Author's Note: I've been busy during Christmas and New Year. Anyway this is another love triangle! Requested of R.O.B by ooPikaBoltoo and FoxxSamus by Scissorsroid Luka. Enjoy and thank you all for the wonderful reviews. Up to 40 :)!
Chapter 11: ROBxSamusxFox
R.O.B is described as a useless, scrap and monotone robot to the Smashers. Then again, every robot is monotone. R.O.B never mind the insults, they never hurt him due to the fact that he felt nothing on the inside. Only time he felt a pang of emotion was when he felt sorrow to his companions. That hit him like a baseball bat into someone's face. But that wasn't just the only time he felt emotion. There was something called 'love' that crept in like Phazon corrupting Samus.
Speaking of corruption, the figure was none other than the great, Samus Aran. Whenever R.O.B was around he felt that pang in his circuits and knew it was the feeling 'love'. Samus seemed ok around him; both were antisocialists and never really spoke about themselves to anyone at all both in the mansion and out side the mansion. Maybe that's why he loved her.
Though it was embarrassing, because a few times when he sees her without the Zero Suit his inside circuits explode and he is shut down thus bringing in the technical crew to solve things thus Master Hand paying more money for fixing him. Master Hand didn't like R.O.B for that. Another situation involved him was thinking that Samus was a robot like him due to her Varia Suit so he had an interest in her.
Still, even though she wasn't a robot he still felt the feeling of 'love'. So, how was he going to confess? True, robots have a better knowledge of life but not emotions especially love. He's heard about the dial Snake for women advice thing but wasn't sure if it were a good idea. Snake never really socialized or even spoke once to the robot. Still, if it were the only way R.O.B would go to his room and make the call…
R.O.B reached the room and his camera eyes flashed blue. Right now he was in Phone Mode, a mode that allowed him to communicate with anyone, anywhere. All the numbers for Snake were imprinted in his head. Before he called something bothered him. Something that really bothered him since he came into his room. Why the heck did he come to his room if he could have communicated through his head? Great a moron robot, something new indeed…
"Good; thanks to you I should be getting more calls" Snake grunted in acknowledgement, glancing up.
Marth was now a new assistant to Snake and a posser. Apparently (to Snake) Snake hasn't been getting many calls due to complaint from other Smashers and of his 'gay commercial'. So, with 'negotiating' with Master Hand or more like black mail to Diddy who still worked for Snake, Marth joined the crew and did posses for the cameras and for a new add. Marth was shirtless, doing the Nutcracker and other hippie like dances near a pink back round that shown with red hearts, phones and what seemed to be a grinning Snake or Troll Face to some. Diddy did the recording and showed it to everyone on the screens.
"Why am I doing this again?" Marth called while practicing his dances.
'To embarrass you' Snake thought with a sly sneer but said. "It's the chance to get more viewers to dial me for women advice. Girls like you for some reason, and they LOVE shirtless guys," He paused with a grin. "And it's the only way to impress Zelda"
A sudden gleam entered Marth's eyes. "For Zelda, I'll keep dancing like a hippie!"
'Love-struck moron…' Diddy thought with a mental sigh.
As predictable (even on budget circumstances) the phone rang and Snake picked it up and placed it to his ear.
"This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever" Snake spoke with his usual quote.
Unexpectedly, Marth shoved Snake off his chair and snatched the phone.
"Zelda darling is that you? Oh it's me, sexy-dynamite Marth here to ask your hand in marriage!" Marth spoke in a sing-along voice.
"Negative, this is R.O.B and I wish to speak to Snake…" R.O.B stated.
Marth gave a sad scream and sobbed over the phone. Sighing, Diddy came up to the prince and patted his back and showed him to the mop at the corner and pointed him to mop the floor for him. Snake growled and made curses about Marth but got up on the chair and called.
"This here is Snake"
"Greeting there, clone Snake; I am R.O.B or Ancient Minister as you prefer, the one who tried to destroy you during the Subsp-" R.O.B explained but was cut off.
"Seriously, must all fricking robots go through details that I already know? You sound like Fi from 'The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword'…" Snake stated as a matter-of-fact.
