Chapter 11
Kilgharrah had sat and listened patiently to Merlin's theories after the dragonlord had summoned him to Odin's territory. The last time they had spoken, Merlin had been asking - or rather begging - the dragon concerning Arthur's whereabouts shortly after his disappearance, but despite the dragon's ability to cover many leagues in not much more than the blink of an eye, it still remained the case that finding just one individual across the five kingdoms was like looking for a needle in a haystack – and Kilgharrah had told him so. He'd also told Merlin that it was therefore the efforts on the ground of the warlock and the knights of Camelot that was probably going to be the only way of them finding Arthur – if he was still alive, although the dragon nevertheless still seemed to sense that that was the case, and Merlin had agreed.
After laying out all that had happened over the previous day, and the ideas that he had shared with the knights as they had spoken around the fire the night before, Merlin finally concluded everything he had to say with the words, "So do you think I'm right about what's happened?"
The dragon lowered its head slightly to talk to him: "Indeed I do, young warlock."
Merlin drew in a breath, and exhaled slowly. "I'm just glad that Arthur's still alive."
"You must be thankful that the witch's plan has, in some measure, been thwarted because she failed to take account of what she cannot understand any more."
"Human love and kindness?"
The dragon nodded. "That strangers could take Arthur in and care for him as they have done was something that she could not and did not foresee."
Merlin was thoughtful for a moment before he continued, "I know you've said that my weakness is wanting to see the good in everyone. Maybe hers is the opposite – failing to see good in anyone."
The dragon cocked his head slightly. He had seen Merlin mature so much in the years since he had first summoned him, and it gave him great pleasure to see Merlin becoming the great man that he was both prophesied and destined to be. "You know, young warlock, I am beginning to think that you have grown in wisdom and understanding so much that you will not be needing my help for much longer."
Merlin replied with both urgency and feeling in his voice, "Well, I need it now!"
The dragon lowered its head once more as it spoke. "What you have described is, I am sure, the use of magic from the old religion. There is a spell that does indeed lock away memories, and it was used in the beginning as a blessing, so that great pain could be forgotten when time could not heal the anguish of the past. But then there were those who twisted its purpose, and began to use it to cover their own crimes or to cruelly steal from a person all memories of their past, robbing them of the lives they had led, and now the spell has long been the preserve only of those who only practice magic for dark means."
Merlin sighed. "Like Morgana."
"That the witch has used this magic to close all the doors in Arthur's memory is not in doubt."
"So how do I open them?"
"The reason that this particular spell was and is so potent, is that the magic not only closes those doors, but closes them for good, and no magic can open them again."
Merlin looked appalled. "What? Are you saying that Arthur will never regain his memories?"
"Patience, young warlock. I said no magic can restore them. I did not say it cannot be done."
Merlin never ceased to feel a certain frustration about Kilgharrah's seemingly constant habit for beating about the bush, and there was an edge of impatience in his voice when he spoke again. "So what can do it then? We've tried the whole kissing thing and that didn't work this time."
The dragon studied Merlin intently for a moment, before he spoke: "There is one thing and one thing alone that will open the doors to all his memories."
"And what's that?"
"Death!"
There was a look of horror on Merlin's face, and he was momentarily lost for words. "What?! Are you saying we have to kill Arthur?"
Over the years, Merlin had never quite got used to a sixty foot dragon sighing – it was a strange phenomenon – and when Kilgharrah answered him, there was a slightly weariness in his voice: "Merlin, even I do not think that that would be a suitable remedy to this problem. You must not kill the young Pendragon, but you will have to bring him to the point of death."
Merlin gave a little shake of his head. "Somehow I don't think that this Arthur is going to particularly like that idea."
"But he must not know."
Merlin was already beginning to grow extremely anxious about what the dragon was suggesting, and he asked warily, "What do you mean?"
"Arthur's mind must not only know that he is coming to the point of death – he must also believe that he IS going to die. For then, and only then, will his mind fully open and only then will he see the memories of his whole life passing before him."
Merlin feared the answer that he might get to his next question, and so it was with a growing apprehension that he voiced it: "So how are we going to do that?"
