:::::Her Perspective:::::

Dear Diary,

…So much has happened since Ulquiorra-…well, since the last time I saw him. I'm not even sure where to begin… I'll start where I left off from my last entry…I have to keep writing or I'll go crazy.

(Besides, it's not like I can tell anyone else at this point. I can't face my friends…not yet. They would notice the changes immediately and demand to know what happened. I would have to explain everything. …I hope they can forgive me, but I just…I just can't.)

….

So…I had finally escaped from my cell, sort of. Grimmjow stopped the two Arrancar girls from killing me. Only, he wasn't really helping me, he only wanted to use me to heal Ichigo.

And then, like I knew he would, Ulquiorra came for me. But I was under orders from Grimmjow to heal Ichigo…besides, he is my friend and he was dying. What else could I have done? Still…I knew I was defying Ulquiorra and I felt guilty about that...strange huh? I couldn't even look him in the eye when he asked what I was doing there. I kept feeling like I was violating his trust and letting him down. After all, Ulquiorra has been my solace when there was nobody else...

Then again, he said some horrible things to me about my friends that were unforgivable. I still don't know why he turned on me like that. …He doesn't understand humans or the relationships that we share. If he did, he never would have said those cruel things to me. …Still, I shouldn't have hit him. (Diary, I can't tell you how much I regret that…) And, to add insult to injury, the next time he sees me, he finds me with Grimmjow and healing his enemy? What must Ulquiorra have thought of me?

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra began fighting over possession of me. I had never seen two Espada fight each other before. (I hate when people fight about me and I can't do anything to stop it.) …I could barely make out which Espada was throwing ceros at the other…until Ulquiorra disappeared into a vortex of some sort. I feared he was gone forever until everything was explained to me. I was so relieved to learn that he would be ok. (You see, Diary, it was at this point that I knew I loved him…and the realization of that terrified me. And I really needed to hear that he would be ok or I would have fallen to pieces…)

After hearing the good news, I felt stronger. I felt strong enough to refuse to heal anymore to satisfy Grimmjow's vendetta. What kind of a monster would I have been to make Ichigo go through more pain? Grimmjow was furious, I really thought he was going to kill me.

(…Sometimes I think maybe he should have. Maybe everyone would've been better off…Oh God, I shouldn't write things like this…I should be happy. But…I'm so alone right now…Where was I? Oh right, Ichigo's fight with Grimmjow.)

I thought he was going to kill me and I had pretty much decided to let him. And then Ichigo stood up, half-dead, and agreed to allow the fight to continue. He even insisted that I heal Grimmjow's injuries too. …I did what I was told and healed them both.

And then they fought. At first Ichigo was just countering whatever Grimmjow did. I don't think Ichigo had the heart to kill him. After all, Grimmjow had just saved a soul reaper's life. Who knew an Espada could fight honorably?

But then, and I barely overheard this, Grimmjow told Ichigo that I was raped. (The look of pity that Ichigo gave me, it made me wish I could have told him the truth right there. I wish I could have confessed everything about my relationship with Ulquiorra. Then maybe, he wouldn't have thought of me as a victim.) Of course after that was said, Ichigo began fighting for real. (I guess he was trying to protect what he thought was left of my honor, *sigh*…if he only knew.)

Each of them began trying to kill the other. (You'll have to trust me on this one, Diary, it was an awful thing to have to witness. I remember feeling nothing but guilt and worry because all of this was my fault.)

And then Nel and I got in the way of the fight. They were moving so fast and the ceros were flying so randomly. (I guess I should have thought to put up my shield, but things were so intense that I'd forgotten it.) Ichigo got between us and one of Grimmjow's ceros. …And then I felt the presence of that horrible mask. (I don't know why, exactly, but it really terrifies me…even to this day.)

Ichigo's mask was just like my Brother's. That mask consumed Sora's spirit and made him a slave to his hunger for souls, mine in particular. Despite my shame at doubting Ichigo, because of that mask, I could never look at him the same way again. (I knew then that Ichigo and I were never meant to be.)

Of Course, Ichigo won the fight. He said he would win and he has never ever broken a promise like that.

There was another fight right after that with this slimy Espada, (I think he was the 5th), named Nnoitra. Not only did this guy not fight fair, but he made his lackey (Telsa? Tesla? Telnet?, *sigh* …whatever.) hold onto me and watch, helplessly, while Nnoitra brutally beat and tortured Ichigo again and again! I didn't think it would ever end until…

(And here's where things really get interesting. It turns out Nel, the little arrancar child I told you about a few pages ago, was really an Ex-Espada with amnesia! I know, it's crazy right? Oh and let me tell you, when she's in her adult form, she makes me look like an A-cup! OMG Diary! LOL! Well, at least I can still laugh at some things, that's a good sign, right Diary? …Okay, where were we? Oh, right…)

…Nel saved the day for us, by fighting off Nnoitra, until help arrived. I still can't believe how many of the Captains came from the Soul Society to help out Ichigo…and all because he came to help me. (God, it's no wonder I can't face them…look at all the trouble I've caused them.)

