Addie knew Damon had witnessed the kiss with Klaus from the note he had left on her windshield. How much had he seen? Was it possible for him to move fast enough to watch her puush Klaus away, storm off, and promptly puke and still have time to write the note? She'd tried to call him when she got into the car but her call was directed to voicemail on the second ring. After that, all calls rang out until his voicemail picked up. He was ignoring her.
Fine. If he wanted to be petty, she'd just be the bigger person, again. With all the new information Klaus had unloaded on her, Addie had more than enough to deal with. Not ready for a war with Damon, she drove back to Mystic Falls to pack a bag to stay out at the lakehouse for a couple of days.
Admittedly, she did stop at the 24-hour drugstore in town to pick up a new toothbrush and antiseptic mouthwash, for good measure. She was able to swish with the mouthwash before getting home but it wouldn't be until she had a shower and properly brushed her teeth that she actually felt cleansed of Klaus.
At home, she bumped into Jeremy and informed him that she would be his sparring partner. Jeremy gave her an overly enthusiastic high-five and said he'd kid her ass just like when they were kids. Addie took advantage of his distraction and outstretched arm to punch him in the side of the ribs. Her brother had grimaced in pain and glowered at her but Addie simply retorted that vampire's didn't fight fair and Damon wouldn't allow her to go easy on Jeremy. The short interaction with her brother was the first halfway decent part of her day.
Damon hadn't mentioned when he would come back into town to pack a bag for himself, so Addie sent him a text offering to do so. She imagined he'd probably gone home, rather than back to the cabin after last night and had packed himself, if he even still planned on training Jeremy. Her text was more of an attempt to coax him out of ignoring her attempts at calling him every half hour.
Curiosity got the best of her and Addie decided to drive by the boarding house before heading back to the lake house. As Damon's car was not at his house, Addie sent him another text saying she was going to pack him a bag. He could correct her if she didn't need to.
Awkwardly, Addie knocked on the heavy, wooden door.
"Why are you knocking?" Stefan wondered as he swung the door open effortlessly, moving aside so that Addie could enter. "You have a key. Why not just enter like you normally do?"
"It was different when I was dating Damon and basically lived here, which I now realize we never really asked you if that was ok. And then Elena moved in here because Jeremy was trying to kill her and she's sired to Damon. But she's moving back home. But she wasn't at home just now. And you moved out because Elena moved in,. So, I guess, why are you answering when I'm knocking?" Addie bumbled out uncomfortably.
Stefan had been around Addie long enough to know that she had a tendency to ramble when she was stressed. From the furious phone call he'd gotten from Damon halfway through the night, he could suspect the cause of her stress. As he closed the door he explained, "Elena and Bonnie picked up her stuff last night and I moved back in. Addie, the fact that Elena is sired to Damon doesn't supercede the fact that you lived here first, which I vaguely recall essentially giving my permission for when I agreed to deed the house to you."
A small smile ghosted on Addie's lips as she recalled what seemed so long ago.
**Flashback**
Addie skimmed over the keywords: house, title, gift deed, change of ownership. She scoffed and passed the papers and pen to her sister. "You've lost your mind."
"What is this?" Elena asked, looking between the brothers.
"It's the deed to our house. It's in Zach's name. As soon as you guys sign it, it'll be in your name," Stefan explained.
"Technically, we need to set up an appointment with a lawyer to sign before ownership officially transfers," interjected Damon.
Elena stared at them blankly, "You're giving me your house?"
"I did say Damon lost his mind. Though I hadn't realized he had roped Stefan into his plan," Addie muttered out of the corner of her mouth.
Damon sneered at her, "I haven't lost anything. It's the smart thing to do. Isobel had the right idea with the safe house, except we don't plan on having Klaus invited in. You guys will just stay here until it's all over. This way, you two can control who gets invited and who doesn't. Although I'll be super pissed if you lock me out."
"That's the only reason I would sign. I'm not staying here until everything is over. It's just… no. You need one signer; Elena can do it. I'm not taking part in this," Addie firmly stated.
Damon tried to reason with her quietly, sitting by her as Stefan and Elena discussed the deed, "You have your own drawer and like a fifth of my closet space at this point. Plus you've spent every night for the past week here. It really wouldn't be any different. And what happens when you and Elena do agree on whether or not to invite in a vampire? I might be a little biased but you tend to seem to judge people more rationally than emotionally. It's much easier to make someone believe you're good than it is to make them think you're useful." He could read the distressed and resolute look in her eyes. "Ads, I already know which room would be a good fit for you if you want your own room. Look, I love having you around but the idea of actually living together is definitely a bridge neither of us is ready to cross. I just can't think of a better way to protect you. It's just a temporary thing."
"Damon, even for you this is extreme."
"A little," he conceded, "but I'm also extremely worried about you. This way I can leave you alone without freaking out about your safety."
"You're worrying too much about the wrong person! You need to focus on Elena. Have you come up with a better way than Elijah's potion to make sure she survives Klaus' little ritual?" hissed Addie, becoming slightly annoyed.
He ran his hand over his face tiredly, "Now that Bonnie's all juiced up, that's what I'll be focusing on again. In all those grimoires there has to be something that she can do. I haven't talked about it with her yet but it's Bonnie, she'll do it for Elena…. Please, for my peace of mind, just sign the deed. We'll undo it once everything is safe again." She groaned reluctantly. Damon kissed her cheek with a smile. "I'm going to get our bags for tonight while you sign the papers and then you'll meet me at the car and we are going to put this whole crazy mess behind us for tonight."