"I can't identify this 'Fi' you speak of" R.O.B admitted.
Snake slapped his forehead. When the hell did a robot ask for love advice and for who? A Miss Minister?
"Who's this… lover of yours?" Snake asked, trying to sound calm and patient.
"Samus Aran, famous Bounty Hunter, major menopausal girl in her recent game, Phazon fighter, real version of Dark Samus-"R.O.B went on, unaware that Snake wasn't listening but thinking.
First Luigi, now a fricking robot was in love with Samus? Wow, Snake felt quite sorry for her; she should deserve men like him not a scaredy cat or a monotone, simpleton robot. So, how was going to advice a robot that may see through his tricks? Rubbing, his chin Snake thought deeply then an idea hit him-
"Nice try Diddy…" Snake spoke.
Diddy swore. He was over Snake's chair with a baseball bat and the clone noticed him!
-Or nearly hit him…
"-And the adoptive child of the Chozo…" R.O.B finished finally.
"Great to already know," Snake paused sarcastically. "Anyhow, listen well robot and do EXACTLY as I say, got it?"
"Affirmative"
"I want you to go to the Playboy Mansion and meet up with a friend of mine. But before you do I want you to dress up like a girl; like Samus to show how beautiful she is. Don't forget the fake boobs that Diddy will bring. While you head to the mansion do a commercial and sing the lyrics Diddy will give you!" Snake explained all together.
There was an awkward silence, something that Snake got use to. Then R.O.B spoke.
"I calculate that it's a 1% that I'll suc-" R.O.B spoke.
"I KNOW MORE ABOUT WOMEN YOU DO SO SHUT UP AND GO!" Snake swore and cut the phone line.
R. there in confusion then with a shrug waited for Diddy to come.
Snake glared over at Diddy with a huge smirk on his face. Diddy swore again and went to get the equipment for R.O.B…
As Diddy walked through the mansion with fake boobs, lyrics and girl clothing, Smashers kept eyeing him, especially a disturbed Roy. Wolf laughed hard at the poor, embarrassed chimp.
"Are you following the lead of your transvestite lover over there?" Wolf mocked.
Everyone laughed at Diddy and Roy who cowered away from the crowds. Now this made Diddy have a dark look. This was all Snake and Falco's bloody fault! Wait till he gets his revenge!
R.O.B noticed Diddy bring in the clothing over to the corner. R.O.B scanned the clothing and lyrics then nodded.
"Confirmed clothing and lyrics…"
"Good," Diddy paused. R.O.B was built for any language including chimps so he could understand Diddy perfectly well. Soon Diddy gave a dark chuckle. "Now I will have my revenge!"
Then Diddy laughed like an evil maniac out the door. R.O.B watched in amazement but proceeded in putting his clothes on.
Fox McCloud was well known in the Lylat System and in the Smash Mansion. After all, he was one of the legendary 12 Smashers who came together due to Master Hand and formed the 'galaxy-nationally', Super Smash Bros. Fox was also known as a nice hybrid and one of the fastest in the mansion. The usual carefree hybrid was sitting at his room with a sad look. His eyes stared at the picture of his beloved, Krystal. Fox broke up with her, just so that she could be safe but now he regretted it. Never again will he find love like her never a-
"Hey Fox, Samus is coming without her Varia Suit!" Falco called.
Fox gave a perverted giggle and skipped away, letting go off his picture of his 'never again to be loved girlfriend'. As Fox skipped down the stairs he paused at the third step and noted the blond bounty hunter. Perhaps Fox did have a crush on her that started to develop. Both two space warriors got along quite fine, all though there were some moments when she scowled at him due to 'accidently' heading into the shower when she was there. Perhaps Fox could fall in love again. But how was he going to confess to the toughest girl in the mansion? Before he could think a commercial popped up on the huge screen and it showed Marth near a pretty pink back round doing some dances singing.
'Dial Snake for Women Advice, Dial Snake for Women Advice
He'll give you the advice you need
For all the boy indeed
He'll give you a long, lasting relationship
On a totally different ship
So come on dudes and transvestites like Roy
Grab yourself a gal
So-
Dial Snake for Women Advice, Dial Snake for Women Advice!'
