8. IMPOSSIBILITY

"This is beyond irresponsible. I can't believe Carine has gotten involved with this in any way other than to help that poor woman!" Edythe began spouting. We were out on the lawn now, some distance from the house.

I took her hand. "It's going to be okay, Edythe. We'll find a solution."

"No. I can't watch this. I don't want to see any possible outcome. If this baby lives, I'm certain Huilén won't. That means we face having a motherless child. A child we know nothing about, or what it will be like. Just another thing to add to the list of how wrong all of this is. She'll have to choose between death and vampire life, I'm sure. Or they'll simply both die. There just isn't a viable option."

I couldn't entirely understand Edythe's blatantly repulsed reaction. I mean, I could see the danger and all, but no one had the right to take away the thing or what she wanted to do with her life.

Benji shared in Edythe's opinion. "I'm afraid I'm just as disturbed as you, my friend. I'm disappointed in Ati… It makes me question the positive opinion I've always held of her. I doubt her intentions are honorable."

Edythe nodded as she understood all of the implications in the girl's thoughts.

I looked at her questioningly, waiting for some explanation.

Benji thought about something for a moment, then she raised her hands to work up a stiff breeze behind us in the direction of the house, rustling all of the surrounding trees.

It took me a moment to realize what she was doing; she was creating noise to make sure Ati wouldn't be able to hear what she was about to say.

"I have no other way to see it. In any other circumstance, Ati should have no regard for a human's life. But now that Huilén has become something so rare, Ati is suddenly intent on protecting her and her desires. This has made me begin to wonder if Ati would have saved me in the first place, had I not been so intriguing to her."

She nodded in the direction of the air currents swirling around the house with a resentful look. Tiago put his hand on her back gently to comfort her. She looked genuinely dejected.

In the back of my mind, it had always been relatively obvious to me. This was how the vampire world worked, wasn't it? Why else would an immortal go through all the effort to keep someone? The human always had to be of use to him or her somehow… Or wasn't able to live without that person.

I realized then that Benji had likely always remained optimistic about whatever reason Ati had taken her in. She'd probably thought it was purely out of the goodness of the ancient woman's heart.

I didn't have to wonder about her story for long, though, because she quickly told me every bit of how she and Tiago had come to be with Ati and Kalil. And the story was fascinating, to say the least.

Benji told of how she had grown up there, in the slums of Cairo at the beginning of the nineteenth century. She'd lost her mother as a child and had never known her father. She was handed around from various family members all throughout her childhood—whoever was able to feed her at the current time. Eventually, though, she ended up with her great uncle, a street performer who liked to take in suffering children and teach them to dance or sing, sell trinkets, pick pockets… anything to make him money.

It was when this uncle discovered Benji's strange ability to manipulate fire that she instantly became his favorite. She'd explained how as a human, her gift was a meager influence over fire only. She couldn't start one from nothing like she could now, but she could guide the way it moved or grew with her mind.

I was stunned. "How does that happen? I mean, where does such a thing come from?"

"I had a… distant cousin, you could call him, who experimented with a sort of witchcraft. I didn't believe anything he'd told me about granting the power of fire, so I'd let him do his sorcery on me. I'm not able to remember exactly how it was done, but I thought I'd been cursed by the devil when I discovered I was able to make a candle flicker with my mind. I generally kept it hidden from others. I knew that people would accuse me of having sold my soul to Ra, the Egyptian god of the sun."

"Her uncle then found me sometime later," Tiago started in. "Benji and I immediately connected with each other, though I was younger. We quickly became very close. I always looked out for her, and she looked out for me. We confided with one another more than anyone else, like brother and sister. When Benji was fifteen, and I was twelve, we decided to run away together."

"Ati got word then of the girl who controlled fire," Benji said. "She came and observed the show one night. And she didn't hesitate. She took me away that night and killed my uncle."

