AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm early again! Lately I´ve found myself quite inspired XD (hope not to jinx it) I am extremely happy with the reviews I had received with the previous chapter. They are starting to get along...Although it is my duty to warn you, you should expect some ups and downs, because it's Vausemann after all...I hope the final result pleases you all. Without further delay, here's a new chapter...
P.S.: Stay tuned on Friday/Saturday, I hope to upload a new chapter this weekend ;)
CHAPTER XI (Alex POV)
I was out of reasons to spend more time with her. I wanted to prolong that night as much as possible, but her tired face made me think otherwise, deciding that I should give her time to rest.
"Sweet dreams" I wished her and thoughtlessly my hand moved on its own to brush her cheek with my thumb What are you doing? I asked to myself astonished, without being able to understand that gesture. I withdraw my hand immediately and left. I did not disappear; instead I decided to walk back to my room after going to the kitchen to tell Red to order someone to bring water to her room for her bath. The heat of her face lingered for some seconds on my thumb, too fast it faded in the air, making me miss it at once. Sylvie was waiting for me in my room. Her presence seemed inadequate next to my recent companion, whose absence claimed every space…
"What are you still doing in here?" I asked annoyed
"I wanted to make sure you do not need anything else"
"No, I don't…you can leave…" I dismissed her
"Yes my lady" she said although she did not seem willing to leave
"And for your information…" I said before she left "Piper is no longer under your orders" Of course, she did not like the news at all, so I let her know with my eyes that I was not going to tolerate any reply regarding that subject "Goodnight"
"Goodnight my lady" I did not like the tone of her words, but I let her go
With so many hours ahead and alone, I could not stop her from filling every space of my mind. I reviewed every moment of the night, as if I wanted to memorize every instant that we shared together.
In no way my original intention was to apologize directly as I did, simply because my nature was opposed to that kind of humiliation, and the last time I had tried to swallow my pride for her, everything went so wrong. I initially had intended to propose her an impossible task to carry out, so maybe she would ask for clemency and I would show her that I could be a merciful creature, the thing is that I did not take into account how stubborn she could be. I tried several times to take her to my territory; nevertheless, she did not fall for it. She was starting to get me mad, I had never met someone so immovable, but when she accepted the challenge to amend my clothes, I thought that maybe she was completely out of her mind…Are you stupid? Don't do it! I wanted to yell at her, considering for a second to let her do it, maybe she could finally learn something and show some docility but I could not let her go, I could not let her hurt herself to prove me wrong...so I forced her to show me her hands, and that's when I lost whatever game we were dangerously playing. When I saw her injured hands, I did not care about my pride, I did not care about anything; I just wanted her forgiveness because those injuries were a direct result of my senseless arrogance and superciliousness.
During dinner, I just watched her, memorizing each gesture and every movement. Sometimes I had to forced myself to look away; I did not want her to feel uncomfortable under my scrupulous gaze. We did not share many words; I mainly wanted to let her eat because she was famished How could I allow this to happen? I reprimanded myself every second for it. It literally hurt me to see her in those conditions and I desperately wished for her pain to become mine. I had never regretted any of my acts as I did in that moment.