Once the commercial ended Fox stared in wonder, completely unaware that Roy was having anger issues at his friend Falco; bashing him, smashing him and throwing him at his arch-enemy Wolf. Maybe dialling for Snake was the key to solving his love problem! Dashing to his room he noticed a depressed looking Luigi at his door wearing a black cloak. Noticed plumber looked up and raised his hand.
"Beware… beware of the hunter…" He spoke in a gloomy, dark voice.
Fox blinked then shrugged then shoved Luigi out his way. As Luigi hit the wall, he pointed.
"She'll murder you-"
But Fox already shut the door at the gloomy Luigi. Luigi stared in shock and snorted as he got up.
"I was trying to help!" He yelled and slammed his cloak to the ground and walked away with a huff.
Fox got the phone and the card used to dial Snake. How he got the card was unknown, but the hybrid dialled the number and waited for Snake to call.
"Where is that chimp?" Snake inquired impatiently. It's been about twenty-five minutes and the chimp hasn't arrived. Where was he?
Marth shrugged, still forced to do his dancing. "Maybe he's off with some girl" He suggested.
"Highly unlikely" Snake snorted then the phone rang.
The mercenary picked it up and spoke. "This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever"
"Greeting Snake, it's Fox McCloud here" Fox greeted warmly.
Snake lit up his eyes. Fox wasn't the type of guy to easily get angry unlike Ganondorf or Mario so perhaps Snake could make it out alive from this call.
"Hello to you too Fox; how can I help?"
Even though the question was rhetorical, the hybrid answered. "I need women advice for a certain girl"
Snake soon became nervous. Recently he heard about his break up with Krystal so maybe advising may be difficult.
"Look, I'm sorry what happened about Krystal-" Snake said but was cut off.
"AAAHHAHAHA!" Fox cried over the phone.
'Oh shit' Snake thought then stammered. "B-but I can still help out…?"
Fox cried then admittedly stopped. "Actually it's not Krystal but someone else"
'Whoa, major mood swings' "Then who?"
"It's Samus" Fox told.
Snake growled behind the phone. Why was every guy after Samus? Sammy-Baby clearly belonged to him and no one else in the mansion or any galaxy! Then there's R.O.B, but he'll be a laughing stock soon enough but how was he going to deal with Fox? Then, an idea hit him.
"Marth, don't even think of tazering me" Snake warned.
Marth grumbled and let go of the Tazer and went back to his hippie dancing. Oh, Snake's idea was electrifying.
"Listen carefully with those massive ears of yours to what I'm about to say" Snake began.
"Yes, big ears are the latest fashion" Fox spoke with pride.
"Whatever; I want you to wear a yellow afro and a purple dress that Marth will get for you. Then you'll take Samus to the Living Room, every five seconds throwing her on the floor on the way. When there, activate the Wii and play 'Metroid: Other M' while watching channel 32" Snake explained.
On the other side of the phone, Fox had a poker face on. Really, was this seriously going to work and allow Samus to love him?
"Uh, why an afro out of all hairstyles? Why throw her every five seconds and why watch channel 32?" Fox catechise.
"BECAUSE I KNOW LOVE AND I'VE SEEN IT EVERYWHERE INCLUDING PONEYVILLE!" Snake yelled then got off the phone.
Fox just stared at the phone and waited for Marth.
Marth came by the room, grumbling about the fact that people kept calling him 'Cross-dresser Marth' or 'Pretty she-male' for that matter and the fact the he seriously regrets working for Snake. Once Marth left the room, he ran down the corridor after Zelda who slammed a frying pan that she borrowed from peach at his face, Fox got dressed.
R.O.B (wearing the clothing given to by Diddy) rolled over to a black gate with the infamous black bunny face on. It took him only fifteen minutes to reach the gate due to Meta Knight lending him the Halberd. When Meta Knight asked why R.O.B replied emotionlessly 'It's the way for the ladies to see my good looks' which made Meta Knight feel awkward and wanting the robot to leave. That's why he lend the ship. Hissing and screeching was heard from the speaker and a voice spoke.
