So Erin has this crazy idea that Seth's better off without her… Bitch be trippin, but whatever. I hope you enjoy, even though it's a little depression right now. I only own Erin.

Erin's POV

At four, I left Miss. Lahote's. I took out my phone, intending to text Rachel to come get me before replacing it in my pocket, the text left unsent. It was barely sprinkling and I needed time to think after the drama of the afternoon.

Hugging my jacket closer to me, I started off down the sidewalk. God, when did life get this complicated? Was there a moment when it all changed or was it like dominos, one event endlessly toppling into another until everything had fallen apart? When was I put on the path that ended me up here? Who was to blame for all the confusion? Me, probably. I was pretty fucking good at complicating things, afterall.

I pulled my hood up, tucking my hands into my pockets as I passed the old stop n' shop Tiffany Call owned. Her little Mazda was parked out front in its usual spot. I could just barely make out the Call house, peeking out from behind the building. Embry's truck was nowhere in sight, not that it would change anything if it was.

There was really only one thing I needed to think about and it was the most painful to handle. Seth Harry Clearwater.

Just thinking of him seemed to make the world darker and heavier. My rainy walk no longer sounded pleasant. It seemed now like some small form of penance I had to pay. Penance for hurting Seth and still being unable to bring myself to a decision on what to do. He deserved answers and I couldn't even give him that.

I loved him, more than I had thought it was possible to love someone; in a perfect world the rest wouldn't matter. The problem with that? The Beatles were wrong; love isn't going to keep you alive when you attack someone who could easily beat you. If Embry had been angrier, these no question who would have won that fight. The fight that was completely my fault. I sighed and pushed some hair out of my face.

The bruise on my shoulder protested slightly but even that pain had dulled in the last four days. Why couldn't I just do eenie-meenie-minie-moe? Because I don't even have two solutions to decide between? Because I wasn't a little girl anymore? I faintly remembered teaching Seth the stupid rhyme when we were five-years-old.

"But, 'Rin, what do you even use it for?" Seth asked, following me towards the rickety local park playset.

"To make big decisions, dork." I answered, rolling my eyes. "Duh."

"Like picking swings or see-saw?"

"Exactly!"

I wanted to be five again.

When I got home, the house was empty. I knew Billy had plans with the council, but I wondered where Rachel and Paul were. A note on the kitchen counter answered my question.

Dear EA,

Out on a date, don't wait up.

-Rach

Glancing at the clock, I realized two things. One, my walk had taken an hour and half and two, I was soaked to the bone. When had it begun raining cats and dogs outside? Walking to my room, I found my cookie monster pj pants and a large hoodie. It was only after I slid the hoodie on and inhaled that I realized it was Seth's from a week ago. His scent still clung to it, woods and salt water.

"'Rin, give me my hat back!" Four-year-old Seth whined, reaching for the baseball cap on my head with a pout.

I shrank back, "No! I want it!"

"Why? You don't even like baseball!"

"Because now, I get to take you home."

I sighed, pulling my hair into a ponytail. I went to the living room, going to the bookshelf and pulling out a stack of photo albums, each with a year and a name on the spine. How can you decide your future without consulting your past? At least that's what my history teacher said last year to try and get the class to pay attention.

Sitting down, I opened the first book. Erin (1992-1993)

The first picture was of a small infant, kicking and screaming, lying in a crib with a bright red face. The label read: Erin Avery Black. 6 pounds, 4 ounces. Born December 4th, 1992. In my Aunt Sarah's pretty cursive. I looked through the hospital pictures, noting how Emmie wasn't photographed once. Tucked in behind the first picture, I found what looked like a late ultrasound of me, two weeks before I was born according to the time stamp.

Only about ten pictures into the photo album, Seth Clearwater made his first appearance. The photo was of two baby carriers, sitting next to each other on the floor, both occupied by newborns. Seth was wearing a little hat, his hand pressed to his cheek as he slept. My hands had little booty's on them, I appeared to be asleep as well. The label: Erin w/ Seth Clearwater (Sue and Harry's new baby)

I flipped through the rest of the books slowly, memories flickering here and there as I read the labels and Aunt Sarah's handwriting was replaced by Rebecca's and then my Aunt Connie's in a last stitch effort to keep Sarah's memory alive.

1996: Erin & Seth's first day of school

1998: Seth helps Jacob teach Erin to ride a bike (so cute!)

