WELL!

This week has been… an annoying one, mainly because my net keeps dipping out, and cos my net and my digital TV are run on the same cable, I aren't been able to watch digital TV either.

SO BORED WAS I. Seriously. Bored. Playing though every game on Sonic Mega collection bored.

I don't know when I'll update next due to the evils of my net connection right now… it might be another 5 days, it might be 2 weeks, I'm not sure.

Either way I'll do anything I can to keep it on a regular basis.

Anyways, this chapter is a cool chapter. Why? Cos it just is, that's why. It's the chapter where any ANGST on Gaz's half is really over. She finally gets to the point where she decides that she is who she is, and no amount of assholic talk-show people are gonna tell her otherwise.

So… yea, sit back and chill ma reader-peeps.

I owns no ones.

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Gaz waited until she heard his bedroom door close before swiftly getting up from the couch and walking, calmly yet quickly, to her room.

The moment she got inside she shut the door, and turned towards her bed, the blade was waiting for her on her bedside cabinet.

Gaz snatched up the blade and sat onto her bed, shaking. Her stomach felt ill and she could feel her heart beating in her brain.

In her hands, she held her blade, and she was pressing it against her arm. However, she had not yet cut the skin; it was simply taunting her pale skin, begging her to let it taste her blood.

She could feel all her clothes on her, and she could see the trembling motion of her fingers while she held the blade.

'NO! GAZ! DON'T!' Her mind screamed to her, her common sense desperately warning her, 'Don't do this! You were doing so well! Don't go back to square one!'

However, she wanted to cut. She knew what would happen, the beta endorphins would rush through her from the blood and pain, comforting her and letting her know that for now, her problems had been chased away with the red sacrifice.

A small, sad growl grew on her face, and her eyes narrowed. She thought she'd found the answer, she was so sure of it. For the few days since she'd been introduced to that magical word, asexual, she thought she'd finally realized who she was inside.

She'd been comfortable in her own skin for the first time in such a long time…

But now. Now the idea of being broken had return, and Gaz had been reminded at how truly horrible that feeling was, possibly even more so since she'd been on such a high.

She knew she'd find a temporary answer within the teeth of her blade… but she was so close… so close to being rid of the world of self-harm forever.

She didn't have to do this. She knew she should throw the blade away. Walk out of the room. Go for a walk if necessary.

'Put. It. Down,' Gaz ordered within herself. 'Put it down. Now. Do it. PUT IT DOWN.'

Gaz's hand snapped up, the indentation from her blade still showing on her skin. Her amber eyes flicked to the blade as she quickly slapped it down on her bedside cabinet. Immediately the call to pick it up and do the job properly arose within her, but she quickly forced it down, suppressing her own desire to cut to relive herself.

'I don't need it.' She told herself, her eyes closing and sigh flowing from her, 'I can pick and choose it if I wish. I'm in charge of me and I choose to… go for a walk.'

She stood up, almost robotically, and turned towards her bedroom door, throwing it open and marching out.

As she quickly moved down the stairs she heard Dib's door open and her brother call to her. "Hey! Where are you going!?"

Gaz didn't pause as she pulled her boots onto her feet. "Out."

"Where?" Dib's natural inquisitive nature was pushing through.

"Out." The girls repeated answer cause her brother to stop from where he was standing in the middle of the stairs.

The teenager hesitated; Dib had always been weary of prying into his sister's life. He'd long since learned that Gaz was a person who greatly valued their privacy, and fiercely protected it. However, he was her older brother and as much as he knew he'd get snapped at he still wanted to help.

In some way, he suspected that Gaz wanted him to try to help. Even though he knew she'd say no, she wanted him to show that he still cared, sometimes just showing you're there for someone, whether they want help or not, is the best kind of help.

Gaz threw the door open and went to step out, however, Dib had reached the bottom of the stairs. "Gaz! Wait! Tell me what's wrong!?"

