Hello there, CeNationsViper061193, this door opens for you :3

10th advent

… shelter …

John sets a six-pack on the bedside table and switches the TV on, before he walks over to the closet and changes into jogging pants and a tee. The sound of the running shower stops abruptly, giving him a hint that Randy will show up in a minute or two. Taking one of the beers he crawls onto the bed, kicking the duvet back with his feet and makes himself comfortable, sitting propped up against a thick pillow.

Ever since Randy has arrived here, he hasn't spoke even one single word but there was no need to anyway. John knew what had happened the very second he opened the door and looked straight into those well-known grey orbs. Randy has left Sam. One second. That is how long it had taken him to see it there. After that one second a veil settled over Randy's eyes, guarding them as Nikki stepped up to John's side and while John kept looking at his friend, he heard her speak to him, telling him that they have no time now because they are about to go out for dinner. That she is sorry but he has to go.

Shut up.

It had been out of his mouth before he even thought about wrapping the message in nicer words. He hadn't meant to be so mean to her, but there was Randy standing at his door, a holdall and a suitcase sitting beside him and… it in his eyes. Randy had come here because he needed him and nothing in this world is more important to him than… than…

Randy.

He saw a glint of relief in the younger man's eyes, swallowed immediately by the veil which still lay over his eyes. Nikki left, fuming, cursing, hurling things at him he never would have expected could come out of her pretty mouth. But her voice stepped into the background while he reached for the suitcase and the holdall and told Randy to come in. The door closed behind her, cutting her voice off. And in the sudden quietness of the hall he watched as Randy's shoulders slumped and the heavy breath slipping past his lips had sounded much too exhausted for John's taste. Go take a shower, he had told him and Randy only nodded and John felt a soft brush of fingers on his arm as Randy passed him.

Quiet steps approaching the room called him out of his thoughts and a heartbeat later the door opened, revealing a reluctant Randy. The other man almost looks like he isn't sure if he is really welcome, looks guilty, probably for ruining John's evening out with Nikki and the baggy jogging pants and the much too big shirt he wears make him look somewhat small.

With a reassuring smile John nods his head towards the free space beside him, reaches for another beer that he hands his friend as he finally sits down beside him and watches as it is drowned in a few hearty gulps. Wordlessly John hands him a second one.

Randy still says nothing, only sits there, head dipped back against the wall. Staring at the TV. John lets him because he knows the younger man's gonna talk when he feels like talking. Minutes pass. Eventually he reaches over and takes an empty bottle from unresisting fingers and puts it aside.

The grey eyes look so very hollow that John has to close his own for a second before he turns back to him. From the corner of his eyes he notices his friend's hand drop to the mattress, sees it turn palm up. He doesn't lose a thought about what he's doing as he lays his hand on it, intertwining their fingers, smiles a sad little smile as Randy's fingers close around his in a firm hold. It's an almost desperate hold. And still no words are spoken, maybe won't the whole night and it's not necessary. The only important thing right now is being here, together.

Randy sighs and it sounds as hollow as his eyes look, tugging at John's heart and in response he brushes his thumb over the back of the hand that holds on to him. And Randy's hold tightens even more. Another sigh follows and the other man closes his eyes, rolls his head slightly against the wall. It is a small sound that drops from his lips, something between a tiny laughter and a sob.

For a heartbeat or two John's too surprised to do anything as Randy suddenly moves, turning over to curl up against him without letting go of his hand. An arm wraps around John's waist, a face is pressed against his chest and for the first time this night Randy speaks. It is one single word and it is his name, whispered so desperate that John's sure he'll never forget it. Again John feels a tug at his heart, harsh, feels how it tears at it and leaves tiny cracks behind. There is something seeping out of those cracks. He can feel it but he can't stop it and it burns in his chest, hot and consuming.

A long leg hooks behind his as the body at his side presses closer and it's the moment he finally can move again, turning slightly to Randy as he wraps his free arm around his shoulders. His heart breaks, setting a flood of that nameless something free, stealing his breath, causing an ache to hold his friend close, closer, shelter him from the world.

The kiss he breathes to the short hair surprises himself a bit but in a dark corner of his mind there is a voice reminding him that this isn't the first kiss he has given Randy. And that voice also whispers that it is very okay to do this now. Because Randy needs it. And John… needs it, too.

"I've got you," he whispers and slips a bit deeper into the pillow.

Randy shifts a little in his hold until he can bury his face against John's neck and it takes John some willpower to keep on breathing. The warm breath which fans over his skin, a closeness that is so much closer than they use to share anyway… it takes him back to that night after the bar fight, back to that moment in the bathroom. That moment they had been impossible close. At least he has thought so, but now…? Closer. Closer…

It is vivid, that memory of that very moment and of what he had felt afterwards, lying in the dark room, with that strange knowledge that something has changed… deep within him.

Having Randy close like this, holding him close feels good and right in so many ways… It is not the first time he notices it and while he gazes out of the window into the moonlit night, he turns that thought back and forth, examining it carefully. Their relationships has changed, definitely. It has become deeper, much much deeper with an affection he never has felt before and this friendship, this man… suddenly it, he is so much more important… Like they have taken an impossible big step forward, unknown by both of them though. Like leaving invisible barriers behind.

And that although John always thought they couldn't get any closer…

Fishing for the duvet with his foot he pulls it up and he could swear he hears a tiny sound of discontent as he removes his arm from around Randy to pull the duvet over them both. That done his arm immediately resumes its place around the younger man. John has to, because his arm… it feels empty.

Maybe the question he should ask is: what happens here?

The questions he asks though is: "Need anything?"

As Randy speaks, John hold his breath at his answer once more, because the calm tone, the tender note in it gets right under his skin…

"No… I've got everything I need..."

The room falls silent around them as the night becomes deeper and while John gazes back out of the window again, thinking, wondering and… and feeling… the body in his hold relaxes. A strange ease that shouldn't be there, because Randy's marriage just fell to pieces, settles down on them but as wrong as it should feel, it doesn't.

John is still staring into the night long after Randy has fallen asleep and he listens to his breathing, feels his warmth, hears him mumble in his sleep… his name and two little words which shouldn't give him that achingly sweet feeling that now spreads throughout John...

… need you …