And then, just when I thought we were all saved. I get kidnapped…again. Before I could blink my eyes, I was brought back to the 5th Tower…where Aizen was waiting for me.

He actually welcomed me back…that man is so sick and cruel. He stood there calmly, telling me to smile and wait for him here, while he goes off to destroy my home, Karakura Town. He spoke to me while his General, Tousen, cast a spell to strand the captains (and the rest of us) in Hueco Mundo while he attacked the world of the living.

Aizen then broadcast an announcement to everyone, that it was my potential ability to awaken the Hougyoku that lured the captains here in the first place. He also broadcast that we were all trapped here, unable to aid our friends and family fighting for their lives in Karakura Town. (*sigh*…My abilities have caused nothing but problems.)

And then, just like that, Aizen and the rest of his forces left Las Noches and went to the world of the living…but not before Ulquiorra appeared. It was so odd, he just stepped out from behind Aizen's throne. I guess Grimmjow was right, somehow, Ulquiorra had managed to escape the Caja Negacion. (At first, I was so relieved that he was okay.)

But then, he started walking towards me. I saw the expression on his face. (Diary, if you could have seen it, you'd have wanted to run for nearest exit too.) There was a cold fury in his eyes that I'd never seen before…it frightened me.

His footsteps echoed in the loud room and every step he took towards me, I trembled in fear. It seemed like it took him a long time to reach me. It felt like forever…and I had too much time to think about all the trouble I had caused everyone….

(Alright Diary, from here on, things really go downhill and it's very hard to write about. It will probably take me forever just to write it all down, as I'll probably need to stop and grab a tissue every now and then…Ok *deep breath*.)

Ulquiorra stood across from me. It seemed like an eternity before he spoke. Finally, he spoke. The things he said were so awful, it's like he wanted to hurt me…again. I don't know what happened in that negacion that he was trapped in, but I felt like something had changed in him. He looked at me like I was his enemy or like he was trying to punish me for something. Was it for healing Ichigo? ..I wasn't sure. …But, I tried to explain my side of things to him…but he only took my words and turned them against me. He made me feel so powerless…

(I wish I could go back in time and re-do everything. …I should have thrown my arms around him and held him close to me. I should have poured my heart out to him and let him know that I was sorry for everything.)

…Once more, Ichigo came to my rescue. (I never asked anyone to try and save me the first time, much less a second. To be honest, after the things I'd witnessed about Ichigo, I wasn't entirely happy to see him. I still maintain that I could have handled things on my own with Ulquiorra…and given what eventually happened, I really wish I had.)

Ichigo and Ulquiorra fought and fought...I'm amazed there was a building left standing. And despite Ichigo being in several fights prior to this one, he seemed stronger somehow. (Even back then, I knew it was the mask…)

Ulquiorra taunted Ichigo about me being beyond the point of rescue. (I wonder if my facial expressions betrayed me? I wonder if Ichigo noticed that I wasn't defending myself? ….How could I? It was all true.) Still, I had to be there. I'd vowed, if the opportunity came to save my friends, I would be there.

It wasn't long before an opportunity presented itself. Ichigo left himself open to a fatal strike…I saw Ulquiorra swing his blade. I reacted quickly and shielded Ichigo from the blow. …The look Ulquiorra gave me, it was pure rage. He asked me what I thought I was doing by interfering in their fight. 'Why protect him now and not earlier?' …And then he began to launch into a detailed explanation. (Diary, it was awful! I knew he was about to tell Ichigo about 'us,' Ulquiorra and me and EVERYTHING we had done together! I wanted the floor to swallow me up so I wouldn't have to face either of them.)

Ichigo, (sensing my discomfort?), told Ulquiorra that 'none of it mattered.' (I'd never been so happy to have him as a friend in my whole life. He had spared me a lifetime of humiliation.) He then thanked me for my help, but warned me not to get involved again.

And then, while I was sitting on the sidelines, the two arrancar girls attacked me…again. I don't know why they attacked me, but one of them said I was a 'freak.' (I'm not sure why, but, that comment still stings to this day. Given that they are dead now it shames me to say it, but part of me is relieved. They could have hurt or killed me, oops, I mean "us.")

The two girls began pulling my hair and ripping my clothes. They knew that Aizen's temporary protection of me was gone. Ichigo noticed them and tried to help me, but Ulquiorra blocked his way. Both Ichigo and I thought he was helping them…until he firmly told the girls that wasn't the case.