"Nothing's wrong Dib," She didn't turn to look at him and she slowly began to close the door behind her. However, while it was mumbled, Dib could still pick out her closing message. "Nothing you can help me with anyway."

Gaz walked quickly, just in case Dib tried to catch up with her. She wasn't surprised when he didn't, she'd taught him enough not to try on fear of being hurt. Besides, she was right, Dib couldn't help her, this wasn't something his knowledge or supernatural expertise could aid her in.

She didn't know where he feet where taking her, she just watched them walk, step after step. Her hands tucked into her pockets and her eyes down, away from anyone else.

She didn't want to talk to anyone, or look at anyone, or even be bothered in any way. She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts, away from her blade and her brother and the people telling her she wasn't human on TV.

Her eyes narrowed as she walked. What if that doctor on TV was right? What if this was just some side effect from low hormones? What if she did only need to have sex once to kick-start her libido?

How could she know she didn't like something if she'd never tried it?

A sudden bird tweeting brought her gaze up, and she realized she had wandered into the local park. A few leaves blew across her as the wind picked up slightly; reminding her that summer was starting to reach an end.

Gaz frowned. Had the months really gone so fast? It seemed only a little while ago she was perfectly happy with herself. No scars, no confusion, before all this asexuality stuff…

She sighed and kicked a pebble that was lying on the gravely path which weaved through the grass park. A few bins popped up along the path, along with some old Victorian-styled streetlamps and some old wooden benches, their surfaces tarnished by the weather and age.

The sun was getting low in the sky, but it wasn't quite reaching it's full artistic beauty of it's setting. It only achieved in creating a dullish yellow glow that cast itself over everything, however, Gaz knew it'd soon burst into a final red explosion as the sun hit the layer of pollution generated by the nearby city before sinking behind the horizon.

Sitting down on one of the old creaky benches, Gaz held her head in her hands and closed her eyes. Just wanting to let go of all her emotions for a short while and bask in nothingness until she chose to go back and re-evaluate her orientation.

She wondered in silence, was she really asexual? Looking back over her life it certainly seemed so. Like how she always used the make-out scenes in movies to go get snacks, or when she'd found sex-ed to be a good time to complete homework while everyone else watched with, in her opinion, with a pointless amount of attention.

She realized, with little surprise, that she'd been rather ignorant of the opposite sex practically all her life. She'd never cared for developing relationships, she'd never wanted to; she'd always though of them as a bit pointless in all. She'd never felt any desire ever, she'd never felt any drive. But most importantly, she'd been happy. She'd be perfectly happy playing video games and watching old movies while the rest of her classmates began to drool all over each other. Up until a few months ago, she'd never even given a damn about finding love or 'getting some'.

"It's the scary Gazzy girly!" A high pitched squeaky voice cut through her thoughts.

Gaz's head snapped up, only to find that she was mere millimeters away from Gir's very smelly, very badly made doggy costume. It was a lime, almost radioactive green in colour, with black for the arms, legs and ears. It was so obviously fake that there was a stitch line running right up the suit and patches of the 'fur' were missing.

And for some odd reason, the smell of the thing only just decided to hit her.

"UGH!" She automatically recoiled backwards, pushing the robot-dog away from her, "Oh, GOD! What the hell have you been rolling in?!"

"GARBAGE!" Gir squealed and jumped into the seat next to her, his little stubby arms reaching out for a hug. Gaz moved as far away as possible, but the little robot only moved closer to her. It's large, almost unblinking eyes staring right at her. "Garbage is coooool…"

"Seriously, Gir, go away. Now." Gaz jumped off the bench and swiftly moved around it, so that there were at least some planks of wood between her and the insane, smelly dog-robot.

"GIR!" Gaz's eyes shot to her left as Zim came running into view, Gir's leash clenched tightly in one hand. Gaz quickly put two and two together and she smirked, "Gir escaped again?"

Zim looked at Gaz like he'd just noticed her and then quickly gathered himself. "No! He was just, erm, on a lone mission to… gather intelligence! Yes." He nodded, "That's exactly what he was doing."

