Author's Note:
Hey, new update! I'm trying out a new idea of mine with this chapter. They're getting out of Grimmauld Place, much to Sirius' pleasure ^_^ Also, I figure Remus needed more of a back story for his too dangerous excuse he uses. Read and Review, tell me what you think. Thanks.
xXxFoolWithoutDreamsxXx : hey, thanks for the review and yea I'd love it if you could beta read for me. but haha, i'm sorta still iffy with this whole fan fiction site so idk how to do the whole beta reading thing ^_^ if u can plz help, thanks so much. and yea the lack of reviews is disappointing, but I can live with it. as long as there's still one person reading, i'm happy ^_^
Important Notice Please Read: (lol that came out funny I sound like one of those law office ppl ahem sorry)
I'm planning on cutting this story into three parts. I realized that since I plan on hopefully covering the entirety of Tonks and Remus' love story, it would have to span through the three books, OotP, HBP, and DH. THAT would take soooooooooo long, so I figured if I cut this story at the end of OotP and start another story following it, it would be easier for me to process my thoughts and also easier to understand the story. Also...the idea of a sixty chapter story scares me with the length of my chapters (they're pretty long). So sixty chapters or so of it? Seem's a bit scary. Does it scare u cuz it terrifies me to drag one story out that long.
This story will probably go up to 15-16-17 chapters at most. And then I'll be writing a sequel I guess that takes place in the HBP timeline ^_^
Thanks for your cooperation and understanding. I know I'm irritating sometimes but sorry ^_^
Chapter 11 – An Unexpected Change in Scenery
January, holiday break was over, and it was the first full moon of the year. She was tired, she was worried, she was frustrated, and she was back in the office again thanks to Mad-Eye and Kingsley's silent vouching. Tonks was troubled by the fact that with her work, she wasn't able to spend full moon with Remus that night, and adding on, she was irritated by the mountain of paperwork she had been given. But she couldn't complain. After all, Remus was beginning to question why she'd been able to pull off Order missions during her work hours, and Tonks wasn't planning on explaining to the self-righteous bloke that Umbridge had degraded him in front of her, caused her to lose her temper, and gotten herself suspended because of him. Remus would never let it rest, and she knew that.
Tonks huffed, leaning back in her chair, still lazy and bumbling from the rather long vacation she had, and the endless dosing of alcohol from Sirius over New Year. Her work seemed endless, and her hand was getting cramped. Surely she didn't become an Auror just to file and write reports? But it wasn't in her hands anymore. She was lucky to still have her job after she sassed Umbridge. For God's sake, the woman was at Hogwarts and the Ministry!
A soft knock brought her tired mind back to the world and she found Kingsley Shacklebolt leaning on her desk beside her. She didn't even notice him walk into her cluttered cubicle. "A bit out of it are we?"
Her tired eyes returned him with a look of truth. Tonks glanced around quickly, made sure no one was listening, and nodded, "First full moon of the year tonight and…"
"And you're irritated because you can't spend it with him," Kingsley finished for her in his slow but deep and oddly reassuring voice.
She nodded and sighed.
"Tonks, he'll be able to see you in the morning. Remus understands."
"I know. But it's just the feeling of actually being there beside him, it's just…" she sighed and gave up. She didn't know how to explain it, and Kingsley wouldn't understand.
He smiled reassuringly and patted her shoulder. "If it eases your worry, he at least has Padfoot with him. Remus isn't alone anymore, and he knows that."
"Thanks King," she nodded. "Why are you here anyways? Aren't you supposed to be down at a meeting or something?"
Kingsley then smiled apologetically. "Well…I hate to give you more work…but Scrimgeour asked me to assign you this report."
"God, another one?" she rolled her eyes, fed up.
"There's good news to this bad news though. Listen. This report is about Fenrir Greyback again and he simply wants you to gather as much information on him as possible. I don't know why exactly, but he feels it's very important, and judging by your last report that got you in trouble, it was a very in-depth report about werewolves."
"But Remus helped me with the plain werewolf one. This one's about Fenrir Greyback."
"Let me speak Tonks. This one's not due until a while. The good news is, Scrimgeour felt that it's so important, he asked me to take all your other reports off your hands," he then smiled.
Tonks sighed. "Thank God. Here, take everything with you," she hurried and crammed her mountain of paperwork into Kingsley's big arms as she happily exchanged for the small folder he had. "Thank you," she smiled a bit more cheerily now. "Well I guess I'll go down to the Werewolf Registry and see if they can help me," she sighed and pushed herself up.
