Over the next twelve hours Seven passed through many more periods of delirium as her body fought to recover. Finally with Chakotay, the Doctor, Alexander and Lyudmila around the biobed, the Doctor decided to wake her again, he turned to Alexander and Lyudmila. "I think one of you better talk to her, we don't want to frighten her again." Chakotay desperately wanted to refute that argument but knew that seeing him shocked and upset her fragile mind so he had to push his own needs and desires to the back of his mind.
Her eyelashes fluttered open and she looked up at the ceiling in confusion. Alexander carefully leaned over her and addressed her gently. "Can you tell me the last thing you remember Seven?"
Registering his well known careworn features, Seven tried to answer his question, but when she attempted to speak a searing pain shot through her head and her hand flew to her temple with a groan. Chakotay immediately tried to go to her but Lyudmila held him back from her line of vision. Seven frowned in concentration, struggling to make sense of the confusing memories which spun in her mind like a kaleidoscope. "Um…I saw the message and then I told you and Lyudmila to take…Xenia and go…Xenia! You have her don't you?" She felt her whole body tense, panic rising up within her.
Lyudmila clasped her hand, "Oh yes, she's fine, we're all looking after her."
Seven saw the kind sincerity in her face. "Thank you." She mumbled. A strange suspicion entered her mind and she looked away, "Where are…" Halfway through the question she saw the Doctor and gasped. "Doctor…"
He smiled at her warmly. "Hello Seven. To answer your question we're on the U.S.S Resistance and both you and Xenia are going to be fine."
Chakotay couldn't stand it anymore and stepped forward, the effect on Seven was instantaneous. She stared at him unable to comprehend what she was seeing. I'm dreaming, I'm going insane… Chakotay wordlessly reached for her arm but she flinched back, tears flowing silently down her otherwise expressionless features. He tried to say something, anything, but found that his mouth was unable to form words, his throat incapable of producing sound, he just stood there motionless.
The torrent of emotions which overwhelmed Seven was indescribable, every one she had ever experienced passed over her in that moment. Her throat closed up, she felt icy cold and burning hot at the same time, a sweat broke out and her teeth began to chatter, her hands clenched the sheets around her tightly and the world surrounding her seemed to fall silent. She uttered a stifled gasp and fell into the dark lonely release that was unconsciousness.
When he saw her faint, Chakotay regained the power of speech. "What…happened?"
The Doctor sighed, "You both went into a form of shock, although hers was more profound than yours. You're just going to have to leave her for now, your presence seems to overwhelm her." Seeing Chakotay's grief stricken expression, the Doctor felt guilt's bite and tried to soften the blow. "Just go and rest for now, that's an order."
Chakotay's heart fought back but the encounter had so sapped his energies that his legs were collapsing beneath him, so he turned to leave, though it made self hatred enter his battered soul. Lyudmila caught his arm, disturbed by his lost expression. "I'll stay with her, okay?"
Chakotay nodded slowly as her words sunk in, feeling disconnected from the world as retreated to his quarters. Lyudmila looked sadly after him before walking up to Xenia's incubator and leaning over her. "Both your Mama and Papa are having such a hard time, you'll help them won't you little one?" She sighed, wishing that the little girl could talk so that she could reunite her severely traumatised parents. She walked up to Seven's bedside and sat down to begin her vigil once more.
When Seven woke up the storm of emotions began to attack her again, but this time she managed to hold them back, Chakotay not being there made it easier though it broke her heart to admit it. Her heart and mind took refuge in thinking about Xenia but as soon as she set eyes on the incubator her mind began to unravel again. "She still can't breathe?" she asked the Doctor quietly.
"Not adequately, but don't worry, she just needs some time to mature."
"How are you feeding her?"
"By tube."
Seven felt mortified, tears brimmed at her eyes. "But…I'm supposed to…"
"You're both too weak for that…"
"I did it before! If I can't look after my own child then what am I good for?" she snapped, eyes flashing, meaning every word but still internally shocked at her irrational reaction.