Benji explained that she was kept hidden in their dwelling. She was never allowed to leave. Ati and Kalil would bring her humans, so there was no chance anyone would ever mention her gifts to the Volturi. Ati had been honest with her to an extent, making sure she understood the danger she was in; how the Volturi would surely snatch her away if they ever discovered her and enslave her.

But Ati had never told her exactly why she'd stolen her in the first place from the uncle that night. She'd begun to grow wary and thought more and more about young Tiago as time went on. Eventually, she'd trapped Ati and Kalil with a rockslide so that she could escape to find Tiago.

Five years had passed, and Tiago was now physically older than Benji, but she still was able to recognize him from the dark memories as she found him nearby, trapped as a house slave for a royal family. Despite the fact that he seemed safe, he was still elated to find Benji and wanted to fulfill their original plan of running away together.

That's when Benji told him everything, explaining what she had become, and what she could do now. Tiago was amazed by her, not repulsed, just as I was. He'd begged her to give him immortality as well so they could be together. Benji very nearly killed him, but he miraculously survived to become a vampire.

Ati was enraged at first when Benji had returned to her with the boy, but it was soon clear that no harm had been done, and no one had discovered the girl's talents. She figured Ati saw that her one last tie to the human world had been removed, and that would actually keep them safer.

This incident proved how Benji was adept to assimilate into the outside world. That's when they began to live more normally, though they still maintain a great amount of secrecy. To this day no one knows what Benji can do other than the Cullens and Denalis, and that was only because it was impossible to keep the secret away from Edythe and Elena.

"For the first time, I was content with our small coven because I had gotten Tiago back," Benji said. "I guess I just stopped questioning Ati's motives because I was satisfied with life at that point. But now I wonder if she only turned me because she saw me as an asset. The Volturi destroyed the rest of her coven long before I was born, and she's always held resentment for them. She probably sees me as some way to sneak up on the Italians and act out her revenge. Apparently, I'm a hot commodity. I'm not sure if I will truly ever be free."

"She still sees you as her own daughter," Edythe assured her. "You're the center of her world. She loves you just as much as she loves Kalil."

I wasn't entirely sure if this was actually true, or if Edythe was only trying to make her feel better. Either way, it was needless to say my respect for one of the world's oldest vampires had diminished significantly now.

I could imagine her now, using this unborn child—whatever it might become—as another surprise to throw at the Volturi. I could picture Ati imagining all the possibilities of the special powers such a being could possess. If I were her, though, I would never in a million years dream of going and knocking on the Volturi's door.

When we came back to the matter at hand, Edythe was still determined to change Huilén's mind. No vampire-human hybrid was going to exist, so long as Edythe had anything to do with it.

"Maybe we could offer her something similar to what she wants," she wondered out loud.

"Like what?" I asked.

"I don't care what it takes, because I'm not going to stand by and let this happen," she said, suddenly focused now. "If she insists on having a supernatural baby… Maybe we could talk one of the Quileute boys into—"

"Edythe," I glared.

"I'm serious, Beau. She can have puppies for all I care…"

I slapped my palm to my forehead. "I'm pretty sure that's not how that works."

She sighed. "Yes, I'm aware of that, but you know what I mean. Maybe she'd like the idea of a werewolf child. Hell, she can have six of them. Just not one of these."

A hard scowl came across my face as I processed the words, and she met my disapproval.

"You can't tell me you're okay with this," she scoffed. "Beau, please tell me you don't see that thing as anything other than a monster."

"I don't agree with it either, Edythe! But I don't entirely agree with you either. Carine is right. We can't force her to do anything. It's her life. Just imagine if you had taken all choices away from me. I wouldn't be here right now. You have to let people do what they—"

"But not like this!" she snapped before I could finish. "This thing is sucking the life out of her as we speak, and we're just going to stand there and watch helplessly? I don't think so. We're Cullens; we're supposed to protect as many lives as possible, not allow someone to sicken away and eventually die. Sometimes people don't know what's best for them, and we have to step in and make choices for them. We have to make her see reason, Beau."

