Chapter 11 : Professor Oak vs. Douchebag (Ash's Dad)
Yeah. I kinda took time updating because I forgot to post it. And somehow, it later got fluffy. But, at least I got it done. .
It was early the next morning in Pallet Town. Everyone was having a great time eating breakfast.
Except Giovanni, who was unweeding the meadow.
" This is what I get for asking my vengeful ex - wife to take me in, " he muttered.
Ash gave a broad grin. " At least you're now with us, in a normal neighborhood. "
" Ash, I keep telling you. Nothing is normal around where you live. "
" Yeah, and I like it that way, Dad. "
" You only like it because you saw me getting raped by those two idiots last night ! " Giovanni hissed.
Ash shrugged. " That's not my problem, though. "
grr...
Just then, an old man of fifty - four wearing a white labcoat came toward the two. He was Professor Oak, the lovable professor of Kanto. He smiled at Ash. " Hi, Ash ! "
" Yo, Professor ! " Ash called back.
Giovanni gave a moan. " You mean you're still friends with this guy and his family ? "
Professor Oak glared at Giovanni. " Hi. "
" Hi, Professor Oak, " Giovanni crisply replied, also glaring.
" What the hell are you doing here ? " Professor Oak demanded.
" Uh, staying here until I find a place. Believe me, this is humilating. "
" Yeah... why are you wearing a t - shirt with flowers on it ? "
Giovanni gave a groan. " Desperation. "
Professor Oak smiled. " Yeah. Ash is a good boy, isn't he ? "
" T.T You have got to be kidding me. He sold me out to a starfish and a sponge thing yesterday. You call that good ? "
" I call it good enough. At least I give Ash something for his birthday every year, unlike a certain someone , " Professor Oak muttered.
" What's that supposed to mean ?! "
" (coughs) (Lousy father.) "
" Let's not start this crap again, Professor ! I forgot the kid's birthday, all right ?! "
" Whatever. I have another thing that you don't - Delia's panties ! "
" That's it ! Forget about Stephen ! I'm kicking your ass first, Oaky ! "
" YAY ! Dad's defending his thing with Mom again ! "
" SHUT UP, ASH ! " Giovanni growled.
" NEVER ! " Ash shouted back.
Professor Oak grabbed his labcoat and threw it on the ground. " This is going to be so sweet. Now Ash, watch how I will kick your dad's ass ! "
" Like you're going to, " Giovanni hissed, tackling Professor Oak.
Ash suddenly had a flashback. About their constant rivalry .
(Easter ; 1992 - nine years ago.)
Ash and Gary stood on their knees as Stephen and Giovanni started to tackle each other. Ash groaned. " Not this again ! Dad, can't you be cool for once and not tackle Gary's dad ? "
Gary shook his head. " I don't think your dad or my dad is going to listen to either of us, Ash. "
Suddenly, Professor Oak joined in the fight. The two four year olds sweatdropped. Ash scratched his head. " Why do I have this feeling I need a therapist when I'm older ? " he asked himself.
Gary started banging his head on the wall. " Why do I feel that ten years ago, Grandpa and your dad are going to fighting over something ? "
" Because it's probably going to happen, " Ash moaned.
Ash sweatdropped. " And Gary's prophecy is fulfilled. " He walked over the bridge. " MOOOOM ! Things are getting PG - 13 up in here ! "
Delia managed to scramble out of the house with a broom. " Yeah, Ash ? What's happening ? "
" Uh, Dad and Professor Oak are having one of their rivalry fights again. That's what, " Ash said, pointing.
" Sweetie, don't point. I'll handle this, " Delia replied , walking over to the scene.
BROOM ! BROOM ! WHACK ! WHACK !
" I TOLD YOU TWO NOT TO HAVE YOUR DAMNED FIGHTS IN PALLET TOWN ! " Delia roared, hitting both men with her broomstick.
" Do either of you need an icepack ? " Delia asked.