**End Flashback**
"Damon said we'd undo all of that once everything was safe again," Addie sighed wistfully.
"He's worried about you because he loves you." Stefan shrugged, as if to excuse his brother. Which was an understatement. He'd threatened to lock Stefan in the cellar and let him dessicate all because Stefan hadn't managed to dessicate Klaus last night. It hadn't even been his plan! Body jumping Klaus had all been some lie made up by Hayley, a werewolf friend of Tyler's.
"I don't doubt that," Addie huffed in annoyance. Scowling, she continued, "Always worrying. Always angry. Always happy. Always sad. Always yes. Always no. Always hot. Always cold. Doesn't it seem like Damon and I are always in extremes?"
"Always," Stefan nodded, earning a reluctant grimace. "You are two very passionate and stubborn people. On extremely rare occasions, you can bring out the worst in each other," he said with a condescending look before adding brightly, "but the majority of the time, you guys bring out the best in each other."
Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment and shame. She knew what Stefan was referring to. "I'm sorry for checking you out that night to make Damon jealous," she mumbled, speaking directly to her pair of green Converse.
"I'm not the one you need to apologize to. I know you have absolutely no interest in me, which I'm good with."
"You deserve an apologize because it added unneeded tension between you and Damon since he's too damn insecure to realize the same thing."
"Ah," Stefan chuckled. "Damon's only insecure when it comes to people he cares about, like you."
"And Katherine and Elena. The Golden Trio of Damon Salvatore's heart. His first love, his sired love, and his -"
"And his true love," Stefan interjected. "Elena doesn't know Damon's feelings are also caught up in this sire bond thing but I do. He told me last night that he knows his love for you is the only thing that can break whatever he's feeling for Elena."
That hadn't been how Addie was going to referred to herself but that wasn't what had grabbed her attention. "You talked to Damon last night? When?"
"Middle of the night. We didn't really talk. He more or less just screamed at me because Klaus was alive and how that makes Klaus a threat to you and blah, blah, blah," Stefan groaned, waving his hand dismissively. "You know, the typical things you wake your brother up for at 4 in the morning. I'm assuming you know how he figured out so quickly that Klaus survived?"
"Bastard is ignoring me," Addie mumbled under her breath, stomping in a tizzy. Addie drew her bottom lip between her teeth. She wasn't going to speak of what Klaus told her to Stefan before Damon but Stefan deserved to know something.
"Stefan, you need to be careful," she said seriously, meeting his vibrant eyes. "I met with Klaus last night and he's really pissed off. He's killed all of his hybrids except Tyler. He decided to kill Carol Lockwood to punish Tyler… which I suppose leaves the city without a mayor. Whatever you and Damon did," Addie shook her head, at a loss for word. "He feels betrayed."
Stefan rubbed the back of his neck and said, "Yesterday, I told Caroline I thought I'd be happier watching Klaus get led away to his slaughter, but for some reason I couldn't help but feel kind of guilty."
"Because you were trying to kill him while he isn't trying to actually hurt any of us? Because he's actually been holding up his end in getting the Cure for Elena? Because, from what I understand, it was a trap, meaning you were attacking someone who was defenseless?" Addie demanded, not realizing she had sort of felt a little resentment at whoever had been planning on killing Klaus.
"Kind of the last one," Stefan nodded. "I kept reminding myself of all the horrible things he's done to justify his guilt but we've all done horrible things. I think the difference is just we have family and friends we can trust to protect us. That's why it's ironic that you say he feels betrayed," he finished morosely.
"You know, these morality things are much easier when the world is always black or always white," Addie sighed, giving him an understanding and sympathetic smile.
"Damon does that. You definitely don't. You make him see shades of grey. Another example of you guys bringing out the best in each other."
Addie frowned slightly as she pointed, "I wasn't trying to bring it back to Damon and me. I was trying emphasize how much I enjoy having a friend who also sees shades of grey."
Stefan nodded in realization and grinned at her. "I enjoy it to. Though, I couldn't read your mind like Damon could have. However, I'm starting to sense that you're mad at him."
"I'm not mad," Addie exhaled loudly, telling herself it wasn't a lie. "I'm frustrated with him for ignoring me all night. Nevertheless, I am going to pack him clothes so he doesn't have to drive into town right away."
"Did he ask you to?" Stefan wondered innoccently.
Addie double checked her phone. It was past her half hour to try calling Damon. There was no missed calls or texts. She shoved the cell back in her pocket and shrugged. "He's had over an hour and a half to tell me not to."
"So he's passive-aggressively asking you to by a lack of action?"
"You're suggesting that he's playing mind games on me while I'm playing mind games on him because he's playing mind games on me?" she demanded sharply.
Stefan's face scrunched up in confusion. Slowly he said, "I think so."
"That bastard!" Addie exclaimed as she stormed up the stairs.
When Addie arrived at the lake house, Damon had Jeremy doing a series of body-weight workouts. Feeling more inclined towards a nap than grueling exercise, Addie made her way inside. In the master bedroom she dropped off the duffel bag she had packed for Damon and placed the blood bags in the fridge. The guest bedroom that Addie usually claimed had already been made up with fresh linens. She wondered if it had been Jeremy or Damon who'd done that. The room was smaller than hers at home but still held a full size bed, a chaise lounge chair, nightstand, and an wardrobe with a television.
After unpacking her bags, Addie settled into the lounge chair with her mixing headphones on and her portable keyboard on her lap. Next to her was a pen and composition book for any lyrics she thought of.