(…I'm still confused about that. I have often wondered if Ulquiorra: (1) knew Yammy and Uryu were only seconds away; (2) …only wanted Ichigo to focus on the fight he was already in; or (3)…(and I truly believe this, looking back) perhaps Ulquiorra wanted me to stand on my own…like, I believe, he always knew I could. After all, Ulquiorra has been the only man in my life to ever believe me to be capable of holding my own. He had told me on many occasions that I possessed strength and a strong will.)

It was the first time nobody around was going to protect me. And I felt something I hadn't felt in ages…peace of mind. I was glad nobody was risking their life for me. That is, until Yammy and Uryu Ishida entered the room. It was chaotic...

The last ones left standing were Uryu, Me, Ichigo, and Ulquiorra. (Of course, leave it to Ichigo to assign Uryu to protect me while the fight with Ulquiorra continued.) After that, Ichigo transformed into that scary hollow version of himself with that mask.

Ulquiorra and Ichigo resumed their fight, only this time, they left the Dome of Las Noches. I'm still not sure what compelled me to follow the two of them out of the dome, but I…I just knew I had to be there.

As I asked Uryu to take me to them, I could feel a change in spiritual pressure…a stronger riatsu had emerged from Ulquiorra. Instinctively, I knew it was stronger than Ichigo's by far. I was worried about Ichigo…and, for some reason, Ulquiorra too (intuition?)…

And as Uryu and I were making our way to the top of the dome, I felt another change in riatsu…this one was much larger than the last. We both saw the black light emerging from beyond the dome. It covered everything and it felt heavy, like a weight had been placed over my heart. Now, I knew why I felt the need to be here. I sensed the Death.

When Uryu and I had finally reached our destination, I couldn't see much of anything, but I felt it. For some reason I cannot comprehend, I felt the pull to look up. And that's when I saw him. Ulquiorra…or at least, that's what the sound of his voice told me. His form had completely changed. His body had become that of a nightmare.

He was a black figure with few human-like features remaining. He had black furred arms and legs, long white horns, and a long, spiked tail! And he was currently using that tail to strangle Ichigo! And all while talking to me…the nightmare told me to watch closely as Ichigo lost his life. Ulquiorra had a renewed cruelty and darkness to him that I'd never seen before. It consumed him in this form. …I begged him to stop.

Suddenly, I saw the massive hollow hole appear in Ichigo's chest. It was so much bigger than the last one I'd healed. I knew this time, my abilities would be of no use to him… There was a strange expression etched on Ichigo's lifeless face…it was as if a permanent look of shock had frozen on his face when death took him. He looked like a broken doll… And then, that black hearted monster removed his tail from Ichigo's throat and dropped him from an unimaginable height. If he wasn't dead, he certainly would be after a fall like this.

I probably screamed, I can't really remember. I know I used my rikka to catch Ichigo's body to try and ease the fall. A moment later, I heard a sound of air shifting around me, and Ulquiorra's distorted form was towering directly over me. (Now, if he had asked, I would have admitted that I was scared.)

He told me my powers were useless and I would not be able to save Ichigo this time. Still, I had to try. Uryu distracted Ulquiorra while I rushed over to try and revive Ichigo. (Looking back, I should have been worried about Uryu too. All I could think about was that look on Ichigo's face and how it was my fault that it was there…)

I looked hopelessly at the damage done to Ichigo's body. Ulquiorra had been right, I could do nothing. I started to lose my grip on reality….What should I do? What should I do? What could I do?

I don't know how much time went by while I was frozen in panic. I snapped out if it when I saw Uryu's body sail by me. How had I forgotten about Uryu? Ulquiorra was coming towards us…I didn't know what he would do, but the look in his eyes was ruthless. I tried to shield us, but that was useless too... With a mere twitch of his fingers, Ulquiorra destroyed every shield I could muster.

He kept approaching…I was helpless and terror overtook my heart. I remember screaming…
…And then 'IT' appeared out of nowhere, wearing Ichigo's body.

This grotesque, hollowed version of Ichigo came forth because I had somehow summoned it. (I still don't know how…maybe I have some darkness in me.) The hollow being in front of me was not Ichigo, was it? It was a dark entity, despite its' white horned mask and features. It wore Ichigo's body like a rag, but it definitely wasn't him. Or, at least, he wasn't the one in control at this point.

The first cero Hollow-Ichigo fired at Ulquiorra nearly took out Uryu and I with it! I felt like our situation had not improved, and now we had two supreme enemies to contend with. Hollow-Ichigo would not be reasoned with, I don't even think he understood us. All he craved was battle and death…and he had his sights on Ulquiorra. The fight was grossly uneven, Ulquiorra never had a chance.