"Yea, sure," Gaz crossed her arms, "Whatever you say Zim."

"MASTEH!" Gir jumped at Zim, launching himself onto the irkens chest and gripping him in a rib-crushing hug, "Master likes the hugs."

"MASTER HATES THE HUGS!" Zim tore Gir off him and growled at the small robot as it danced around him. "I command you to go do… something else!"

"OooOookay doky!" The little robot jumped up, spinning rather dramatically, landing a slightly kung-fu-esk pose then began to run around the park chasing birds and laughing. Zim quickly began brushing his clothes down as fast as he could, his intense fear of germs quickly taking over.

Gaz thought it was rather ironic that, for an invader who was meant to be trying to destroy the earth, the one thing he was truly scared of was the germs. He even took out a spray can, labelled with odd irken writing, and sprayed it onto himself where Gir had hugged him. Only after that did Zim finally sigh in relief and turn his eyes to Gaz. "Gaz-human. What are doing outside?"

"I can go outside if I want to Zim," Gaz growled back.

Zim however, let a small, but not mean smile appear on his face, "But you don't usually do you? So something must be important for you to leave your dwelling."

Gaz slowly walked back around the bench. "Whatever, it's nothing you would even care about anyway."

"So," Zim shrugged, "That doesn't mean Zim wouldn't listen."

Gaz frowned in interest at the irken. "What do you mean?"

"Well," Zim leaned back on the bench, looking up. "We talk all the time in the school-place, and while I know we don't care about each other, we still talk…"

Gaz couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the irken's statement. "Well, that's true I guess." She followed Zim's skyward stare and wondered if she should speak her next few words. "I… guess you could say we're friends."

Zim looked back to Gaz, frowning. "Friends? Zim needs no friends." However, before Gaz could retaliate, Zim quietly added, "But I accept the Gaz-humans offer of friendship."

Gaz looked to the irken with a raised eyebrow before slowly shaking her head; she supposed that was going to be the best she got out of Zim.

"So," Zim asked his eyes still on Gaz, "Why have you left your primitive domicile?"

"To think," Gaz replied, looking back up. "To just… think."

"About what?" Zim asked again, his voice full of an almost Dib-like inquisitiveness.

Gaz sighed and leaned forward, still not looking at the irken. "Not that you'd understand, but I'm unsure about myself… sexually." Gaz couldn't help feel weirded out; she never thought she'd have to say this to Zim of all people. "I'm unsure if I really am an asexual, as in someone who doesn't have a sex drive, or if I'm just ill in some way."

Zim was silent for a moment, causing Gaz to wonder what he was thinking, before he replied to her, slowly. "Gaz-human thinks she's asexual? Like an irken?"

Gaz's eyes shot to Zim, who seemed to be rather amused by the whole thing. "What? Are you saying… you're asexual?"

Zim nodded. "All warrior-caste irkens like me are created without the means to reproduce." He smiled, "Any desires like that would distract us from training and fighting."

Gaz frowned in interest, "Warrior-caste? Your society is divided by castes?"

Zim smiled and nodded again. "Indeed. Business-caste, medic-caste, science-caste… although, our glorious leaders are chosen by height no matter what caste they come from, that's pure tradition though."

"And, warrior-caste, like you," Gaz nodded towards Zim, "Are the only ones born without sex drives?"

Zim nodded again. "We're created without the ability, or need, to reproduce or mate in any way." He suddenly frowned, "Don't tell the Dib though he still doesn't know that yet."

Gaz's eyes widened. "Wow… So, you've never wanted sex? Ever?"

Zim shrugged, "Maybe, just once, just to see what all those other castes find so fascinating about it but otherwise it's never bothered me."

Gaz slowly smiled. "That's how I feel…" She looked down and then looked back up, "Can you… get yourself fixed?"

Zim frowned, which was odd considering he had no eyebrows, "What do you mean, fixed?"

"Like, you can…" Gaz searched for the proper words, "Take something or get some operation to get a sex drive?"