"This here is the Owner of Playboy Mansion, how may I help you?"
"I want to advertise for Playboy and for a specific girl" R.O.B replied.
"How do you describe yourself?"
"As a sexy-Samus-like girl robot" R.O.B explained.
After three seconds of silence the voice replied. "Ok, you may come in Miss…?"
"R.O.B"
Soon the onyx gates opened and R.O.B dashed through the brown earth onto the steps of the mansion. Clicking the doorbell, the door opened to revile Bootler, a Boo resembling a… butler.
"Miss R.O.B I presume?" Bootler inquired.
"Confirmed" R.O.B classified.
"Please come in and follow me" Bootler advised and turned away.
As R.O.B followed Bootler, he glanced around his surrounding and noticed girls dressed in the casual Playboy Bunny clothes were flirting some Boos who giggled at their confront. As they approached, Bootler turned to the robot.
"Pay respects to the master and speak with a sexy, flirty voice" Bootler advised.
"Confirmed; activate sexy, flirty voice…" R.O.B nodded.
Soon Bootler opened the door and R.O.B entered the ruby-gold decorated room. At the very end of the room was the infamous and archenemy to Luigi, King Boo, sharing his throne with a bunch of girls both human and boo. Ruby eyes locked onto the two guests at his door
"What do you want Bootler?" King Boo demanded.
"Miss R.O.B wishes to join Playboy and advertise your Horniness" Bootler explained casually.
"Oh," King Boo paused and glanced over to R.O.B. "So your Miss R.O.B? Quite a catch I must say"
R.O.B felt a sudden awkwardness come through but replied in the new voice. "Thank you, King Boo"
King Boo gave a chuckle and clapped his hands, allowing all the girls to swatter away like flied to dung. Then he flew over behind R.O.B and placed a hand over his shoulder.
"So, how can I help you?"
Fox walked over to where Samus was. Currently she was at the staircase talking to Shadow the Hedgehog with a smile on her face. There have been rumours that the two liked each other but Fox wasn't convinced. With a deep breath, Fox skipped over and shoved Shadow aside and placed his elbow on the rail.
"Oh, hi Samus, how you been girlfriend?" Fox started.
Samus blinked in utter flabbergast but replied as friendly and calmly as possible. "Uh, great thanks Fox. And why are you dressed like a person in the 80's?"
With his fury hand, Fox took Samus hand and said. "I need to show you a game on the Wii" he finished and started walking.
Samus seemed slightly pleased by the idea. "Oh, is it Dead Space I-" Before she could finish she was thrown to the ground hard.
With a grunt and a shook of her head Samus glared up at Fox. "What in the name of fricking authorization was that for?"
Fox ignored her and helped her up. As the two walked once again Fox slammed her to the ground.
"Are you a sexiest or something?" She demanded.
Helping her up again, Samus fast walked to the Living Room but after five seconds was slammed again onto the floor. She got up and strangled Fox's throat.
"WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR FRICKING PROBLEM?" She screamed, shaking him from side to side.
"You'll… see on the… Wii" Fox chocked.
Samus threw Fox at the Wii madly and sat on the couch with a huff. Fox looked for the disc for 'Metroid: Other M' and placed it into the Wii. Once done, Fox went over and sat next to Samus with Wii remote in hand.
"What game is this?" Samus asked, her voice much calmer than before.
"You'll see" Fox told.
Once he pressed the channel, he pressed START and the game commenced. As Samus watched her eyes widen in horror. It was her worst nightmare (besides dating Ridley). 'Metroid: Other M', the game that made her a menopausal, emotional, sex-toy girl. As she watched the cut scenes with her eyes in shock, hair being ripped by her hands and swearing the biggest words you can think of at Adam, Fox toyed with the remote and pressed channel 32.
"Here's a channel I want you to watch" Fox told.
'Anything but this!' Samus thought and turned her head quickly to the TV screen.
