Death of a Thousand Cuts 13 - Memories

After the morning briefing, Zuko somehow managed to dodge a coordinated triple-pronged trap of Ty Lee's disapproving glare, Mai's Mother's enthusiastic attempt to start a conversation, and Azula's scarily cheerful tease that she had just hired a new member of the palace staff. He had to employ a little fancy Blue Spirit footwork and make use of a handy distraction in the form of an angry butterwasp that had made its way into the palace, but he escaped, and didn't even need to use one of the smoke bombs he had started carrying with him.

Once free, he made his way directly to Mai's chambers. She hadn't been at the briefing.

Zuko went to knock on the door and found himself hesitating for a moment. He had things he needed to talk to Mai about, things he was honor bound to settle, but it wasn't going to be fun. On the other hand, it was probably the most pleasant problem Zuko had to deal with, right now.

He raised his hand to knock-

-and the door burst open to release a fleshy blur that Zuko reached out and caught reflexively.

He found himself holding a naked two-year-old. "Tom-Tom?"

The child registered who was holding him, blanched as only a toddler can, and covered his face. "I good!"

Mai's voice rang out through the doorway with all the sharpness of her knives. "You are not good, you little- oh, Zuko. Hello." She came to a skidding stop that she almost managed to look graceful.

Zuko hefted the naked child in his hands. "Lose something?"

"I might have misplaced a naked little brother, yes." Mai almost smiled. "Mother has this peculiarity; she doesn't like to let servants handle her children. Since she had to make a presentation at the morning briefing, she tasked me with getting Tom-Tom dressed for the day." Her eyebrows drew together. "After all, it's not like I have any purpose around here."

Zuko held Tom-Tom out. "Do you want him back? He's missing... well, all his clothes."

"Yes, Zuko, I noticed." With a sigh, she accepted her little brother back. "Thanks for catching him before he set a streaking record for Earth Kingdom history. I don't even know how he got the door open."

"Listen, can we talk? Somewhere that no one can interrupt us?"

Mai quirked an eyebrow. "That sounds ominous. Let me get Tom-Tom in his pants, and then we can kidnap him."

They elected to leave the palace, but it turned out that Azula had already implemented one of Mother's lessons from New Ozai, so Mai and Zuko were forced to take along a fairly robust security team. The good news, though, was that they could hitch a ride on the steam-powered troop-carrier instead of taking the train down to the Lower Ring. Zuko had been the one to suggest the zoo as their destination, since it was as far away as one could get from the palace without actually leaving Ba Sing Se. "It should also keep Tom-Tom occupied," Mai had added, and so the matter was settled.

She and Zuko strolled down a path circling the rabaroo pen, while Tom-Tom waved at the stupid-looking animals within.

It was almost romantic, if one ignored the dozen of spear-carrying soldiers in formation around them, the Firebender scouts who were spread around the empty zoo, and the tank that had been parked in front of the zoo's entrance. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Zuko's face colored, where it wasn't scarred. "At the meeting the other day, your mother said... well, you were there. You heard her."

"And continue to hear in my post-traumatic stress-induced nightmares." Mai had the sudden urge to stab something. Not Mother, necessarily, but something shaped remarkably like her. Mai had taken such care to avoid things coming to this, and Mother had blown the whole thing like Azula blew all her attempts to talk to people without threatening them. This was not going to be a fun conversation, but she could get through it. Emotions were just fancy behavioral suggestions, anyway. "And?"

"Did you lie when you said you wanted me as a friend? Are you really trying to... uh, you know, seduce me?" Zuko was putting up a valiant effort at keeping his face stoic, but now his ears were as red as his Firebending.

Mai imagined Zuko standing in her bedroom, holding a rice hat and watching nervously while she strapped knife-holsters to her bare legs, and couldn't stop herself from barking a laugh. "If I am, it's the most incompetent seduction in the history of the Fire Nation." Zuko stared at her, and Mai let her mirth go with a sigh. "I didn't lie. I do want to be your friend. Even if we become more, I want to be your friend. But, yes, maybe I have something of a small attraction to your being."

Of all the things she expected Zuko to say, his, "Why?" was not anywhere close to the top.

"Why?" Mai considered it. "Do you remember when we were kids?"

His expression was inscrutable. "You're going to have to be more specific."

"I don't know. Any of the times we were together."

"I remember you never talked, and Azula was always making trouble."