I remembered with great fixation every smile sketched on her lips; the first time I heard her laugh I had been stunned, although I had not understood very well what exactly had amused her; it happened when I realized how clumsy she was with her bandaged hands and decided to help her to cut her meat. I wanted to hear that bashful laughter again and again…there are so many hours left for dawn I pondered…It was weird, I was a nocturnal creature; I enjoyed solitude and the absolute silence that could only be reached in the wee hours of the night, but lately I was overwhelmed by the strange need that it would dawn soon You can not fool yourself anymore, you are only wishing for dawn with the stupid intention of seeing her…So what if that's what I want?...I started an internal debate, because honestly, on second thought, I could not find a single reason to have to deny it anymore. I wanted a million more nights like that one, a million nights to get to know her, a million nights to make her laugh…a million nights…That's the problem, we could not have a million nights Well, I could, but she did not, I realized with melancholy. Staying away from that kind of complications was the prudent thing to do; I had already accepted that same destiny with Nicky; from the beginning I avoided creating a bond with her, knowing that at some point, I would have to continue without her. However, she won me over with the pass of time, but there was no day when I did not think about how my life would be after her. What am I supposed to do about her? That question gave me no respite and dawn finally came without answers…
I felt the urge to go to see her, to ask her how she had spent the night, to help her with her hands…but I held back and forced myself to stay in the room. Thankfully, that morning, Nicky was the first person to come to my room…she entered without knocking on the door as was customary
"Good morning" She showed her usual silly smile that let exposed all her teeth. I took it for granted that she was already aware of the new situation, but I decided to behave apathetically
"Good morning" I said in a bored tone "…I think it's the first time that you wake up before breakfast" I added mordantly
"Well, I guess miracles do happen…" her smile grew wider "Speaking of miracles…I have just been in the kitchen and guess who I saw…" It was going to be a really hard thing to do to show myself indifferent when all I wanted to do was to ask Nicky everything about her
"No one comes to my mind…" I said after pretending to think several seconds about it
"Honestly…are you really going to go down that path? Pretending you don't care about her…"
"I'm not pretending Nicky…I really don't care about her" It even upset me to lie about it
"So you just softened overnight?" She asked with incredulity
"I thought a lot about the things you said to me yesterday and, I admit it…you were right" Her face lit up as never before "I was cruel and unfair to her…I just wanted to end this nonsense before it got too far" her smile vanished to be replaced with disappointment
"That's all you are going to admit then?"
"I don't know what else you want me to say" I said, although I knew exactly what she was expecting me to say
"Fine…if you think that by refusing to say the truth it will stop being true, be my guess…but you are not fooling anyone, not even yourself"
"Nicky…for the hundredth time…" I was going to deny her assumptions but Sylvie interrupted us bringing my breakfast…
"I'm sorry my lady, I didn't know you were busy…can I come in?" As always, her voice was sweet, but her face showed nothing but discontent
"Yes of course…" She walked to place the tray on my usual spot "…please bring more food, Nicky is going to have breakfast with me this morning" I ordered her while I sat down
"Actually I already ate" Nicky chimed in
"If that's so…that'll be all Sylvie…" I dismissed her
"As you wish my lady" Before leaving the room, she casted a cold glance at Nicky…
"Besides…I would not eat anything she brings me…who knows what things she would throw at my food" Nicky denoted with disgust
"Don't be ridiculous…she wouldn't dare" I tried in vain to sound convincing
"Yeah right…" She added, not believing my words… "So…What are you going to do with Piper now?" she started saying while taking a seat at the table
"I don't know…but I will not leave her under Sylvie's care anymore…if you have any idea, I'm all ears…" She seemed to meditate deeply about it
"Why don't you ask her to be your maid?" My maid?! Asking Nicky was a big mistake
I made a sound of exasperation "…I should have known that your ideas would be terrible"
"Why not?" she demanded to know
"Because…It'd be weird after our…issues….besides, what am I supposed to do with Sylvie?"
