Fanboy And Chum Chum: A New Hope

(A/N: Fifth up today. Again, much innuendo.)

Time Stream Restored

Poopatine followed her into her room, looking helplessly around. He heard her shut and lock the door behind them. He shivered visibly; of course she probably thought it was anticipation. As if. He turned, innocently smiling at her. "Your son has quite the business know-how," he quickly said.

"Who? Ozzy? Yeah right," she replied.

"He does, truly. Why he could probably sell anything! Comics, toys, knickknacks. He could make you a rich woman, Mrs. Harmonium," Poopatine said. Of course he knew full well Oz would die before selling any of his toys or comics, but she didn't need to know that.

"Rich," she mused, eyes lighting up. He felt himself relaxing. She was getting distracted by the promise of money. Maybe he could get out of this yet. "Maybe I've been underestimating him."

"Yes, yes, why don't you go right back down and give him a trial run? Tell him you'll close shop for some time and see how he does running his own store! After all, Mrs. Harmonium, you're not going to live forever. The boy needs to be self-reliant," Poopatine quickly persuaded. He was so close!

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do that!" she said. "But first…"

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Poopatine's grin fell to terror. Oh no… No, no, no. "Yes?" he tightly asked.

"Let's have some fun, Russy boy. After all, I won't live forever," she said.

"I have an appointment!" he exclaimed, trying to bolt, but before he could blink she'd tackled him onto the bed. "N-now Mrs. Harmonium, this really isn't necessary," he quickly stammered in alarm.

"Pucker up man," she ordered. His mouth dropped in terror as she moved in for a kiss. Oh this was totally backwards! He itched to hit her with something, but that would be too risky! He couldn't do this, though, he couldn't! Images were flashing through his head at breakneck speed, and he knew that even if she'd been the most beautiful creature on the planet he wouldn't have gone through with this. His loyalty had forever been with his deceased wife and would remain so for eternity. He willed desperately for fate to intervene, because if it didn't he would shove her off of him and ruin the whole plan.

All at once there was a knocking at the door. "Mrs. Harmonium?!" Mufflin's voice called.

"Oh what now?" she asked, annoyed. She climbed off of Poopatine. He could have kissed Hank then and there, but then that would be just awkward. She opened the door, asking, "What?"

"Where are the comics!" Fanboy and Chum Chum suddenly and angrily exclaimed, appearing over his shoulders. She screamed in alarm.

Fanboy and Chum Chum looked passed her to Poopatine. "Oh, hey Janitor Poopatine," Fanboy said, waving.

"Why are you in Oz's mom's room?" Chum Chum asked.

"Talking!" he quickly exclaimed, leaping out of the bed and bolting for the door.

"We want comics and toys!" Fanboy and Chum Chum demanded of the woman.

"Oz!" she furiously called.

Oz was there in a second, asking, "Yes mom?" He noticed Poopatine's ruffled clothing and blinked blankly, twitching.

"Nothing happened!" the janitor exclaimed in horror, revolted at the thought.

"Get down there, close up the Yogurt stand, and start running a Comics and Collectables shop! Think of this as a trial run," she declared.

"You mean it?!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"Of course. Just make sure no one else disrupts me and Poopatine's 'chat,'" she said.

Oz looked horrified, as did Poopatine and Mufflin. Fanboy and Chum Chum cheered, bolting. "I'm not getting out of this," Poopatine whimpered quietly. Only Mufflin and Oz heard.

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"You can't be serious!" Kyle exclaimed in horror as he and Sigmund snuck up the stairs after Fanboy, Chum Chum, Oz, and a dejected and guilt stricken Mufflin, had come down. Sigmund had just explained to him in detail precisely what he believed 'chatting' and 'toys' to be. Kyle was appalled, to say the least. How did Sigmund even know these things?! He supposed it was the advantage Sigmund had, being the oldest of all the children, and exposed to none too savory characters during his acting career, but still!

"In every vay. Ve cannot let zis 'appen to fazher," he declared. "Ve need a distraction."

"Fire alarm, doy," Kyle said, pointing upwards. Sigmund looked.

"Zat could work. Zen again it could get ze adrenaline going," he replied. Kyle shuddered at the thought. These were mental images he could do without.

"Where ever do you get this stuff?" he demanded.

"Ze trailer valls are thin," Sigmund replied, cringing disgustedly at some of the things he'd heard. And awkward moments with drunken older ladies when they got… well, disgusting and clingy over the 'adorable sorcerer baby they just wanted to eat up.' Not in the cutesy gushy way either. More the perverted appalling way. He'd fled desperately more than once. He could sympathize with his father. Kyle summoned smoke, sending it wafting up to the fire alarm. It went off and the two hugged the walls, hoping for the best.

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Poopatine immediately shoved the woman, who was kissing him by now, off of him. He leapt up and exclaimed, "Fire alarm, time to go!"

"The sprinklers will go off," she replied. "Besides, the danger is thrilling."

"You can roast alive then, woman! I'm out!" Poopatine shot, bolting. This time he gave her no opening to protest. He gasped, sliding to a stop when he saw his two children looking fearfully up at him. They had suspected? Wait, the look in Sigmund's eyes… the eldest son had suspected; and judging by the haunted look in his expression, Poopatine was going to have to do some digging. There was no way the boy was going to bottle this up too. Great. He'd hoped not to have to have 'the talk' for a good long time yet. Not with either of them. Now he would have to do so with both.

"Dad!" they both exclaimed in relief.

He raced to them, scooping them up without answering, and bolted down the stairs and outside. Putting them down he dove into the car and blared the horn, yelling, "Let's get going!" They all leapt inside, squished together like in a tin of sardines, and Poopatine tore off.

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They parked outside Kyle's house and raced up and inside. "Whoa, that was wild," Boog said.

Poopatine shuddered. It probably would have been. Mufflin cringed, looking pityingly at him. "I have my shop now! Yes! Seriously, dudes, we're this close!" Oz exclaimed. "All we have to do now is restore the time stream!"

"Easier said than done. I don't have Necronomicon, and I doubt Sigmund knows the cure by heart either," Kyle said.

Poopatine twitched then raced to the bookshelf. He was done with this time stream. Of course with his luck no one would forget it, but at least things would be normal again. He scanned it quickly. He pulled out a random book that looked old. He opened it. Nothing of importance was inside, but there didn't have to be anything. All he had to do was make them believe he was reading out a spell. Immediately he levitated the book without his hands and began to chant as if reading from it. They gaped at him in awe then looked out the window. The hourglass shape was appearing!

"Now all ve have to do iz get our lives back together again," Sigmund said quietly, because he and Kyle both knew they'd end up back with Kyle's adoptive parents.

"After this, I'm pretty sure we can do anything," Kyle replied. "He knows that spell too well," he mused, going off topic and looking back at Poopatine.

"Ve have enough to deal vith vithout sinking on fazher's strange abilities," Sigmund replied simply. Kyle nodded, letting it go.

"See you all on the other side," Fanboy declared.

"Good luck," Chum Chum added to Sigmund and Kyle. All at once there was a flash and a bang, and everything changed.