Cliché #11: "Ninety nine CJ's sitting on a wall..."

Season: future

Pairing: Sam/Daniel, a slither of Cam/Vala, Jack/Teal'c friendship, team friendship

Rating: T

A/N: an homage to the fics where Sam and Daniel see the light relatively 'late' in the day, and have a tonne of kids to catch up for ten years or more of being blind, or hiding their feelings... what fun...

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Jack, dressed in civilian clothes, walked up a path to a house with Teal'c, the Jaffa sporting one of a growing collection of hats to cover up his golden tattoo. They stopped on reaching the front door, Teal'c's gaze elevating to a basket full of brightly coloured trailing flowers hanging from the porch. The old General remarked fondly to the long-haired Jaffa, "Nice to see that Carter's still keeping the place bright with all those flowers and other plant stuff. I bet she still talks to them."

Teal'c replied with a smirk as he fingered a flowery vine, "Judging by the steadily increasing birth rate of the Carter-Jackson household, I doubt that GeneralJackson finds the time to converse with the plants within her house."

Jack patted Teal'c on the back. The General then looked a little worried. "I'm struggling to remember the names of all those kids last time. More's not gonna help matters. Those two have gotta have shorter vacations... and to think I was worried about those two working through their leave..."

The old General stared at the door impatiently, surprised that it hadn't already opened. He was about to crack a comment along the lines of the doorstep being his deathbed when the door at last opened. Jack and Teal'c greeted a greying Daniel, the archaeologist holding one of a seemingly infinite number of tiny fair haired children to his hip. Daniel remarked as he let the men in,

"You know, you could have knocked... or at least used the bell."

Teal'c smiled as he held the child's hand, and Jack retorted as he peered around the house, flinching a little as a herd of fair-haired and brown-haired children stampeded past him, "Just keeping ya on your toes, Danny... where's Carter?"

Daniel nodded in the direction of the living room as several children gathered at his feet, all whining to be picked up. Jack stomped into the room as more children rushed towards him excitedly. As Teal'c was engulfed by even more squealing toddlers, Jack exclaimed affectionately in a comedic Italian accent, "Hey! Bambinos! Pizzeria! Mamma mia! Fettucini!"

The squealing died down as the older ones conferred amongst themselves in bewilderment. They then smirked mischievously, one of them saying, "Uncle Jack, we know you don't really know Italian. It's okay."

Seated nearby, Sam, who held two babies in her arms, gently scolded the child. "Catherine, it's not nice being rude to Uncle Jack." She looked up at Jack, smiling slightly as the children rushed to Teal'c. "She gets it from her Dad."

Jack remarked as he perched on an arm of her chair, "Yeah, I figured... definitely a ringer for Danny boy that one; just like the last... hundred." He glanced around to see Teal'c disappear into a swarm of children as the Jaffa began to work on colouring in a drawing. As Daniel approached, perching on the free arm of Sam's chair, Jack said as he lifted up a tiny child, "I've got a feeling I've missed a lot of birthdays here."

He leapt up on reflex as what appeared to be a considerably sized bundle flew out of Sam's lower half, landing into one of a row of cots lined up against the wall underneath the window. Through the window he could see somewhat older children running around. Sam replied as though nothing was amiss, Daniel casually taking a baby from her, "We had a party last week for Junior, Jack, Teal'c, Sam, Martouf, Jake and George."

As another bundle shot out from Sam, Daniel added as he glanced up at Jack, "We all went bowling with Mitchell, Vala, and Teal'c."

Jack, bewildered that no-one had appeared to find the flying bundles odd, said as he slowly sat back down again, "Uh, speaking of Mitchell... and Mitchell..."

As Daniel got up to apparently tend to the bundles in their ultimate destinations, Sam replied as the baby in her arms squirmed, "Oh, Cam and Vala have gone up to their cabin in the Rockies for the weekend. They're, uh, still trying..."