Addie wasn't aware of how much time passed as she worked on her music. Eventually, Jeremy stuck his head in the door.
"What?" Addie asked, pulling one earphone off.
"I was just letting you know pizza is here. I'd ask if you want to play a round of Call of Duty like we used to but -"
"But you smell like ass!" Addie exclaimed, pinching her nose. "Oh my god! You're making my room smell like a boys locker room."
"Exactly! I have to shower," Jeremy laughed, shutting the door behind him.
Addie's fingers hovered over the keyboard as she wondered if that meant Jeremy and Damon were done training for the day. Would that mean Damon would finally approach her?
She decided that it would. He was blowing everything out of proportion because he wanted to act childish. When he was ready to come to her and behave like a civilized adult, they could have a real conversation.
***/***
Damon scowled down at Addie's sleeping form. She'd sunk so low in the lounge chair that she was lying on her back. Her keyboard wobbled precariously on her upper stomach as she breathed shallowly. One hand had fallen to the floor next to a notebook. She had to start taking better care of herself. He had felt it when he'd held her the previous night that she had already started losing weight. She was also probably staying awake until the point of collapsing. Damon was willing to bet Addie had been perfectly aware that she'd needed to sleep but had decided to work on her music instead but eventually lost out to her body's basic need to survive.
He set the cold pizza and protein shake on the tiny nightstand. Carefully, he picked up the keyboard and moved to slide it under her bed.
"Ow!" Addie cried out in pain, clasping at her ears as she was jolted from a deep sleep.
"Shit," cursed Damon, realizing too late that the headphones were plugged into the keyboard.
"What the hell are you doing?" Addie demanded, squinting at him through the dim light of the lamp.
"I was trying to make you more comfortable," he huffed defensively. Seeing her open her mouth he continued, "Obviously I didn't know the headphones were connected. I was trying to help."
Addiie scowled, rubbing her stinging ears. She didn't want to chastise him when she knew his heart was in a good place. Spying the food on the nightstand she retorted, "Were you trying to make me more comfortable or were you trying to feed me?"
"Have you eaten anything today?" Damon challenged back just as fiercely.
"That doesn't answer my question," she sniffed.
"I didn't intentionally wake you up. You didn't answer my question."
"I haven't been hungry. Have you eaten anything today?"
"Yes," he answered sharply. "I wasn't hungry but I still drank one of the blood bags that you brought me - thank you - right before coming in here. And do you know why I did it? Because I realize it's the fucking darkness in my head that says I'm not hungry. Because I know that my body is actually hungry. Because I know that if I want to feel better, I have to keep my body healthy. Ads, you know these things, too," Damon sighed wearily, sinking down onto the edge of the bed.
He was right; she knew all of that. He wanted to know what her parents and Jenna and Elena and therapists and doctors all wanted to know.
"You want to know why I won't just do those things to keep my body healthy if I know it will make me better," she mumbled, staring down at her hands.
Damon shook his head. "No. I get why; it's too much work." Addie lifted her head up slightly, her eyes curious. He gave a half shrug as a way of answer and explained, "Ads, you know I've had dark times. I haven't burdened you with all the sordid details and I don't want to but I've hit rock bottom. I haven't wanted to fight. You still want to fight. You're exhausted and you need a time out but you still want to fight. Unfortunately, in life there is no such thing as a time out so you're picking and choosing your battles. You battle monotonous things like hygiene, getting dressed, driving, things that don't seem like actual challenges. You battle huge things like a sire bond, love, Klaus, panic attacks, depression, and so much more. Addie, I get why you don't have the damn energy to put yourself in this damn bed or to care about eating food."
Anxiously she whispered, "You're not mad?"
Damon's eyes narrowed slightly. He knew he was walking a fine line. His wording had to be right or she would sense deception. "I'm not mad at you because the world has taken its toll on you. I'm not mad at you because you need help. I'm mad at the world for picking on you. I'm mad over other things. But, Ads, I could never be mad at you for suffering so deeply."
Her eyebrows knitted together as she uttered defiantly, "I don't need help."
Damon dragged a hand over his face, a light layer of stubble scrapping at his palm. He hadn't planned to confront her this way. Reluctantly he sighed, "Yes, Addie, you do. Last time you were this depressed I compelled you to take back control of your life. I don't even actually know if you were this depressed or worse but you told me to kill you. We are not reaching that point again. You can either stay here and accept help from me and we can fight this together or I'll tell Elena that I think you need professional help, which I don't think will be as beneficial."
"And Elena's your little lap dog so she'll do whatever you say," Addie glowered at him.
"Addie, I like having power and control but I don't like having to manipulate you and using an already strained relationship with your sister against you. I just feel like you spirit and passion is dying. I want to give it a chance to come back to life," reasoned Damon.
"You want me here to help break your end of the sire bond," Addie reminded him.
Damon snorted humorlessly, "Addie, if I thought sending you to professionals was in your best interests, I would have become Elena's love slave when you first broke up with me. I don't care if I'm bound to Elena as long as you're ok."
Addie tensed as she waited for the fog, the haze, the darkness, for something to tell her Damon was lying but it never came. Her body went numb as she realized he would be ok with losing himself as long as it meant she was alright; that was the ultimate sacrifice from a man who claimed to be selfish.
"What are you asking of me? I don't want you to keep threatening to tell Elena or to ask of things I know I can't do."
