Authors Note- And the hole she's digging gets bigger…

Disclaimer- I own only the characters you do not recognise.

Mom

For the rest of that week Nell stayed alone in her apartment. When Friday rolled around the team decided after they had finished a tough case to hit the bar. It wasn't often that every member of the team could make it but fortunately everyone had. Callen asked Nell to go home with him saying that he missed her and eventually she said she would and she followed him home in her own car. Although it was after two in the morning the two sat on Callen's bed playing chess and talking about nothing until Nell finally drifted off to sleep.

It was around eight when Nell's phone vibrated through her pillow and pulled her from her much needed sleep. She pulled the phone from beneath her head and held it up to read the message.

I'm ready. Where?

She sat up immediately. She thought Sarah wouldn't come, she hadn't had her hopes up. She thought that Sarah would want to protect Rebecca as much as she could. Meeting a stranger was not the best way to do that.

Callen being an extremely light sleeper woke up and stared at her. "What's wrong?"

Nell shrugged. "I need to meet up with someone for a project I'm working, I completely forgot."

"Nell Jones doesn't forget."

"See, that's a myth."

"Oh my god, you really are turning into Hetty!"

Nell laughed at the comment. Callen smiled. Nell hadn't been working on her mysterious projects as much as she used to and he liked that she was getting back into her routine.

"Can't you wait a couple more minutes?" He said, pulling her down on the bed and kissing her softly.

Nell giggled then mumbled against his lips, "I'm already late."

She wanted to get up again but instead kissed him passionately. Finally she got up and walked over to the cupboard that Callen kept just for her and pulled out a floral shirt and jeans. Callen raised an eyebrow at her choice of clothing. Nell never wore pants. She was a skirt kind of girl. She only wore them when she was working in the field or all her skirts were dirty. He watched her pick up her phone again and type a reply to the message she had received.

"You know, you never did go on that date with me. So what do you think? May I?"

Nell blushed slightly, "You may, Special Agent Callen."

Callen smiled widely. "I'll fetch you at seven.

Nell climbed back onto the bed and kissed Callen again. "I'm going to shower. You go sleep. I'll see you tonight."

###

Nell took in long deep breaths before exiting her car and finding an empty bench in the park. She scanned the crowds of people for Sarah. She knew it was now or never. She had an opportunity to meet her biological mother.

Finally she spotted Sarah. The picture she had seen of her did no justice to her beauty. She was wearing grey jeans and a light blue sweater, her hair was quite long and would be the same colour as Nell's if she had put red highlights in it. Nell stood up and walked towards her. Reaching her she forced a smile. "Are you alone?"

Sarah nodded and they both walked back to the bench where Nell had previously sat. Nell stared at Sarah, knowing that she was her real mother. She tried to push back the mixed emotions she was feeling. She couldn't let her know. It was too dangerous and Nell wasn't sure for her case or for her heart. Her mother. Monica was her mother. But Sarah was too and she didn't know what to think of it. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to pretend Monica was her real mother for the rest of her life or if she was to let Sarah be.

"Why am I here?" Sarah finally asked.

Nell noticed Sarah's eyes. They were the same Hazel colour as hers but there was something to them that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It was like they were full of power but it wasn't a lively power. It was a dying one. It was like her last energy was being shown only through her eyes. Nell recalled what she'd found out about Sarah and began to understand what her eyes said.

She shrugged, "I need to find a murderer."

Sarah suddenly stiffened her neck and looked straight at Nell. "Who was murdered?"

"Michael Jones."

Nell watched as Sarah gasped. It looked as if more of her power had been drained from her with the few words. Suddenly her expression changed and only anger remained. "He said that he had just tortured him."

"Who said?"

Sarah sighed. "I'm guessing you already know who if I am here. Donovan. Donovan Davidson. He recorded it to show me, to teach me a lesson. He said that he lived."

"A bullet through the skull is as alive as he gets," Nell said trying to be strong, her voice sounding cold. "What did Donovan want from him?"

Sarah looked away for the first time since the conversation began. "Her. Emily. My Emily, she's my daughter. I can't believe I was so foolish to have actually believed he didn't kill Michael…"

Nell covered her mouth in disbelief. It was now said aloud by another. Confirmed. They had tortured her father for her. They wanted to find her. Nell was the reason her father had died a long and painful death. It was all her fault.

Sarah observed Nell again, her reaction and her looks. It made sense. "You're her aren't you?" She whispered. "You're my daughter, Emily. Aren't you?"

