A/N: It's a super early update because the contents of this chapter are things I really intended to happen in the last one and everything just got too long and I can't stop writing.

As always, thank you for the love and I want to marry all of you.

oooooooo

When Loki woke up the next morning he had fourteen missed calls from his mother, three texts from her, five missed calls from Thor and ten texts from him; the message was the same each time: I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me.

But Loki couldn't forgive them. He felt like his entire core had been uprooted inside of him and his whole sense of self was thrown off and loose.

He had slept horribly. He woke up what felt like every hour and each time he would wonder where he was, remember what had happened and cry himself back to sleep.

Thank god for Tony. Each time he woke, the engineer was right there to hold him and coax him back into slumber by gently rubbing his back and letting him sob all over his shirt.

Now, in the light of morning, Loki remembered that he had made plans with Thor to go Black Friday shopping in bizarre stores and felt a pang of guilt for blowing off his brother, before a horrible thought curled around him.

He's not your brother.

Everything ached; his head, his heart, his stomach – even his eyes were so worn out from sobbing and his throat was shredding from screaming and straining during his fits that he felt like he had been hit by a semi truck. The clock next to the bed told him it was seven a.m. ... so he had slept for only five hours or so. He had arrived at Tony's around eleven the night before and he remembered crying on him for a looong time. Speaking of which…

Loki wondered why the engineer was no longer next to him when he caught a whiff of a familiar smell.

Bacon.

He smiled a bit as he stretched out on the bed, popping all of his joints, and willed his body to stop aching. After he literally rolled out of bed, he wandered into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and use the spare toothbrush he kept in Tony's bottom drawer.

But turning on the light was a mistake.

He looked scary.

His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and the area underneath had dark rings like he had burst blood vessels from crying so hard. When he leaned closer to the mirror, he noticed the same thing had happened in his right eye and there was a blood spot.

Fucking hell.

Loki knew it would go away in a few days and that getting actual sleep and drinking water would help – but he didn't want to walk around like this; looking like some kind of crazed vampire.

After he washed his face and brushed his teeth, he turned the light back off and slowly wandered out to meet Tony.

The engineer was standing over the stove fixing eggs and was shredding cheese on top of them. There was a stack of buttered toast and a pile of bacon beside him and Loki could smell the freshly made coffee as he entered the kitchen.

"Hey," he called out in his hoarse, abused voice.

Tony spun around, startled by the noise (because he sounded like a fucking monster) and immediately his expression softened when he took in the sight before him.

In the blink of an eye he had put down the cheese with its grater and stepped forward to hug Loki. He was so warm, and he was wearing the same clothes as the night before so he still smelled like cologne. Loki hugged him back tightly before pulling away and looking down at the ground. He wanted to avoid Tony seeing his eyes and appreciating how horrible he looked.

"Do you want some coffee?" Tony asked as he moved around Loki to grab a mug for him.

Thank god for Tony. He didn't ask if Loki was okay, or what happened, or comment on his appearance – just gave him a hug and grabbed him some coffee. What he really needed, though, was tea. "Do you have any tea?" he asked, almost surprised by how horrible his throat sounded.

Tony turned around to look at him and Loki made sure to avert his eyes quickly. "Of course! What kind would you like?" he said, abandoning the coffee pot and moving toward the vast pantry.

"Earl Grey, please," Loki responded quietly.

The billionaire had one of the faucets that poured boiling water with the press of a button and his tea was done in no time. After adding some milk to it for his partner, Tony instructed him to sit down at the kitchen table before turning back to finish the eggs.

Once he had piled food on a plate for Loki he put it down in front of him and ordered, "Eat."

It looked delicious, even the toast, but Loki had no appetite. His stomach was still chewing itself, and in moments of high anxiety he was unlikely to keep food down anyway. He looked up at Tony apologetically and realized it was the first time he'd made eye contact with him all morning.

