Author's Note: So, the image of Sheldon dropping it low is certainly full of win and I'm really glad I didn't ax it like I thought about doing. I was all "Okay, that's way OOC, even for this story" but I just thought of him and Penny on the floor and Leonard watching like a rightfully burned cyber creeper and it just stuck, not to mention the FaceBook thing just drove it home…
Anyway, we're back in Sheldon's head and it's time to get serious about establishing the main ship up in this piece. I'm already drafting the naked part (my favorite part of any story reading or writing) and it's already shaping up to be a doozy. Hopefully, not too doozyish for the newly puritanical FFN I've been hearing about around town. Man, if they start chucking people off of here for too much smut…ooh, good thing I've got my DeviantArt and Livejournal accounts. For reals.
Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"
She was hugging him again.
Even though her jasmine scent had been tainted with tobacco and the bit of Grey Goose that the barkeep had found "jus' fer you, lil' lady", he had responded promptly and properly. No longer would he touching her be a cause of incredulity ("Leonard, look, Sheldon's hugging me…") nor would he twitch and jerk around like a spastic marionette.
He was utterly determined to form a relationship agreement with Penelope Rosemary Oaks and what he wanted, he got or was very active in pursuing the goal, hence his quest for the Nobel. Plus, touching her was anything but terrible…
"'M glad you danced with me. It was really fun." she enthused with sleepy, happy delirium.
"Although 'dropping it low' caused unpleasant twinges in my lower vertebrae, I enjoyed it too."
Penny broke the hug with a soft laugh and a yawn, her cowgirl boots safely in her hand as she went to Missy's room. He followed after her instinctively, noting that not only was Missy sprawled out on the air mattress but Raj was with her. They were thankfully clothed but Raj was the "big spoon" and holding onto her torso with near white knuckle intensity. Judging by the dreamy smile on his twin's face, she was certainly feeling no pain. Carefully, he picked up her discarded purple quilt and covered them, noting with satisfaction as they cocooned themselves.
Raj would be a most acceptable suitor for Missy. He would be sure to inform him of that in the morning…
Sheldon watched appreciatively through his lashes as Penny knelt at her main duffel and pulled out her toiletries. His mouth went bone dry as she pulled out a bag from Victoria's Secret, the shop and catalog that Wolowitz was obsessed with. His blood began to race as her purchase came into view, a modest but immodest black cotton tank and panty combination.
What intrigued him the most (other than the image of her nubile form in it) was the presence of The Flash logo decorating the material. Coupled with the way she consistently paired red and yellow together, knowing that it represented his favorite hero was a good sign. He had read someplace that the way a woman dressed and behaved around suitors indicated the amount of interest she had. Penny was "repping" his favorite hero, she met his gaze head on when he spoke to her, and she was very tactile. A hand on his back, tugging his wrist to get his attention, hugging…very, very good signs…
"I like your new pajamas, Penny."
"You do?"
"Yes. Not only do they support a high quality hero, I believe that they'll look very aesthetically pleasing on you."
And even better on my bedroom floor… a deviant voice in his head supplied.
When her cheeks flared to a deep pink, he belatedly realized that Penny had a detrimental effect on what little filter there was between his brain and mouth.
Her normally open gaze took on an unreadable edge and he swallowed as she slowly crossed the distance between them. Her gait was a combination of a swagger and a sultry sway, utterly predatory. Unlike the other women who had taken on that sort of gait in his presence, Sheldon felt no fear or disgusted awe. Mortification was present but only because he shared what should've been kept in his mind. His mother and MeeMaw had always told him that "no woman wants to be seen as a slab of beef on a pole, Shelley" and that thought, no matter how true it was certainly counted as "slab of beef on a pole" material…
"Your bedroom floor?" she asked slowly, a soft near crazed smile curving her lips.
"Penny, I…"
Her hands went to his shoulders, pinning him right against Missy's framed Garth Brooks poster and he knew his eyes were comically wide.
"Penny, are you inebriated? Perhaps we could continue this discussion after you…oh, Good Lord!"
His voice had gone whispery, squeaky, and hoarse all at once. With a giggle, Penny did that accursed (blessed) thing with her hips again and his brain scrambled further as heat surged all the way down South…
"Homo Novocaine, my ass."