"Your biggest problem is Ati's hidden motivation," Benji added. "She's feeding the woman's insanity, encouraging her… protecting her. No, protecting it. I doubt Huilén's life means anything at all to her." Her black eyes were wholeheartedly resentful as she spoke.

It felt as though… I didn't know what, really. Like this wasn't real. It was as if I was in some Goth version of a bad TV series. One where the girl shacks up with the vampire, and then someone else wants to ask the werewolf to procreate with her instead, but there's this crazy woman intervening to protect the demon child because she thinks it might help her get revenge on some enemy clan.

Making jokes about it wasn't going to solve anything, though.

And that's when I realized the danger… The outside danger. From it.

I could picture it now… This thing was part vampire, right? So what if when it came down to it, the thing came ripping out of that woman's stomach and evaded our grasp? What if it ran off to slaughter the entire town in a bloodthirsty rage? I pictured the red-eyed immortal child of Archie's story and shuddered.

My thoughts were interrupted by a strange sound. A rustling in the distant trees, accompanied by several loudly beating hearts.

What were the wolves doing here?

"You've got to be kidding me," Edythe muttered, closing her eyes tightly. "Benji, Tiago… Go back inside. I'll take care of this."

The Quileutes had come to investigate. A trail of unfamiliar vampire scent had undoubtedly crossed their perimeter and led them here.

There were five wolves, slowly walking together in a tense formation toward us. They didn't look any happier the second time meeting us, I guessed because of all the new and unwelcome vampire scents. I couldn't help but think what a shame it was how one-sided this prejudice was between our two sides. The feelings were clearly not reciprocated, but they never seemed to care.

Someone on two legs stepped out from behind them.

I remembered then how they needed one member to remain in human form to be able to communicate with us. And then I recognized the face—Julie Black.

I almost thought I was mistaken at first. It had only been several months since I had last seen her, but she was hardly the same person now. She was supposed to have been almost two years younger than I was, yet she suddenly looked older than I did. The planes of her face had hardened slightly, tighter… aged. She was a bit taller now, and her neck and shoulders were different somehow. Thicker like Eleanor.

But this wasn't what made her unrecognizable. What changed the most was the expression on her face. The open, friendly smile that had once made her so easy to talk with was long gone. As was the childlike warmth in her dark eyes. Now a deep-seated, brooding resentment took its place. The hatred for what we all were… and what I was now.

Julie, the friend I'd once felt such an instant connection to. I remembered how I'd been more comfortable with her on the first day I'd met her than I'd ever been with any of my cafeteria friends. It was like she was the only human I'd really ever been able to relate to.

And it turns out she wasn't even human. I never would have seen that one coming. With Edythe, there hadn't been a single moment where I wasn't aware she was something outside the confines of ordinary, so it wasn't a surprise to find out what she was. But Jules?

Apparently, stumbling across one myth wasn't enough for me. And just what did that say about me? I must have been like a magnet that sucked in every impossible fairy tale that wandered around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns. Pretty soon, I'd find out McKayla Newton was secretly a witch, Taylor Crowley lived as a mermaid, and Jeremy Stanley had become a zombie.

I braced myself as I usually did around humans, preparing my brain to be drawn-in, but those sensations never came. She didn't smell any more appealing than the animals we hunted. Though the sound of her heart beating was appealing, the animal edge to the smell that came with it was offsetting. Her scent was almost repulsive.

Julie immediately focused on me, and she glanced me over carefully, only half-recognizing the person she was looking at.

"I guess it really is you, Beau. Alive and well after all… sort of," she said in an uncomfortable voice. She even sounded older.

"Back from the dead, and still me. I'm so glad that you're able to know the truth now," I said.

"I can't say I like the idea of you becoming a bloodsucker, but I guess I'm happy that it means you didn't really die. But, dude, you are super creepy. Worse than I was expecting," she said, half smiling. "Is it too late to say my mom told you so?"

"Er, thanks. I think… And I knew what I was getting myself into. This is what I would have wanted in the end."