"I want two hours a night to talk to you alone, just like we're doing. For an hour we'll focus on you and for an hour we'll focus on whatever can help break my bond. If the times ebb or flow, that's fine but you must give me at least two hours a night," Damon said, mentally marking his first demand off.
"What if you've pissed me off and I don't want to talk to you?" she bit back.
He'd considered that. "Then we have to sit in awkward silence for two hours with no distractions."
"Fine. I can give you two hours a day," Addie decided. Crossing her arms, she inquired, "What else?"
"You have to eat. I will cook. I will clean up. I will freaking spoon feed you. You just have to do the actual eating, Ads," he begged.
Her stomach churned uncomfortably at the thought of food. Addie shook her head slowly. "The idea makes me sick. My teeth hurt. My jaw hurts. Nothing about my body wants to eat."
Damon had been expecting that. He'd noticed her actually grinding her teeth, something she'd never used to do. He held out the premade protein shake he'd brought in with him. At the disgusted look on her face he explained, "It's a compromise. You get all of your essential nutrients and you don't have to chew."
"I don't like when you try to hide protein powder in pancakes. You actually think I'm going to like a protein shake?"
"Yes. I swear, if you drink it cold it taste just like chocolate milk. Can you please not argue with me on this? I'm not budging on the eating thing," Damon said as he shook the small container.
Addie knew Damon wasn't lying. He'd always had an issue with how she ate like a picky child. He probably thought she was developing an eating disorder, which she wasn't. Scowling, she held her hand out for the shake. Damon uncapped it and handed it to her. It didn't taste like chocolate milk but she didn't gag. Pinching her nose she downed the entire bottle. The revolting, chalky taste was worth the genuine smile that lit up Damon's face.
"One a day."
"Three."
"Two."
"Three."
"Two and you can offer a third without me getting pissed off."
"Fine," Damon chuckled. "I would like for you to join me in training Jeremy but I understand if you don't."
Addie groaned loudly, "You and Alaric already put me through gruesome ten hour days."
"I know. There's nothing wrong with making sure your skills are still intact."
"I'll see how I'm feeling," she evaded. No way was she committing to getting up at the crack of dawn or doing any insane drills.
"Fair enough. Those are my only terms."
"Deal," Addie said, sticking out her hand.
Damon resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Deal," he agreed and shook her hand.
Addie waited for Damon to say something else. When he didn't, she began to stare at him pointedly.
"I'm still owed another hour and fifteen minutes," he grinned, crossing his arms.
"Oh. Well, in that case, you pissed me off," Addie spat back, throwing herself back into a lying position.
"And you have nothing to say?"
"You didn't have anything to say this morning," she replied cliply.
"Yeah," Damon scoffed, hitting himself in the head. "I was processing that my girlfriend snuck out of the house in the middle of the night to have a secret rendezvous with a mass murdering freak and then kissed him!"
"One," Addie held up her finger, "I'm not your girlfriend." She stuck up another. "Two: you were crabby because of the call. I didn't want to wake you to tell you I was leaving." She put a third finger. "Three: he kissed me, after which, I vomited."
Damon's fist clenched the comforter as his face turned red. While her first point was technically correct, he wanted to scream that he didn't fucking care. Addie belonged to him and no one else. They were only broken up because she was depressed. She was meant to be with him. No Original Hybrid Bastard was allowed to drool all over her just because they were not technically together.
"Damon," Addie whispered when he didn't say anything for several minutes.
"I saw the kiss. Klaus moved too quickly into your space. You tried to step away but he held you tighter. You had to push him away. You immediately left and vomited." His eyes flashed to hers for confirmation and Addie nodded. "I didn't hear the whole conversation. I keep thinking that you must have said something that made his messed up brain think you wanted him to touch you because the alternative…." Damon's pursed lips turned white as he shook his head slowly.
"The alternative is what?" she prompted.
Damon hesitated as he mulled over his words, not wanting to frighten Addie. His words were slow and deliberate, "A man can be evil in many ways. I've done a lot of horrible things but I've never allowed there to be an issue of consent. That's a whole different level of depraved. I've been hoping that Klaus has had some sense of decency and that wouldn't be an issue. Perhaps I've been naive."
Addie laughed bitterly as she recalled her conversation with Klaus. With a curious look from Damon she asked, "Exactly how much of the conversation did you overhear?"
"I came around when you were banging your head on the countertop because you were getting frustrated with him. It took me awhile together because you'd taken of with my car keys in my jacket pocket," he accused with a frown. He'd also probably let her stay outside too long without being checked on in his tired state but he wasn't going to own up to that.
"I didn't ask you play the dark knight, rescuing a damsel in distress," she snapped back, holding her head up proudly.
Damon's jaw tensed as he reluctantly nodded in agreement. "I know, Ads. I didn't know where you'd gone or what was up. When I saw who you were with, you bet your ass I wanted to play the dark knight and rescue you. I could smell the fresh blood from more people than I knew were in the restaurant. I knew you were in there with at least one person he had killed. I was so fucking angry at you for being so reckless and going to meet him," Damon growled as he fisted a hand through his hair. "I'm still pissed."
Addie looked away from him but she heard him inhale deeply, hold it, and exhale slowly.
More calmly he continued, "But I trusted you to play it smart, play it cool. I trusted that you could handle Klaus, like you always say you can. I was right outside the door but if he decided to suddenly kill you, I wouldn't have made it in time."
"If you heard the conversation from the point where I was annoyed with him talking about the relevance of the Brotherhood of the Five, you'll know that he wasn't there to kill me," she mumbled, unable to meet Damon's face.