"Don't overwork yourself Tonks," Kingsley smiled, struggling with papers in his hands.
She rolled her eyes. "Not a chance." Of course she wouldn't overwork herself. All she wanted right then was to be back at Grimmauld Place with her Remus and nothing else.
Tonks was relieved when she had only tripped once until she got into the lift. Quickly, she skimmed through the papers and wondered why Scrimgeour had deemed it so important. Her eyes widened with realization when she saw that the Ministry was planning the capture of Fenrir Greyback. Surely they're not planning on sending her out to capture a werewolf? Well after what she'd said to Umbridge, she wouldn't be surprised if the toad decided it as a form of revenge. But Remus had been the only werewolf she knew and he's warped her thoughts about all others. What would meeting another werewolf be like? Surely this Fenrir Greyback could mean something to somebody out there like Remus meant to her. Could she really capture him then?
"Watch it," she heard the sly, cold voice of Lucius Malfoy. Tonks was too caught up over the papers in her hand that she hadn't even realized she'd bumped into him on the lift. "Nymphadora," Malfoy sneered at her, making a look of disgust on his face. Then he suddenly smiled a sadistically satisfied smile. "I have no time for the likes of you, filthy blood traitor."
"And I have no time for the likes of you, dim witted toe rag," she snapped before stumbling gracelessly out of the lift just as the wrought golden grills slid open. Tonks stopped when she suddenly felt Malfoy's cane on her shoulder. She remembered when he'd done the same thing to Remus and suddenly she wanted to hex him into next week, literally. She turned around and shot him a hateful glare full of malice. He was still smiling a sick, foreboding smile that made her wonder what the reason behind that sinister grin was.
"Dear aunt Bella's got a curse with your name on it," he smiled. "She said she was planning on giving it to you tonight when she comes home for dinner. I'd tell Kreacher to make some room at the table if I were you," he finished, snickering.
The lifts left again and Tonks found herself staring blankly at the emptiness. She hated it whenever people mentioned Bellatrix's name, mentioned it so fondly as dear aunt Bella. It reminded her that Bellatrix had been her family, her mother's maternal sister, the very sister who'd hexed her mother with the Cruciatus Curse. Tonks scowled, but then something else dawned inside her. Lucius Malfoy had said something about Bellatrix coming home for dinner. And then he brought up Kreacher's name. Surely the Malfoys didn't know about Kreacher, could they? Besides, Kreacher never leaves Grimmauld Place. How could the Malfoys, or Bellatrix Lestrange, remember that ratty little house elf?
"Shit. Kreacher had supposedly been missing ever since Christmas," she mumbled to herself, remembering that one time when Sirius was looking for Kreacher during New Year. They'd all brushed it off, thinking the little thing had been hiding in some closet. Had they been wrong? But…Tonks' eyes widened as she suddenly shoved herself back into the next available lift, not caring about what else was happening. She needed to get back to Grimmauld Place.
Molly and Arthur had left for the night, knowing well that it was the full moon, and so retreated back to the Burrow. Remus had just finished taking his Wolfsbane, the last dose for the week before transformation. He was just waiting now, waiting for the sun to set and the moon to rise, waiting for the transformation to rip him open. Sirius was pacing around the house, edgy like always, having a bit of cabin-fever, and also looking for a particularly nasty house elf.
"Moony I'm worried," Sirius huffed as he quickly passed the tired, lanky man lying on the sofa. Sirius was looking everywhere.
"When have you ever worried for that, wretched, nasty little thing?" Remus sighed.
"Hmm, usually you don't insult Kreacher so openly," Sirius noted.
Remus didn't reply. He never had a good impression of Kreacher as the little rat decided to refer to him as the filthy werewolf in residence, but it was true that he had never openly insulted Kreacher either. Maybe it was because of what had happened on Christmas, when Kreacher caught him and Tonks in the closet. He didn't know, but for once Remus didn't feel guilty about his disliking of someone.
"Merlin, where could he be?" Sirius huffed again. He then sat down, making a serious thinking face as he tried to processes all the possible places in his head. The living room was quiet again, and Remus decided that it was closing in on the time. He stood up, and slowly was making his way towards the stairs, Sirius following close behind him, the man still pondering.
Suddenly, like the strike of thunder, the front door to Grimmauld Place suddenly swung open. In the doorway was a violently violet haired Auror, pale skinned and a heart-shaped face. Remus had thought she wasn't joining him that night, but seeing her in the doorway made him smile. His smile faded quickly however, as he saw the look of worry that clouded her.
