Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter, but I DO own Lucian and Meta and Fino. Muhahahaha! And I'm not making any financial profits outta this, so there.

QUESTIONS

Meta is a bright child. That is a fact, and there is no doubting it (because if I so much as voice a squeak of doubt about the aforementioned fact, I may end up prostrating myself at the feet of a certain livid blonde in order to spare my undead life, no kidding). However, it seems that there is a certain formula that dictates that bright kids have to be naughty. And mischievous. And are generally prankster-of-all-trades. And, and… Well, you get the idea. Get your thesaurus and look up for more descriptions to continue with the list.

If you so wish.

… I don't

Anyway. Having said all those, Meta has defined another whole level of mischievousness. His is bordering lethal, especially when it concerns ME, thank you very much. I don't know if it's because the little fiend has been hanging around Lucifer's shady gangs a lot recently, or Lucifer actually put things in his head or whether it's Kurapika, or whether it's just simply in the genes…oh. That is a VERY plausible explanation, considering his parentage. Hey, don't give me that look. You see how Lucifer and Kurapika are! Lucifer is just…well…Lucifer. With his irregularities and his off-the-kilter psychology. And Kurapika! She isn't any better. She's a Spartan woman who takes things to the Spartan extremes! And only God knows how Meta will turn out under their parenting.

Now see here. Seven years old of age, and he has almost driven me to my untimely and eternal, honest-to-goodness DEATH for ungodly number of occasions. And, Jesus Christ, he's known me only since he was five. So in the span of two years, I've almost died all over again for…I've lost count.

What? Am I not an undead already? Oh, no no no. This is another different definition of Death. Didn't I mention eternal? Vampires can die again. Yes, sirs and madams, you heard me right. We can die again. Always un-peacefully, if I may add.

"Luciaaaa~~~~~n"

Oh. Here comes the pretty little fiend (well, Meta IS pretty).

"Lucian!"

"Hm?" I hum in respond to his call without actually turning to face him, as I'm actually taking readings off my chemical apparatuses.

Right now I'm in my private, secret (not so secret anymore because practically Lucifer's family knows the existence of this place and how to get in here, dammit) laboratory that I've built somewhere in the depth of the woods in this mountain where Lucifer's family lives. I've set up booby traps of all sorts from the entrance of the passageway to my laboratory, all over the passageway itself, and at the gate to my laboratory, but God in Heaven above knows how this squirt managed to come all the way here without setting off any of the traps.

…Well, he's the firstborn of Kuroro Lucifer and Kurapika Kuruta.

Anyway. One more ingratiating thing about Meta is that he absolutely has NO sense of graciousness when it comes to me (as usual). He can just fire off potentially embarrassing questions to me without batting an eyelash.

"Do vampires fart?"

Questions like that.

I promptly put the delicate measuring instruments I have in my hands before Meta has any chance to shock me more with even worse questions. Those instruments are expensive, and I have no intention of drilling a hole on my wallet just because a brat is messing up with me. I turn around and give an ineffective glare at the blond boy, but he just stares back at me with that poker face that is infuriatingly identical with Lucifer's.

"Who made you ask that question?" I ask him with suspicion. Always have to be careful with this kid.

"Nobody. I'm just curious." He beams at me with that chilling c'mon-answer-my-question-or-you'll-be-sorry smile that I don't know whom he gets it from. Both of his parents DO NOT use this kind of tactic.

…Must be that Zaoldyck brat.

"What do YOU think?" I ask him back.

Meta purses his lips and drops his line of sight to the floor as he frowns and mulls over the question. It's one of the ways to distract the boy from something; by asking him of what he's thinking. He's a hard-core thinker, just like his mother is (although Kurapika is rather maniac when it comes to thinking).

Thinking that I've given him ample reason to be quiet, I turn back to my experiment. A few blessed minutes passed, and I begin to forget the squirt's presence in the laboratory. He soon breaks it in a way that only Metatron Lucifer Kuruta knows how to.

"Do vampires shit, then?"

Unfortunately, at that time when the question is hurled at me, I'm squeezing a delicate amount of delicately volatile and unstable substance to my solvent using an eyedropper. You see, I only need to put a drop of the substance to the solvent and voila! But nooooo~~~

Because of Meta's question, I press too hard and I basically squirt the entire content of the eyedropper into the solvent.

End result?

"Have you seen Meta?"

"Your kid? Nah. Haven't seen him all day long."

"Oh. Okay. Thank you."

"Don't worry, Kurapika. The brat knows the area here like the back of his own hands."

"Yes, I know."

Kurapika walks away and crosses her arms. Again, Meta has made his disappearing act and Kurapika is not so happy about it. It's not Meta that she's worried about, since she is well aware that the boy has received more than ample training in combat in all sorts of discipline; traditional martial arts, weaponries of all sorts, Nen—you name it. She is NOT worried about his well-being. The thing is she's worried that he has gone somewhere else and wreaks havoc wherever he is.

"I swear, this must be Killua's influence…" She muttered under her breath as she walks aimlessly around the town.

"Kurapika!"

Hearing her name, Kurapika looks up and sees Fino prancing down the street towards her with an empty basket in her hands. Seems that she's in the market for grocery shopping.

"Fino." She greets the younger girl back. "Have you seen Meta?"

Fino blinks, and then laughs.

"Again?"

"Yes…" Kurapika sighs.

"Well…I haven't seen him since the morning, but…"

KABOOOOOOMMMM

The ground shakes slightly as if a very heavy and massively huge object has been dropped from the rooftop of the tallest building in the town. Both ladies turn around to the source of the sound of explosion, and see a pillar of black smoke rising from somewhere in the woods near Kurapika's house—which now has been christened as their backyard garden; courtesy to Meta and Bia. The townspeople have started chattering about the explosion, but none of the go into panic. They've seen this phenomenon before.

"Well…" Fino turns to Kurapika. "You've found him."

Kurapika can only drag her hand down her face.

Evidently, Meta has just destroyed; inadvertently or on purpose she has no idea (not that it matters, actually), potentially half of Lucian's underground laboratory.

Author's Note: Honestly, I don't know why I suddenly came up with the "Do vampires fart" question, but it just sounds so hilarious that I have to insert it in a dialogue with Lucian. And writing stories in Lucian's point of view is so interesting =P