More deep breathing helped Damon to control his anger. However, he'd uprooted several small trees after hearing Addie and Klaus' conversation, which had been much more effective.
"Given the limited information Klaus would share, his interest in you, how he's interacted with you, what his fixations in life are and such, Echidna was a strong contender for the mythological creature he was alluding to," Damon eventually growled out through gritted teeth.
She finally looked at him with hurt as she asked, "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you warn me?"
"I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to frighten you. Lamia, a monster who was said to be very attractive and devoured children and suffered sleeplessness was also very likely. I mean, you naturally have two of those three traits and the third is tied to vampires and we knew whatever you were had something to do with vampires. Ads, it was either Mother of All Monsters or -"
Recalling something, Addie interrupted, "You told me you didn't think it was Lamia when I gave you the drawing Klaus did."
"Before I had all the facts. I found some more research on her," Damon explained, mildly annoyed that she was missing the point. He'd only been trying to protect her.
"So, what do we do?" Addie wondered, rubbing at her temple. It felt like the thoughts were spilling out of her head as fast as they came in.
"Drive the-"
"If you say drive the White Oak Stake into him, I'm gonna scream," Addie warned.
Damon splayed his hands widely and looked at her innocently. "It's a valid solution."
"We need a solution that doesn't involve murder!"
"It's not murder if it's self-defense."
"In a court of law, premeditated murder isn't considered self-defense," she snapped back furiously.
He hated it when Addie had technicalities on her side to win. Except this time, she didn't win. She couldn't change his mind. Damon scowled and crossed his arms, "Luckily we wouldn't be tried in a court of law."
"You realize you can't beat him in a fair fight. You would have to set another stupid trap. You wouldn't feel guilty about that?"
"Nope," he replied easily.
Her lips pressed into a thin line as she considered him. Stefan had felt guilty about sending Klaus to his death. Softly she demanded, "How can you not?"
"I know the difference between right and wrong. I understand them. It would be wrong to trap him and I know that makes you feel guilty but I don't," Damon said unapologetically.
Addie shook her head in disbelief and whispered, "I don't get how you can't."
"I don't let myself because one of us has to be willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you're safe."
Addie's heart sank as she watched Damon leave the room without a goodbye.
***/***
"So, this sire bond thing," Jeremy started nonchalantly as he setup a game of Call of Duty the next night. "How does it impact you and Damon?"
"We're broken up. There isn't an us for it to impact," Addie snapped as she snatched the controller he held out to her. She'd been very careful to not lie to her brother. It had been a matter of semantics but she hadn't lied to him.
He frowned disapprovingly as he plopped on the couch next to her. Addie could read the anger on his face as he navigated the game's menu. As the game loaded she blew out a puff of air in annoyance.
Wearily she asked, "What is your problem?"
Jeremy jumped into the game and began to scout the playing field. He killed two enemies before answering irritably, "She keeps calling him. And he keeps replaying the voicemails."
That was news. Addie wasn't sure how she felt about it.
"Why does it bother you?" she wondered. Maybe it should bug her.
"Look, don't get me wrong, you're both my sisters and I love you both," Jeremy said quickly, his eyes flashing to her just long enough to get himself shot.
"But?" Addie inferred.
"But Elena was just with Stefan. And now she's trying to move in on Damon. Which she's tried to do before. Only before you hadn't dated Damon so it wasn't so bad. Or you were off in England and said you understood if they were flirting. This isn't that," Jeremy stressed, feeling his chest start to warm up.
Other than the fact that the issue of Damon and Elena seemed to be continuous, Addie wasn't sure she saw his point. But perhaps he didn't understand the situation.
"Elena's sired to Damon. She didn't choose to have feelings for him again," Addie emphasized. It was the same thing she had to keep reminding herself.
"I know! But, come on. She could be a little more tactful about it. They both could. I mean, you're already fucking depressed. They can't be stupid enough to think they're actually helping the situation!" Jeremy exclaimed in frustration.
Addie found a corner for her character to hide in, wishing she could do the same in real life. In a small voice she asked, "How long have you noticed I've been depressed?"
"Awhile. I guess around the time Alaric died."
She frowned. She hadn't even realized she had been heading downhill since then but Jeremy had always been the first to pick up on when she was getting depressed in the past. He'd been her rock.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" she asked, trying to hide her hurt feelings.
"I figured it wasn't my place. You were with Damon," Jeremy grumbled as he pretended to focus more intently on the game.
Addie paused the game and quickly swung her open palm against the back of her brother's head.
"Ow!" he wailed, rubbing at where she hit him.
"That's for thinking anyone could replace the spot of my big brother," Addie scorned as she gave him a massive hug.
It was only around ten but Addie knew Damon would have Jeremy up at sunrise again. She'd insisted that her brother put the video games up and go to bed. Addie had waited in her room for about half an hour for Damon to show up before deciding to knock at his door.
"Come in," Damon called.
Addie swiftly moved into the room and closed the door behind her. She wasn't sure she wanted Jeremy to know about her meetings with Damon.
"I was wondering when you were going to show up," murmured Damon, stepping out of the bathroom.
Addie clasped a hand over her eyes when she realized he was clad only in a pair of boxers. With flushing cheeks she scowled, "Put some clothes on."
Damon's mouth dropped open with shock as he studied her body language. She was serious.
"No way," he scoffed. "I just showered and changed for bed. Not to mention, you've literally seen me in less."
"We were dating!" she snapped back, as if that settled the matter.
"So? My body hasn't changed."