"It's Homo Novus and I…for the love of bleedin' thorny Jesus, stop doin' that…"
"Why?" she whined/cooed (whi-cooed?) "You like it. I like it and no, I'm not wasted. You know what I'm like when I'm wasted, Sheldon. If I were wasted, I'd be some form of naked with a walking bad idea right now and you know it."
"True. Penny, as I was sayin'…saying before you decided to do…what you just did…is that I still consider myself to be Homo Novus but an evolved form of it…"
"…like a Pokemon?"
"…interrupting is rude, Penelope…and…I have feelings for you. Feelins that I don't know what to do wit! Dammit, devil woman! Knock it off and listen to me!"
Her verdant gaze lost its playful gleam but the serious intent was still there. Gently, he removed her hands and guided her out of his personal bubble. Deep breathing and images of Hofstadter and Wolowitz mid coital stamped out the fires in his groin and he looked at her rawly.
"I need you to assist me with an equation.", he declared.
Her jaw dropped and he suppressed the urge to roll his eyes as she huffed.
"Seriously? Sheldon, what in the living hell does one of your wacky equations have to do with…with whatever's between us?" she sputtered while gesticulating wildly at their forms.
"Everything!" he snarled before grabbing her arm and dragging her to his room. Penny's indignant words were cut off in a gasp as she took in the 3 boards that their equation took up. He watched warily as she read through the dark green words, her fingers stealing to the timeline he had written, the print outs of their "love emails", the lyrics to "Soft Kitty", the photo of the Leonard Nimoy napkin, a menu from The Cheesecake Factory, the receipt for the bathing products…
"It's like a ginormous scrapbook of Us, only on whiteboards instead of a cheap photo album from Wal-Mart. You…you made me a variable?" she asked shakily as she traced her initials.
"A very important variable. The most important variable in this universe and at least half of the alternates. Penny, I am a man of science but…I find that my feelings for you are much too overwhelming to cope with by myself. And that suppressing them is no longer a viable option. Although there is a distinct risk of my quest for the Nobel being delayed until my late 30s or even my 40s and the fact that what the world terms as love has turned some good people into monsters or sent them to an early grave, I find that the alternative course of being without you is completely unacceptable so I wish to formally ask for your hand in courtship and any other socially acceptable bond that you desire."
She turned and launched herself at him, sending them crashing into his dresser. Before he could even yelp, her lips were on his and once again, he responded promptly and properly. Her mouth was sweet and salty all at once, reminding him of his favorite chocolate coated pretzels. She was warm and soft and sweet smelling, heady to his senses. Her fingers were in his hair and her body language open and warm. Overall, actions spoke better than words and her actions showed a resounding acceptance of his improvised but heartfelt proposal…
"A-hem…"
Sheldon squeaked as his blue flannel robe clad mother came into focus in the doorway, a golf club in her hand, rollers in her hair, and a wry smile playing at her lips...
"I heard a godawful bang from in here and I thought it was some hoodlum lookin' to make trouble or another death ray explosion. Now, I just know it's my baby boy and his lady love lookin' to make me a long overdue and prayed for grandchild."
"Who's makin' you a grandchild, Momma? Oh. Ohhh…well all right, now! Go 'head, String Bean! Momma, I'm takin' Bernadette down to the swimming hole to look at the stars. We should be back before midnight." G.J. informed them all with a brilliant smile tugging at his lips.
"Have fun, Georgie and try and move a little slower than these two. Penny, dear? I think you should get on offa him for now. You mentioned that you wanted to get cleaned up before bed."
"I did. Um…Mrs. Cooper…"
"Mary, honey."
"Right. Um…it's…it's not just a fling or two atoms colliding in the night. Can atoms collide?"
Sheldon nodded dumbly, his body still thrumming from the impact and sheer Penny-ness.
"I…I really care about Sheldon and...and Sheldon cares about me. He said so and…look at all that. He made a whiteboard scrapbook and a whole equation just for us."
"I see, sugar and I know that Shelley means it when he says he cares. Lee Cooper men are downright awful at expressin' their feelings 9 times outta 10 but when they can…it's a doozy. Now, scoot. Go on and get ready for bed."
"Okay."
Penny pressed a quick kiss to his right cheek and hurried out the door, her hips swaying hypnotically in the process. Those hips were his kryptonite.
Hell…all of Penny was his kryptonite.