"Remus! Sirius!" she breathed.
"Dora? What's wrong? I thought you wouldn't make it tonight because of work," Remus asked softly, raising a slightly confused eyebrow.
"Where's Kreacher?" Tonks asked breathlessly, her face paler than normal.
Remus cocked his head to the side, ridiculously confused now. "We don't know."
Tonks stormed in, slamming the door shut behind her as she ran from room to room in the cramped hallway, looking like Sirius had earlier, her eyes darting around as she searched for the little house elf in residence. Remus was confused watching her, while Sirius seemed to be paying no attention as his eyebrows furrowed together in thought.
"Nymphadora, what's wrong?" Remus asked. He was tired and the time was drawing so close to the rise of the moon that he wished he could just apparate upstairs. He could feel the moon's pull on him begin that very moment and slowly proceeded to ascend the stairs.
"Lucius Malfoy…Bellatrix…dinner…Kreacher…home…" Tonks gasped, trying to catch her breath as she slammed doors open and close to look for him.
"Bloody hell," Sirius finally spoke, catching the attention of them both. Tonks paused, catching her breath while Remus looked at them both with a bemused gaze, wondering just what they were talking about.
"Padfoot, what's wrong?" Remus asked.
"Remember when I was drunk on Christmas?" he asked and they nodded. "I was screaming at Kreacher about something I can't remember, and I got really frustrated that I told him to get out of here," Sirius began.
"Oh no," Tonks gasped, her eyes widened.
"I think he may have taken me literally."
"That's why!" Tonks jumped. "Lucius Malfoy told me to tell Kreacher to make some room at the dinner table for Bellatrix Lestrange tonight as she came home for dinner!"
Sirius huffed. "Now what in God's name does that…?"
Before he even had the chance to finish his question, the front door to Grimmauld Place was suddenly blasted apart, pieces of wood and debris scattered everywhere in the hall. The three dropped close to the ground as parts of the door flew past them, a few pieces of wood landing on them. Tonks was the first to push herself up, Sirius second and Remus third as he dragged his aching limbs up.
"Bellatrix," Sirius hissed with his wand ready in his hands as he pointed it at her.
Tonks clenched her teeth as her glares turned from Bellatrix back to Remus. Her eyes widened seeing Remus' weakened state. The full moon was that night, the January full moon, the first of the year, and the sun was down.
Bellatrix's unforgettable cackle filled the house as she shot a silent curse at him. Sirius blocked it while Tonks placed her hand on Sirius' shoulder, turning his attention briefly to Remus. They backed up, Tonks pulling Remus into the kitchen.
"Moony get in there!" Sirius yelled as he blocked another curse aimed for Tonks.
Remus was debating inside his head whether to stay and fight or hide and transform first. Bellatrix was toying with them, he knew that. Luckily she came alone, but he didn't want to leave Sirius and Tonks alone fighting her. Anything could happen, and he couldn't stand the thought of either of them getting hurt. In the distance Remus saw the sight of the full moon and fear consumed him. The fear was worst than all other he felt, because he was standing so close to Tonks and could easily hurt her. His pride was no longer the worry. He didn't care if she saw him transform, he just didn't want her to be hurt, even if he was on Wolfsbane.
Bellatrix was laughing hysterically, amused as she watched them. The screaming portrait of Walburga Black seemed to add to her amusement as well. "What's that? Oh it's the full moon isn't it?" she teased, grinning sadistically, the same grin Tonks hated and a small part of her feared. "Come on werewolf, transform, I want to see what you can do. And Sirius!" she cackled. "How good to see you again!" she spitted out the words, firing a series of hexes and curses at them like a mad woman.
Tonks was the main one deflecting the curses, putting up shields one after another as Sirius pushed Remus back into the kitchen. She wondered how Bellatrix had gotten through every single one of Mad-Eye's protective barrier, but the thought didn't last long when a well aimed Cruciatus hit in square in the face. "Tonks!" Sirius yelled, pulling her up.
Bellatrix was still laughing. Obviously she'd come to play with them and she was getting her way. "Oh tell Andromeda that dear aunt Bella says 'hi' won't you?" she grinned.
And in the middle of all the curses and wicked laughter, a low, painful growl ripped through their ears. Bellatrix continued to fire curses, Sirius deflecting them as he had pushed Tonks back into the kitchen. She was still recovering from the quick but brutally painful curse when she saw Remus bent over, his mouth hanging open as the light began to leave his eyes.