Everything had changed, Ulquiorra was now on the defensive. Both Uryu and I gasped in shock as we watched Hollow-Ichigo standing there waving around a blackened severed arm…Ulquiorra's arm! And then the Ichigo-creature threw it back at Ulquiorra, like a taunt! Several lightening-fast attacks happened at once, within moments, the Ichigo-creature was standing on Ulquiorra's fallen form on the ground. Ichigo had won…sort of.

Only, winning the battle wasn't enough for this bloodthirsty creature. It was without mercy. It continued to pummel attack after attack at Ulquiorra, lying helpless, on the ground beneath its' feet. As the ceros flew, my shield barely held to protect Ishida and I from the storm of riatsu.

Although Ulquiorra could regenerate some parts of his body, it was slow going. The creature seemed to enjoy breaking Ulquiorra again and again. Uryu tried to stop the hollow creature from tormenting Ulquiorra further…and then it turned on Uryu, too, as it stabbed him through the chest. (…Perhaps being a Quincy was the only thing that saved Uryu from an instant death.)

It's hard to remember, but I must have screamed…because, suddenly, I had drawn Hollow-Ichigo's attention. It spoke, 'I'll help you.' I now knew that I was the reason this creature had risen out of Ichigo and continued the fight.

As the Ichigo-creature began to advance on me, Ulquiorra fronted a final attack. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but suddenly, a light poured from the sky into Ichigo and he began to return to his former state. The hollow hole in his chest closed up. His consciousness slowly regained control as he laid on the ground.

I rushed over to aid him, the look Ulquiorra gave me was troubling. It was as if he had finally conceded the fight…and it included me. His only request was that Ichigo finish him off. Ichigo refused.

…And then, Ulquiorra's black wings began to turn to ash and dust. He just started to crumble away. Once more, he asked to be killed. He said if Ichigo didn't kill him, this would never end…(I'm still trying to figure out what that means.) And, once more, Ichigo refused.

Ulquiorra's wings continued to dissolve, only a bit faster than before. He turned and looked at me for the first time since the battle ended. His face had one of the saddest expressions I have ever seen. (That expression haunts my dreams when I try to sleep.)

He asked me if I was scared of him as he reached out to me. (He had, finally, reached out to me.) 'No', I told him…as I reached out to him.

…But all I was able to grasp were a few stray bits of ash that (somehow) clung to my fingertips, …before he faded away altogether. And then he was gone from me.

(I would never tell this to anyone…but, I swear, I was able to hear his last thoughts. I heard him tell himself that he had found his heart when he reached out for me… And I thought I'd gone crazy…until I felt it…a distinct heartbeat from within me. It didn't match my own…it was much faster than mine. It didn't scare me for some reason. The rhythm was soothing and comforting…)

….

The War ended not long after that, though Aizen and Gin's bodies were never recovered…Karakura town remained ignorantly bliss to all of it…Soul society resumed it's daily goings-on…and Ichigo and Rukia began openly dating, poor Uryu.

And as for Me? I came home to find 3 weeks worth of piled up Garbage smelling up my kitchen, a dust-covered apartment whose rent was mysteriously paid up for the next 2 years, and all of my neighbors completely oblivious to my mysterious disappearance (compliments of the Soul Society)…even my grades were still straight A's….

…..

So what now Diary? Should we get up? Or should I sleep today away too…
I still can't deal with the present. I just can't face it yet. How do you tell all of your celebrating friends that you're 12 weeks pregnant? How do you tell them about your 14 failed attempts to bring back the father of your baby from a few ashes?…I'm so tired, diary. And I'm finding it harder and harder to get myself out of bed…

…And thanks for listening to me, Diary. It's silly, your only a bit of paper, binding, and string…still, I'm grateful.

*sigh*

I'm carrying the baby of a powerful hollow and I don't know what to do…

(Can you hear me, Ulquiorra? …I-I'm so scared…)

...

...

:::::His Mission:::::

~ Orihime slept, restlessly, once more…

She failed to notice the stranger who had entered her apartment. She paid no mind when he approached her nightstand. And she remained oblivious when he removed her Diary from the creaking wooden drawer...

And as the stranger left her slumbering in her home, he read her thoughts aloud in the soft glow of a streetlamp, just outside. …As he got to the last page, he recited the last few words,

"'…I'm carrying the baby of a powerful hollow,'" the stranger sighed, "…Poor abused thing, this will never do," he muttered to himself.

He looked back at Orihime's apartment, one last time, before briskly continuing on his mission…the diary delicately tucked under one arm. ~

Author's Comments :

This took me...forever. It's not easy to try and channel the mind of a supernatural pregnant teenager...(I mean, you try it sometime.) ...Anyway, that's why I purposely wrote it like this. It's the way (I think/hope) she would've written in a journal of sorts.

I really hope everyone enjoys it, (Please, don't forget to R&R!)

-nic ;-)

p.s. Hint: The next chapt. will be more upbeat...have faith in me... :-)