The engineer's eyes widened a bit and he squared his jaw at the state of Loki's eyes, but instead of commenting on them he pressed a kiss to his thumb and then touched that thumb to Loki's eyelid. "Will you try to eat some toast?" he asked as he started work on his own plate.

Loki really didn't feel like it, but he was so touched by Tony's actions that he picked up a slice and nibbled a bit at the corner, before putting it back down and indulging in his tea. The hot water would ease his throat and tea tended to have a nice, soothing effect on Loki. It was something his mother used to make for him when he got sick or sad as a child.

And that memory made his stomach clench again.

He felt like he physically could not cry anymore or he would vomit and be forced to claw his eyes out. It made him incredibly frustrated that he still had all of these emotions inside him that he didn't understand and had no way to express or get out. He felt like his brain was itching and he wanting to punch or destroy something and just sob while doing it.

His stomach clenched again and he actually doubled over a bit in his chair as the hand not holding his mug moved to grab it, reflexively.

"Loki…" Tony started, unsure if he should do anything. But Loki just shook his head, took a few deep breaths and righted himself once more.

They sat in silence like that for several minutes, with Tony quietly eating his breakfast and Loki sipping his tea, willing for all the knots in his body to come undone.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said quietly in his gravelly voice.

Tony just shrugged. "You don't have to. We're just having breakfast," he replied casually before putting more food in his mouth.

Loki looked at him and just let his eyes move over Tony. It was amazing that even in his day old, sleep rumpled clothes with messed up hair and bags under his eyes that he should still look so handsome.

God, even that made Loki want to scream in frustration. He shouldn't be attracted to his partner – he had a boyfriend. What was his brain even doing? Intentionally trying to confuse him and make life that much more difficult. It was also embarrassing because he was almost certain that Tony really didn't look at him that way. Sure, he had called him cute the first time they met and he had wanted to ask out Loki the first time they had dinner, but that was back at the beginning of term and for all Loki knew his partner had just been kidding.

Loki felt like some kind of pathetic fuckwad who had the audacity to come over uninvited, cry all over Tony, offer him zero explanation for what was going on then refuse his breakfast and sit at the table lusting after him.

He hated himself.

Loki swallowed thickly and tried to will his thoughts away, but he couldn't tear his eyes from the way Tony's hands were holding his fork.

He briefly allowed himself to wonder what it would be like to lace their fingers together when another wave of self-loathing came rolling in.

Wasn't he the jackass who said he wanted to keep things platonic? Oh – and he had a fucking boyfriend.

Speaking of which, Loki couldn't decide whether or not to call Fandral and tell him about this. He knew he wasn't going to now, because he needed to sort out his own feelings without his boyfriend's help, but he wasn't sure if he would tell him at all. Maybe Fandral would see it as a weakness and he would look at Loki with the same disdain that his father did.

That thought settled the matter. Fandral didn't need to know, and maybe Tony didn't either. Right now he was the only friend Loki had until Natasha came back into town – and things between him and her were not great anyway.

His brother was dead to him.

That had actually hurt the most. He could maybe understand why his mother didn't want to tell him (maybe but not really), and it confirmed so many suspicions about his father's attitude towards him that in the light of day he felt like he shouldn't be surprised – but Thor? He and Loki told each other everything. His big brother was his first best friend. He was the person Loki went to when he had a nightmare or kids were picking on him. He was the first person he told about his crush on Fandral!

Everything fucking hurt so badly. His life was crumbling to pieces around him, and the only person he could even kind of depend on was a friend he had known for only a few months that he was inappropriately attracted to.

Cue that self-loathing – oh it never went away? Now it's just twice as strong? Well all right then.

"I should probably be going," Loki mumbled guiltily as he set the empty mug back down on the table.

Tony looked up at him with a pout that was probably unintentional. "Are you sure?" he asked seriously, "Because you are more than welcome to stay. Even if you need to be alone you can just hang out here and I'll go work in my lab or something," he offered.