"It's too intimate, too familiar. It's like if I were to come around you without a bra now," Addie tried to reason.
Damon allowed for a dramatic pause to give the pretext of thinking before saying slowly, "I don't think I would mind that."
Addie made a whining noise and stomped her feet with agitation. He didn't understand why it bothered her so much but it clearly did.
"I'll put a damn shirt on," he scowled, yanking a black John Varvatos t-shirt from the closet.
"Thank you," Addie sighed, dropping her hand just as Damon finished putting on the shirt.
"Did you enjoy playing video games with your brother?"
Addie nodded as she sat cross-legged on the foot of the bed. "Were you spying?"
"Not intentionally but it's not a large house," he admitted.
She nodded again. "I figured."
Damon lounged on the other side of the bed, tucking his hands behind his head. They stared at each other for a few moments in an awkward silence.
"Are you the patient and I'm the therapist for this first hour?" Addie asked. "Because in every cliche picture I've seen of therapy, the patient looks as relaxed as you."
"Sure."
Addie didn't miss a second to inquire, "Are you actually listening to the same voicemails from Elena multiple times?"
Damon chringed; he knew she was going to ask that. Ashamed, his eyes averted from Addie as he confessed, "She's just been leaving voicemails yesterday and today. Yesterday I listened to her voicemails repeatedly. Today I didn't."
"What made the two days different? More new voicemails? I feel like I'm prying but…"
He snorted but reassured her, "It definitely feels like you're being nosy and it's not fun to tell you this stuff but the goal is to break my siree bond. Which, this is directly related to. Yesterday I was so livid and hurt by what I had seen that I was barely even fighting the bond. If I got the urge to hear Elena's voice, I listened to a voicemail. The most I did was resist the urge to go an see Elena and kiss her. I was thinking rationally enough to know that I only wanted to do that to hurt you."
"Um...thanks?" Addie said, her eyebrows knitting together. She wasn't sure how to respond to that. Though, it did remind her of something she needed to ask Damon.
"Today was," Damon stuck his tongue in his cheek as he thought. With a smile he said, "Today was easy. I'm still reacclimating to sleeping alone so that makes every morning rough. This morning, though, I heard your heart faintly beating and I knew the day wasn't going to be as bad."
A small, sad smile flickered on Addie's faces. She wish that knowing Damon was there was still a reassurance of a better day.
"Whenever Elena seemed to cross my mind during the day, it was easier to think of you. There was only one time in the afternoon when I listened to her voicemail and that was because she called back to back and I thought it might be important. I didn't feel an urge to hear her voice until tonight," explained Damon as a large, dopey grin spread across his face.
"What?" Addie demanded sharply.
He grin turned into more of a smirk as he told her, "Then I heard you laughing with Jeremy and that was so much better. I did listen to all the voicemails she left today while you guys played games but only to make sure I didn't miss anything important."
"Sounds like a good day."
Damon sighed as he tugged at his collar. He understood about the clothes putting another untouchable barrier between them. It left him feeling stiff and formal around the girl he wanted to snuggle.
"Good is a relative term," he muttered darkly. He'd done good with resisting temptations of Elena but he'd had further insight into just how distant Addie was keeping him. He'd need more from her if he was going to break the sire bond but she was still too fragile for him to ask so much of her.
"That's a very Addie thing to say. I don't approve," she reprimanded.
He arched a single, inquisitive eyebrow at her. "You don't approve of me sounding like you?"
"Yes. This," she waved here handed between them, "doesn't work when we're both being pessimistic. Someone has to be looking the glass half-full."
"And you have dibs on being the pessimistic one?" he scowled.
Addie scoffed mockingly, "Obviously. I told you to kill me the night you met me. Didn't you get the memo then?"
The ghost of a smile on her lips told Damon she was kidding. Despite this, he frowned at her and said seriously, "That's not funny to me. You were serious. You dying is something that will never be funny to me."
Addie crossed her arms and bit her tongue to keep from asking Damon what bug crawled up his ass. It had been like his mood had done a complete 180 after she said he'd had a good day.
"You know how a lot of the times I'm not in a bad mood until someone says I'm in a bad mood?" Addie mused, twisting a finger in her hair.
Damon pinched the bridge of his nose as he shook his head in mild annoyance. Addie could be so damn random. He thought he'd been doing a better job of following her bizarre thinking patterns but he couldn't see how this was connected.
"Yes," he breathed out though his teeth.
"Are you, like, doing the opposite?" she asked hesitantly. "Like I said you had a good day but now you're determined to pick a fight with me to ruin it." Addie held up her hand when Damon started to interrupt her. "I wanted you to actually think about your answer. You might not even realize you're doing it."
Alright. He could figure out how Addie had jumped to that topic. It wasn't as random as he thought.
Damon glared at the wood ceiling. He couldn't lie to. Or he could and then that would just piss her off. He couldn't burden her with all of the truth. The only way not to fight with her was to tell her a version of the truth.
"I had a day. It wasn't good. It wasn't bad. I'm not in the best mood because I realized it wasn't a good day. Sure, I might have resisted Elena but that's about the only thing that went right. Your brother is nowhere near ready to fight vampires. You're depressed. And I still haven't come up with a solution that doesn't involve killing Klaus," Damon ranted.