"If you ask me…to hell with Sylvie!" she exclaimed unapologetic making me smile
"I can't do that Nicky, I have no reason to discard her like that…like it or not, she's very good at her job, she knows how to do everything and keeps the place well managed…and she has shown her loyalty like no one else…"
"Yeah yeah, sure she has demonstrated her loyalty more than once in your bed" I glanced at her for her comment "Wouldn't you like the princess to show you her loyalty with the same impetuosity?" She wiggled her eyebrows comically
"You are a deviant and disgusting person…" She guffawed. It was impossible to have an adult conversation with her
"Have you really never thought about it?" I could not deny it, because it had crossed my mind a couple of times while being with Sylvie. I could not help but think about what it would be like to kiss her instead of Sylvie…
"You need to grow up…" It's all I could say "Nicky please, be serious about this…give me some idea of something she can do easily and without effort…"
"I don't know Alex…the truth is that the girl has shown that she is capable of anything…don't underestimate her"
"Oh…trust me, I'm not underestimating her" I said with certain proud "I just don't want her in charge of demeaning jobs anymore…I'll think about it later, for now she should rest until she recovers"
"Well yes, she's a little emaciated" There was no malice in the way she said it, with no intentions to throw it at my face, but those words made me feel infinitely guilty
"I think I'll never forgive myself for that" she registered my mood and tried to take her words back
"I'm sorry Alex, I didn't mean to blame you…"
"You should…"
"But you apologized and she forgave you" She tried to cheer me up with those words
"Then she told you what happened last night…" I assumed they had talked about it during breakfast
"She did…" again I felt that strange sensation…jealousy?…because Nicky was free to see her as many times as she wanted while I had to keep some distance from her "You should have seen her this morning…" she left the words in the air, clearly on purpose
"What happened this morning?" Curiosity took over me
"She seemed very well rested…I would even venture to say that she looked happy…"
"Did she say something about me?"
"Ohhhh…She said many things about you…" Her tone aroused my interest only more
"Bad things? Good things?" I pressed her to go on…Why was she being so cryptic about it?
"If you don't care about her, then why are you so interested in knowing her opinion about you?" She flashed a knowing smile arching an eyebrow…I was speechless... "Just what I thought…" She got up from the table at tapped her fingers against the wooden surface rhythmically "Enjoy your breakfast…I gotta go!" and she walked out of my room leaving me stupefied with her question. I had lost all interest in my breakfast, lying in front of me untouched. After her, Sylvie came in…
"Everything alright?" She asked
"You are not intending to leave me alone today, right?" I began to get tired by her insistence
"Why are you evading me lately?" she walked closer to me
"I'm not evading you…" I reassured her in a bored tone…Her face was congested with hatred
"Is it because of her?" Her...she did not need to clarify who she was referring to…
"She has nothing to do with it…" I felt the urge to protect her, to leave her aside. I got up and walked to the window, turning my back to her "Lately you just seem too needy begging for my affection, and your insistence is starting to annoy me" I blurted out and turned around to face her "I thought I had left it more than clear the first time...This was never going to turn into...whatever you want to call it...because I could never want you..."
"That's the thing isn't it? Now you want her…" It was not a question
"It is not like that, and ultimately, I don't owe you any explanation" It bothered me to explain myself to her
"Then all the years that I have served you mean nothing to you?" She was trying to become the victim
"You have proved to be loyal and helpful in every way…and I want you to continue your work as my housekeeper, but this…" I signaled the space between us… "It has to stop…"
"Because you found a new whore!" she spat the words
"She's not a whore! She's too decent for such things" It was a low blow, but something boiled in me at her offensive reference
"What do you mean? That I am indecent enough to be your whore?"