A bunny bounced from the right and then all its body beside its head appeared on the screen with 'Playboy' written below it. Soon after the bunny flashed and then two girls and a female dressed R.O.B appeared. Samus chocked on her own saliva and Fox watched with eyes raised like plates. Lyrics appeared below with the Playboy Bunny bouncing after each lyric was sung.
'Sammy-Baby, you're the one with Dat Ass!
You're the girl who people would 'Other her M'!
You are the one who'll start doing humping on the helmet (Yeah)!
Not to mention have a wonderful PMS time (Yeah)!
Sammy-Baby, you're the Playgirl who'll sing!
Dat Ass ain't yours for the keepin!
Fox turned slowly to Samus who's mouth was agape like a fish, unaware of saliva dripping down like a hungry dog. With a gulp Fox began.
"Uh, Samus?" He spoke calmly.
Samus dangerously turned to Fox with a dark look and a glare that could outmatch any monster like a ReDead. With a yell, she charged at Fox with her Plasma Whip. Fox screamed like a tortured figure.
"So, he was beaten by Samus due to some disturbing videos and sexual harassment?" Dr. Mario questioned with billboard in hand.
Peach nodded. It was she who first heard the screaming and helped out Fox before Samus would horribly murder him. Others just stood their shocked and running away screaming like little girls or laughing at the scene before. Blue eyes darted at the shivering, frightened hybrid before her on the bed.
"That's what Samus told me with huge malice in her voice. But Fox wasn't the only one she was mad at"
"Oh?" Dr. Mario uttered, glancing up from his billboard to Peach.
"It was also at R.O.B" She added.
The doctor hummed at thought then sighed. "Well then," He paused and glanced over at Fox. "Fox had around twenty-two broken bones, sixty muscles pulled, a broken nose, lost of fur, kneed in the groin and pocked in the eyes"
"How… harsh but it's hard to say if he deserved it" Peach said.
"Judging by you Fox," He paused when Fox stared up the doctor. "You're charged by sexual harassment and watching Playboy"
"NOOOOO!" Fox screamed and started to break down in a sob.
Peach gave a mad sigh. "I've seen many weird things happen last year and things aren't getting better"
"How true" Dr. Mario agreed with a nod.
"Can I leave now?" R.O.B asked.
"Why rush?" King Boo asked, approached closer to R.O.B. "We're just starting to get to know each other"
"Your Horniness, the job was only temporarily" Bootler stated.
"I'm the King, not you!" King Boo growled then turned to R.O.B with a smile. "But you can share your 'moves' to me"
"Negative, I must leave right now"
"Wait a minute…" King Boo paused and raised an invisible eyebrow. "Are you a boy or girl?"
"Technically speaking, none but I'm-"
"Then we'll make you a girl!" King Boo declared then turned to Bootler. "Bootler, take her to her new room"
"As you wish your Horniness" Bootler nodded then floated away.
King Boo's ruby eyes gleamed at R.O.B. "Now, we're finally alone…"
If R.O.B could gulp, he would…
Snake recently heard about the news about Fox sexually and mentally harassing Samus and the fact that R.O.B has officially joined Playboy. This made the clone fall off his chair and laugh hysterically.
"Oh gosh, this is priceless!" He uttered, wiping a tear from his eye.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Marth asked.
Snake looked up from his fallen position. "What?"
"Diddy Kong?"
"Oh yeah," He paused solemnly and got up. "Where did that chimp go anyway?"
"Can I retire and head home?" Marth begged.
"No, but since Diddy isn't here you'll be my new manager!" Snake declared with a grin.
"Oh, no!" Marth cried
Meanwhile somewhere in the mansion the sound of hissing and crackling was heard. Diddy wore a protective mask around him. Currently, he was working on his revenge. Revenge on Snake. All the noise was cut and Diddy took of his mask and gave a dark smirk.
"It is complete!" He stated then gave a dark, maniacal laugh.
Author's Note: Longest chapter in this story! What is this 'revenge' that Diddy has planned? Find out in the next chapter and keep on reviewing! I would love to see another love triangle :D! Also: sorry to say but no more pairing Samus or Zelda.