Disclaimer: I do not own Shake It Up, whatsoever, like at all, like NONE. AT ALL.

"Rocky, where have you been? I looked up and down and all around the world for you and you're sittin' in my goddamn CAR?" Dina breathed into the side of my face. Her words registered into my brain but quickly faded into the abyss of my mind. I don't know what's happened in the past hour or so but all I can remember is CeCe, apathetic words being breathed into my face.

For once in my life, I had finally encountered a block within my mind; I don't understand.

"You okay, Rocky? Raquel?" I finally respond after hearing my formal name; it sounded so foreign to me now.

"Yeah, I'm uh, I'm okay," I lie. I'm not okay, my mind is in a depressing chaotic blur at the moment and really, I just want to go to sleep. Dina has already done so much for me, I even feel a tad guilty that she has to drive me home.

How she had come out of that grisly fight without a scratch, it is utterly amazing to me.

I'd come out with a sense of confusion, more so, loss of mind.

XxX

"Rocky, you okay? You've been acting all down lately."

I can't comprehend anything, I just can't. I can't mentally bring myself to try to figure out what occurred that night in that moonlit room. What does CeCe want to work out? Is it something I've done? This pang; this deep, empty feeling in my chest whenever I think of the redhead will not subside, and it's breaking me. All because I'm trying to figure out what in CeCe's head when I should know I will never be inside of her mind.

I wish I could respond and tell Dina what went on that night, but my mind is a gray, discombobulated cloud at the moment. If I opened my mouth and tried to speak, I'd likely faint from the stress of having to try to form sentences.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I lie again. Possibly the largest lie known to man.

I'm dying. As if I thought the last time was misery, the feeling of not knowing what is going to happen next is literal death on the mind and the body.

It's all her fault. This is all CeCe's fault. I need to go to Principle Walloch right now and just call everything that is happening off. This is all CeCe's fault.

The entire school day, I can't focus. My notes aren't the tidy bunch I usually put so much effort into, I don't touch my lunch whilst I'm seated in the library, and I just can't stop thinking about CeCe. I can't. Everytime I think of her, this pang of emptiness runs through my fingers and up my arms and all the way back to my chest, and I get that feeling of blacking out; but not the blacking out where she made me giggle and blush, the kind where I'd lose my breath and I'd slip into of a sort of darkness where I'm stuck, screaming for consciousness until I opened my eyes again.

She is going to be the death of me, I know that for a fact. One day I'm going to think too hard about her, and my heart is just going to shiver and stop. I feel like that day could be anytime soon, now.

I get home with the weight of a thousand planets on my shoulders, and head to my room without glancing at my brother Ty. He's clad in his skinny jeans, a black sweater and dark gray shoes, playing some basketball video game. He doesn't acknowledge my presence, which is quite usual to begin with; although, it really affects me more this time, for him not to see the pain on his sister's face. As if I'd actually want him knowing I was in love with CeCe Jones, anyways.

I climbed onto my bed and stared at the plaster of the ceiling.

I'm in love with CeCe Jones.

There's that pang again. She's kissed me, but it still never happened. Pang.

I remember what I've been told when I feel like blacking out; breathe. Closing my eyes, I inhale and exhale, dodging thoughts that will keep my chest from aching.

Breathe. Why is she so beautiful? Why do her eyes sparkle whenever she smiles?

Breathe. How come when she kissed me, I almost felt like she actually meant it?

Breathe. CeCe, why do you make me feel like this? Why do you make me feel like the world is ending but when I'm gone, you're going to be my heaven? Why do I still taste the Everclear on your lips after the drunken kiss you gave me? Why did you gaze at me so deeply when we were on the beach? Why did your hands linger on the back of my neck when you kissed me in my brother's car? Why do you keep fucking doing these things and then you don't want to admit them? Or you call them a mistake?

This isn't working. I sit up and stop breathing so sporadically, because I sure as hell was about to pass out if I didn't stop.

God, I hate her. I fucking hate her. I fucking hate CeCe Jones with all my heart.

No, I don't. I love her. I love her so much and I want to love her as long as eternity exists.

Why is she doing this to me? Why is this happening to me?

I scoff,"Ugh." I'm just so tired. So tired of everything. I hate feeling these feelings.

"Yo, Rocky," my brother calls and pokes his head into my room. It bothers me deeply that everyone calls me Rocky now, since CeCe had especially come up with it just for me. But so be it. "That party last night doe. Realest shit ever, I hope there's another one soon," he muses while grinning like a complete creep. I purposely try to avoid thinking about the end of that unforgettable night. It's permanently burned a questioning hole into my brain which is making my head hurt and my heart feel like it's dropping into abyss, and can only be answered by CeCe.

