Disclaimer: I do not own anything that I have written. Yep, that is right, I own not even one iota of the below work.
Warnings: Cannon violence, sexuality, and blood. Possibly worse language than the actual movie. Will contain homosexual relationships.
Author Note: Been awhile so don't kill me, to summarize because it's been so long:
Pepper and Tony broke up, Rhodes is an ass that can't apologize, and Tony is working to prove that he can do shit without them. Tony is working hard to get good at fighting, he isn't depressive drinking, and is in the best shape of his life. In no small part due to his arc-reactor making him mutate in mysterious ways. We just had Wade kick the arc-reactor and had some shit go down forcing the mutation to heal Tony quickly, making the mutation spread even more. After studying his new state, Tony wanted to do some drinks with Wade and mentioned his kid, drunkenly Tony agrees to see Elle, and Wade teleports them out.
I'm going to start writing the next chapter now... Let me know how you liked this one. It's hard to come back to a story after a break and get things right, I'm most hesitant about my Deadpool, as he's my hardest character to pin down. I want to keep the bromance strong, but guess what comes up soon that makes up for mistakes! That's right, the movie~ Next chapter is the start - That's absolutely 100% a guarantee (when that will come out is less certain)
This chapter by far is something I feel is my weakest one, that's in large because I need Elle in New York for my shit to work out, but setting stuff up isn't my strongest suit. Wish me luck, I hope you enjoyed, and if you see anything wrong, let me know I'll fix it right up.
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Chapter Eleven
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"To New York, we go!" Wade grabbed Tony's shoulder, and a second later, they left the mansion for New York, Tony had wanted to stop the mercenary, remind him that teleportation was not good for the normies, and maybe even that despite the increased healing, Tony couldn't regrow limbs but the words didn't have the time to escape before they blinked into existence in front of some shady bar.
...
"If I'm missing anything important you can say goodbye to your corresponding part, and don't think I won't find a way to make it permanent." Tony grit out, but quickly lost himself to his own fascination as he looked around. Not exactly the most classy place a date had taken him, but it was Wade, so perhaps it was more fitting than he'd originally thought, "I never pictured you to be the parenting type, but I have to wonder why you took us to a bar to see your troglodyte."
Wade rubbed the back of his masked neck, remembering only after the scolding that it wasn't a good idea to take passengers, "Elle's moves around for protection. I got a friend in here who I have keep track of where she is for me."
"Glad I wore my favourite tee-shirt to a classy place like this" Tony commented as the two of them entered the bar, the inventor pulling his StarkGlasses out of his pocket and throwing them on his face, placing JARVIS in his ears. He ignored JARVIS' quiet " welcome back ", instead focusing on his surroundings, even as his AI started to take initiative to scan the faces and high light some of the most important things, the information going by so fast that anyone other than Tony Stark wouldn't have been able to absorb it. The inside of the bar matched the outside appearance rather well - A few dozen bounty hunters and mercenaries, most seemingly either having some manner of friendship or were arguing as though the worst of enemies ready to physically pounce.
"As if I would take you on a boring date - I SEE YOU HIDING BEHIND THAT COUNTER WEASEL!" Wade suddenly shouted, turning toward the counter and making for it with a steady, quick speed, "I'm sure you can entertain yourself for a minute babe, I'm feeling the need to express some emotion, most likely using sweet sweet violence as a medium"
Thus, Tony was left alone, sticking out like a sore thumb, but he just shrugged it off and walked to a particularly buff guy who was sitting alone, seeming subdued compared to the rest of the customers, "Hey there big guy, you look awfully shy for this crowd."
"My girlfriend broke up with me," The man screamed out his emotions, looking about ready to flip the table.
Tony startled, took a moment to process the emotions which were just spewed, and tried to keep a snort of amusement in, failing, "Wow, never heard that story before."
"What would Tony fucking Stark know about it? It's not like you actually bother to keep a partner. Besides, this wasn't some normal fucking breakup, this is because some pussy named Wade Wilson gave me a blowjob, the drink not the action, and some fucker in here told her about it as a joke." The guy glared ahead, not at anything in particular, but his muscles all tensed, and Tony suddenly realized that his arms were bigger than Tony's head considerably large as it was, "What a fucking joke."