Tonks froze. She had never seen him transform before, he never let her. She knew he was on Wolfsbane, but it was terrible to watch. Her eyes filled with tears, threatening to fall as she watched Remus growl and groan in pain. He shook violently. Gentle Remus seemed to be turning into a whole other person. His clothes were tearing as his body morphed and changed painfully. Bones cracked to fit the human to the beast. Eyes enlarged, shifted to look like that of a wolf, changing from deep gazing blue to black amber. His back elongated painfully, his legs lengthened, his hands turned to claws, and his kind face twisted in pain slowly morphed into the shape of a snout and into the face of a wolf. This wolf form that had never bothered her before suddenly felt like it was tearing up Remus, the man. She saw him in pain and realized so many things. When finished, the wolf growled and panted, pain being the only word to describe it.
Her heart broke at the sight of him, screaming at the excruciating pain he'd had to endure each month. Tonks found herself in tears, helpless as she watched him fall apart, be taken over by the animal inside him.
"Remus!" Tonks cried, pushing herself up as she fell back into the fight.
"Tonks get Remus back!" Sirius yelled, pushing them back as he dueled Bellatrix.
Her Auror instincts took over and she aided Sirius, putting up shields for him while he fired offensive spells. Her teeth clenched and she wanted to kill Bellatrix for toying with them. Remus stood behind her, now fully morphed into a wolf and his eyes look like it was overflowing with pain. She only glanced at him once, and every time she even thought of him, Tonks couldn't forget how painful it was watching him transform. It was heartbreaking.
"Did I come at a bad time?" Bellatrix cackled as she shot a green lit curse at them that barely missed Remus. Tonks' blood froze and she soon shifted to firing offensive spells as well.
Suddenly, from behind them, the werewolf leapt over Tonks and Sirius' body as he attempted to attack Bellatrix. With sharp teeth and claws all out, the werewolf growled and slashed at the evil witch. Bellatrix seemed to have expected it as she half apparated back to where she had been at the door, luring him on. Remus was fast and he ran after her, roaring and ripping. The four ended up outside of Grimmauld Place. The werewolf jumped up again and barely missed her on his next slash. This new aggressive wolf, wasn't like Remus at all. Her blood ran cold when she saw the threat to kill in his eyes as he glared back at Bellatrix, his teeth bearing and claws swinging at her. He hit her once, on her arm.
"Werewolf scum!" Bellatrix spitted. "You could've killed me!" she snapped, blood dripping, losing her playful edge and sent an unexpected killing curse straight for Remus.
Without thinking, Tonks knew only one thing to do. She jumped and tackled the werewolf Remus to the ground, effectively saving him from the killing curse, but also successfully burying her face into the snow. The werewolf turned gentle again and rolled her over with the side of its head, wary of the claws and sharp teeth. Tonks felt a pang in her side and thought she had probably just scraped her hip against the ground as it began to bleed.
"Go to hell!" Sirius screamed as he fired spell after spell at the woman in black.
Lying on the ground, something came to Tonks' mind. If Bellatrix could get in, surely they could get out. She didn't know if she was fit enough to apparate, and especially three-way apparition, but she had to try. Within the blink of an eye, Tonks pushed herself back to her feet and grabbed Remus' shoulder. He noticed and the wolf halted a growl as it turned to her.
"Sirius!" she screamed as the furious man ran over to her.
"What's the matter? Tired already?" Bellatrix grinned.
Tonks couldn't tell Sirius where they would apparate to, fearing that Bellatrix would hear and follow. So she grabbed him by the back of his shirt, yanked him closer as he fell back into Remus' brown fur. With a tight grip on them both, Tonks closed her eyes tightly and apparated to the first safe place that came to mind, hoping to the heavens above that they would go there unharmed and that she wouldn't splinch.
A long, painful howl erupted beside her as she landed on her side in the wet grass near the Burrow. The protective charms around the house prevented her from apparating straight into it, but she couldn't even if she could because of werewolf Remus being with them. Sirius was on his feet, helping Tonks to hers as they made their way over to Remus who was lying on the ground, growling and his claws dug into the ground as his eyes were tightly shut.
"I splinched him!" Tonks gasped, rushing to his side but was suddenly pulled back.
"Wait until his claws stop swinging first!" Sirius yelled.
"Remus," she breathed, wanting to cry and the tears were so close.
