin also got close a little more.
"Yeah…" She stammered. "It's just that… I've never seen one before." She added still talking with difficulty, referring to the titans on her words. It was true; that was her first sight of them, and had been terrifying. "What… what are they doing?"
"This is why we called you." Erwin approached, hugging her slightly by her waist. "It seems that they discovered that by scratching our provisional wall, they can slowly destroy it."
"If they continue like this, they'll get through the first wall in a few hours, and in some more they'll get through the second one." Hanji added, looking down as the titans were surrounding the first wall and scratching it. "We need you to either accelerate the building process to its maximum possible, or either find a solution to this problem."
"I assume that you just can't kill them, can you?" Alessa asked.
"We can, indeed." Erwin responded. "But that'd take several loses."
It took some minutes to Alessa to get back to her usual self for trying to think of a solution. "Then, I think we can try something." She whispered to herself more than to the others, still considering several factors. "Distracting them for some minutes would take less loses. Once distracted, we strengthen the wall; for that, we can use the building materials for the definite wall and call for more to be transported here."
"What if it doesn't work? We'll be risking the whole mission and…"
"It will work." Alessa interrupted Hanji. "Believe me, we can make this work. It's a matter of timing and coordination. You people lead the titans away for some minutes, and my squad and I strengthen the walls with some concrete, every time it's needed." She sighed. "The Stationary Guard will have to get working with the cannons, though; we need to avoid more titans getting close here."
Erwin looked at his daughter carefully, especially analyzing that look she had on her eyes. They were filled with confidence, just as her mother's eyes; he didn't need anything more than that to know that she was serious, despite the fear she'd experienced minutes before. "Alright, let's give the details and the instruction to the soldiers and get everybody ready." With Erwin's words, Hanji immediately went looking after her squad, but Alessa didn't move from his position. "You do realize how dangerous it is, do you?" He asked.
"Of course I do." She answered, sweetly smiling to him. "That's why I was thinking that I should tell you how much I love you, dad."
He couldn't help smiling, not as wide as her, though. "Your mother would be as proud as I am now. You've become strong."
"No, dad. I'm not strong, I'm just mad." She shrugged. "Mad enough to get married once we finish with this."
"Wait… What?!"
"I love you dad, I'm going to call my team!"
·
Back in Sina, Levi had managed to talk with the owner of the bar, which was closed by the time they arrived, to use the piano during that afternoon, with the condition that they'd have to at least buy something there, so he bought a bottle of whisky. They both sat in front of the piano, down on the basement of the Bohemian Sub. The little windows over the stage were open for the light of the day to come in, also giving Eren the sight of the feet of the people who were walking outside on the street. Levi then started to speak quickly, more than he'd ever listened to him.
"In music, you have 7 different natural notes: Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La and Si; plus other 5 accidental notes that go between some of the naturals." Levi started, getting comfortable and giving the bottle of whisky to Eren. "Together, these 12 notes form what's called a chromatic scale. In written music, you have a stave that consists of 5 lines; each line has a different note assigned, and the spaces between them too. When tuned to Sol clef, the lower line is Mi, then the space between it and the next is Fa, and the next line is Sol, and so on." He paused for some minutes. "Are you listening?"
"Uh, yeah, I am." Eren responded, pouring a glass of whiskey for Levi, who was now his teacher.
"Anyway, we're not going through reading music sheets for obvious reasons, but if you really want to learn how to play this thing, you'll have to find a way to learn it." He continued, receiving the glass of whiskey that Eren gave him.
"I will." He said softly, smiling.
Levi left the glass over the piano and continued talking. "Now, as for the piano itself, the basics are pretty simple: the distribution of the keys is linear, meaning that it goes up the chromatic scale in order, from left to right." He explained as he moved his hands, gesticulating what he was saying. It was a normal thing for people to do, but since Levi had got blind, he'd stopped doing it, and now that Eren was seeing that again in him, he felt like if little by little Levi was returning to normal. "The white keys are the natural notes, while the black ones are accidentals. When you push a key, it moves a small hammer head that hits a tuned string; each key has its own string that's tuned to its specific note." He drank a sip from his glass of whiskey, and continued. "Tuning depends on the length and tension of the string, and needs adjustments after some time to stay in tune, but this is done by a professional, not brats."