That actually sounded amazing, and Loki would have loved to just curled under blankets and pretended that the last twelve hours hadn't happened, but he thought he at least owed his mother – Frigga – the courtesy of knowing that he wasn't dead. "Thank you, but, I really have to get home," he mumbled before rising to his feet.

Tony made a pained expression. "I'm a phone call away if you need me, okay?" he asked, waiting until Loki looked him in the eye and nodded before collecting their plates.

After Loki had acquired his shoes and coat from the bedroom, he returned to the kitchen and awkwardly stood in the doorway. He felt horrible, leaving like this, although now he was starting to think he should not have come over at all and just left Tony alone, so he just sort of choked out, "Thank you, I'll see you later," before practically running for the door.

He was already gone by the time Tony turned around.

oooooooo

Loki wasn't expecting his family to be awake, since it was still pretty early and everyone was on holiday, but when he entered his home he could hear muffled voices. He debated whether or not he should slam the door and startle them all before storming upstairs, but instead chose to shut it quietly so he could listen in on the conversation.

As he crept towards the living room he could make out his mother's voice, and it sounded just as tired and scratchy as his had.

"Thor, stop blaming yourself. This was your father and I's mistake," she murmured sounding both genuine and defeated.

He could hear his brother sigh. "I should have told him. We all should have told him. Why didn't we tell him?!" he snarled.

"You know why," his mother replied sadly.

Loki chose that moment to round the corner, ever the diva making his entrance. "I would like to know why," he said quietly.

His mother gasped at the sudden noise and gasped again once she saw Loki's face. "Darling, what happened? Are you alright?" she fussed as she began to get up to come over to him.

She and Thor had clearly been crying. They were seated on the couch in the family room next to each other looking worse for the wear. Thor was still in the same clothes as the night before and his hair looked horrible, and Frigga was wearing a bathrobe and looked like she had slept with her makeup and hair still done… or based on her eyes she didn't sleep at all.

Loki put up a hand to stop her from standing, and moved to the large chair across from them. He wanted as much space as possible, and would have preferred to stay standing to establish his disdain for the whole situation, but he was exhausted and his stomach was still cramping something fierce. "Why didn't you tell me?" he repeated, secretly pleased that they could hear how horrible he sounded.

Frigga looked at both of her sons and sat back down onto the couch, looking very uncomfortable. "Would you rather have breakfast first, sweetheart? Or a shower – I could make you some tea-"

Loki held up a hand to silence her again. "I would like to know why you have spent the last nineteen years lying to me about something that seems pretty crucial," he hissed. If he let his mom make him tea then she was going to give him cookies and start rubbing his back and he was going to get distracted and fall asleep. It would ruin the persona he was currently rocking.

She chewed her lip and Loki saw tears gather in her eyes. "Darling, first of all, I never wanted to lie to you. I wanted to tell you from the time you were old enough to understand-"

"But you didn't, so that really doesn't matter," Loki interrupted, still staring at her unfeelingly.

Thor made a face at that, like he was judging Loki for speaking to their mother in such a way, so the wounded boy shot a glare at his brother before returning his attention to his mother.

She took a deep breath to calm herself and looked at him very seriously. "You're right, Loki. I didn't and I should have and for that I am truly sorry, my love," she whispered.

It hurt him to continue staring without betraying any emotion, because as angry and hurt as he was all he really wanted to do right now was go curl up and cry on her lap until she made all of the pain go away.

But he couldn't. So he just sat there, unblinking with his crazed eyes, and waited for her to answer his question.

"We never told you…" she began before pausing, correctly reading his silence, "We never told you because of the circumstances of your adoption."

"The circumstances?" he repeated, unsatisfied with that response. "Try to be a bit more vague next time, that was a tad too detailed," he spat.

Frigga winced at his words and looked down at her hands again as she collected her thoughts.

Beside her, Thor looked incredibly uncomfortable and kept fidgeting. He had a look on his face like simultaneously wanted to shake Loki and squeeze him to death. Either way it was irritating because he simply didn't look guilty enough for Loki's taste.

