Chapter Eleven

Right, enough of this being nice shit. I am going to find out this big secret Luke is hiding.

Mom and Dad were out on one of their business lunches so this was my time. I knew they would be gone for most of the day and night so now was the perfect opportunity to see Luke.

I texted him to make sure he was free; luckily his parents were at a charity event so we were alone. Perfect.

My nerves were all over the place on the drive over. Had I made the right decision to push this? I was starting to think the worst, what is he was a serial killer? Or he had met another girl and he wasn't really on a retreat just seeing her?

Oh shit, I need to turn around. What if he's going to tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore?!

I pulled the car over and took some deep breaths. Come on Phoebe pull yourself together, he wouldn't have stuck around during your accident if he was seeing another girl.

Shit, I can't do this.

Breathe.

I composed myself and continued the drive, trying my hardest to think positively and when I pulled into his empty drive all those thoughts disappeared and I totally freaked out.

I was about to put the car into reverse when the front door opened. Shit, it was now or never. Your stronger than this Phoebe, you are a Grey- we don't pussy out at the last minute.

Breathe Phoebe. Breathe.

I plastered a smile on my face and turned the engine off.

"Hey Luke,"

"Hey Feebs," and with that smile all my worries fade, "so what is the cause of this top secret meeting?" he said with a childish hint.

"Am I not allowed to see you when I want? Aren't you going to invite me in, it's a little cold out here." I smirked at him.

He shoved me in a playful way and then embraced me in a hug.

"I'll do more than invite you in," he whispered against my lips before kissing me with more passion than he ever had before. I could feel myself melting against him.

No Phoebe, this is not why you are here.

"Come on, lets stop making out on your doorstep." I said pulling away from him and walking into his house, "Oh and you said you were making me lunch, remember?" I said over my shoulder and caught him rolling his eyes at me.

Lunch was simple, pasta in sauce, but it was lovely and it left me wondering what other talents he had. Oh my Phoebe what is wrong with you, every time you are around him you loose all your inhibitions.

This was the perfect time to ask him, just us two at the table and he couldn't ignore the topic. It was cruel to corner him like this but I had to know. The curiosity was eating away at me and I couldn't take it anymore.

Curiosity killed the cat.

"Luke, can I ask you something please? It's been bugging me for a while now." I could feel my hands start to become sweaty. This is the moment I have been waiting for, why am I so nervous?

"Of course you can," he said leaning back in his chair, getting comfortable for the question that was probably about to make him, ironically, extremely uncomfortable.

"Well… Urm… When you went on that retreat a couple of months ago, what was that for?" Suddenly I could feel the tension in the room build to an uncomfortable level.

I could see him shift in his seat in obvious discomfort. He knew he couldn't avoid the question due to the position I had put him in. The silence was so awkward and I didn't know what to do. I had to wait for him to reply, he wasn't getting out of it this time.

"We've both finished, I'll clear the table." He choked out, getting abruptly up and began picking all the plates and cutlery up.

"No. You always do this and you avoid the question completely and leave me thinking the worst. Not this time Luke, just tell me!" I was beginning to become frustrated with him.

"It's nothing Phoebe. Just some education thing mom and dad wanted me to do, ask them if you want." He said walking quickly into the kitchen. He thinks I was buying that? I do not think so.

"So why do you get all embarrassed and quiet when I ask you? If it was educational thing then you wouldn't get like this!" I shouted after him following him in to the kitchen.

"Just drop it Phoebe!" He yelled, stopping me in my tracks. I could feel the tears well in my eyes; I didn't expect him to be like this. He obviously doesn't trust me enough, I know where I stand.

I head for the door, grabbing my coat and bag on the way. I'm not waiting around for him to calm down; no man, apart from my dad, is ever allowed to speak to me like that.

"Phoebe, please wait. I didn't mean to shout at you. Please just… don't leave." He shouted after me. I snapped, how dare he talk to me like that and then ask me to stay- is he having a laugh?

"No Luke," I said spinning around to face him, "I am sick of this. You obviously don't trust me enough to tell me. I know it is more than you are making it out to be." The next thing was said in almost a whisper, "It's another girl isn't it."

I couldn't even look up at him. My eyes were firmly staring at the floorboards and the silence that followed confirmed my worst fear. I reached for the door handle wanting to just leave, I couldn't be here anymore.

"No, no Phoebe." He grabbed my arm pulling me back. "Just give me a chance to get this out."

"No, I don't want to hear how there is another girl. How amazing she is and how you 'couldn't help yourself'. Why would you hang around after my accident? Did you feel sorry for me? Well I don't need your pity now so just go and-"

"Phoebe! Just stop talking for five minutes, there is not another girl! Just come inside and listen to what I have to say please!" I dropped my bag in defiance but refused to take my coat off. I may have to make another quick escape when he tells me there really is another girl and this time I wouldn't be held back.

He led me into what I presumed was their living room. Two white leather sofas were the main feature of the room and I couldn't help but notice how different this was to the homely feel of the rest of the house.

"This isn't easy Phoebe, my parents don't even know why I went on this retreat." He suddenly looked very tired and worn out.

"Hang on, you said that they-"

"Phoebe, can I just ask you to be quiet for two minutes, until I finish talking please?" Well, that's a bit rude. He has never spoken to me like this before and he seems to have an aura about him that I have never seen before. An authoritive tone was held in his voice, so I choose to do as he says and sit there quietly. Much to my dismay.