Wade Wilson, because of course, that would be Tony's luck today... Ahhh, well that was certainly a sign that Tony needed to work on an exit plan as soon as possible before Wade showed up from whatever he was doing –
"There you are babe, I was looking for you. I got the info we needed from Weasel – Oh wait, I remember you. You're blowjob guy!" Wade stopped, right in front of the table that Tony was currently sitting at, across from the guy with pecs that would likely destroy the Iron Man suits gauntlet with a handshake, and the actions that followed unfolded rather quickly.
Tony Stark wasn't exactly a virgin when it came to bar fights, but the way that this particular situation dissolved was the fastest and most violent Tony had ever had the joy of participating in.
Muscles flipped the table right on top of the people behind Tony, a group of two, and Muscles started to attack Wade, but then the people from behind started to attack. Somehow though, it seems like they didn't catch on to who exactly threw the table because instead of heading toward Muscles, they were headed toward Tony. Wade in the meantime seemed to be having the time of his life dancing and playing around with Muscles, reminding Tony of just how often Wade did the same move on him, causing Tony to grin, "Well, now's as good a time as any, light 'em up, Jay."
In his ear Tony heard the prompt reply, " Of course sir, might I add that only you would field test the vibranium repulsors during a bar fight."
"Don't judge me," Tony snarked, but dodged the first member of the trio that lunged, as the bracelets he was wearing unfolded around his hands, Tony clenched his fingers into a fist, and drove it into the second person who attacked, sending them across the room, and right into another group of people.
The fight spread like wildfire. It didn't take long before most of the people who were in the bar were involved, and Tony and Wade were fighting back to back. Wade continued to work his feelings out on the fodder, and Tony, not liking it nearly as much, was still extremely entertained by just how much Wade was liking it, in conjunction with just how easy these guys were to take down with his new ability in hand to hand combined with a few well-placed repulsor strikes. Fighting Wade every day meant that it was hard to notice just how good Tony was getting because the mercenary was undoubtedly one of the best on Earth, and Tony would likely never measure, but he felt a lot of pride for himself for even managing to fight next to his friend.
By the time the fight was done, Wade and Tony were standing back to back still, Tony panting quite a bit, his clothing was ripped and likely beyond all repair, but everyone else was either unconscious or having fled the duo.
"I've taught you well, my student." Wade proclaimed pretending to wipe a tear, looking at the mess they had made with a wide grin hidden behind that mask of his.
"Not well enough to deal with this sober," Tony remarked, once again hit with just how many downsides were coming with his ability to heal faster. He was going to miss alcohol like an amputated limb, which made sense, considering how often he had leaned on it before.
"Wade I thought I told you not to start shit at my bar again." Someone said from behind the counter, arms crossed, but generally, he seemed more exasperated than angry. If Tony was to make an educated guess (and his guesses were always right, because he was Tony Stark) he'd say that this was the person that Wade had originally come here to see, "Every time you come here, without fail."
"Yet you still let me come in, whitey makes the point that it makes you the dumbass in this relationship," Wade responded and started to make his way toward the door. Normally Wade was much more wanton for conversation, but it seemed he was anxious to see his daughter.
Tony looked around at the destruction that they had made and looked to who he could only assume was a friend of Wade's and promised, "Send me a bill for the repairs, give me the friends and family discount though, if I go around paying for all Wade's messes, even I will be out of money in the next thousand years."
Because Tony was quick to follow Wade out the door, he didn't hear the man grumble to himself about how the repulsor damages to his venue were certainly not Wade's fault.
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Wade called a cab, driven by his friend who was introduced as Dopinder.
"I called him because the Author liked our interactions in the movie." Wade explained,"How we met was similar to what actually happened in the movie, I was on my way to unalive this fucker, not named Franny like in the movie, but one of Spidey's future enemies who is a huge douchenozzle -"
Tony listened to the dribble coming from Wade's mouth, but most of his attention was diverted toward his StarkGlass, which was running through information about the fight and how the bracelet gauntlets had performed. Everything seemed to be in good condition - There was a newly added informational stream, however, one that JARVIS had clearly taken an initiative to add, and it was about the reading coming from his arc-reactor. Sure, he couldn't get a solid idea of how the mutation was acting, but the energy levels being given off happened to be quantifiable.