Julie cringed, shaking her head. She still looked at me with uncertainty. I could tell she didn't trust me. I suppose her natural instincts overruled any friendship she previously felt towards me. But if I had to take a guess, I would say that she was sad about that fact.

"There are other vampires in the area. They are with you? Why?" she asked, her expression was disapproving.

"Yes," Edythe replied. "Some old friends of ours are visiting."

"Why?" she pressed on. "Why here? If your friends are not like you, why would you put this area at risk?"

Edythe gave me a quick look like she was expecting me to come up with some excuse.

"We're sorry," Edythe said quickly. "We didn't realize they were coming today."

Julie shrugged. "Well, take care of it. We need you to get them out of here. Don't let them hunt in this area. They'll be smart to give La Push a wide berth, too."

"Right," Edythe nodded.

"We'll be on our way."

As the wolves turned to leave, all of them turned their heads in the direction of a sound from the house. The front door had opened.

And there was Ati and Carine, standing next to Huilén.

Freaking great…

"There is a human here," Julie said as she turned back to Edythe. "Why?"

Edythe lied quickly. "She's seeing Carine. She's out of the office today, and it was urgent."

"Urgent?"

The images of destruction came back into my mind then. Maybe the wolves should know…

"Edythe, I think we should just tell—"

"No." Her voice was hard.

"Tell us what, Beau?" Julie inquired.

Edythe glared at me so intensely it brought me up speechless. If looks could kill.

But the pack had a right to know. If this thing had a potential for danger, this went beyond just being our personal problem. People's lives were at risk. What if the situation did get out of our hands?

I gritted my teeth. "There's something I think you should know."

When I dropped the whole human-pregnant-with-vampire bombshell before Edythe could do anything to stop me, all five wolves growled in agitation.

Julie scoffed. "What? Is this some sort of sick joke? I mean, who's going to believe that, right? It's not like one of you guys could… do that with a girl anyway…" she trailed off.

When neither of us said anything. Julie's frown deepened. "Oh, come on… You can't be serious, Beau."

I bit my bottom lip and nodded.

Jules's words flew out quickly. "Wait, what the hell? That's actually possible? There's really a demon kid in there? Then what are you waiting for? Cut it out of her!"

"It isn't my place to interfere, apparently," Edythe said, crossing her arms.

"So why hasn't the doctor done anything?" Julie asked irritated. "Tell her to get it out of her!"

I felt like we were explaining it for the tenth time now.

"She won't let her. Neither will Ati," Edythe said.

Julie answered Edythe in an annoyed voice. "What do you mean the woman won't let you? Did you ever notice you're a hundred times stronger than people are? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her ass out with drugs or something. And as for the vamp, your kind can be put back together somehow, right? Just turn her into a jigsaw puzzle while you take care of the thing."

"Believe me. I want to," Edythe sighed. "But Carine would never allow that."

Julie laughed sarcastically. "What? She's too noble or something?"

"Carine is backing the woman up as well. She won't go against her free will. So is Beau."

Julie looked at me accusingly, but her eyes were more forgiving than when she looked at Edythe. "You shouldn't be giving her 'free will' with this, though."

"Believe me. I know," Edythe said.

"So Carine isn't going to do anything to stop it? Even if the human gets ripped apart in the process? What happened to being all about saving people? And why the hell did that lady get with one of them in the first place?"

Julie's face twisted in disgust. She eyed me uneasily then, remembering how I'd basically done the same thing.

"Oh, they're out there," Edythe answered tensely. "The sadistic ones… the incubus… the succubus. But seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. I think that's what this was. But no one ever survives. Why he left this woman alive is a mystery."

Julie shut her eyes and shook her head, revolted by the thought. "Your kind… are totally sickening. Well, if you don't stop this madness, the pack is certainly going to. The treaty definitely doesn't allow this. This puts everyone in danger. It has to be taken care of before it's too late. Just wait until the elders hear this…"

"And just what do you expect to do about it?" Edythe interrogated in annoyance. "You do realize you'll kill the human too if you kill it…"

"The safety of our families, of everyone here, is more important than one human. Our goal is to protect as many people as possible," Julie explained.