Zim looked away, his eyes widening slightly in wonder. "… I think so… Once an irken quits military service they can put in a request to develop proper means of reproduction…"

"And… would you?" Gaz couldn't help but ask, "Would you get fixed?"

Zim was silent for a moment, his eyes watching Gir continually head butt a tree. "No. No I don't think I will." He smiled slowly, "I'm already the best I can possibly be, which is obviously quite amazing, so any changes would only ruin a perfectly good thing."

Gaz smirked slightly and finally looked away from alien.

"What about you?" The question caught Gaz off guard.

"What?" She asked, turning back to Zim.

Zim's eyes lit up slightly, "Are you really happy being asexual? Would you change if you were given the chance?"

Gaz looked up, the sun was setting, finally bloodying the world in that glorious last burst of red, the toxic smog almost creating the effect that the day was strangling the last life out of the sun before it died and drowned below the horizon of skyscrapers.

The wind was getting colder, slightly stronger and with a bit more howl in its voice. The trees rattled, like the death choke of the sun itself.

"No." Gaz smiled as the night came over the two, "I wouldn't change. I'm happy being who I am. I know how I feel; I know what I want in life." Her smile grew slightly wider. "I'm asexual and proud, and no one is going to tell me otherwise."

Zim grinned. "I think that's the happiest I've seen you in… ever."

Gaz narrowed her gaze at the irken, but didn't drop her smile. "Har, har, asshole." She then stood up, letting out a tired sigh. "I guess I should be getting back home."

"HA!" Zim pointed at the girl, "I knew you couldn't stay outside for long!"

Gaz resisted the urge to shake her head at the moronic invader and turned on her heel. However, she stopped when she realised Zim was also getting up to follow her. Shivering slightly in the cold wind she watched as Zim had to run around to catch Gir, re-attach his leash, and began to drag the small robot away from all his 'squirrel friends'.

Gaz raised an eyebrow. "You're walking me home?"

"No," Zim quickly responded, "I'm walking the same way."

Gaz shook her head again, "Zim, do you know what a cliché is?"

"…A type of fish?" the irken shrugged back.

Gaz paused for a second, resisting the urge to smack some sense into the irken, before carrying on.

She didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything. It was better for them to walk in silence than talk about a stupid topic. She was sure Zim didn't mind, he had to devote all of his attention to making sure Gir didn't do anything too stupid that might 'get them noticed', which itself was a pointless task as the world was far to ignorant to even notice.

She quietly watched the irken as he shouted at Gir for 'bothering', for want of another word, the other dogs on the street.

How long had she known Zim now? Six years? Something like that. In some ways, Zim hadn't chanced a dolt, at least in his attitude. Sure, he was taller, more mature looking now, but he still had the mindset of a moronic alien invader. He still hated humans; he still wished for world domination, he was still fanatical about his empire. For a second, Gaz wondered if she should ask him whether he thought his leaders still cared about his mission but she decided against it.

She didn't care whether his mission was still on or not, it wasn't her business to ask anyway.

"So…" She looked up to the still darkening sky, "What do you think about Dib and Gretchen?"

Zim stuck out a tongue, "Icky. The things they do…"

Gaz frowned in interest at Zim. "Things they do? Like what?"

"Like all that kissing stuff!" Zim screwed up his face even more, "Whenever they go out it's all they ever do! It's disgusting!"

Gaz looked slightly disturbed at this information. "Why… would you even know what they do when they go out?"

"Well," Zim suddenly looked rather sheepish, "I… followed them once… for information."

"You spied on their date?" Gaz shook her head slowly. "If you didn't have a sex drive I'd say you were jealous."

"Zim? Jealous!?" The irken looked insulted. "Never! I was just interested as to what you humans do on these dates of yours."

"They're a couple Zim," Gaz looked up again, "What did you think they were gonna do?"

Zim paused, "I… hum… good point."

"You're a moron, did you know that?" Gaz chuckled.