"There is a simple way…"
"Go on….."
"You must take Arthur down to the river…."
It only took a moment for Merlin to understand what Kilgharrah was suggesting – and it filled him once again with horror: "NO! I will not do that to Arthur!"
The dragon spoke softly in a tone that Merlin recognised all too well: "I said it was simple, I did not say that it would be easy."
Merlin had begun to breathe rapidly, and he shook his head, as he replied with some force, "No! No! I will not do it."
As he had done many times before, Kilgharrah ignored Merlin and continued speaking, "You must take Arthur down to the river, and it will need all of you. You will need to take him by surprise, for he is likely to resist you. You are still strangers to him, and he will believe that you intend to take his life when you force him down into the water. "
But Merlin wasn't ready to accept the plan he was being presented with, and once again he shook his head and flatly refused to do what he was being told to do: "No. I can't do that to Arthur, I can't."
But this time when the dragon spoke, there was a greater gentleness in his voice. Despite his insistence on the course of action, he also understood the terrible burden he was laying on Merlin's shoulders. "Young Warlock, believe me when I say that it is the only way for his memories to be restored."
Merlin continued to shake his head, but then paused, and looked down at the ground, and when he asked his next question, he spoke with a dull tone. "How long for?"
"Whilst his struggling continues, you cannot be sure that you have taken him far enough. You must wait until all his struggling stops and he becomes still – it is only then that you can know for certain that you have brought him close enough to death for his memories to be unlocked. You will then have a short time to revive him before his spirit leaves his body."
Merlin was silent for several moments, as he turned over in his mind all that the dragon had said. "But if I don't do what you're saying, Arthur will still become king…..?"
"Oh yes, but without all that life has taught him, without his experience and without the lessons he has learned with you, he will not be the great king that he is destined to be, and it is by no means clear how long he will survive the challenges that come. Merlin, Arthur's future and that of Albion lie in your hands. It is you who must decide what those futures will be."
And without a further word, the dragon rose to its feet, spread out its wings, and launched itself up into the air, leaving Merlin standing with his head hung low.
~~~~~ O ~~~~~
Merlin sat beside the river, looking out on its waters as they flowed gently by. On the opposite side of the river, the ground fell away sharply down to the river, giving a fairly steep bank, but on the side where Merlin was sitting, the water became gradually shallower, until it came up onto a gently sloping area covered in small stones. As Merlin sat on the grass a little way above the pebble shore, watching the water, the decision that he had to make weighed heavily upon him, and there was a troubled expression on the face of the young man. He was so deeply engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice Gwen, as she came up alongside him. She, more than any of the others, had noticed his absence.
"Merlin?"
Although he knew immediately who it was who had spoken, he didn't answer her or turn to look at her but continued looking out at the river.
"We were beginning to wonder where you were. Are you alright?" When Merlin still didn't answer, Gwen gathered up her skirts and sat down close beside him, and as she turned to look at him, she could immediately see the unease on his face. "You're thinking about Arthur, aren't you?"
Merlin nodded slowly, still not saying a word, as he struggled with the conflict that was going on inside him. But eventually he spoke, still not meeting Gwen's eyes: "What if you knew how to restore Arthur's memories, but that to do that, you had to do something terrible to him, something so terrible that it made your blood run cold just to think of it?"
There was something about the flat tone of Merlin's voice and his words that struck fear into Gwen's heart, and she began to look apprehensive and worried as she let Merlin continue.
"And what if you also knew that if you didn't do that…..that terrible thing - then Arthur would never be the great king that he would otherwise be? What would you do?"
They both sat in silence, looking out on the river, and when Gwen finally answered, there was determination as well as fear on her face and in her voice. "I think I would ask myself what Arthur – the Arthur we know - would want us to do."
Once again, a silence hung over them both for what felt like an eternity, and then Merlin nodded his head to himself as he drew in another deep breath, before letting it out slowly.
Gwen continued, "And I think we know the answer to that, don't we?"
Merlin nodded once again, and with a look of deep concern and apprehension etched on her face, Gwen finally asked the question the answer to which she feared; "What do we have to do?"