"Julie, please," Edythe begged. "I need you to explain this to the others without upsetting them. I don't want any sort of altercation with my family. Even if Carine is protecting this woman's will, my family will protect Carine no matter what. You do realize that we outnumber you. The best I can offer is request that the tribe hold off on this until it is born, then you can intervene however you please if that becomes necessary. But don't act too hastily here. The situation is already enough trepidation for us as it is."

Julie's face was an unreadable mask as she knew she'd been thwarted. "Alright. I'll try my best. But Sam is the alpha, so whatever she decides goes."

Edythe nodded. "I understand. Please do your best to convince her."

"Thank you for telling me, at least, Beau," she nodded as she turned and ran off into the trees. I heard the explosion of ripping fabric as she phased into wolf form beyond the trees.

Edythe stared at me, waiting for the apology. "Beau, what the hell were you thinking? You'll have a whole damn pack of wolves coming down on our heads…"

Just then, a scream erupted from the house.

Edythe and I gave one quick, concerned look at each other. Then we were off.

It looked like the situation was only going to get more and more critical as time went on. And my subconscious told me I should worry… that I should be very afraid.

Later that night, Edythe and I were lounging in the front room of our tiny house, the fireplace crackling. When I had tried discussing the matter of the broken rib further with her, she shut it down. She didn't want to talk about it anymore, so I let it go.

I couldn't shake the images from my head.

On the one hand, the idea of an actual vampire growing inside a person, readying itself to tear apart its first helpless victim… On the other, I pictured the pale, angelic face of an innocent baby, and Edythe and Carine trying to destroy it.

The thought hurt. The two alternatives were almost impossible to reconcile. And still, I realized I had already subconsciously made up my mind.

How could I blame the true nature of an unborn, undeveloped creature for killing someone, when I wouldn't have blamed Edythe if she'd happened to have slipped up and killed me? I remembered how I'd decided that she couldn't help but be what she was, how I was more than okay with that.

This baby couldn't help what it was any more than the rest of us could.

I thought about Royal then, the pain and resentment he held for all the things he felt were taken away from him, including the chance to have children of his own. I never really understood that part, at least. Children, in the abstract, didn't appeal to me in the slightest. Kids were so loud, so messy and demanding.

In the past, when I'd dreamed of not being an only child, I'd always wanted an older brother or sister. Someone who could take care of me, rather than the other way around.

But this child… What if I were the only one willing to take care of it? The only one willing to stand up for its right to live? Royal and Ati were on board, I'm sure. I kept picturing Edythe not caring about it at all, seeing her wanting to hurt it.

What could I do? Would I be able to reason with them to protect it so that it could live? I wouldn't allow it. This child had to live.

"Edythe—"

"Yes?"

I had to think for a second, trying to get myself a few minutes alone. "Do you think you could… go get us some reading materials? I think it might do some good to take our mind off things."

"Of course," she said, and her eyes were suddenly soft for the first time in a long time. "What did you have in mind?"

I shrugged. "You pick. Show me your favorites. Throw in some poetry while you're at it, too."

She nodded and left the room.

I ran over and scooped up the cell phone she'd left on the coffee table. I flipped it open and scrolled through the preprogrammed numbers. I found the one I was looking for, the one I never thought I'd ever be calling. I pushed the dial button.

"Hello?" his smooth, golden voice answered.

"Royal," I said nervously. "I need your help."

I'd barely hung up the phone in time for Edythe to return to show me her favorite books and poetry she had discovered over time. We went into lengthy discussions about her analysis of each work and why it meant something significant to her. Her philosophies were fascinating to hear.

There was nothing I could ever really introduce her to in return because she'd already read virtually anything I could think of. She'd read almost everything a person could possibly read, given she'd been continuously awake for more than eighty years.