The werewolf's eyes opened finally, his claws stopped clawing as he still groaned within the pain. Tonks saw the gash at his side, bleeding, deep, and painful. She blinked hard, blinking back the tears as she made her way to his side, immediately trying healing charms one after another but to no avail. They couldn't heal an injury on a transformed werewolf, she should've known. Tonks gave up and flustered in panic, wrapping her robes over a werewolf Remus lying in pain and weak on the ground.
"Do something!" Tonks screamed, unsure if it was towards herself or Sirius.
"I'm calling Dumbledore over. We need an Order meeting and have to quickly inform everyone to stay away from Grimmauld Place," Sirius informed her, sending a patronus.
Tonks would've told him not to and let her send it in fear of someone getting a clue that Sirius Black was near, but her mind just wasn't thinking straight. Remus was still on the ground, emitting low groans from the back of his throat. She held onto him, his paws placed over his muzzle as his eyes watched her worriedly. They all heard footsteps approaching them in the damp grass and turned, Tonks and Sirius raising their wands.
"Who's there?" Arthur Weasley yelled, his wand raised high as well. "Sirius! Tonks, what are you two doing here?" he asked, lowering his wand. When he saw the werewolf lying on the ground and the wand snapped up again. "That's Remus?"
Sirius nodded. "Arthur call Mad-Eye and the others," Sirius spoke, his voice wavering as he watched Remus, his best friend, from the corner of his eyes. "Bellatrix came to Grimmauld Place earlier and so tell everyone to meet here. It's an emergency."
Arthur nodded. "Tonks, is Remus alright?"
She didn't answer that question. Instead Tonks got up and helped the werewolf to his feet. "I'll take him somewhere safe. You go on and inform the others Sirius."
"Tonks, Remus can stay in the Burrow you know," Arthur told her with a serious gaze.
After a short silence, Tonks nodded. "Thank you Arthur."
They walked, Remus looking like nothing more than a tired, large pet dog that they kept as Tonks helped him walk towards the house. The wooden building was a small homely house with several crooked stories attached to it, held up by magic no doubt, due to its crazy construction. The house was quietly nestled amongst rolling hills and fertile meadows, very well hidden. With one glance, it immediately came off as cluttered, but also very welcoming.
Molly Weasley was filled with fear and surprise as she ran out towards them. Tonks was glad to see that Molly and Arthur seemed unfazed by Remus' current form. The matriarch even beckoned Remus inside while Arthur went and searched for some dittany solution to help him with his wound. As they walked, Tonks felt the pang in her side again. She looked down and realized that the blood was seeping through her violet Weird Sisters tee. She then noticed that Remus hadn't been the only one she'd splinched during the apparition. She'd splinched Sirius as well when she saw him wiping his hands on a cloth, a small cut down the palm of his hand. Tonks' wound was unnaturally deeper than what she'd thought of it and it didn't look like an injury from scraping on the ground. No, at one angle it looked like a slash wound. The pain didn't occur to her until Molly had pointed out that she was bleeding.
In the next few minutes following, Mad-Eye had arrived at the Burrow, along with Minerva McGonagall, Snape, Dumbledore, and Kingsley, along with a few other Order members that Tonks wasn't too close to. Molly had quickly patched her up with bandages but somehow, the healing charms Molly applied just didn't work on her wound. While Sirius was in the kitchen explaining what had happened, Remus was with her, lying in the living room while the Order met in the kitchen. Mad-Eye came in to check, much to Remus' displeasure.
"What happened?" Moody asked in a low, hoarse voice.
"I don't know. I got hinted by Lucius Malfoy at the Ministry when he all of a sudden mentioned Kreacher. So I apparated back to Grimmauld Place and suddenly Bellatrix attacked us. I thought Grimmauld Place was unplottable!" she snapped.
"It is!" Moody replied in a louder voice, but he suddenly quieted down after a thought came to him, something he had overlooked. "But not to members of the House of Black."
"How did she get past all your protective wards and defense spells then?"
"I'm going to investigate that. I've set it so it would only allow Order members in, people who have been in the house before. She couldn't have been able to get in without someone from the inside guiding her though!"
Tonks knew better than to question her mentor's abilities, knowing he was infamous for his paranoia. "Kreacher," she breathed, eyebrows knitted together and grimacing as the waves of pain from her side hit her. She watched, still shaken at the werewolf Remus who laid on the ground, still occasionally releasing a low growl from the pain.
"It would appear that Bellatrix had done so, without the knowledge of the dark lord," Severus Snape's chilling voice came to her ears as she heard him from the kitchen. "She must've spoken about her plans with Lucius Malfoy however for him to hint it to Nymphadora back at the Ministry. Bellatrix probably only wanted to toy with them."
