~Should I Get Up and Carry On?~
Isn't it weird how things spin out of control all of the sudden? It's like you think you're in control of everything and you feel on top of the world or something. Then, in the blink of an eye, you've lost all control. That's when you're asking yourself where everything went wrong. I'm constantly asking myself that very question, but I never can figure out the answer.
At first everything was going well. I was eating healthy, sticking to my diet well for two weeks. I'd wake up in the morning, eat a piece of fruit, work out with the Jacksons and my friends, like we started to do every morning, eat some breakfast, go to the studio, eat some lunch, work out again, hang out, eat dinner, work out again, skip dessert and go to sleep. I lost ten pounds that way and I felt great.
But, I needed to lose more. I had to. I don't even remember when I started becoming obsessed with it. Yes, obsession is a good word. You've noticed that after the first two entries I stopped giving a date for when I write. It's because the days don't matter to me anymore. They all blended together. James's and Carlos's birthdays had already past and it's almost my birthday soon. I was able to get through both parties without eating a lot of cake. But, they were good. Riley sure knows how to make some desserts. Man, I can't believe it's already September. I've been doing this for two...three months and I've never felt better.
Ever since that gym thing, I've been taking it a little slower though. That was pretty scary. I've never felt my heart beat that fast before. And it actually hurt. Well, since then I've been eating a little bit more than usual, trying to gain some energy back. I think that's what it was, I didn't have a lot of energy. But, I don't eat too much more.
All that matters is losing weight. I don't even know when I stopped caring about muscle mass. I had gotten it like I wanted to, sure, but I knew I could look better.
I could look like James one day!
I can!
Kendall's been acting strange lately. Or maybe that's just me.
This is all worth it isn't it? I mean, I've always been giving the advice to people to just be themselves around people they like. When have I become such a hypocrite? This has to be worth it...
It just has to...
Maybe...
I don't know anymore...
-Logan Mitchell