"I talked." Mai thought about it a little more. "Well, maybe not around you."

"So you're saying you've always... been... in love with me?"

Mai snorted. "I don't know much about love, but I've only ever heard that it comes sometime after marriage. Don't get a swelled head, Zuko."

His gaze immediately sank to the ground. "Sorry."

"Forgiven. It's a confusing subject." Tom-Tom came clambering over and grabbed onto Mai's robes. She looked down at him, in a way that struck as a strange parallel to Zuko's posture. "Can I help you?"

Tom-Tom beamed up at her. "Go hoppy!"

"No thanks, I'm not wearing the right shoes for it."

Tom-Tom frowned, and pointed back at the rabaroo pen. "Hoppy!"

Zuko cleared his throat. "I think he means he saw the rabaroo hop around. I guess he liked it."

"Ah. Yes, Tom-Tom, rabaroos hop. Congratulations on such an important scientific discovery."

Satisfied that his message had gotten through, Tom-Tom smiled and nodded. Then he ran off back to the pen to watch some more. Zuko mumbled, "Were you like that as a baby?"

Mai snorted. "Mother says I learned to walk before I learned how to smile. Some things you're just born with, I guess."

Zuko didn't respond.

All of Mai's instincts said to join the silence, but another part of her, the part that let her pick out a target from across a battlefield and hit it with a piece of sharp metal no bigger than finer, told her that there was an opportunity here. Besides, she had committed to opposing awkward silence wherever it struck, and she couldn't just let that go. It would ruin her reputation. "Just because I couldn't smile doesn't mean I didn't want to. Being around you made me want to smile when I was kid. And you amuse me now. I really don't want to cause you any trouble with this."

"I understand." Zuko turned to look at her, and while he didn't look anything close to happy, there seemed to be a little relief in his eyes. "I was worried that you had lied to me, the other night. I don't want another Azula in my life." He gave a shudder, and Mai could sympathize. Azula was fun, but the world was better off with just one of her. "And if I can trust you... I have something to tell you."

There was a sensation in Mai's chest that she thought might be some kind of unhealthy arrhythmia, but she didn't drop dead, so she simply said, "Yes?"

"I... might not be going back to the Fire Nation."

That... was not what she was expected him to say. Irrationally, she wanted to stab him for breaking script, but Mai was too self-aware to give in to irrational behavior like that without at least some snarky commentary. "Okay."

"Ba Sing Se is important. Staying here to rule wouldn't be dishonorable." He looked away again, first at his feet, then over at where Tom-Tom was trying to climb into the rabaroo pen while a pair of guards grappled with him. "I wouldn't be accomplishing anything if I went back... home... and this way I don't have to put my father into an uncomfortable position. He said I couldn't come back until I captured the Avatar, and-"

"Close enough," Mai broke in.

Zuko continued as if he hadn't heard her, "-it would be a risk for him to go back on that at such a vulnerable time. He needs to appear strong after our victory. This might be the best way for everyone."

Mai found that she had to unclench her fists. "So that's that, then. Omashu was bad enough; I'm not staying here after Azula and Mother leave."

Zuko nodded slowly. "That's that, then."

Mai sighed. Was he really going to be this stupid? Running away because he didn't want to risk his daddy hurting him again? Then Mai looked at his face again, and realized that maybe he had a point. She couldn't be selfish about this; that would be too Azula-like, and the last thing Mai wanted was for Zuko to think of her as a sister, no matter what the Fire Lords of several centuries ago had considered suitable marriage material.

That's that, then.

The guards came back carrying a squirming Tom-Tom. "Milady, he was trying to climb into-"

"I saw. Give to me and shut up." Mai took her brother into her arms, but he only had eyes for Zuko.

Tom-Tom had tears in his eyes and screeched, "I good! No face!"

Zuko reached out and put a hand on Tom-Tom's bald head. It brought his hand close enough to her body that she could feel his heat, but they weren't quite touching. Zuko whispered, "I know you're good. You're a good son and a good brother. You don't have to worry about me burning you. I'll never do that. Never."

Tom-Tom quieted, and Zuko walked away.

Mai felt a burning in her chest, and put it down to the fire flakes she had eaten for breakfast against Mother's advice. It would be too stupid to think that it was some kind of emotional reaction, and Mai prided herself on not being stupid.

Most of the time.

TO BE CONTINUED