Tonks cringed at the mentioning of her first name but kept silent.
"How did Bellatrix Lestrange get into Grimmauld Place though?" Minerva's worried voice asked. "Alastor's protective charms are not easy to get around."
"Kreacher," Mad-Eye answered her, walking back into the kitchen.
"That bloody little rat!" Sirius spitted, tensed as he walked out of the kitchen and sat down beside Tonks on the couch in the Weasley's living room. He looked at Remus, his best friend closely, with a hint of sadness in his dark eyes. "You alright mate?"
Remus growled, keeping his voice low and Sirius chuckled humorlessly, bitterly.
"Sorry I splinched you," Tonks apologized, still trying to listen in on the conversation in the kitchen. "And I splinched Remus," she spoke in a low, sad voice.
Sirius placed a hand on her shoulder. She'd never known him to be comforting, but at the moment he was the most comforting person close to her. "It wasn't your fault. We were in a fight with Bellatrix. It was lucky you thought of apparating us out of there in all that chaos."
"I can't believe the three of us couldn't beat her," Tonks grumbled, disappointed with herself. What kind of Auror was she, being unable to even stun her own deranged aunt.
"She knew what to expect from us while she took us all by surprise," Sirius comforted. "Besides, you shouldn't be blaming yourself for any of this," he spoke, looking into her eyes. "It was my fault. I told Kreacher to get out, and he took me literally. That rat no doubt crawled back to Narcissa and told her that we were at Grimmauld Place."
"But you were drunk though," Tonks replied. She was too tired and still in pain both physically and mentally. The Cruciatus Curse lingered around her, causing her body to tense a few times in fear. Her side was piercing with pain that she was desperately trying to block out. And she had just seen Remus painfully transform, a sight that constantly replayed itself inside her head every time she looked at him. She was tired and she wanted to just curl up and sleep.
Sirius laughed again, humorlessly still, and bitterly. "I probably should stop drinking then. Alcohol never does one good. If I hadn't yelled at that little thing and told him to get out, we wouldn't be in this much trouble now."
Tonks shook her head and sighed, unsure of what to say. "Don't blame yourself."
And again, she saw him laugh.
"Why are you laughing?" she asked him softly.
"Because Blacks don't cry," he smiled a wan smile, patting her. "We have to find a new place to stay now thanks to me. Dumbledore said Order meetings will now have to take place at the Burrow. Mad-Eye's putting up protection charms around this place while Kingsley is waiting to return to Grimmauld Place and clear out all evidence of the Order, if he's not too late. Snivellus left, cursing under his breath at us, that greasy haired git. As for us, I personally don't want to stay here because I feel like we already owe Molly and Arthur so much."
Tonks nodded, understanding how he felt.
"I guess war is falling over all of us soon," Sirius sighed. "It's just like the last time, beginning with a sudden attack that no one saw coming."
She nodded and knew what he meant. It was true, sadly, that war was drawing closer and closer. She remembered just less than two weeks ago they were laughing merrily around the kitchen table, having Christmas dinner. Then there she was at that night after a sudden visit from her deranged, psychotic aunt, a visit no one saw coming. It gave her the slap in the face she didn't need, that war was drawing closer to them.
"Next is the disappearances," Sirius spoke sadly, knowing from experience.
"The next time I see Bellatrix, I'm going to kill her," Tonks replied. She was still disappointed with herself for coming short against Bellatrix, but looking at Sirius, at Remus, and looking at herself, Tonks was determined to beat Bellatrix. "This is the last time she's ever going to win against me," she spoke through clenched teeth.
Morning came early, the long awaited sun rising over the horizon, lighting up the dark, dark night before it. They had decided to stay at the Burrow for another day, allowing the three shaken Order members to recover energy. It was the second morning after they left Grimmauld Place, and Tonks still had gotten no sleep. Her mind was full of thoughts, wondering what ways she could take to train herself to be able to beat and hopefully kill Bellatrix the next time they met. She hated her, hated her down to the core. Bellatrix played with them like puppets, and Tonks never felt hatred so strong. Bags appeared under her sleepless, tired eyes as she, Remus, and Sirius were departing from the homely Weasley Burrow.
"Where will you go?" Molly asked in a soft, motherly voice that once again made Tonks ache for her own. "You're much welcome to stay here."
"It's alright Molly, really," Sirius replied in a soft voice, uncharacteristic of him, but expected after the long nights he had, staying up awake like Tonks as well, for almost the same reasons as her. He was frustrated.