2003: First day of Middle School (w/ Mr. Clearwater)

2005: 8th grade dance (they're 'just friends' for now)

The last book ended with the most recent picture from last summer, before he shifted and we started dating. Seth was giving me a piggy back and we were laughing on the beach. The label was aunt Connie's writing: Seth & Erin at a bonfire- Age 14.

I shut the last photo album and set them all on the coffee table, burying my face in my hands. The truth is, I don't know myself without Seth. We met two days after he was born, when I was only six days older. We used to be laid down on the same blanket on the floor to play as babies. We shared tire swings, jokes, everything. How do you give up on someone like that? How do you not fight as hard as you can to make it work?

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed in a whisper, hopping up. I was so stupid, because of course I was staying with Seth. Because he's Seth and I'm Erin, because he's dork and I'm 'Rin, because we don't function well when left to our own defenses, because when it's ours then love is enough.

I ran out of the house, almost forgetting my shoes, and to the road. I'd walked home from the Clearwater's so many times but at that moment walking was way too slow. I ran and ran, ignoring the burning in my chest, the rain now pouring down in the dark, and the fact that I was still wearing the ridiculous cookie monster pj's.

I got to their driveway and ran up the path, my shoes nearly slipping off the concrete as I slammed my fist against the door. After what felt like forever, Leah opened the door. Her eyes scanned me, a look of distaste clearly written across her features. I swallowed, trying to catch my breath, "I need to talk to Seth."

Leah raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so, now you need to talk to him? Well, now might not be the best time for him."

"Leah, please-"

"You really hurt him, you know. Seth's like a fucking puppy, he's happy basically all of the time. And then you waltz around, stepping all over him and suddenly he's going crazy just trying the call you and whenever the Pack gets in his head all we feel is pain and hurt and worry. Sam ruined me and if you ruin my brother, it'll be the last thing you do. Understand, Black?" She glared at me, accusingly.

Rain showered down on me as I nodded, feeling even shitty, if that was possible. Leah, despite her constant teasing, really loved Seth, I knew that. She looked me over one last time before moving back to let me in. The shoes I'd grabbed in a hurry were my flip flops, which squished on the dry floor.

"Seth doesn't get a choice, Erin. You're all he sees. Remember that." Leah said with a bitter tone in her voice, not looking at me as she walked to the stairs, "SUICIDE-WATCH! YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S HERE!" She turned to me, "Stay on that carpet, mom'll have a fit if you get water everywhere."

Seth came running down the stairs, almost crashing into Leah. He looked at me and my heart almost broke, seeing the hope in his eyes that instantly fizzled into worry. "Erin, why are you soaked?"

"Oh," I looked down at myself, seeing that it did indeed look like I'd forgotten to take my clothes off before jumping into the pool. My teeth chattered slightly. "I ran here. No one was home, so I couldn't get a ride."

"Okay, I'll be in my room because I don't feel like barfing tonight." Leah muttered, pushing past her brother and going up the stairs.

It was silent for a moment. There was so much to say and my brain didn't seem to know where to start. I opened my mouth to speak but Seth beat me there. "Stay here." He directed me, walking into the other room. A second later, he returned, carrying a stack of laundry. He picked up a towel from the stack and started over to me.

For a moment, I thought he was going to wrap it around me himself but then he paused and hesitated before just holding it out for me to take. I stared at the towel in his hand, slowly moving my gaze to his beautiful, goddamn perfect face. All the crap I'd said today, all the horribleness I'd put him though, and he still wanted to make sure I was dry and comfortable. Could anyone really blame me for questioning if I was worthy of him? Because the answer was that I clearly wasn't.

Without allowing myself one more thought, I knocked the towel from his hand as I flung my arms around his neck, burying my face in the crook of his warm neck, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was dumb and I was wrong. You are the only thing in my life that's not screwed up and I need you and I miss you and I love you. There's so much more to say and you deserve better, but I'm just so sorry."

All this was muffled, of course, but the hood on his sweatshirt but I knew he heard every word. His arms circled my hips, pulling me up close, sweeping me off my feet. "I'm sorry, too. I'll be better next time. I won't let there be a next time. I should've grabbed you before you said that stuff to make Embry mad, I just wasn't thinking. I need you to survive, Erin, to be breathing. I missed you so bad and I love you more than anything. It shouldn't be possible to love someone this much."

I pulled back for a second, grabbing his face and pressing my lips to his. The kiss was perfect and passionate and beautiful; like running through a sprinkler and being set on fire.

For the first time in four days, I felt right again. I felt whole.