There was a long silence, a silence in which Levi was waiting for Eren to say something, but Eren had his mind over thinking about other things. "Eren?" Levi called him after some minutes. "Eren? Are you fucking listening?"
"Yes, I am." Eren whispered. "I'm sorry; it's just that you mesmerize me…" He added, making Levi get back in surprise. "You really were onto it, it's amazing. I would have never imagined that you liked music so much."
Levi swallowed, turning his head to the other side and hiding a slight blush. "I grew up with music." He explained, getting now his hands on the keyboard. "Let's practice, then." Following his words, he started to play a simple melody with his right hand. "Here, if you get to play this today, you'll have my respect. Now, give me your right hand."
"My right hand?" Eren questioned and it took him some seconds to react to raise his hand from his lap and look for Levi's. Levi immediately took his hand and put his own over it, aligning his fingers. Meanwhile, Levi's left hand was holding his Eren's wrist.
"Now, I'm going to press over your fingers, so we'll play together. This way, I'll show you how to play the melody I want you to play, and then you'll try on your own. Got it?" Levi explained, using his left hand to guide both of their hand to the keyboard and, before Eren could answer, he started to press down Eren's fingers.
Eren reacted to move clumsily his fingers, barely getting to play what Levi was trying to show him. It wasn't because of lack of talent or any other difficulty; what was making him horribly fail at playing was that he was indeed distracted looking at Levi's hands. He'd held them lots of times, but hadn't paid enough attention to them to notice that they were small and soft, and didn't seem to be the hands of a former soldier.
"C'mon Eren, don't make me feel that I'm losing my time doing this." Levi called Eren's attention.
"I'm sorry." He replied, trying to catch up with the rhythm they were playing. Soon, his fingers were able to play the melody as Levi's fingers were guiding him and without warning, Levi moved his hands away, letting Eren play for himself. The fact that he could continue was, for him, amazing.
"Good." Levi pointed out, drinking more whiskey. "Now, continue like this as much as you can, without stopping." Eren didn't answer; he felt that if he'd say something, he'd lost the rhythm he was playing, or play the wrong key or something. He preferred to stay calm, in silence, focused on his right hand that was following the track that Levi's fingers had left for him. At some point, Levi started to play another melody with his left hand, which made him lose his own melody.
"Crap, I can't do it if you're playing too." Eren complained.
"Then how do you expect to play a song with only one hand? You have to learn to maintain one hand playing something while the other plays other notes, like this." Then, Levi started to play with both hands, keeping the melody he had been playing with his left hand while he played the one he had taught to Eren with his right hand. "See? Now start all over again." He ordered, entertaining himself with his glass of whiskey while Eren started to play again. However, any time Levi tried to add the background melody to Eren's performance, he would lose his concentration and play everything wrong.
"I'm sorry. I'm really trying." Eren apologized with a shrug, taking a moment to continue, but also noticing that Levi had already finished his first glass of whiskey.
"Maybe you need some motivation." Levi proposed, giving his empty glass to Eren so he could fill it again. "What if I offer you something as a reward if you get to play with both hands today?"
"That sounds interesting." Eren chuckled as he refilled Levi's glass with the drink. "And what are you willing to offer?" He wanted to know.
"I don't know." He said, drinking some whiskey. "What do you want?"
"Are you really going to let me choose?" Eren questioned, thinking of something already.
"Yeah, why not?" Levi answered, leaving the glass over the piano again, next to the bottle. "You were really keen on asking stuff, so maybe I could tell you more of the stuff you want if you manage to be a good boy and play well the piano today."
"But, what if instead of choosing that stuff…" Eren started, catching Levi's curiosity. "What if I ask for sex?"
Levi frowned and remained in silence for some seconds. "You little shit. That requires the complete song and two bottles of whiskey for me to accept."
"I can buy you another one." Eren quickly added, feeling way more motivated to make the effort to play. Anyway, he knew he wouldn't make it, but messing with Levi was way too funny for not doing it.
