Harry and Nikki walked slowly down the corridor hand in hand, both had been much relieved to get Leo's phone call to say that Erin had woken up and they'd popped in to Leo's to pick some things up for Erin for her stay at the hospital. They met Leo outside Erin's room, who greeted them warmly and took the Erin's bag of belongings from Harry whilst Nikki adjusted the baby carrier she had on the crook of her arm
"How is she?" Harry asked tentatively
"Very quiet, even by Erin's standards" Leo replied and Harry chuckled "She's not thrilled about being in hospital either"
"I forgot how much she hated them" Nikki said deep in thought
"They thought it was best to keep her in a side room" Leo explained "That way she doesn't have to deal with lots of strangers on the ward"
"How long are they keeping her in for?" Nikki asked
"A couple of weeks" Leo said
"She's going to love that" Harry said sarcastically as they made their way into the room
Erin was sitting up in bed leaning over what appeared to be a pad of paper, there was a nurse standing by her giving her words of encouragement as Erin shakily took the pen in her non-casted hand and attempted to draw
"See you nearly had it" the nurse smiled
"I can't do it" the despair was evident in Erin's voice as the pen skidded across the page
"You'll get there" the nurse said taking it from her and putting it on a nearby table as she left the room
"Hello Erin" Harry said leaning down to give the young girl a gentle hug and was soon followed by Nikki
"How're you feeling?" Nikki asked as the three adults sat down on chairs near her bed
"Okay…" Erin said although Nikki and Harry didn't believe her for a second
Erin's face was covered in cuts and bruises which still looked very sore and her arm was in a cast up to her elbow and they could see the outline of her bandaged chest. She was hooked up to a drip, one containing blood and the other containing morphine. But it wasn't just the physical injury that told of Erin's state: she had lost a certain sparkle in her eyes and that was more telling than any bruise of broken bone
"You've got more colour in your cheeks today" Leo noted but Erin just gave a one armed shrug
"We dropped home and got you some of your things" Nikki said motioning and Erin nodded gratefully
"Erin's been trying to draw with her other hand" Leo told them as he picked up the notepad she had been using earlier
"I can't do it" she repeated looking extremely despondent
Leo looked at the page "It's getting better"
"No its not" Erin frowned and burst into a coughing fit
Leo reached over and placed the mask on her face, Erin took deep breaths in and after a few minutes she pushed the mask away
"You're meant to be keeping it on" Leo chided "And not overexerting yourself"
"We brought you some books" Nikki said brightly, trying to keep Erin's mind off her arm "It'll keep you occupied whilst you're in here"
"Thanks" Erin said and Nikki was sure she saw a flicker of a smile
"And at least one of us will come and see you every day" Harry told her
"Can't I just go home?" Erin asked
Harry shook his head "They'll want to keep you in for a little while, you underwent major surgery and they just want to make sure you're better before you leave"
"It doesn't hurt at all" she protested
"That will be due to the morphine your on" Harry said motioning to the drip
Erin sighed knowing she was beaten and soon she settled into the pillows once more. She'd been feeling very tired all day and soon she feel into a deep sleep.
When she opened her eyes again, the room was darker and much quieter. She gently pushed herself up and winced as the stitches pulled
"Careful" a voice warned and she turned her head to see Dan Williams sitting on a stool next to her bed
Dan Williams was Erin's psychologist and she'd been seeing him for almost a year, although her appointment with him had been getting less and less, Dan knew full well that years of abuse couldn't be undone so easily so they'd kept up a regular contact which had been of benefit to Erin
"How're you feeling?" he asked
"Everyone keeps asking me that" she mumbled
Dan chuckled "I suppose it's a stupid question really, you're in hospital so you're not perfectly fine"
Erin nodded slowly and Dan put the notepad he had been looking at onto her bed
"I see you're keeping up the drawing" he said
"It's too hard now" Erin said and a few tear of frustration slipped down her face
"Yes you can" Dan told her "It's just going to take a little time that's all"
"I wish I'd never gone with her" Erin said suddenly
Dan pursed his lips, he'd heard all about her godmother and the hospital had kept his informed of her condition
"Well the thing is Erin; we can't undo what has already been done" he said gently "All we can do is look to the future and try and put the past behind us"
"I was so scared" she whispered
Dan nodded "Have you told Leo this?"
Erin shook her head "I can't remember all of it"
"That's not what I asked…"
Erin frowned "No I haven't told him" she said finally "I should have gone straight home and instead I was so stupid to go after her"
"You're not stupid Erin" Dan soothed
"Yes I am" Erin spat "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
"Erin, look at me" Dan said but she wouldn't shift her gaze towards him "Alright then listen to me. It's not your fault what happened; she tricked you into going with her. She preyed on the one thing she knew you needed and that was an awful thing to do. No one of this is your fault; you weren't to know what was going to happen…"
"I just wanted to know about him!" Erin wept
"That's perfectly natural. We all want to know where our roots our and no one had ever told you about your father before so it's fine that your wanted to know about him"
"But I have Leo now…"
"Erin, do you remember I told you about the filing cabinet inside your head…."
She nodded "You said all my memories are like files but the one marked 'dad' has nothing in so it keeps floating about my mind waiting to be put away"
Dan smiled "Exactly, now you were given the chance to have something to put in that file, so of course you took it. No one is cross with you for doing that; no one is cross with you at all"
"She gave me a photo" Erin said quietly
Dan nodded and gave it to Erin "Leo said you might want it later"
"I look like him" she said gazing at the photo
"Yes you do a bit" Dan agreed "But that doesn't mean you will become him. Remember you are the one in control of your life and what you become is down to you and you alone. It doesn't matter if you have his eyes or his hair, at the end of the day, you are you. You are an individual and only you can decide where to go"
Erin nodded and passed the photo back to Dan "I don't want to look at it anymore"
"Alright" Dan said taking it back "We'll keep it safe for you"
"Please throw it away" Erin said
"Why?" Dan asked
"Because it reminds me of…" Erin couldn't finish her sentence and just motioned over her bruised and battered body
"You might change your mind later" Dan reasoned
"I doubt it" Erin said sadly
Dan sighed gently, knowing they had a lot more work to do "I'll leave you to get some rest now" he said standing up "I'll come and see you soon"
Erin nodded and turned over in her bed, away from Dan and away from the world so no one could see the tears falling down her face.