Tonight, she was reading from her favorite poems by Robert Frost. She read from the page, though I'm not exactly sure why. It must have been the novelty of reading from a book. Because I knew for a fact that if she had ever seen the words before, they were committed perfectly to her memory. It wouldn't surprise me if she could recite entire plays by Shakespeare.

"Some say the world will end in fire," she began reading. "Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate to say that for destruction, ice is also great… and would suffice."

"What do you think it means?" she asked me as she put the book down.

"It's an analogy… Desire is fire, and ice is like hate? Am I right?"

"Yes, but I wasn't referring to the symbolism," she clarified. "The questions it raises."

"Oh, um, I don't really know. I'm not one to really think of the apocalypse. Especially not the end of a world that you live in. That can't happen." I cringed away from the idea.

"It's inevitable, though, Beau. Maybe not for another million years, but it will happen someday. You know, like Murphy's Law… Nonetheless, I'd have to say I would wager towards the ice version."

"And why is that?"

"I like to think it's most likely the end will be caused by some force of evil. If we're known as the cold ones, we're like the ice. To me, ice represents that evil, destructive force," she explained.

I sighed. "Edythe, I've said it a million times. You're not evil. None of us are. At least not our family. Evil is something you choose to be. It isn't an inherited quality." I put considerable emphasis on the last statement.

She sighed. "That's debatable."

"Anyway, what about fire? Isn't that destructive? I would think fire is most known for the destruction it causes. And in the poem, it symbolizes desire. Which, with humanity, the pursuit of desire is the root of a lot of problems. It reminds me of that stanza from Romeo and Juliet about how the intense desire of their relationship ultimately led to their demise."

She knew immediately what I was talking about. The words were coming out of her mouth in a whisper.

"These violent delights have violent ends,

And in their triumph die,

Like fire and powder,

Which, as they kiss, consume."

I thought only then about how Shakespeare had gotten it wrong; the most violent delight in the world was right here in this room, and it would never come to an end. This triumph would last forever.

But, obviously for Shakespeare, he never would have considered this sort of scenario. I still couldn't help but resent him for the pessimistic sentiment of that part. After everything I'd witnessed, I was a firm believer that some things never die.

It got me started in on creation again. "I know we've talked about it before, but… it drives me crazy not knowing. Where did it begin? The vampire race, I mean. Like, if becoming a vampire requires a bite from another vampire, how did the first vampire ever become one?"

She laughed. "Well, what came first? The chicken or the egg? I think both of those examples carry the same principle. Something had to have created the first immortal. There's no evidence around to point us to what that was, but when you become part of the supernatural world, you start to pay a lot more attention to mythology. Especially Carine. She's done centuries of research into things like this. She and Ati actually have an ongoing theory about your question."

I sat up quickly. "No way. You have to tell me."

"Ati is the oldest vampire Carine knows. And Ati doesn't think there is anyone still around older than herself. The coven she originated from was destroyed long ago. As far as they know, she is one of the oldest immortals remaining today. She's been around even longer than the Volturi."

"Just how old is she?" I asked. I was amazed at the thought of this.

"She doesn't know exactly when she was born, or when she was turned. Common people didn't keep track of time in those days, but from historical context, she estimates that she was born sometime around 2,500 B.C. in the Nile River Valley, which is where it is believed the human race began."

"Holy shit…" I whispered breathlessly. I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around the idea. This meant Ati had to be at least forty-five hundred years old…

Edythe went on. "I know. It's insane, that span of time. I can barely fathom that much time. She had a creator, of course, so we know we were around before then. But she and Kalil are the only remaining members of her original coven. The Volturi killed the rest of them, but that's a story for another time. The point is that Ati knows firsthand what the world was like back then, and she can confirm that many of the stories of witchcraft and magic aren't entirely fictional. She believes something along those lines is the force behind what started the vampire race. Carine tends to agree with her. They presume there was some sort of original vampire in the beginning, the progenitor, who came to be that way without the bite. And the curse has been passed on by his or her bite ever since. Whether the original vampire became this by choice, we'll never know. This person probably sold their soul to the devil or something to gain immortality. And passed that curse down to the rest of us."