"I suppose it all begins with a former colleague of your father's…" she began again, slowly. "He was a foreign diplomat that your father had worked and met with a few times over the course of his career."

Loki just blinked at her to continue as his brother shifted some more.

"Well, one year, he got…" she hesitated and looked apologetically at her son, "a prostitute pregnant."

Ah, lovely – a bastard child on top of everything else.

"Well, he couldn't keep you and he was worried about the woman trying to use you against him later in his political career… so your father offered to adopt you," she said, trying to keep her voice under control and keep herself from crying.

Loki couldn't believe that. "He offered to adopt me?! Am I a dog?!" he scowled.

She made a pained face. "Loki, the situation sounds horrible but that's only because it was horrible. Your birth father was a scumbag," she cried, cringing at her word choice.

But Loki wasn't focusing on his birth father's shortcomings. "And Odin saw an opportunity to gain political influence with a foreign diplomat," he hissed. "I'm quite certain he didn't bring me home out of the goodness of his heart."

Tears were beginning to leak down his mother's face. "I'm ashamed to say it, but that is partly true. It's also true though, that he wanted a better life for you," she whispered.

Loki barked out a laugh at that and glared at her. "A better life? He raised me like I was some kind of bother or thorn in his side that it was easier to disparage than remove completely!" he shouted.

Frigga frowned at her baby as more tears slid down. "I'm sorry he treated you differently from your brother, Loki, but you did have a better life with us than you would have with that prostitute," she replied sadly.

He rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest, rather like the petulant child he was being. Of course his mother was right, and he had been given a privileged life here with a wealthy father and a doting mother – but that didn't just discount everything he was feeling!

"If he was doing me such a favor, why not rub it in?" Loki seethed, because she really hadn't fully answered his question yet.

His mother wiped her eyes and took another deep breath. "We never wanted you to go looking for him, Loki. Or to feel like you were anything less than our son," she cried.

He couldn't look at his mother anymore, it was making him feel too guilty and that was not the point right now. "Why didn't you want me to find him? Isn't that something adopted children typically need to do?" he asked, trying to control his own voice.

"He's a dangerous man and he was involved with a lot of bad people," his mother answered, drying more tears.

Loki continued to avoid eye contact as he stared out the window at the obnoxious sun. It felt like it should be raining or something.

"Well I'm an adult now, and I should have the right to decide for myself whether or not I want to meet him," he said quietly, more to be defiant than out of any real interest. As far as Loki was concerned, someone who would give him up so easily for political ambition deserved to rot in hell.

"He's dead, Loki," his mother all but whispered.

He snapped his eyes to her and unfolded his arms without meaning to. "What?"

Thor also looked surprised by that information and lifted his head from its perch in his hands to look at his mother.

"He died over a decade ago, when you were just a little boy," she replied miserably.

Loki opened his mouth to say something but just stopped and processed that.

His father was dead. It didn't matter that he had never known him and didn't really want to meet him – now he didn't have a choice and it sucked.

"What about my mother?" he whispered, staring off at a random point in the room.

"I am your mother," Frigga said very seriously. It was the most confident and sure she had sounded all morning and although her tone was severe she was looking at her son with very melancholic eyes. "The woman who gave birth to you is also deceased. I'm sorry, Loki."

He felt like he couldn't breathe again. Anxiety was creeping up his spine to hug his despair and if he wasn't careful and didn't keep his breathing under control he risked losing it. But he couldn't dismiss himself to calm down, yet, he still had one more question.

"Why did you tell Thor?"

"I found out by accident," Thor answered for their mother. "I overheard them talking about it when I was little, they told me not to tell you and then I just forgot about it," he added, clearly meaning for that to be a comfort.

Loki glared at him. "Oh well if it just slipped your mind then I suppose I forgive you!" he shouted, shredding his voice even further. It hurt, and he needed some water (and maybe some privacy to sob some more) but he couldn't leave yet.