"Some people ship me with Spidey you know, but the author plans to use the movie-verse Spidey, and I and all the boxes agree that it shouldn't happen because cannon he's way too young. He looks so innocent, even with his admirably perfectly shaped ass. Which I can say, because, despite looks, his actor is actually twenty-one." Wade rambled on even more, before turning to look out the window, "Have I told you guys about my OTP? It's FrostIron. Here's hoping the author doesn't keep us waiting for too much longer. Eleven chapters is far too long, even with a slow-burn tag."
"Mister Pool. who are you talking too?" Dopinder asks, almost idly.
"The readers, who else?"
Wade's verbal diarrhoea continues unendingly, before the car stops and Dopinder reaches over for a high five, which Wade promptly gives, along with a huge stack of money. Far too much for the ride, even someone as unused to paying attention to that as Tony was could tell that much.
"The extra is because I like you Dopinder, and also because if anyone finds out about this location, I'm going to have to rip your intestines out and spell out a thoughtful apology." Wade threatened.
Dopinder shook his head quickly, "Oh no Mister Pool, I would never do something like that."
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"So... Does this kid of yours have tentacles?" Tony asked as they both looked at the unassuming door in front of them, Wade hesitating to announce their presence.
"No, but that would be so awesome." Wade mused, before seemingly gathering himself enough to give the door a few solid knocks.
Honestly Tony expected the woman who was apparently in charge of keeping track of Wade's daughter, not the young girl who opened the door. She looked as if in her pre-teens, darker skin and hair, but her facial shape and structure would have her grow to be a rather fetching woman - Tony could actually see Wade's shape in the girl, especially around the eyes and jaw.
"Dadpool!" The girl exclaimed, lunging forward and grasping the leathered man in a hug. She was picked up and twirled around, it was sickeningly cute, and something that Tony honestly wouldn't have expected from Wade as a father.
"Elle-Belly! Look at you, and where is Emily?" Wade asked, finally placing the girl down and taking his mask off. The look in his eye was one of painful fragility that almost hurt Tony to see.
"She had to go report in, and she did leave me with a sitter, but she pussied out after I showed her Parker. Ran right out the house, as if Parker would actually hurt her" Eleanor spoke, causing Tony to raise an eyebrow, because yes, she was very clearly Wade's kid.
Wade attempted a disapproving look, "Remember what I said about using language like that?"
"Only to use it when I know it will bother people?"
"Good girl!" Wade praised, giving her another hug before turning toward Tony, "This is my newest padawan, Tony Stark. He's a bit boring, but not that bad."
"Iron Man is lame." Elle proclaimed the second her eyes finally landed on Tony, making the man give off a mockingly hurt look.
"And here I was, thinking I might ask you to move into my new place with your dad and guardian." Tony proclaimed, hand over his arc-reactor still acting pained.
It wasn't exactly what he planned when Tony had approved of coming here - Not that he'd been thinking about anything particular at that point, being drunk as he was, but after seeing the way that Wade looked at her the inventor couldn't help but put the idea forth. Tony didn't want to run a daycare, but this kid seemed okay, you know, by the standard one rated little troglodytes.
Elle seemed almost cautious of the offer, not even aware of the painful hope that was in Wade's eyes, "Could Parker come?"
"Parker?" Tony asked, and considering it had sent the sitter away in fear, maybe that would be a hard line.
The girl gave a smirk and ran back inside when she returned, her hands were clasped closed and when they opened there was a spider. This wasn't some little, run of the mill thing either. This was a large, hairy, bird eating type of spider. The weird thing about Tony's reaction to spiders was the fact that he found small spiders more scary than large ones, the unseen threat and all that. So despite keeping a wary eye on... Parker... Tony still nodded, "I guess you can keep the little monster, as long as it stays on your floor... Although I could make you something much better, maybe something that doesn't need to eat trash pigeons."
"But then people wouldn't cower in fear at the sight of him." Elle pouted, looking every bit the evil, mischievous child.
"You'd really let us all move in?" Wade asked, his tone too low for Elle to hear, as the child was placing Parker down and watching him interact with his new environment
"Sure, in fact, you can all have your own floor for all I care. I'm going to have too much room, and if I'm going to have my best friend there, might as well have his kid too." Tony said, but his tone was forcefully nonchalant, not wanting Wade to know just how emotional the whole thing made him. Not wanting Wade to know just how much it would hurt if the mercenary refused.
Besides, looking at Wade watching so carefully after his daughter, he knew that those two deserved to have more time around one another.