"I lied to my parents, told them I was struggling at school and this place would help me get my grades back up. I knew it would work; they care about how I do at school so badly- I suppose it reflects on them if I do terribly; so they let me go.

They didn't ask any more questions and before I knew it I was off heading to this retreat. Phoebe before I go on can you promise to keep an open mind and promise you will let me finish before you run off?"

I nodded my head, fearing that if I was to speak my voice would falter. My hands were becoming clammier and my nerves had reached levels I never knew existed.

Breathe Phoebe. Breathe.

"Thank you," he continued, "I have had this… interest in a certain way of living for a while now. The retreat allowed me to find out more about this way of life and how I can go about living that way safely."

Ok, maybe he was a vegetarian or something? I really couldn't see where this was leading but I kept an open mind, like promised, and let him continue.

"I'm not explaining this right." He ran his hand through his hair obviously frustrated that he couldn't get this out the way he wanted.

"Just follow me; it's easier to show you than it is to explain. Remember Phoebe, open mind." He grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs, down a corridor and into his room.

This wasn't how I imagined the first time I would be in his room. Feeling extremely confused and honestly a little scared of the outcome of this conversation. Remember open mind Phoebe, open mind.

He took a key that was stuck to the under of his bed and walked into his wardrobe. Behind the rung of suits there was a door, he unlocked it and walked inside- expecting me to follow.

Was this the part where he killed me? Where he turned out to be some psycho killer and that was what he figured out to do on his retreat? Oh God, I wish I never came now. I started to back out, wishing that my parents knew I was here- at least they could find my body.

"Please Phoebe, just come in. You promised you would keep an open mind." He said looking to the floor, embarrassment written all over his face.

I forced my feet to walk into the room; I knew I shouldn't be doing this. I had a feeling my life was about to change- whatever was in this room was going to change me and I didn't know if I was ready for that.

The room was dark with just enough light to see there was a bed, sofa and there was various things hanging from the ceiling and walls.

The room had a dark blue tinge to it and all the stuff hanging from the walls looked like a form of torture. There were cuffs on a bar hanging from the ceiling and also on the floor directly beneath it, presumably to tie someone up until they die. I was about to run when I saw, what looked like, a wooden stand in the shape of a T attached to the floor.

Curiosity once again got the better of me and I went over to see what it could possibly be used for. There were no restraints around this, no handcuffs, ropes, binds, nothing. How could he kill someone with this?

I was only aware of Luke's presence when I heard him shift awkwardly at the door. Be strong Phoebe, if he's going to kill you then he would have done it by now.

"What is this Luke? I said I would keep an open mind but it seems like a torture chamber that you… kill people in." I shuffled to create some distance between us- towards the drawers on my left which must have some weapons in them. I stood in front of it, ready to strike if he was going to attack me.

"Phoebe, I don't kill people in here." I could see a smile forming on his face, as if to laugh at my suggestion but it quickly disappeared. "I know it could appear that way but honestly I don't. This room is… my room."

Well that's obvious, you have the key for it hidden under your bed.

"My parents don't know about it and they won't ever, this is what I went to my retreat for. To learn how to live this way." I began to open to drawer behind me as he began to walk towards me.

"Phoebe, I have had an obsession with a certain type of relationship." He took a deep breathe preparing him for the next sentence as I grabbed, what felt like a small pole in my hand, "A dominant and submissive relationship Phoebe, that's what this is all about."

I dropped the pole in shock. I may be innocent and totally inexperienced in this part of life but I had watched enough films and read enough books to know what that meant.

I was totally speechless; I didn't know where to start. How on Earth could he use all of this for pleasure? It looked more painful than anything else.

"Please Phoebe, say something." he had a pained expression on his face, like he needed my answer.

"I don't know what to say Luke, this is… overwhelming."

"Phoebe look, you can walk out now if you want. The door is open and I won't stop you. But I'm going to be honest with you because you deserve that much. I know we have just turned 17 and this seems all too much but I want you to know that when I saw you for the first time, I couldn't help but want to share this with you.

I have been on retreats, not just the long one but ones on weekends as well so that I could experience this with you for the first time safely. Phoebe please you have kept an open mind about this all up until now, don't stop now please."

I didn't know what to say. Does he know that I'm a virgin? Oh shit, I can't experience this with him I am so inexperienced and I'll drive him in to the arms of another woman. Sensing the alarm in my face he quickly spoke up.

"Phoebe I know you aren't experienced, that's what I loved about you. Your purity and vulnerability drew me in even more. Phoebe I can show you pleasure you will not experience any where else. I can drive you to the edge and we can go there together. Please?"

What do I do? This seemed so wrong but at the same time it was drawing me in. After the initial shock it didn't feel wrong to be in here with him. My body was reacting in ways that it shouldn't, I could feel myself getting wetter between my thighs and my nipples were beginning to harden at the thought of sharing this with Luke.

Once again my curiosity got the better of me.

"On one condition." I stated.

"Anything," the arousal in his eyes was growing.

"My first time will not be with all this." I gestured around the room at all the 'equipment', "it won't even be in here. It'll be basic, vanilla. It will be like my first time should be. And then I will be willing to try."

He walked over to me so quickly and grabbed my face in his hands kissing me with such passion I never knew existed.

"Thank you Phoebe."

What had I let myself in for?

Yes, yes I know a little predictable but this story is going to develop in a very different way, as you can tell Phoebe is stronger than Ana- so who knows...

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