"I never asked you to do it…I never forced you into something you did not want to do" It was not like me. Many girls had passed through my bed, and each one of them did it more than gladly, only waiting to be rewarded with my expert attentions
"But you made me think that you cared about me…I…I love you…" She declared tepidly
"Ohhh...don't you dare to play that card with me…" Her words meant nothing to me, simply because I couldn't believe in them… "I know you too well and I have seen into your soul…you do not love anyone but yourself Sylvie" Her heart was dark and evil, full of bitterness, envy and selfishness. I was not who to judge, because I myself was all those things and worse…but to believe that she loved me, it was simply impossible… "Even if it were so, you must be very stupid because you know that I could never feel the same for you…I don't have a heart, remember?" the wrath did not allow her to reply so I went on speaking "I don't want you like that anymore, period!...You will remain in charge of your current responsibilities as a housekeeper…and nothing else" I sentenced, and I did not like her dark face at all "You don't want to hear the alternative, trust me" I felt obliged to threaten her without slyness "Are we clear?" I pressed her, and after some seconds she reluctantly accepted her new role
"Yes…my lady" she hissed every word
"You better" I thought it was necessary to strengthen my tone, just in case. I was not worried for myself, but I was concerned for a specific person… "Now leave me alone" She bowed frigidly and left…
I felt an immediate relief when I watched her leave, having solved our situation; although I didn't know why I perceived that she was going to continue to give me headaches, but until then, I was not going to think about it. Once the bad sensation she left behind vanished, my mind brought me soothing imagery…How is she doing? I could go and find out for myself Arrrgghh…I've been debating a lot with myself lately. I decided at least to wait till night to do so; I did not want to seem too desperate to see her, mostly because I did not want to give Nicky more reasons to mess with me. I would think of some lame excuse to go to the kitchen later, and if I was lucky I would run into her. I went to the library, hoping to kill a few hours plotting my plan…After a while I heard the door leading to the hallway open shyly…It occurred to me that it could only be Sylvie
"What the hell do you want now!?" I got up hastily from the chair turning around to face her, but it was not Sylvie. I found blue eyes wide open in shock and flushed cheeks
"I'm sorry!" She hurriedly said "I did not know you were in here…I'm so sorry" She apologized in a nervous voice once more and closed the door. I ran after her; I opened the door and watched her walking away down the hallway with a hurried pace
"Wait!" I got to stop her taking her by the arm, causing her to turn around. Her face showed certain fear and I did not like being the cause of it so I tried to deliver my next words as gently as possible "I'm sorry if I frightened you…I thought you were another person" she seemed to calm down immediately
"Nevertheless…" she delivered after several seconds "I should have knocked on the door first..." I could still feel certain tremor in her tone
"What were you looking for in the library anyway?" It was not an inquisitive question, I just asked with great curiosity wondering why she would want to come in when I was not in there…
"I needed paper, ink and a quill…" she explained uneasy "Nicky told me I could get those in the library…I did not want to disturb you, she said you would not be in there at these hours…" she justified her actions hastily with apology
"It's alright…" I calmed her down...I knew perfectly that this could have been Nicky's idea to induce an encounter. Deep down I was grateful to her…
"I can come back later" she stated troubled
"But you are already here...come on…" I invited her to follow me and started to walk towards the door, leaving her behind. I could hear her uncertain steps following me after a few seconds. I left the door open as a silent invitation and approached the big desk looking for what she needed… "Are you going to write the letter to your family?" I asked while turning around because I assumed that was her purpose, but she was absorbed looking around…
"Pardon?" She realized that I had told her something
"I asked you…if you are going to write to your family?" I repeated the question
"Oh! Yes" she responded as if she had forgotten about it "I'm sorry…I was astounded by this place" She made a motion with her arms inviting me to look around…her smile could brighten the whole library
"Do you like it?" I asked in disbelief...how could she possibly like that lugubrious place?