I turned to her. "Oh, shut up. You know that isn't true. You, your family, the Denali clan, Carine… You definitely have souls."

"I know that's what you believe, but to me, sin has a way of catching up with everyone in the end. You get all the beauty and immortality, but you lose your soul," she said as she stared into my eyes.

I stared back into hers, and that's where what she was saying was contradicted by what I saw.

I grabbed her hand. "Edythe, come on. None of you even chose to be this. And even if you had, you still choose not to hurt anyone. I think your actions and decisions dictate whether you're evil or not. So what, like, you think we're all going to hell or something?"

"Well, hypothetically speaking, if we were to ever die..."

I dropped her hand. "No. I refuse to believe that. You couldn't possibly be damned. You're too good, and pure. All of you are like angels, especially Carine. There are humans out there far more evil than some vampires." I was all but tensed up with anger. The idea was blasphemy.

"Beau, I don't think what we choose to do about it makes any difference. We are what we are. Our very existence proves that the devil is real. You may not believe there is a hell, but I do. That's where we come from, and we'll return there."

"Hell? Who knows? If there is, I know for a fact it's absolutely not where you belong," I said, determined to make her change her mind.

Her tone changed suddenly. "Since when are you so religious?"

I shook my head. "I'm not. Not really… I mean, I've been to church before. My mom took me to a few here and there as part of her try-new-things phases, but she always gave up on it like pretty much everything else. And I just never really saw the appeal in the whole thing. It's not that I reject the whole concept of it or anything. I believe there is something… but religion never really was for me. It always just looked like a bunch of do's and don'ts and rules you have to follow. Life was already difficult enough without going around thinking I was being judged all the time."

She considered this for a moment. "I can definitely see that point of view. There are many people see it that way."

"Do you guys… ever attend church?" I asked. It had never been brought up before, so I always assumed they weren't affiliated with one. But I knew that Carine's father had been a pastor.

She laughed. "Vampires in church? Oh, the irony… No, not since becoming this. I did when I was human, though, and quite regularly. My parents were Episcopalian. We were a very religious family. And Carine's father was an Anglican pastor. But I wouldn't say my family now is religious, in that regard. We don't partake in any organized religion, per se. I would say that we are spiritual. I very much so believe in God."

I had to admit myself that with people like Edythe and Carine in the world, there had to be a God.

"I'm not trying to convince you to believe as I do, if you are at peace with your own belief system," she continued. "But I've given it a lot of thought, and I do think many people misunderstand the whole institution of it. What most people will see is a controlling deity who says 'do this' and 'don't do that' because he wants to ruin our fun and demonize our pleasure. But I don't think of it that way at all. If God is our creator—well, at least creator of the humans—then God knows exactly what's best for us. The things he commands not to do, you can think of them like poison, in regard to either our souls or bodies. The law merely is meant to protect, and improve the quality of life in the long run, not control it. Those sins are considered as such for specific reasons, all of which revolve around potential to bring some sort of difficulty or corruption to our lives. What may seem like something being taken away, is actually setting us up for long-term gratification. It's hard to explain what I mean, but I could go on and on about it…"

Edythe had a genuinely amazing mind. She made the entire concept make perfect sense just like that. I loved listening to her philosophies. She was an endless source of beautiful ideas and epiphanies—I wanted to live forever in the peaceful inspiration of her existence.

Edythe Cullen could never be damned. I think God would be lucky to have more people like her advocating for him.

"Are you familiar with C.S. Lewis?" she asked.

I nodded. "Chronicles of Narnia. Of course."

Edythe giggled. "Did you know he was also a Christian apologist? There was something he said in one of his essays that really stuck out in my mind: 'It would seem our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.'"

She quoted him perfectly like she was reading from a book. And I agreed. It really did put things into a new perspective.