"Molly, Arthur, thank you so much." Remus gave them a wan smile. New scars crossed his face and his eyes were sullen. He looked sick and had a hard time standing without the help of another. Tonks' heart was slowly and silently breaking. The last moon hadn't been kind.
"Come over for dinner any time then. It's just Arthur and I here. Send me a letter when you get to your destination and remember to put up as many protection charms as you can," Molly reminded them in that motherly voice of hers.
"Thank you Molly," Tonks sighed and smiled, the smile not quite meeting her eyes. "We should…we should go," she nodded, unsure of what to say anymore. She was too preoccupied in her thoughts. She needed to become stronger, and she needed to get help Remus heal.
Kingsley had brought back Buckbeak that morning, after his return to Grimmauld Place, finding it ransacked and empty. The hippogriff was shaken and filled with angst as it followed closely behind Sirius. Tonks, Remus, and Sirius walked in an uncomfortable silence as they headed out of the no-apparition zone of the Burrow. Remus had been sleeping for most of the day, so they hadn't had the chance to talk much, about anything. When they finally got out of the zone, Sirius nodded to Remus and apparated silently, the only sound being a crack that came with the process of apparition. It was only Remus and Tonks left, Remus looking at her with tired but gentle eyes, seeming like he too had a lot on his mind.
"Nymphadora," he called her name with a hoarse voice but still managing his gentleness.
She didn't say anything. Tonks was too tired to even scold him for using her dreadful first name. She simply looked up at him with tired eyes and wanted to just hold him forever.
"Dora," he sighed gently. "I…I'm sorry."
"Remus what are you sorry about?" she asked him in a soft, tired voice.
"What you saw that night. Sirius had told me that seeing someone close to you transform like that…it's…it's unbearable. I'm sorry you had to…"
She hushed him, placing a finger on his lips that stopped his words. "Don't be sorry," she spoke in almost a whisper. "You're right, it was unbearable," she nodded. Sadness was present in her distant eyes. "But…" she paused to think for a moment, and decided to tell him exactly what was on her mind at that moment. "But it made me realize just how much you mean to me. When you transformed, you were in pain and it hurts, but it made me realize that you mean so much to me. Just seeing you in pain made me want to scream and yell…" she paused, unsure of how to explain what she was feeling. She leaned into his body, mindful of both their injuries. "Remus I love you. It doesn't matter. The only thing the matters is that I love you," she sighed.
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, also mindful of both their injuries. He had never intended for her to see him in such state, but what's done was done and there was no turning back time. He was just grateful that she's with him. He sighed, hating that he caused her to worry and hurt. "I love you too Nymphadora."
"You'll let me be with you on the next full moon?" she asked, having to make sure.
Remus nodded. "You've seen everything about me now," he spoke, pulling her away just slightly so he could see her eyes. "Dora, Sirius just apparated to my old home in the countryside of England. It was my parent's home. Instead of returning to your flat…" he swallowed, a slight knot forming in his stomach, a knot of nervousness that didn't do his worn and battered body any good. "I was wondering…for safety reasons…" he knew there were more reasons. Remus wanted to be with her. He loves her. "Would you move in with me?"
For the first time in what felt like so long, Tonks smiled and nodded. "Yes."
Remus too smiled and from his back pocket, pulled out his wand that Kingsley had retreated for him. "How about we go back to your flat first to get your things?" he asked.
She nodded. Tonks felt like something heavy had suddenly been taken off her shoulders as she and Remus apparated to her apartment. Focusing her mind, forcing it to only focus on the task at hand. Tonks was mindful of her wound, wondering why it wouldn't get better with healing charms, but she quickly drifted from that thought as she packed. She felt considerably lighter and less weighed down while stuffing her clothes and some belongings into a bag. Though she wasn't one hundred percent back to her usual, exuberant self, she at least felt a little better now, knowing that she was doing something so simple with the man she loved. She was packing her bags to go live with Remus. That thought was enough to at least make her smile.
Remus' home was a cabin home that sat beside a large riverbank, concealed in the middle of surrounding forests and miles of rolling hills and trees. The house wasn't too big, but it was big enough. The air was fresh and free. The snow covered the ground and parts of the cabin, reminding her of a storybook home she once pictured. The cabin had a large porch with an open yard and an empty garden, waiting to be used. It was a lonely, but beautiful place.