Jack stared in absolute bemusement as several more bundles shot out of Sam, no-one, including Sam, appearing to notice or at least bat an eyelid at the occurrences. Putting it down to something else that he had missed during his time away, Jack, feeling quite nervous as he began to doubt his sanity, said, "Good for them." He exhaled as he looked around as screaming children ran in and out of the room and the house. "So... do any of these geniuses have names, or am I gonna have to guess them? You could have pools at the SGC. Actually, I think there might be a fair few already by now..."

Daniel sat back down from tending to the latest bundle. He gazed at Sam, smiling slightly. She grinned up at him before handing the baby to him as she stood up. Jack rolled his eyes impatiently when Daniel kissed her, the old General remarking, looking a little spooked as he heard crying coming from the cots, "Hey! Cut that out! There are kids present... so many kids present. You know, usually at this point, Space Monkey, I'd congratulate you for not shooting blanks, but the time for that was about a thousand Jacksons back."

Daniel shot Jack a blank expression. He then said, "Jack, it's okay. It's just uncle-shock. You should've seen Sam's brother."

"Quite frankly, Danny, I'd pay to see that man's face right now." He frowned. "How the hell do you control all these rugrats... and what the hell's up with..."

Sam produced a whistle from underneath her blouse and blew it, making Jack jump. The General cursed himself for being so edgy as the toddler he was holding climbed out of his hold. Sam yelled, "A-ten-hut!"

Jack flinched in surprise once again as even more children poured into the room. He glanced at Teal'c to see the Jaffa standing up and looking ever so slightly amused as he joined the rest of the adults. Jack was about to make a comment when he was stunned into silence on seeing perfect rows of a seemingly infinite number of fair-haired and brown-haired children, arranged in height order. Daniel got up to tend to the latest bundle to fly out of Sam, and Jack got up to look out of sheer and overwhelming curiosity.

He stared outright on seeing that each of the previously empty cots were now taken up by a newborn baby. He blinked slowly to make sure that he wasn't dreaming. He even pinched himself. Daniel smiled proudly down at the babies. He then looked at Jack. "Congratulations, Jack... you're an uncle... again."

Jack blinked once more. "I see that, Danny. I just wanna know how... I saw things shoot out of Carter. You can't tell me that that was her giving birth. I know I've only seen it happen once before, but I'm pretty sure that there is a hell of a lot more work, and swear words, involved than that."

Daniel said with a shrug, "Well, I'll get Sam to explain it to you..."

"The problem here, Space Monkey, is that you're assuming things... chiefly that I'll actually know what Carter's talking about."

"You're not dumb, Jack."

"I'm not Carter either. You and I..." Jack looked up as Teal'c approached them to look at the babies. "...and Teal'c, all know that the only person who is gonna fully understand your wife is another Carter." Noticing Daniel try to hide a smile at the mention of another Sam, Jack snapped, "Stop that! You'll be colonising entire solar systems if you had another Carter... and she'd freakin' let you."

Teal'c, taking the entire situation much better than Jack obviously was, remarked with a teasing smile, "There is no shortage of suitable uninhabited planets for DanielJackson's rapidly expanding family, O'Neill."

Jack shot Teal'c an evil look but before he could say anything, Daniel tapped him on the shoulder. "Jack..." He gestured towards where Sam was standing in front of the perfectly lined up children. "... Sam's going to introduce you to your nieces and nephews. We've had a few more additions to the family since you last visited."

Jack remarked incredulously, "A few(!)"

The General watched as Sam bellowed to the waiting children, "Cadets, you will identify yourselves to General O'Neill."

Jack looked rather impressed at how Sam had managed to keep such a large group of children under control. Each child, from the smallest toddler to the children old enough to play outside by themselves, shouted out their name, and the old General yet again wondered how he was going to afford Christmas, let alone the seemingly infinite number of birthdays in his future. Maybe it wasn't too late to return to Edora.

– Fin