Addie place her hand reassuringly on his knee and gently squeezed. "Damon, be realistic with yourself. Jeremy's trained for two days. Even the military takes at least seven weeks for boot camp. You can't work miracles overnight. My depression is exactly that: mine. It also has nothing to do with you so, yeah. You're doing you're talks with me for that. Again, it won't be an overnight miracle. But, also, getting better is my responsibility, not yours. As far as Klaus…"
Addie's confidence faltered as she floundered for words of wisdom and comfort.
"You were on a roll. You were giving a really great pep talk. It was working," Damon said, his lips twisted into a crooked smile. His eyes sparkled as he asked, "Do you do that for yourself?"
She snorted bitterly, "I do but then I realize I'm talking out my ass. Trust me, Damon. I can give advice but I can't take it. I get why you feel responsible for my depression and Jeremy's poor performance. I would, too.
"But you just perfectly reasoned why I shouldn't using logic," Damon pointed out. "Are you saying you couldn't take you own logic and reasoning and would still feel responsible?"
"Exactly."
"That makes no sense."
Addie frowned in confusion. "Well, I came up with the logical argument therefore I could find flaw with the logical argument." It made perfect sense.
"I think your issue is you spend too much time thinking," decided Damon.
"No doubt," she conceded with a hint of cheek, "I like to believe my active mind is what gives me my winning disposition."
"It's definitely part of what makes you so unique," he agreed.
"So, you had a reasonably good day?" Addie asked, looking at him. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish at her challenging expression. Holding up a warning finger she reminded, "You can't beat yourself up for forces outside of your control. I already do enough of that for both of us."
Damon's lips pursed as he thought. Putting Jeremy's crappy training and Addie depression aside, he still hadn't made any progress on the Klaus issue. He'd resisted Elena but he'd realized just how fractured things were with Addie. But Addie was here and she was fighting for him. She put herself through hell because she thought he was worth fighting for.
"Do you still love me?" Damon asked, knowing the answer.
Her brows furrowed in confusion. "Yes, of course, but what does that have to do with the question?"
"Tell me you love me and I'll have a good day. Not a reasonably good day, but a good day."
Addie fought a smile as she recited, " Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd."
His hand ruffled his hair as he recalled the words. Love did not fade when it find changes in the loved one. Addie still loved him even though he couldn't control whatever feelings he had developed for Elena.
Love is guiding star to lost ships that is not susceptible to storms. Addie was his guide in the storm that was the sire bond.
Love is not susceptible to time. Addie would always love him.
Damon's chuckle was deep and throaty as he grinned at her. "You ever notice how you don't do things the simple way? Actually, one of the first things I thought the very first time you told me that poem was that only you would turn three little words into a complicated riddle. I completely adored it. I'm still enamored by it. It's just so… you. How did you know it was exactly what I needed to hear?"
Addie's hair had fallen in curtains around her flushing cheeks. She could never fully explain to Damon what he meant to her but Shakespeare's Sonnet 116 was a close start. Clearing her throat, she picked her head up slightly, but was still unable to meet his eyes as she said, "I told you those three words are overused. I could have said them, and you would have known I meant them but you already know I love you. You needed something more personal if it was what determined that you had a good day."
"Actually, it tipped my day to great," he admitted, nudging her with his foot. He wanted to hold her hand but she was too far away and he didn't want to do anything that might push her away.
If Addie could still read what he truly needed without him knowing it, then perhaps the divide between them wasn't so bad. He could deal with physically craving closeness if she was still allowing psychological intimacy.
"How are you?"
"I drank a miserable protein shake at breakfast and at dinner. Please don't ask me if I want another. I don't," Addie sulked, her mood instantly deflating.
"Alright," Damon agreed," but I didn't ask you if you ate."
She made an indignant noise as she crossed her arms. "I'm depressed. I'm not sure what you want me to tell you."
"Tell me three things you accomplished today."
"Accomplished?" she asked, saying the word as if it were foreign.
He nodded. "Yeah. Things you feel good about doing today. Or you don't even have to feel good about doing them. They were just things you had to get done and you did them."
"I forced down those protein shakes," Addie thought of instantly. The other two required a few minutes of thought. "I finished a history paper I was suppose to turn in before the term ended. Does playing video games with Jeremy count as an accomplishment?"
"It totally does. Very good. What were three things you struggled with?"
Addie snorted, "Only three?"
"Only the top three."
There were so many. How was she supposed to pick the top three?
"I've been stressing out over whatever Klaus has told me. I guess my big stress right now is how to protect myself and then I'll worry about what it all means," Addie mumbled, mostly to herself as she traced a stripe on the bedspread.
"I've hit a wall with my music. When I'm feeling extreme emotions it usually comes so easily but I've been obsessing over the lyrics about one song and I can't make any other music work because I'm so hung up on that song," she confessed, scowling in frustration. Annoyed, she grumbled, "It's not even an important song."
Addie scratched at her forehead as she decided on her last struggle of the day. "I guess you overheard Jeremy point out that Elena's had feelings for you before and you guys have a history of flirting and I know you had feelings for her before. It feels like every other month I'm competing against Elena for your attention even though she has a boyfriend! And you even told me when I was in London that you were taking her side because it was easier to protect her that way than having to cconstantly defend me against her. Like, I get it but it's just the same damn thing, just a different scene."
Damon made to speak but Addie held up her hand to stop him as she had a sudden enlightenment.
"The song I'm stuck on is about being stuck in the same ruts. The cycles of being bipolar. Up or down. You and Elena repeating. Some new supernatural threat every six weeks. Loving and hurting. I'm stuck because I haven't been resisting!" Addie exclaimed.
Damon's lips pursed as he studied her bright face. Slowly he said, "I'm not sure what that means."
