Before I Sleep
Chapter 11
"He should have been here by now, he left the BAU a couple of hours ago." JJ fretted to Will about the absent Reid.
"Relax, Cher. Didn't you say he was going to a bookstore? What have you always told me about Spencer and books?"
"But he hasn't answered his cell. I've called him four times in the past half hour."
"Well, then, he's probably on his way. Wouldn't be like him to answer the phone while he's driving."
He had a point. But only 'a' point. Because Reid would definitely check his cell, in case they were being called in. So that meant he was screening out her call.
Maybe he realizes what I did the last time he came to dinner. He's making sure he's late so we can't have another one of those talks.
She was fairly certain he'd been avoiding a continuation of that conversation all week, by making sure he was never alone with her.
But he pretty much told me that he didn't care if he lived or died. No, scratch that. He actually said he'd rather have died. But, day to day, he doesn't seem unhappy. He certainly doesn't seem suicidal.
She was still relatively new to the role of profiler, but JJ had been reading people for a very long time. And she was acutely attuned to any hint of suicidality. Losing her sister had taught her the importance of that skill. So JJ was comfortable that Reid wasn't actively thinking of harming himself. He just wasn't all that interested in avoiding harm. It was a subtle difference, but it was the kind that leant itself to a decision to be patient with him. There was no immediate danger. No obvious immediate danger, anyway.
I'll let you play it out the way you want to, Spence. For a while. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try to find you a reason not to be so sad.
"He's here! Uncle Spence is here!" Henry had been standing vigil at the window. JJ joined him and looked over his head to see Reid emerging from his vehicle, carrying a bottle of wine and a pastry box. She met him at the door.
"Hi! Where were you? I expected you thirty minutes ago."
Internally, she cringed. Nice going, JJ. Attack him at the door. How's that for letting him 'play it out the way he wants to'?
"Sorry. Friday night traffic." He moved the box to the arm holding the wine so he could pull out his cell phone. Looking at the screen, he said, "Oh, it was you. I thought it might be, but I was so close, I thought I'd wait until I got here to check."
"Hi, Uncle Spence!"
Reid bent for his hug. "Hey, little man! How are you?"
"I just got a new Lego set! Wanna play?"
Reid looked to JJ for permission. She smiled.
"Dinner will be on the table in fifteen minutes. You guys can play until then."
Permission granted, Reid waved a hello to Will, who was standing at the end of the hallway, and followed Henry into his bedroom.
"Wow, Henry! Look at your room!" A desk had been moved into one corner, and a large portion of the floor was visible. "It looks like a big kid lives here!"
Henry beamed. "This is my new desk, Uncle Spence! It has a place for my pencils, 'n my notebook, 'n everything!" He proceeded to give a tour of the desk, pulling out drawers and displaying their contents.
"That's pretty cool, Henry. Do you do your homework here?"
"Nah. I mostly do it at Karen's. But sometimes Mommy helps me with my workbooks after dinner. We do it in the kitchen."
Reid concocted a mental image of JJ leaning over Henry, drying her hands on a towel as she looked at his large-printed spelling words. It made him smile.
"Workbooks? Wow, that sounds like a lot of homework for first grade."
Henry instructed his godfather in the ways of the world. "Miss Ruth says we have to work hard if we want to be proud of ourselves when we grow up."
Reid gave an exaggerated nod. "Miss Ruth sounds like a very wise lady."
"Yep! And she's pretty, too!"
Henry took care of the clear space on his floor by dumping a box of Legos on it. "We can make a police station with this one!"
His Uncle Spence had learned, a long time ago, to let Henry have free rein with his Legos. Where Reid would prefer to study the spilt contents for a while and begin a mental configuration of the blocks, Henry was always of a mind to dive right in. With the youngster constantly selecting and rejecting individual blocks, there was never enough time for Reid to assimilate one panorama for very long before having to assimilate a slightly different one. Hence, Henry was the Lego expert of the pair, issuing commands to his doting godfather.
"This one goes there, Uncle Spence. And then that one. See?"
"I see." Reid felt his shoulders relaxing as he relinquished full control of the assembly to Henry.
If I could do this every day, I might get to be as laid back as Rossi.
They'd gotten two walls of the precinct completed before hearing JJ's voice.
"Guys! Dinner's on the table! Time to wash hands!"
Reid started to move, but noticed that Henry was still engrossed. "Hey, Buddy, I think dinner's ready."
"I know." But he continued playing.
"Aren't you excited about eating dinosaur tonight?"
"Naw."
"Why not? I asked your mom to make a point of buying the tyrannosaurus meat, so we wouldn't have to eat a dinosaur that ate vegetables."
Henry looked uncertain. "Are you sure, Uncle Spence?"
"Why?"
"Because Joey said they're just chicken. He said there's no such thing as dinosaur meat."
Reid made a show of looking shocked. "No such thing…..well, too bad for Joey. All I know for sure is that I've been looking forward to it all week."
Henry took it in. It resonated with what he wanted to believe. So he decided. "Me too!" and ran off to the bathroom. A cave man had to eat with clean hands.
Reid smiled as he followed his godson down the hall, adding 'dinosaur meat' to Santa, the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny on his list of 'come cleans' when Henry got older.
"Mmmm….this is great, JJ. Thanks for having me."
"You know you're always welcome here, Spence. And you're also welcome to try some of the pasta."
Reid took her up on it, but made a point to say, "Thanks, I'll have a little. But I'm kind of full of tyrannosaurus right now."