"Like it?" she asked slightly raising her voice "I've never seen anything like this before" I did not understand her sentiment, the bookstore could impress only by its size; It was an old place, as darkness itself, full of dusty books...but her reaction seemed as if it were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life "Look how many books!" She exclaimed as if I had not noticed it already, making me smile
"I have to assume that you are an avid reader then…" I felt closer to her knowing that little detail about her, and I wanted to dig deeper
"Not as much as I would have liked though…" her joy looked to fade away in an instant and I immediately regretted to bring up what appeared to be a sad memory for her
"Why? You didn't have a library in your home?" I still wanted to know the reason of her sudden subsidence
"No…is not that" she smiled lightly "We have a great library, not as big as this one of course" She brought out "but…my mother would not let me read almost any book…"
"What? Why?" I asked shocked
"Well…she thinks that a lady does not need to fill her head with nonsense because books cannot teach you how to be a good wife…" I listened in horror to her words
"That's…abhorrent!" I said absolutely appalled causing in her a melodious laugh whose notes I stored greedily in my mind
"I know!" she agreed with me
"Well…I'll tell you what…You can take any book you want at any time" I offered leaving her wide mouthed
"Are you…are you serious?" She asked me with great significance
"I'm always serious" The corner of her lips rose sweetly preceding the most beautiful smile I had seen so far in my entire life
"I don't…I don't know what to say" she said unable to hide her teeth behind her lips
"Then don't say anything" In her happy face I could see how grateful she was and that was more than enough for me "Would you like to look around?" I suggested and she gladly accepted nodding her head with excitement and her eyes more open than normal. She approached timidly to the nearest shelf, looking at me sideways as if asking for permission "Go on" I encouraged her to rummage freely through the titles. I noticed her bandaged hands and despised myself for not asking her before "How are your hands?" She stopped her movements and turned her head towards me…
"Improving every minute" Her lips formed the sweetest of smiles leaving me awestruck
"That makes me very happy..." I said with a bittersweet tone, without foregetting that it had been my fault "And how did you spend the night?"
"I slept like a log after taking a bath" she laughed softly "There are so many that I would not know where to start" she resumed her search through the shelves
I watched her carefully as she kept her gaze occupied with the books, with her back to me. I felt a force pulling me towards her. I got carried away like a drifting boat and got so close to her that I could feel the warmth of her body against my front, through our clothes, shaking every fiber in my body. She sensed my closeness and stopped her movements, she started trembling like a leaf about to fall off…I took a breath of air on an irresistible impulse to inhale the essence from her hair, my nose brushing ever so slightly her wavy golden strands. Her vanilla fragrance flooded my lungs and splattered my senses, intoxicating me...How much I wanted her in that very moment; delicious thoughts clouded my mind...me, ripping off her clothes unceremoniously, my lips and tongue touring her exposed neck and the soft curve of her shoulders with my hands marauding the front of her body with the sole purpose to reach her small breasts from behind and tease her peaky nipples with the palm of my hands…I exhaled heavily at the perspective, she was just right there at my mercy; but thankfully some sense came to my mind…I closed my eyes tightly and clenched my jaw…You have to stop, you'll freak her out I told myself. Once recomposed, I reached with my left hand for a book that stood to her left, right above her head…
"This one…" I said very close to her ear "I think this one will please you" I ended up saying pulling the book off the shelf. She slowly turned around to face me and I handed her the book. She took it with shaking hands and pressed it against her chest.
"Thank you" she gasped the words with a slightly reddened face, still not daring to move, her eyes filled with fear Well done...you frightened her. I decided to give her some space and drew away from her returning to the desk, clearing my throat before speaking
"Here you have…the things you were looking for…" I came back to her, handing her the items that she arranged to take on both hands along with the book. Then, I went to the door and invited her to leave the room without words by holding it open for her. Before leaving she gave me a hesitant look and an introverted bow
"By your leave my lady" She left the room and I closed the door behind her, leaning my forehead against the door, feeling real animosity towards myself for having ruined that moment making her unmistakably uncomfortable.
What the hell was I thinking? What would have happened if I had not come to my senses? No doubt I would have frightened her to death…She's too decent for such things; the same words I had told Sylvie earlier bounced in my mind and a great sense of desolation seized me because, those illusions I had just imagined could never happen; surely she would be horrified if she only knew the things that went through my mind…You will have to control yourself Alex…I turned around to face the growing emptiness of the big room that seemed darkened a couple of shades in her absence. I wandered around watching the shelves thinking what books she could like; maybe I could fix our disastrous encounter initiating a talk about books in another occasion, but my eyes fixed on a subtle change; the detail would have gone unnoticed if it were not because I had spent most of my existence in this very room. An empty space on one of the many shelves…I had thousands of books but I knew each one of the copies, and I knew exactly who could have taken that particular book…