Thor flinched at that. "Loki, you are my little brother! It doesn't matter what your blood says-"

"No, Thor. It does matter. It might not have mattered had I grown up knowing the truth, but I didn't and it does," he interrupted. Thor was not going to win any points by telling him how he was supposed to feel. "Where is Odin?" Loki asked, changing the subject.

Frigga sniffled a bit and made a face. "He's asleep, darling. Do you want me to wake him?" she offered, making like she was going to get up.

Loki pursed his lips and shook his head. Fucking typical. His father didn't even care that his so-called son was in pain. He was sleeping like this was just any other day. He stood up suddenly and had to fight the wave of nausea that came over him. "I think I'm going to go back to school early," he said quietly before meeting his mother's eyes.

"Loki, please don't leave," his mother begged. "Please, let's talk about this!"

"I'm not ready to talk about it," he said, this time without any malice. It was true, though; if he stayed and tried to talk now he would just end up screaming at her again like he had the night before.

That was all he said before he left the room and went upstairs to pack.

oooooooo

Loki didn't say goodbye to his mother, father or brother before he left; he packed up his suitcase and tore like a bat out of hell.

And the knot in his stomach was still there.

He desperately wanted to take a hot bath and let his muscles work themselves out under the hot water, but the issue of not having any tubs in the dorm remained. He was actually about to text Tony to take him up on the offer of letting him crash when his phone lit up with a text from his boyfriend.

When are you coming back to campus?

What the whatsack? Loki supposed he shouldn't be surprised to be hearing from Fandral, but he was.

I'm here now.

Maybe his boyfriend would want to hang out and that could distract him from his spiral of despair and ever-potent self-loathing.

You said you weren't coming back until the weekend. Why didn't you call me?

Guilt flooded Loki's system. He was a fucking terrible boyfriend. He didn't even think to call Fandral – he had planned on spending the night wallowing in angst until his roommate came back.

I'm sorry, I was about to – I only just got here. I came back early because of some family issues.

That was the most delicate way he could think of to phrase it… he still didn't want to tell his boyfriend what had happened. It was all too humiliating and surreal right now.

Family issues?

Loki figured that this came not from a curiosity about what happened, but out of distrust for Loki. Fandral probably thought he was lying and just made up a reason for coming back early and not telling him about it.

I had a huge fight with my parents.

Which was the truth, and without going into details that was all Fandral needed to know.

That sounds rough baby I'm sorry.

He had to reread the text a few times before he accepted what he was seeing.

Fandral actually gave a shit about this? Loki figured this was something his boyfriend would encourage him to get over on his own – but this might have been the most sympathetic thing he had ever said. Then, a minute later Loki received another text.

Want me to come over and make it better? ;)

Were Loki in his right mind and not distracted by a million other things, he might have interpreted the message smarmy and questioned Fandral's real motivation in coming over. He might have recognized that his boyfriend was clearly going to take advantage of his emotional state – but even if he had acknowledged that Loki wouldn't have cared. He felt so horrible for being attracted to Tony and neglecting to tell Fandral he was in town that he felt like he needed to make it up to him. Getting on his knees for his boyfriend as an apology was the right thing to do.

Yes, please.

oooooooo

Fandral brought beer with him, which was probably a bad idea but Loki was too preoccupied with his fragile mental state and his desire to perform well for his boyfriend to notice.

He had cleaned himself up a tad: washed his face, brushed his teeth, went to the bathroom…

When he opened the door and saw the blond standing there he was actually sort of relieved. Thank god he had someone; never mind the fact that it was a boy he was too uncomfortable to be himself around or share his horrible Thanksgiving with – meaning that he was not going to be able to work through any of this anxiety. A boyfriend was still a validating feature to Loki, and he was pathetically grateful for his.

The moment he had come inside and put the beer down, Fandral wrapped his arms around Loki and crushed their lips together.

"I missed you, babe," he murmured after he pulled back and moved his hands to rest on Loki's ass.

God that felt nice to hear. Thank god something was going right.