JJ stared down her husband, who'd seemed about to make a comment. She spoke before he had a chance to.
"What does it taste like?" Acting the set up man for Reid's punchline.
He appreciated her gesture. "Tastes like chicken. Right, Henry?"
The little blond nodded, his mouth too full to answer. JJ was willing to bet it all tasted like ketchup to her son, since he drowned nearly everything in it.
As the meal wore on and the adults entered into conversation, Henry became antsy and was excused to watch a favorite program.
Freed from the need to protect little ears, Will remarked, "So, you guys are getting involved in the anti-terrorism campaign."
Reid was non-committal. Although she'd not shared any of Will's reaction to her abduction, he'd sensed that it was a tender thing between the two. No doubt their new assignment would aggravate the situation.
"I don't know about the campaign, but we'll do our best to give them whatever information we can."
"JJ says you're tryin' to learn a new language over the weekend, so you can read the messages."
Will's drawl was thickening. Reid had long since noticed it would come out whenever the New Orleans native was trying to distance himself from JJ's work. And JJ's work colleagues.
Or maybe he's been trying to distance JJ's home life from us. From me.
That didn't stop Reid from an honest response. "Two languages, actually. I'll still have to work on the idioms, but I should be able to learn the basic structure of the languages and grammar."
He wasn't certain what JJ had shared with Will, but Reid wasn't about to give any specifics.
JJ supplemented his answer with, "He's planning to read some books in each language, to pick up on the nuances."
Will heard the pride in JJ's tone, and tried to get his face to look like he shared it. "Well, that's quite the feat, isn't it Spencer?"
Reid felt the twinge of tension in the air. "It's nothing special. I just learn better in context." He quickly changed the subject. "So, Henry told me that you guys have a scouting thing coming up soon."
Will seemed more open to this subject. "We have a couple. There's a pinewood derby, and then there's an overnight out in the country."
"Pinewood derby! I remember them. My dad used to help me make the cars. But then I think I kind of took the fun out of it for him. I read a book about streamlining, and I figured out how to apply the physics and…..well, I guess maybe he felt like I just didn't need him anymore."
Reid's voice made a virtual journey of discovery. JJ watched it in his features as well. Maybe his dad didn't think Spence needed him anymore. For anything. And Spence just realized that.
Will was oblivious to the emotion of the moment, but JJ wasn't. She rose and started piling dishes.
"Will, would you help me with these? Spence, I'll bet Henry would love to read you a story."
His godfather's influence had paid off for the youngster. Henry had learned to sight read before the age of four, and was using phonics long before it was taught in school.
"Maybe we can trade. He reads one, I read one." He left the couple to themselves and went to find Henry.
Thirty minutes and a few loud exchanges from the kitchen later, Reid was finishing up a long fairy tale with a flourish. JJ entered the living room silently and smiled at the sight of her son and her best friend. Henry was curled tightly into Reid's side, eyes wide as he tried to follow along on the page. Reid's arm reached around Henry, tucking him tight, as he read from the book in his lap.
She went back to the kitchen for her phone, and returned, snapping a few photos. They're both going to cherish these some day. I know for sure I will. I already do.
After the story ended, it was time for bed. That was usually Reid's signal to leave. Back when he'd thought they'd lost Emily, he'd stayed beyond Henry's bedtime quite often. But it had never been a comfortable thing, and the awkwardness of Will sitting with him and JJ had always resulted in a rapid departure by Reid. Then, Will had been a bit more tolerant, realizing Reid's visits as a means of finding comfort. But now, they were 'officially' to see Henry. So, when Henry went down, Reid went home.
He rose and started to say his goodnights. "Thanks for dinner, JJ. It was delicious, as always."
"I was serious before, Spence. You're always welcome here." Feeling like she might be offering him a lifeline…..at least, until she could find him another one out there. If it meant she didn't have to worry about him, JJ was willing to have Reid to dinner every night.
Will wasn't quite as gracious. "Now Cher….I'm sure Spencer has better things to do than to sit at our dinner table every night. Isn't that right, Spencer?"
Again, message sent, and message received. "You know I'm a big fan of your cooking, JJ. But….what's the saying? Absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Doing his best to make light of it. "I sure wouldn't want Henry to get tired of having me around."
She realized what was happening, and decided on the middle ground. "Well, I doubt that would ever happen, but …..Will's probably right. You're busy. And, when you're not, you probably enjoy your peace and quiet."
True enough. He did. But he'd be more than willing to give it up, for the right reason.
Reid turned away from the right reason and headed down the hallway, calling over his shoulder, "Thanks again. I'll see you on Monday, JJ. 'Night, Will."
JJ hurried to get the door for him. "So, good luck with the Arabic and Urdu. I guess you'll have your work cut out for you the next couple of days."
"I think it will be relaxing, actually. I'm looking forward to it. Language is just a giant puzzle that wants to be put together. It's kind of what I like to do."
She smiled. Spence sounded so...Spence. But there was something else she'd wanted to say. It was why she'd chased him down the hallway.
"Well, enjoy it then. And, Spence...that thing that we talked about last time, that you don't really want to talk about any more? You don't have to worry. I won't force you. I won't forget it, but I won't force you."
He blushed, caught out. She was giving him permission to speak...or not. But also giving him notice that she'd heard him. And that he was on her radar. Reid was surprised to realize that, rather than causing him anxiety, it made him feel more secure.
They exchanged a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.
"Thanks," he told her. "For that...and for the tyrannosaurus nuggets. They were delicious!"