"I've been letting life happen to me and accepting it. You compelled me to take control of my life. I've stopped doing the. I've been accepting the shit life throws at me," she gasped with amazed realization. "I've been taking a reactive approach instead of proactive."
"Uh-huh," he nodded, not quite convinced. "Can you give me an example?"
"The Klaus situation! I've been thinking of how I can protect myself now, a reactive response. The proactive response is to kill the bastard before things get really screwed up!"
"Now, are you saying we should be killing Klaus?" he asked warily.
"No. That would go against my morals."
"Obviously."
"I'll be right back," she reassured him, before running out of the room.
When Addie returned with a pen and notebook, she sat next to Damon, leaning against the headboard.
Lazily Damon peered at her out of the corner of his eyes. She could be so peculiar. Uncertain he wanted to know the answer he asked slowly, "What exactly are you doing?"
"Multitasking," Addie mumbled as she scribbled in the book furiously, "I'm not stuck on the lyrics anymore but I still have mandated therapy with you. I want to get my thoughts out before I lose them."
"Are you going to share them with me?" he asked hopefully.
A nervous hand ran through Addie's hair as she sighed, "I don't want you to take any of this personally."
"So, it's about me?"
"Mmm," she considered as she crossed through a line that didn't fi. "It's about my reaction to you, Klaus, Elena, Jeremy, the fact that my life has been taken over by the supernatural, the stupid circles that keep repeating. I've just been going with the flow and not fighting back. Now it's biting me in the ass in the form of depression."
"You really think that's it?" Damon remarked with n arched eyebrow.
She nodded, passing him the notebook. "When you compelled me to take control of my life again, I felt empowered. I started doing what I wanted to do and didn't keep letting myself feel beaten up by the world. I need to start doing that again. Unfortunately, I'm pretty bad at that. What I want to do tends to be more selfish and reckless than what I should do so I stick to the status quo and do what I should do."
Damon could see that. She had been brasher and bolder when she had been compelled but that had eventually ebbed away. He never really knew Addie to do something she didn't want to do but perhaps that was because she was always doing what she felt she should do. She claimed to be selfish, and she could be, but for the most part, she was very selfless.
'"I can read this?" he asked, holding up the notebook.
Addie nodded hessistantly, focusing intently on her nails. It was still a very vulnerable experience to share her music with Damon even if it was only the lyrics. Noticing his eyes drift to the top of the page she warned him, "It's not complete. And it sounds better with the actual music."
"I know," Damon murmured, waving a dismissive hand. "Just let me read it, Ads."
Consider me gone by morning
I know what you want so I won't hang around
As you let me down
I'd consider you wrong but I'm the fool
To keep letting you come around
Just to let me down
Damon's brows furrowed in thought. Did he keep repeatedly letting Addie down? She had said he didn't want him to take the song personally. She'd also said it been about Elena. Addie and Elena had given each other plenty of chances but one or both of them always managed to screw it up. It was highly possible she was referring to Elena.
It felt like a blow to the stomach as Damon considered that Addie could possibly be feeling like she was being repeatedly let down by everyone. It went with her abandonment issues.
I let it get this far
But you had me from the start
Feels like lifetime in fact
Still we keep coming back
There was no way she wasn't talking about him there. Addie had admitted that he'd had some kind of hold over her from when they first met. They'd been through hell and back multiple times. His time with Addie had definitely flown by but also seemed to drag on longer than some decades.
It's the same routine just a different scene
And I don't believe in resisting
It's the same old stunt just a different month
And you know that I still can't resist
Can't get over this
I'll see you around
Next time you let me down
There were the ruts she had been talking about and not fighting back. His latter thought was right. Everyone was letting Addie down. The world was letting her down.
I don't expect a response my darling
After you get what you want so I won't hang around
For you to let me down
So I'll put up these walls my darling
And I say that I'm done but you know better now
You still let me down
I don't see this getting better
Cause I've always been in way too deep
And you know me better
I'm bad at this whole resisting thing
Something made Damon want to think that was about Klaus or possibly himself but he had a greater feeling it was Addie talking to herself. She felt so lost and hopeless that she couldn't even trust in herself to fight her way out of the darkness. He completely believed that Addie would tell herself she was done with him and the supernatural and find herself sucked back into it. He had watched her break down because she felt she had to help break his end of the sire bond. Realizing just how deeply she hurted because of her love for him only made Damon feel guilty.
It's easier to make mistakes
Than to make you stay away
It's easier for my heart to break
Than to feel nothing at all
It's better to let you be fake
For one minute
I'll close my eyes and pretend that I don't die a little inside
That was him. That was about the sire bone. He was 100% certain of that. It broke her heart to know that he had feeling for Elena. But did she truly believe that he was faking his feelings for her? His love for her was still powerful and genuine. Though, if the roles were reversed, he would be dying if she had a sire bond to Stefan. In fact, a little bit of him had died when he saw Klaus kiss her.
"You're crying," Addie whispered in horror as a single tear rolled down Damon's cheek.
"It's beautiful," he said, swatting the tear away, "but it's painfully raw. I can feel your pain on the page."
Addie nodded as she offhandedly commented, "It's strange how written words can convey so much without hearing the speaker's tone. You can feel my pain just as acutely as I felt yours when you left that note on my windshield."
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! They make my day! Sorry for the delay in update. I wanted to have some tender moments between Addie and Damon but it took awhile to arrive there organically. Next chapter Klaus pays the cabin a visit and Addie has a plan.