A/N: Hey everyone :) Well, I felt really bad about not updating this for a LONG time, so I just did a really quick chapter. It's SO short. I'm sorry. Oh well. ANYway. It's my birthday today. I'm not going to say my age XD. Keep you guys guessing. It was a pretty good day, but some REVIEWS will make it better :D.

After the score revealing, it's time for bed. Katniss vacates immediately, as if she can't any longer stand the sight of us. Her smile for Cinna has simply vanished. He and Portia try to urge me on with her, to converse, something, but I shake my head. I have a headache.

"Peeta," Cinna says, "I was thinking…"

I look at him, glare at him, really. I'm sure he's going to say something about Katniss. "I was thinking, too, Cinna. I thought I was thinking I figure all of this out. Maybe I can, maybe I can't, but either way, I think I just need to be alone, and not think about Katniss right now."

Cinna looks mildly surprised. "I was just going to remind you about the interviews. I was wondering whether it would be alright if you and Katniss's outfits mirrored each other."

"Oh." I don't really care, but at least he's taking an interest in my interests. "That's… fine. I'm sorry. I…" I trail off.

"It's alright," Cinna says. "I feel your anxiety almost as if it's my own."

"As do I," Portia adds. I can't help but feel as if I'm pushing them away somehow; they act so formal towards me. And they really are concerned for my wellbeing, which is less than I can say for almost anyone else at the Capitol.

"It's just not in my nature," I confess. "Self-preservation, I mean." And it's not. The voice in my head that screams "Save yourself! Save yourself!" isn't nearly as loud as it should be. I don't know what I should do.

"You're so noble, Peeta," Portia says, and it's almost palpable, the pain in her voice, and the hollow feeling in her stomach. It's the same feeling that plagues me, every time the realization hits me, over, and over, and over again. I'm going to die. And there's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing I can do about it but fight. Not even for my self, for someone who I barely even know. Someone I've saved once before. The insanity of it sinks in once again, but this time I do not cringe away from it. This is what I want, and I am decided.

"It's not so much nobility so much as what I can have on my conscience. The other tributes – their blood, their deaths, on my hands?" I shudder.

Portia nods, teary-eyed. "I understand."

"Perhaps you should stop worrying about them, and start thinking about yourself."

Portia and I stare at Cinna for a moment, nothing else to say. I haven't thought about myself in a while – a long while.

I dismiss myself to bed and start down the hallway. When I reach my room, I close the door forcibly, as if I can shut out all of my problems, as a single door can stop them in their tracks.

It doesn't, of course. They follow me, and creep their way back into my thoughts. I've given up on showering, and just lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Katniss. Her name rattles around in my head. I want to save her, right? I want to save myself. Right? I don't know what I want, and that's a problem. I've never known what I wanted exactly. I am reminded of my mother taking my brothers out to the sweets shop that Mr. Donner owned. He was a nice man with a jolly expression, but his eyes were always sad, as though some tragedy had befallen him once.

My mother was prompting me to pick out a treat, so that she could get back to the bakery, were her bread was waiting in the oven. I couldn't decide. So my mother snatched up the closest thing – a bag of taffies – handed it to me, and paid for it. I was ten at the time, so I had enough sense not to tell my mother that I hated taffy, but from then on, I never said a thing to her about my opinion, nor anybody else. If my father wanted to know which cake he should set aside for my birthday, I would shrug and tell him to choose. It wasn't as if I would remember anyway. If a girl asked me to be her valentine, I smiled and took her hand. Let the chips fall where they may, I thought. Now that my life is almost definitely coming to a close, I can't help but think of all the opportunities I've let pass me by. I still feel the longing for the cake with the orange borders and chocolate filling, and I still taste the kiss of girl that I never wanted.

In that moment, I know what I want. I know that when I go into the arena, I will lose my life. I know that no matter what I do, Katniss will lose hers as well. And the chips can fall wherever they want, but I know I will fight to keep myself alive. I will fight for the chance of missed opportunities. Katniss is a warrior – and so am I.

Effie and Haymitch are both sitting at the table with a one-seat buffer in between them. They do seem to be getting along, though. Come to think of it, I haven't heard them doing anything but agreeing since training began.

I get a plate and start shoveling food onto it, tasting a few dishes before I decided whether or not I want it. I like everything, and by the time I've reached the end of the buffet, I've stuffed a roll in my mouth, because there was no rooms left, and a bit of maple syrup from my waffles is overflowing onto my hand. The glass of orange juice in my other hand prevents me from wiping the sticky stuff off, and soon it flows down to my sleeve.

My mentors haven't seen to have noticed my presence, so I make a big show of slamming my food down on the table across from the. Their heads turn in unison to look at me, but they look away just as fast.

I clear my throat. They look again, clearly preoccupied. When I don't say anything for a moment, they go back to talking in hushed whispers. I try again. "I have something I'd like to run by you two."

"Yes, Peeta?" Effie looks expectant.

I take a deep breath. "I… I don't think I want to be trained with Katniss."

Effie looks relieved, like she's been waiting for me to tell her that I've just set a bomb to blow the entire solar system up. "Why is that?"

"I…'" I sigh again. "I don't think I can worry about her fate. I can't control it, and I don't want to."

"You'll feel guilty either way," Haymitch grumbles reassuringly.

Gee, thanks. "It's not like either of us is going to live anyway."

"That's what you might think," Haymitch says, putting his glass down, I'm surprised to see that he's actually drinking something other than wine or liquor. There's water in his glass. He must be nursing a hangover – even if he isn't, he being surprisingly nice.

"That's what I thought when I went into the arena," Haymitch continues. "No chance. But did I have a pity party about it?" I knew this was coming. "No. Let me tell you –"

Just then, Katniss enters the room. We all fall silent. Effie takes the opportunity to restart her conversation with Haymitch about shoes and hats and things that are to be worn in the arena.

I just stare guiltily at Katniss, who's trying to stuff her breakfast into her mouth like she'll never eat again. I haven't really touched mine, so a pick up a muffin and wolf it down in case Katniss tries to talk to me. She doesn't, just continues loading her mouth with Capitol food. If they just poisoned it all, wouldn't it be so much easier? The last one standing gets the antidote, and we're saved all the trouble?

Effie and Haymitch are eating their own food now, Effie taking sparing little bites while Haymitch loudly slurps soups, which dribbles down his chin.

Katniss finally says. "So… what's going on? You're coaching us on the interviews today, right?"

Haymitch wipes his chin. "That's right," he says.

"You don't have to wait until I'm done," Katniss urges, "I can listen and eat at the same time."

"Well, there's been a change of plans. About our current approach." Haymitch says this as Effie looks awkwardly between the two of us.

"What's that?" Katniss asks.

"Peeta has asked to be coached separately."

There. Just a filler chapter, really. I don't really have that much to say x). This chapter is really bad, but you just wasted your time reading it (or hopefully you don't think that) you can review! It's the BEST time waster, because it makes me happy! Please?

Thanks for reading!

-seastar