"I missed you, too," Loki whispered back before initiating a kiss on his own. He wanted to keep Fandral's opinion of him like this – and initiating sexual contact was a good way to do that.

"Mmm," his boyfriend moaned into him. "I missed this mouth…"

That was Loki's cue. He flashed his eyes at Fandral, trying to appear seductive, and dropped to his knees to service him.

After the first time he pleasured, or rather had his mouth used to pleasure, his boyfriend he learned very quickly that he needed to acquire some skill in the art or he would be used as a wet hole again. So he practiced every time that he saw Fandral (the man was only too happy to oblige) and had even attempted deep throating a cucumber to desensitize his gag reflex. He had figured out a way to keep breathing as he sucked and licked, but he still felt like gagging almost all of the time. The smell, the taste, and the general spirit of the act all left him feeling queasy and unsettled.

But it was his job as a boyfriend to be willing to perform oral sex, even though the favor had never been returned, and so he did it with a smile on his face. He didn't cry anymore when it happened, or afterward, and ignored the way he always seemed to feel worse after he did it.

Sex still hurt, though. One of the reasons he always sank to his knees was to try and give Fandral an orgasm before he could pull Loki's pants off. He had finally talked his boyfriend into using condoms (although the blond had said 'but you owe me') and Loki made sure to purchase the kind that came pre-lubricated, but those were still the only form of aid he got. Fandral still wouldn't prepare him, and even took issue with Loki using his fingers on himself. So every time he found himself on his back with his legs open, or bent over the bed with his hands fisted in the sheets, he would grit his teeth and try not to scream when he was penetrated.

At first, he tried very hard to convince himself to enjoy it. He thought that it must just take getting used to and he needed to let his mind relax so the sensations could overwhelm him; but the only thing he felt was pain and discomfort every single time. About a month into their dating, Loki had tried wrapping a hand around himself in the middle of their coupling and Fandral had given him this look. He didn't say anything – just kept grunting in time with his thrusts – but his face was disgusted and judgmental; like Loki was doing something perverted and despicable by trying to find pleasure during sex.

That one time was all it took to traumatize him and he never reached his hand between his legs in front of Fandral again. Instead, his sex would lay there, uninterested and embarrassing – but his boyfriend didn't seem to mind.

It would all be one thing if Fandral took care of him, as he had on their first night together, but after a repeat of him ceasing his stimulations after one shot of cum, Loki realized that was a far worse feeling than not being touched at all. He was too embarrassed to touch himself in front of his boyfriend so he just went without orgasm every night.

It had officially been more than two months since he had last climaxed. He wasn't walking around frustrated though; his anxiety had all but removed his sex drive. He also figured that was part of the reason that he couldn't find pleasure when Fandral was inside him.

It was all his fault. There had to be something wrong with his body and his brain because from listening to others talk about it – sex was not supposed to be this complicated. It was also supposed to be bringing them closer together, and Loki didn't feel that way at all. He felt more self conscious when he was naked with his boyfriend than he did when he showered in the public bathroom with others around.

He still liked kissing, though. Well, he didn't like it as much when Fandral's tongue was in his mouth, as that tended to be a bit sloppy, but he did like it when his boyfriend kissed his neck. Not when he sucked on it, because the older man was always too rough with his hickeys, but when he would trail his facial hair over Loki's incredibly sensitive skin – that felt amazing.

Of course it would only last for a few seconds before the biting would start again. Fandral liked to mark his territory, but Loki did get him to negotiate only leaving marks in places where others couldn't see. Once, he had bitten the inside of Loki's thigh, and the younger man allowed himself to get excited by the notion that Fandral might use his mouth to pleasure him, only to have him turn around and pull out a condom.

But this was how it worked in adult relationships: pain, testing patience and zero orgasms.

And to think, Loki had considered asking how things were going with Jane to see if he could get a read on another couple's experience without drawing too much attention to his own – and now he didn't even think he could talk to Thor.