I sighed. "All of that, and you still don't think you're worthy of heaven?"

"I suppose it's complicated… Anyway, I suppose you'll have to excuse my running off on a tangent. But my point is that I still feel like I should do the best I can to save my soul, even if it's most likely that I've already lost it. If I do my best at this, then I can at least say I tried to earn it back. But thank you, Beau. You've always been so very gracious about us."

"This is one of the reasons you didn't ever want me like this." I said it as an assumption. It wasn't a question.

"The biggest reason, actually. I may not be able to save my soul. Risking yours was very foolish of me."

"But you would have had to have let me die one day." Her logic didn't make much sense.

"I wouldn't have wanted you to die, of course. But gambling yours away just for the sake of never having to lose you, that's the most selfish act I could have ever committed."

"I wouldn't have wanted it anyway without you."

"Such a stubborn child," she taunted. "You think I'm unreasonable, but imagine the situation in reverse. Would you take away my soul?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. This floored me.

"Okay, that's not fair. What about the others, though? Do they believe in anything?"

She thought for a minute, then she laughed at some inside joke. "I suppose Eleanor would be the next most spiritual. It reminds me of a funny story, actually…. Well, it isn't a funny story, but the way she tells it is quite amusing. You know about Eleanor and the bear, correct?"

"Yes. I still remember. That's why bears are her favorite."

There had always been a sort of empathetic kinship between Eleanor and me. Her story was the only one remotely similar to mine. Royal had admired her, however briefly, while she was human. And that was why he had chosen her. I think Eleanor was the only one of the others who truly understood the miracle Edythe was to me.

Edythe laughed again. "Okay so, that day in '35, after the bear was done with Eleanor… she was fading away. And then she heard what she thought was another bear that had come to fight over the meal."

"But it was Royal," I finished.

Edythe stifled another laugh. "Yes, and then she was flying up to heaven. On the way there, she opened her eyes again and saw him."

She chuckled again helplessly, but I didn't get the humor.

"Okay, why is it so funny?"

"Eleanor thought Royal was God taking her to heaven. She even fought through the pain just to keep her eyes open, so she didn't have to miss one second of God's face", Edythe managed to blurt out through the laughter.

I could understand that entirely. "Yeah, I assumed that much. But I would bet God actually looks more like you."

If I saw Edythe in a glowing orb descending from the sky, I wouldn't have questioned it even for a second.

"Oh, so you're one of those people who thinks of God as a woman?"

"I have no idea. If she is, I bet she looks like you… God must be beautiful, and there can't be anyone more beautiful than you," I said, touching her perfect face.

She smiled. "Well, thank you, Beau. Then I must say the male version looks like you…"

"Care to tell the rest of the story?"

"Right… So Eleanor started to wonder why it was taking so long for God to get her up to heaven; maybe it was a longer trip than expected. Then he brought her to the blonde-haired angel." Edythe laughed even harder now.

It wasn't as funny to me. I could easily comprehend anyone making that assumption.

"That's when she started to change her mind. Maybe she'd had too much fun in her twenty years. She just knew God must have taken her to judgment day, and wasn't at all surprised at the sudden fires of hell."

I shuddered at the memory of the burning.

"But why hadn't God and the angel left? Why were they allowed to stay in hell with her? She didn't know, but oh, was she grateful." Edythe laughed again. I suppose since she had seen all of this through Eleanor's eyes, that was what made it so funny to her.

"Eleanor was the least disturbed of all of us over the vampire thing. She told us if God and the angels were vampires, then it couldn't be that bad."

I nodded, empathizing completely. "Exactly! You see? Hell isn't so bad if you get to keep an angel with you," I said mischievously as I pulled her into my chest.

Edythe grabbed the end of the necklace at my collarbones. Then she started quoting Shakespeare again.

"Come, gentle night. Come, loving, black-browed night. Give me my Romeo, and, when I shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with the night…"

"More than my own life," I reminded her.

"Forever," she reminded me back.