Fucking CeCe. Fuck. Blurry blue thoughts begin intrude my thinking space and I brush them away as much as possible; they only bring pain. If not pain, then fainting. Judging by my earlier feelings, I'm not far from dropping dead right about now.

"Ty, that was complete chaos. I can't even begin to comprehend how possibly you enjoy going to those things every other day."

He shrugs and steps fully into my room. "I don't really comprehend it, I just do. Ya' know?"

Oddly enough, I understand what Ty is saying. He doesn't think of the repercussions, but rather, he acts in the moment without thinking about the bad things. I looked deeply at my brother, and even though I often despise the cocky smirk that is always painted on his dimpled face, I realized that the mood he sported was so often carefree and relaxed. He just lives in the moment, and I wish I had the ability to do that too. I'm always reflecting on the past and the future, that I'm never I nod and murmur in agreement,"Yeah."

"But what I wanted to say was that I'm going out, I'll be back around..." He lifts up his phone and finishes,"Eight. Maybe like, eight thirty. There's pizza and chicken salad and stuff in the fridge if you get hungry."

"Where are you going?"

"Date. With Dina." He straightens out the collar of his sweater and slicks back his curly, short hair once more.

"But what about her boyfriend? Aren't they still together?" He shoots me that creepy, dimpled smile again and wiggles his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, boasting,"Well, according to her last night, the only deuce in her life was the she was threw up to Deuce."

What in God's name was this boy saying? He sees the confused look on my face and deadpans,"They broke up." Ahhh, okay. My generation and their new terms always befuddle me completely. Twerk, yeet, bae, Taking an L, all those words and phrases I always hear at school. Youth are literally defaming the English language as each year passes. Ergh, but what can I do?

"I'll be back later, alright? Don't get into any trouble, although I don't really need to tell you that. Even though you've been hanging with CeCe lately. That girl is a badass, and I don't mean in the good way."

"I know," I respond, with a hint of apathy in my voice that Ty lucky doesn't catch. God, do I know. Alcohol, parties, detention every other day, and she goes around kissing people with no given explanation. God, do I of all people know that CeCe Jones is a badass.

Ty exits my room, whistling with joy and I... I don't know what to do at the moment.

Study, yes, study. I reach down and pull out a large Advanced Calculus book out of my bag, and open it to a random page. I already know everything but hey, it doesn't hurt to study twice, right? Right.

Get rid of the variable. Yes, get rid of the X, so set the equation equal to zero, and then subtract the eight to the fifth power from the eleven to the fifth power, then divide by singular variable. Now divide again by the CeCe. Then set the equation equa—

"God dammit," I growl. Why can't get that GIRL out of my head? God, make it stop, please, PLEASE make IT STOP.

But the thing is that I really don't want it stop. I want her to keep eating away every functioning part of my brain while I continue to fantasize about every beginning and end of her body. I want to every inch of body. The tips of my fingers tracing down her sharp jawline while she slides her hands up my burning abdomen. I want to be so close to her that I can hear her scattered thoughts entering her conscious and leaving them at the same time and she can feel the valves of my heart contracting. I want her cherry breath left in my mouth and her on top of me in a haze of neon pink sparks; I want her cocaine lips on every pore of my skin to get me into a nostalgic high that's only just happened moments ago. Kilos and kilos of her spread all over me.

I'm about another thought away from slipping into a coma, I promise.

I hear a knock at the door and I pray it's just Dina. I need someone to talk to and I desperately pray that it's Dina as I approach the front door. She's truly been the biggest help to me throughout the mound of utter chaos, plus she's become a really good friend of mine in the process. Plus, she's one of the only two people I have regular interaction with, the person being CeCe, and, well, if I see her, I'm going to die, so. Of course, I don't plan on going into detail as to why I'm mere inches from being comatose if Dina is at the door, but rather the person who's causing it.

Then my mind stops me— no, it CAN'T be Dina because she's going on a date with Ty.

Oh God, what if it's CeCe, holy shit, what if it's CeCe. Her feelings are so sporadic that she's probably forgotten about wanting "time to figure out things" and now she's at my house to torture me again. My heart begins to pump at mach speed and the task of opening the door becomes a life or death situation.

I take a deep breath and swing the door open—

"Hi, Rocky."