"Tch." Levi didn't expect any of that. Any of that! "Fine. If you get to play all I've shown you so far, we get laid; but I won't be helping you anymore." He agreed clenching his teeth. "But if you don't success, you sleep outside with the horse." Now that was challenging.
·
The day had turned to have good results. Alessa's quick actions prevented the titans from getting through the provisional walls that were protecting Wall Maria, and the Stationary Guards were keeping apart other titans using the cannons, while the Scouting Legion's elite soldiers were getting rid of the ones that went too close. All this while the rest of the soldiers –from all three military branches- were working on re-building the door of Wall Maria as fast as they could.
And by the time the sun had already hidden behind the horizon and the titan's activity decreased, they could finally get the chance to take some minutes to rest. Erwin didn't waste time to reach her daughter. "So, who's the lucky one?" After those words, Alessa spent the next hour talking with his father, an opportunity that they hadn't had in a long period of time. They not only talked about her upcoming marriage or future husband, but also about plenty of things; how was the cat doing, how much work did she had, how did her projects end up, how was her team working out; but ended on the topic that they both wanted to talk from the beginning, one that was worrying them both: Levi.
"It worries me that depression he seems to have." Erwin had gone to the main point of treating that topic. "I'm afraid that he despairs."
"I think that his depression is completely natural." Alessa pointed out as she stopped her walk. "I mean, think through it: He's got nothing to do, no duty, no tasks, nothing to keep his mind busy. Therefore, he's got time to over think and feel his loss, because he's lost everything he'd built in these last years; and as there's nothing that keep his mind busy and apart from these feelings, he's slowly falling apart."
"That is why you managed to leave him with Eren, don't you?" Erwin commented, resuming their walk.
"Yeah, somebody has to keep his mind busy, and Eren is doing quite well." She replied. "Besides, Eren was interested on that in the first place. Levi just needs to get use to him."
"I hope he can."
·
The night had fallen and they were taken off from the piano because the bar had opened and people were starting to come over, so Eren couldn't continue practicing. So, at the end, he hadn't managed to play both melodies at the same time, though he was close to do it. Maybe one or two more hours could have made him get laid that night, but that wouldn't happen. He willingly carried Levi on his back as they returned home, fearing that he could fall and get hurt if he walked after drinking one and a half bottle of whiskey on his own.
"Off with the horse." Levi ordered as he leaned down on his bed after Eren had left him on it. Eren sighed, kindly kissed him on his forehead and left. He wasn't planning to actually sleep outside with the horse, but he could at least make Levi believe he would.
Levi, on the other hand, took off his shoes and clothes to wear his pajamas – a simple and casual shirt and sloppy pants. He got into the bed and leaned to his right side, as usual, trying to get some sleep, but he just couldn't. The sole idea of being alone drove his mind to a madness that was leading to Eremophobia. It wasn't too many minutes after that he got up and went downstairs, just to find Eren in the living room.
"What happened?" Eren asked to Levi, worried because of the expression he had on his face and his accelerated breathing. "Levi, what is it?"
A part of Levi was trying not to hurt his pride, while the other half of him was internally screaming for some company. "I feel lonely…" He finally whispered thanks to the help of alcohol. Otherwise, he wouldn't have said it.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Eren got close, hugging him.
"Please." Levi's hands rose to encircle Eren's neck.
"Alright, let's get upstairs."
So, Eren carried Levi again to the bedroom and gently leaned on the bed, next to Levi. They both hugged each other, Eren passing his arms by Levi's waist, and Levi passing his arms by Eren's neck; which draw his curiosity, because Levi was hugging too strong.
"Levi, are you ok?" He asked in a whisper, recently noticing that the sorter man was hiding his face in his chest.
"No." He admitted, whispering.
"How can I make you feel better?"
"Just…" Levi got closer to Eren. "Just stay with me."
"I will until I die, my dear."
"You better don't fucking die soon, Jaeger." He commanded, as if he would have if he still were Corporal. He perfectly knew he wasn't anymore and that Eren was now occupying his rank, but those last two sentences were enough to make him feel immensely better at the point that he relaxed and fell asleep really fast. Eren admired him meanwhile, knowing that he already was sleeping, because he could notice how relaxed he was. Who would have thought that he would learn to know Levi so much in so less time?