The Doctor was horrified at her rationale but knowing that it came from deeper underlying emotions, perhaps against his better judgement he gave into her. "I'll allow you to…provide milk for her if you calm down, all right?"
She nodded resolutely and the nurse explained to her how to use the pump which she did in private before lying down as the Doctor had requested. Now with little to focus on the storm broke through her defences and a heady mixture of relief, love, guilt and fear seeped into her. Lyudmila watched her waiting for her to speak but got nothing. Eventually, after a torturous hour of watching her staring up at the ceiling, with her eyes filmed over with unshed tears and her face becoming paler by the second, Lyudmila decided to speak up. "Seven dear, do you want to talk about it?"
Seven felt another sob rise in her throat at the question and she had to bite down hard on her lip to suppress it. An escaped whimper made her cringe and she could no longer restrain her fears. "He hates me…" she said in a choked almost inaudible whisper.
Lyudmila couldn't understand. "What? Who hates you?"
A sob now rushed from her lips. "Chakotay…"
Lyudmila stared at her. "Oh no! That's not true, Chakotay adores you Seven…"
"How can he? He nearly died because of me! His daughter nearly died because of me…a daughter he didn't even know about…"
"If this is about Xenia, you don't have to worry, he's smitten with her…"
"Even if he is, he won't forgive me…"
"Seven, stop thinking like that! You need to talk to him…"
"I can't!"
"Of course you can…"
Seven turned away from her with a strained sob. She called for the nurse. "May I hold Xenia now?"
The nurse smiled at her. "Yes of course, for a little while, just be careful of the wires and tubes."
Lyudmila knew the conversation was finished for good when Seven took Xenia in her arms. I'll just have to get Chakotay to come in here. She thought determinedly, setting off for his quarters.
Chakotay was sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands as Lyudmila walked in, trying to process his myriad of emotions, love, guilt, fear, rejection, he felt them all as he sat there, ignoring his visitor. Lyudmila stalked up to him, hands on her hips. "You need to talk to her!"
"I…can't…she doesn't want me…"
Lyudmila laughed bitterly. "I can see why you're a couple! You think the exact same way! You're wrong, she needs and wants you more than ever!"
He glanced up at her, unsure. "How do you know? She wouldn't say that to you…"
"I'm not blind, I can see it in everything she does! Come with me."
She sounded certain, a certainty he wished he had as he meekly rose to follow her. What he saw in Sickbay warmed his heart, Seven was cradling Xenia, her head bent over her, her lips speaking quietly to her daughter. Lyudmila smiled at the scene. "I told you she was a natural."
"I always thought she would be." He answered without taking his eyes off them.
"Go and talk to her then." Lyudmila pressed gently. Chakotay silently obeyed and began to approach the biobed.
Seven didn't notice him at first, she was too absorbed in her baby. She held as close as she could and stroked her serene little face softly. "You're so perfect my love, I'm sorry I made you so ill…" She felt a tear slide down her face and watched it fall onto Xenia's cheek. She immediately wiped it away. "Be like your Papa and not like your inhuman mother, won't you?" She leaned over to kiss her and when she lifted her head up she saw Chakotay at the foot of her biobed. A furious blush diffused her face and she averted her eyes from his in shame, brushing angrily at the tears on her face as she did so. "Nurse, Can you put Xenia back in the incubator now?" There was no way she was going to let Chakotay think she was somehow using Xenia as some sort of blackmail.
"Of course." Said the nurse, glancing uneasily at the Captain and her patient as she took the baby away.
Chakotay felt like he'd been stabbed as he witnessed Seven try to hide Xenia from him. The way she wouldn't meet his eyes broke his heart and made his decision for him. "Seven, we need to talk."
Her head dropped further. "Why? We don't have to…"
He swallowed the tears of desperation which instantly formed and somehow kept up his gentle yet forceful tone. "We do. You know that." Before she could respond he took her hand and called out to the computer. "Computer, beam myself and Seven of Nine to my quarters."
A/n: Please review because I'm not very happy with this chapter. I was going to include their conversation in this chapter but I decided that deserved a chapter of its own. Can anybody tell me if Chakotay has a surname please? Thank you.