My heart just stopped. I can't feel it beating. My heart just fucking stopped. I can feel my heart imploding.

"Hey... I just came over to get my charger. Ty took it yesterday at the party... I need it back." I hate you so much but I love you so much. Fuck, FUCK.

She doesn't look at me as any of those words leave her mouth and makes her way back to Ty's room.

I'm still standing with my hand on the doorknob like an idiot, and the door still wide open, with my brain at loss of what to do. On one hand, I want to hold CeCe down and force her to give me a proper explanation as to why she's kissed me. On the other hand, I want her to hold me down and make all the problems in my world disappear. In both of those scenarios, I will likely have a heart attack and die.

I hear her approaching and she's still got her face pointed towards the ground, with an obvious intention to avoid my eyes as much as possible. I feel my brain spazzing out of control, trying to tell my body to remain calm. God only knows what my heart is doing, jumping jacks, a marathon, every Olympic sport that's ever freaking existed.

Running a hand through those burning red locks, she sighs and finally faces me, leaning on the door frame. She murmurs,"Thanks."

"You're welcome," I breath with my eyes cast down at the ground. She and I both catch the tremble in my voice and I know it, but she ignores it. The elephant in the room is also growing profusely

"And about yesterday... Can we just, like, forget it?" Don't say yes, Rocky.

"No, CeCe. I'm- I'm tired of this," I stutter. I'm keeping my composure the best I can as my brain is shorting out into millions of incoherent thoughts.

Bringing her head up, she stares at me and I can't read the emotion on her face. Her voice is stale as she runs a hand through her hair and responds,"Rocky... I don't know, okay?"

My eyes roam over her and her body is tense and I feel irritation start to stir in my limbs. I force out more a lengthy sentence, knowing that her thoughts are brewing at the tip of her tongue yet her mouth is stubborn. "You can't just avoid this CeCe. I still have to see you on a daily basis to tutor you and this awkward tension you've caused doesn't help anything."

Her eyes flash that familiar coldness and she spits,"Well then don't see me, just leave, okay? I don't need your help anymore, Rocky. I don't wanna see your fucking face anymore anyways, all it reminds me of is regrets."

Pang. I feel the muscles of my heart stop; all the red and boiling blood that was once running through my body is now drained with absolute numbness. I'm her regret. The seething pain in my chest continues to burn and tingle down my arms and legs. The boulder in my throat is growing by the second. A train had docked full speed into my chest as the words collided and echoed in my head. Regret. I grit my teeth and feel tears pooling in the brinks of my eyes.

I'm a regret. She regrets me, and everything I've done. She regrets touching me and talking to me and foremost, kissing me. She regrets my entire existence. CeCe regrets me.

I messed up. I knew I was at fault all along. My limbs are nearing complete numbness. Why did I mess up. Now she's never going to love me. Why did I mess up? Why did I put my entire heart at risk by closing my eyes and daydreaming about her smile? Why did I let her lips touch mine? Why did I have to mess up? I messed up with CeCe. Oh my God, I messed up with CeCe.

"Rocky? What's wrong? Rocky, look at me."

I squeeze my eyes tight as pain shoots through my chest at the sound of my name coming from her delicate yet chaotic mouth. I messed up so much.

I feel sparks graze my fingers, and realize it's CeCe's hand; she's shaking my hand. Her other hand raises my chin and I feel a heatwave flash through my body. I'm plunged between the dark depths of unconsciousness and the consciousness of CeCe's touch right now and I can't feel my mind anymore. I have no idea what's going on.

I'm pulled closer and the only smell in the world right now is strawberry scent radiating off her lips.

"Rocky, look at me. Stay awake, Rocky," she repeats. My eyes are still blurry and my chest is still burning and both of CeCe's hands are now resting on my face. She keeps softly repeating right into my face 'stay awake', and right before I slip into what I feel will be an eternal abyss of empty darkness, I feel it. I feel her on my mouth. "Stay awake," she whispers, and presses her lips deeper as she murmurs the sentence onto my mouth.

She turns her head and I'm feeling the room spin. Her lips are moving over and over and over against mine and the smell of fruits and candy crowd my nose; her fingertips trickle down my face as she pulls back to breathe, and I unconsciously bring my head up and open my eyes. My gaze runs over everything; the red flush forming on the curve of her cheeks, the glossy shimmer on her lips, and the look in her eyes are unreal. The feeling laced in her dark, dilated pupils are one of which I've never seen before; it's something of a apologetic lust and she's taking it out on me.