Inside, the place looked unlived, even after the dusting spell Sirius had casted. All the furniture arrangements and little knick knacks though had made if feel very homely and cozy. Tonks immediately spotted some picture frames that sat on the shelves, mantle, and end tables, and few that hung on the wall. They were pictures of Remus as a little boy, him and his family, him and his school friends. Sirius grinned when he saw them while Remus shied away.
"It needs to be cleaned over a few times, but it's livable at least," Remus smiled lightly, shoving his hands in his pockets while his arm was intertwined with Tonks'.
"It's lovely Remus," Tonks smiled wanly, longing to hop into a bed and sleep. The furniture was of a certain cabin theme, the sofa looking very inviting. The dining table still had traces of when Remus last lived there. A book laid open on the table collecting dust. The kitchen in the far corner of the house was probably heaven for Molly. The wooden stairs lead up to the cozy bedrooms with warm beds waiting. It had been an unexpected change in scenery, but she was getting used to the homely feeling of Remus' old home.
After another hour, Remus had unpacked all of her belongings and tucked them in with his own around the house, each piece fitting perfectly in with his home. Tonks had fallen asleep on his bed, tired and worn. They had had a rough few nights. As he finished, Remus moved to pull the blanket over her after she had kicked it off again, but his eyes stopped on the spot of her wound where Molly had bandaged it up. He raised a tired eyebrow in question.
Remus knew Molly was a sufficient healer, so he wondered why she wasn't able to close Tonks' wound. He had thought Tonks only scraped it on the ground when she tackled him down. At least that was what she'd told him and that was what they believed.
Gently, Remus lifted her bandage and placed the tip of his wand on her skin with the utmost care. He muttered a healing charm that he often used to close his own wounds after a transformation. Usually the ones inflicted on him by others would close easily. The only wounds that didn't close were ones he'd given himself with his claws or teeth. Remus' pulse raised when he muttered the spell for the third time and Tonks' wound still wouldn't close.
"Scourgify," he mumbled.
The blood around her wound cleaned up nicely, revealing a fine open wound that looked deep and painful. Remus' blood froze when he realized it looked like a wound inflicted from a slash. It looked like one of his wounds, one of his scars that scattered his body. His eyes widened. Had he accidentally inflicted that on her that night, when she tackled him to the ground? He took one glance up at the sleeping Dora, carefully but mindlessly changing her bandages. His thoughts drifted to a negative as he wallowed in worries.
When he arrived downstairs, Sirius was already seated at the small dining table, drinking a mug of coffee, very uncharacteristic of him. Normally Remus would've questioned his friend and joked about it, but that morning his mind was too set on other things. Guilt was eating him up inside as Remus thought about Tonks' wound. She'd gotten that unknowingly from him. Lost in his thoughts, he ran into the edge of the table, stunning him for a second.
"Hey mate, are you alright?" Sirius asked
Remus shook his head and proceeded to grab the kettle from the stove.
"Moony what's wrong?" Sirius asked again.
"I…I'm dangerous…" Remus sighed, shakily pouring himself a cup of tea.
"What?"
"I'm dangerous," he repeated again, grimacing.
"Moony you are not dangerous. What the bloody hell are you saying?"
"Dora's wound," he spoke, his eyes blank and distant. "It won't close because she didn't scrape her side on the street. She got the wound because when she tackled me, I had accidentally slashed her with my claws. I…I caused it."
"You cut her? With your claws? On a full moon?" Sirius asked, stumbling onto his feet.
Remus nodded. One second. One short moment and I had hurt her.
"She'll be fine right? It's just a scratch," he laughed nervously.
But Remus shrugged, his shoulders heavy and burdened with his lycanthropy. "She might develop some…wolfish characteristics," he managed to mutter.
Sirius straightened up. "Moon you are not dangerous. I repeat you are not dangerous! It's only a scratch," he tried to smile but it came out as a grimace.
Remus didn't buy it. He watched as Sirius backed up a few steps and then launched himself up the stairs, stumbling a bit when he missed a step but quickly disappearing into Remus' bedroom where Tonks laid, fast asleep from restless nights. Unsure and troubled, Remus fell back into the chair, his hands shaking. Sirius said it had only been a scratch, but Remus saw it as much more. He had hurt Tonks unknowingly, even on Wolfsbane. He'd seen her wince several times because of it, and it was all because of him. He'd hurt Nymphadora with his own claws, his own hands. It was only a scratch, Sirius had said. But it had been a scratch that caused her to wince, and he had given it to her while he was a werewolf. One second of carelessness and he hurt her. If it happened again, something worse could happen to his love.
"I'm…too dangerous," Remus breathed, his hands shaking as he stared at them.