He tried channeling his focus into his actions so that he wouldn't start dwelling – but Fandral pulled his hips back and encouraged Loki to stand.

"It's been so long that I'd like to take you," he murmured as he pulled off Loki's pants and guided him to bend over his bend and spread his legs.

"Is your roommate on campus?" Fandral asked from behind him.

He turned his head and saw his boyfriend rolling a condom down his cock. "Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he will be out for a few hours," he answered.

Fandral grinned wickedly at that and pulled on Loki's waist to move him. "Let's fuck on his bed," he proposed.

Oh god no.

"We really shouldn't – he will notice and we have a rule-"

"It's cool," Fandral interrupted. "I'll take you from behind while your bent over like this. So really, we're just having sex against his bed," he purred as he repositioned his boyfriend.

Loki's stomach sank, and even though he wanted to protest because this was seriously not cool, he was also terrified too.

When Fandral penetrated him he felt an unholy amount of depression overtake him. He felt like he was being punished for something – like the universe was deliberately picking on him simply for the crime of being Loki.

He accepted the fucking like it was a punishment and chewed on the inside of his lip as he wondered why he was so fucked up that he couldn't enjoy this. What was so fucking wrong with him that the simplest thing in the world – sex – he couldn't get it right. He was a failure. A failure, a disappointment, a crappy boyfriend to Fandral, a poor excuse of a friend to Natasha, a disappointment as a son, and a weakling as a brother.

And to Tony? He should be nothing to Tony. His partner should just stop pretending to be his friend and putting up with his bullshit. He should cut Loki out of his life and insist that their relationship extend to nothing beyond project related manners. No more dinners, no more movies, no more crying and cuddling and comfort. What could Tony possibly be getting out of this friendship, anyway? A needy, pathetic, emotionally fucked up partner who can't give him anything back except sass and a demanding personality.

Loki didn't realize that he had tears rolling down his cheeks as Fandral slammed into him over and over. He hated himself. He fucking hated himself.

He tried to let the cock in his ass ground him to reality, but he was too lost in his own head and the knot in his stomach, that had never really left, had hardened again and reminded him of everything that hurt and dragged him further into darkness.

When his boyfriend finally finished and stilled his movements, Loki felt Fandral pull out as he hands left his boyfriend's hips.

He shifted slowly, because he was always sore after the act, and only after Fandral looked at his face and sighed did he realize there were tears on it.

"Baby, why are you crying?" he asked in a voice that was more impatient than sympathetic.

"Sorry, it's that fight with my family…" Loki mumbled back, averting his gaze to the ground.

Fandral looked at him for a moment, sizing up how he wanted to handle this, and Loki assumed he would try to move past the topic making out – but in the surprise of all surprises he held out his hand for his boyfriend to take. When Loki did, he pulled them both into bed and wrapped his arms around the smaller man to hold him in a way he never had before.

"Take a nap," Fandral commanded quietly, which was really his way of not dealing with whatever Loki was going through.

But Loki didn't mind. He was just so stunned that Fandral was actually being so tender with him that he didn't acknowledge the way the topic was being avoided. He was so exhausted anyway, after barely sleeping the night before and having such an unpleasant conversation this morning that even though it was the middle of the afternoon, he passed out.

He woke up barely an hour later to the sound of his boyfriend getting dressed.

"Sorry babe, I gotta run," he said before planting a kiss on Loki's sleepy, confused lips and departing.

Loki sighed as he reached over the bed to pull his phone out of his discarded pants. He had a missed call and a text from Tony that read:

I was just calling to check on you. Please let me know that you are okay.

Why did Tony care about him? It was maddening and confusing and Loki didn't have the brainpower to handle it right now.

He responded with the most frustrating and vague of all statements in the history of ever:

I'm fine.

Before rolling back over and pretending the rest of the world didn't exist so he could go back to sleep.

oooooooo

A/N: I promise there will be more frostiron feels in the next chapter and it won't end so sadly. Thank you for reading!