CeCe steps back into my apartment and kicks the door shut, grabbing my hand and turning me so that I'm pressed against the front door. Her hands slide down my arms and she leans back in, seizing my lips in a kiss that is so much slower and deeper than the last. I can't almost feel her heartbeat through her lips and I don't know how, but I can. My hands are trembling so hard, almost violently as I raise them to grasp something; anything that can let me know this is real. That this is actually happening. For all I know this is a dream and I'm deep into a redhead-induced coma.

My hands reach out and finally grasp her waist, and they freeze there. The breath hitches in my throat as I feel my fingertips graze the exposed skin that lay under her tank top; her skin is so hot. I say that with literal meaning as I slide my hands farther around her back, CeCe's skin is ignited. I can feel the flame burning on her lips as I feel her tongue run over my mouth. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, pounding so furiously that my chest could explode at any given moment. This is a dream. This is a dream and I'm in a deep, irreversible coma. Raquel Blue would never let the girl who torments her life kiss her into unconsciousness. She'd never let her hands slide around CeCe's waist and touch the hot skin she'd only ever dreamed of. This can't be happening.

My mouth succumbs to her soft and prodding tongue and I feel her tongue run over my lips again before I taste her. The sweet and tangy flavor invades my tastebuds and my senses break down. She pulls me even closer, lacing her arms around my neck with her fingers tugging lightly at my hair and my hands continue to lightly graze the bits of skin my fingertips can find. Her tongue leaves my mouth momentarily to leave soft, speckling kisses on my mouth and the corners of my lips as well. My breath is so heavy and hot, it burns my nostrils everytime I exhale.

She pulls back and I'm glad she does because the lack of oxygen to my brain certainly isn't helping keep me awake. She pushes her bangs away from her face again and looks up at me with eyes so dark and lascivious.

"Are you okay?" Her voice is raspy and low and I feel my heart flutter.

"I don't know," I respond, my voice shaking and broken. And I don't, to be honest. I'm fully convinced I'm dead right now and this is Satan playing tricks on me.

She grasps my hands and murmurs,"It's okay, Rocky."

Her words are like clouds and they cast a shadow over my thoughts, and I'm completely incoherent. My thought process has been completely shattered and swept under a mist of a strawberry scent and a bubblegum tongue.

She leans up and kisses me again, but with less lust laced in it. This time she's soft and sentimental and I can feel my pulse sync up with her. Breaking the kiss, she murmurs,"I'm sorry." And the short phrase makes me reminisce over every bit of despair she's ever caused me. From the day I saw her waltz into this neighborhood with the slightest bit of civility on her face, to the time I saw her in the restroom at school after fighting with that deep scratch under her eye, to the time she stormed to the time she kissed me in the car and left without a word. Just yesterday, she told me that she needed time to think about all the moments she's been intimate with me and just a day afterwards, we've made out. All the despair in my life has always been a direct result of CeCe Jones, and here I am, standing against the door with her body melded to mine and she has the audacity to tell me that she's sorry.

I don't respond for a long time as I watch a glint of genuine trust sparkle in her eyes. For once, CeCe means it.

My response is something so crazy; I capture her lips instead of talking. I'm so angry and confused and in love with her, so I just take it out on her lips. And I feel like this isn't me, this isn't Raquel; this is all Rocky. My lips create flickers and sparks as I keep kissing and lighting flames on her lips. And she kisses me back, frantic and eager for more. We've gotten nothing of the situation solved, and I'm essentially making this worse than it already is. I should have pushed her away and let the darkness consume me, now I've been plunged into a cocaine wonderland full of CeCe's hallucinogenic touch. She's panting against my mouth and her fingers and threading through my hair. I'm so deep into CeCe, an escape is indefinitely unknown.

And we kiss the night away. I don't think about yesterday, and I don't think about tomorrow. I just think about CeCe's eyes and CeCe's hair and CeCe's nose and her lips. Her soft, soft lips. And then I'm finally aware that I love her more than anything in this world. And even if she forces to forget that this ever happened tomorrow morning, I will remember. And I'll be stuck in this moment forever.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :D I really need to get on this updating thing more, right? But hey, what're you gonna do? I gotta get money to buy a Ferrari somehow. Also, go buy Bella Thorne's new song on iTunes. It's called Jersey, and it's quite awesome. Zendaya is just beautiful, 24/7. I LOVE BELLA AND ZENDAYA SO MUCH.

Also, review because I enjoy Zendella and ReCe and you should too.