Professor Oak and Giovanni continued to glare at each other on the couch , but with bruises and a fat lump on both of their heads, courtesy of Delia's broom hitting. Ash sweatdroppped. " It looks like a no, Mom. "
" Okay, then. "
Suddenly, breaking news flashed on the television. " TEAM ROCKET HEADQUARTERS WAS BURNED DOWN JUST NOW BY A SPONGE THINGIE ! "
Ash turned white and quickly ran up to his room. Professor Oak sweatdropped, yet did an anime pose out of happiness.
And Giovanni...
" I'M GOING TO KILL THAT SPONGE THING ! ALL MY WORK IS RUINED, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HIM ! " Giovanni shouted.
Professor Oak scratched his head. " It's going to turn into a vendetta, isn't it, Giovanni ? "
" Damn straight. "
Professor Oak rolled his eyes. " Okay, then. I'll fight you some other time then, Ketchum. You have bigger problems. "
The confused professor slowly left Ash's house. And something that should be illegal in every single country happened. The douchebag started to cry in one of the pillows.
Ash quietly peeked through his bedroom door and sweatdropped. " This proves it. My dad is insane. "
Delia threw a blanket over him, along with a Persian plushie . Ash sighed harder. " And sadly, my mom is not insane. She's just doing this because she's on her period. "
Delia sat in a chair and turned on the television. As I Love Lucy blared out from the screens, she looked at Giovanni, who was passed out under the blankets and hugging the plushie. She rolled her eyes. " You are the most pathetic douchebag I have ever met. Yet, it's funny. This sponge thingie - Spongebob - burns down your house and your job, " Delia said to him as he was snoring. " I think this isn't a coincidence. Or, maybe it is. The point is that I have a bad feeling that you're going to do something very bad. "
" Nudddddddddddddgeeeee. "
Delia kissed the douchebag on the head and sat next to him. " Yeah. I really don't care what you do anymore. That thing accomplished more than what I had ever hoped for. "
" 87. Cool Whip. Is it my turn to audition yet ? " Giovanni asked in his sleep.
Delia rolled her eyes as she picked up the blanket and went underneath the covers, snuggling next to him. " Nope. Just your ex - wife sitting next to you for the first time in nine years while you're babbling on in your sleep. It's normal. "
" Okay. I'm an Kantonian Idiot. And I have to get this job by noon. I have a vendetta by a weirdo sponge thingie. "
" Whatever. You just keep thinking that. Just make sure you don't snore, Red, " Delia said, going even more in the blankets and taking off her slippers, turning off the light.
End
Like I said. Fluffy. Though, it gets funnier next chapter.
(Next chapter preview : )
" Let's talk business, Mr. Uni - huh ? "
Giovanni looked confused as he got up the next day . " Whoa. I need to stop doing this. "
Suddenly, he spotted a head of auburn and turned white. Delia was still sleeping - right next to him. " Oh, f--- . I didn't. "
Soft snoring was heard. Giovanni spotted a pair of slippers thrown lazily. " Ohhh... no. I did not. "
" Dad ? Why is Mom sleeping right to you ? " Ash asked groggily.
" I SWEAR TO BOB IT WAS AN ACCIDENT ! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO HER ! " Giovanni quickly replied.
" YOU DID IT WITH MOM ?! HOW COULD YOU ?! " Ash hissed.
" I must have been asleep. I did not know ! "
Delia opened one eye and softly looked at Ash and Giovanni. " Hi, Douchebag. Hi , Ash. Lovely day , isn't it ? I haven't slept on that couch for ages. " She gave a yawn and got up from the couch. " I'm going to back to bed for a couple more hours. Oh, and Giovanni ? "
" Yeah ? " Giovanni replied.
" I don't think you won that Cool Whip audition. And it felt good sleeping next to you. "
Delia left and went upstairs. Giovanni sweatdropped. Ash sighed. " Yes ! "
" This means nothing. Your mother must have been too lazy to go upstairs and sleep in bed ! "
" No way, Dad ! She just made a flirting move on you ! "
" No she didn't, Red ! "
Ash gave a broad grin. " Then why do you have her scent on you ? "
Giovanni sniffed himself and paled. He glared at Ash. " I don't know. I have to plan out this vendetta now. "
He left, and Ash made an anime pose. " Yesss... "