There was a moment of silence before Zim suddenly looked to Gaz and, in an odd, low voice, asked, "Would you ever get a mate?"

"What part of 'asexual' do you not understand," Gaz replied without a moment of hesitation, her voice carrying a hint of anger.

"You might not be interested in those pathetic human mating rituals," Zim replied, a small smile forming on his face, "But you humans still enjoy pairing up." He faked some kind of intelligent look and rolled a hand, "You have 'emotional' needs or some such nonsense."

Gaz stopped walking and looked down, her eyes narrowed. "Maybe…" She chuckled slowly and looked up, a small sense of mischief dancing in her eyes. "Maybe we should go out, eh?"

Zim suddenly looked scared. "What?"

Gaz took a step towards the irken, who stepped back, "Come on, think about it!" Gaz's managed a small, evil smile. "We both hate humanity, we both get angry at Dib a lot, we're both asexuals."

Zim's eyes narrowed. "Have you the brain worms human? You're a human and I'm an irken, we're just too different, literally, we're different species for flirks sake."

Gaz shook her head. "I was joking Zim. I wouldn't go out with you even for all the games in the world."

"Yea, right," now it was Zim's turn to have an evil smile, "You just can't resist the awesomeness of Zim!"

Gaz began to walk on again, putting her hands onto her pants pockets, "Yea, whatever Zim. In your dreams maybe."

"HA!" Zim quickly caught up with her, "Jokes on you human! Irkens don't sleep!"

Gaz looked unimpressed. "Oh, wow," the sarcasm was so heavy that only a moron couldn't tell, "Zim won for once, I am so defeated."

"VICTORY FOR ZIM!" The irken screeched and Gir, who had been running around in front of them diving into trash cans, suddenly opened his head and fired a poor display of confetti at Zim.

Gaz rolled her eyes, sometimes it really was amazing the amount of idiocy that Zim portrayed. She was now back at her house, so she turned and walked up the drive and towards her front door, being careful to avoid the electrified fencing that her father had placed along the edges of the pathway to 'keep those stray animals off the lawn'.

She turned and was somewhat surprised to see Zim still stood there, even if he was glaring at Gir who kept putting his hand onto the electrified fencing and shocking himself. The irken looked up, and Gaz was again surprised as the irken smiled. "See you tomorrow stick-beast!"

Gaz should have expected that Zim couldn't remain that out of character for long. She raised a hand up, "Yea, cya at school Zim."

Gaz watched as the irken snapped the leash back and literally dragged Gir off down the street.

She wondered, and was amazed at herself for it, if she should be serious about going out with Zim. They got on well enough, and Gaz did consider Zim something of a friend. But was that enough to ask him to go out with her?

They did have a few things in common, enough to allow them to talk a lot at their table at school. She thought on how they even managed to make jokes that they could both understand.

However, Gaz realised that this was the best way to be with the alien. Like he said, they were different species, but not just because they were human and irken. Zim was driven by completely different goals and ideas than herself. They were both caught up in two completely different worlds, their own. They were each too into themselves and too self-driven to begin to care for another.

While they could both get along well with each other, Gaz knew that trying to couple their worlds would only lead to a destruction of their friendship.

She smiled slightly. Zim was a good friend, if at times an annoying one, but he wouldn't be a good boyfriend.

And with that, she turned and went back into her house before it got too cold to stay outside any longer.

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So, there you have it.

The caste thing is something I think exists in the Irken Empire, but that thing about sex drives is just for this fic.

I also added that, oh so often ignored germophobia of Zim's, which I find to actually be a rather interesting and fun characteristic to write about.

Also, I think my point there about Gaz and Zim is true. While ZAGR is admittedly one of the few pairings I like to read about, I still think they make better friends then lovers.

Oddly enough this chapter doesn't have that much symbolism. Just that dying sun-to-night bit is like, Gaz's old anxious self finally dying and a new, more confident and proud-of-her-sexuality Gaz is born.

How touching, eh?

Anyways, R&R!