Nell looked down and nodded. She tried to stop herself but the tears that fell from her eyes were untamed. She made eye contact with Sarah again, "You're my mother."

"Oh my god…" Sarah said slowly. She looked at Nell with such sad eyes. She'd never gone a day without thinking about her daughter now she was there, her daughter was sitting right beside her on a bench in the park.

"I love you," Sarah said finally.

Nell leaned back and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You couldn't possibly. You don't know me."

"Let me tell you something that I learned a long time ago. There are people in your life all around you all the time some you may know a lot about some you may know nothing about. Some may be related to you and some may be strangers. What it comes down to in the end has nothing to do with any of that. What really matters is what you feel, who you care about, who you love. Family is not by blood but by heart. You need to find your family. And once you do, you don't ever give up on them, you don't ever stop thinking about them, and most importantly you never stop loving them. Family is Family and family is all you need."

Nell smiled after taking in Sarah's words. "Thank you for giving me my first lecture, mom. I love you."

Sarah laughed through the tears that were forming in her eyes. "I want you know that you are all I ever think about. I've had too many dreams about you too. I started writing in a journal a few years after I let you go, it was just a series of letters that I have written to you. I always had hope that one day I would meet you and now here we are. I wish I had brought it with me."

"Really?" Nell asked. "It never crossed my mind that you would care this much about me."

"I could never forget you, you're my baby girl."

Nell felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside of her. It was natural. She couldn't shake it. She was feeling acceptance from her real mother. She couldn't deny that it was a great feeling.

"Tell me about you and your life?" Sarah asked.

"Well, uhm. My dad changed my name to Nell. I'm Nell Jones. Nell means shining light. My dad always told me he called me that because I was the shining light in his life, I only recently learnt what he truly meant by that. I grew up in Ferndale, a town here in California. I have two sisters and two brothers who are all younger than me. I found out when I was twelve that I have an abnormally high IQ. I went to college in New York then moved here to LA and took up a job as an intelligence analyst for NCIS, a federal agency. I live alone in my apartment and uhm… I love anything floral."

Sarah smiled at Nell's short summary of herself. It was the brilliant life she always dreamed her Emily would live.

"Three actually. You have three sisters. One biological. Her name is Rebecca. She's fourteen. She'd love you. Her IQ is nearing 160. You should see her in action. Damn, I wish you two could meet."

"Does she know about me?"

"No, like I said, she's smart. If I tell her she will definitely try to contact you and that's too risky."

Nell laughed sarcastically. "You know that a week ago I thought my life was different. I thought my mom was my mom and my dad was my dad and they both had normal lives. Now I'm here in a park meeting my real mother, hiding from some evil guy she lives with and hoping he won't find out."

"Do you wish it was different?"

Nell thought about it for a few seconds then shook her head. "I got to meet you today and I found out I have a sister. Those are two special people I don't want to wish away but… I don't know. My life just isn't what I thought it was and that's hard for me to deal with."

"How many people know?" Sarah asked.

"That I'm sort of adopted, two. That you are my mother, none."

"Will you? Will you tell anyone about me?"

Nell shrugged. "I probably will if it comes to that but don't worry, only people that I trust."

Sarah nodded understandingly and looked ahead.

"Why did you give me away?" Nell asked. She knew what her dad had told her in the letter but she still wanted to hear it from Sarah, the one who had made the choice.

Sarah refused to look at her daughter she just stared ahead and spoke. "Angelo, your father died in the bomb, I was certain about that. I knew that Donovan wasn't there. He had always wanted to take control of the business and me, but being the youngest of the brothers he had little power over anything to do with the business. The brothers eventually cut him out of the whole thing once he had killed two of their girls. I knew that if they were all dead then Donovan would come back and pick up everything that hadn't been found by the cops. Donovan had always had this crush on me from the moment Angelo brought me home, it became stalkerish and eventually he started sexually assaulting me. I felt safe with Angelo, he wouldn't let Donovan near me but I knew then that there was nothing I could do. Donovan was going to make me his and if I refused he would sell me as a sex slave. Donovan is pure Evil. He only cares about drugs, money and woman. He is the greediest person I have ever come across. I was his and if I wasn't going to die. I wasn't going to let you live like that. You deserve more. You deserved the world. And I wasn't strong enough to protect you. I didn't want to give you that life."

Nell couldn't help but feel disgusted at Sarah's words. "So he just kept you as an accessory? He raped you?"

"Rape is only when you fight it, I gave up fighting years ago."

Nell's voice picked up a hint of anger, "No! Rape is only when it is unwanted and from what I can tell you never wanted it. You never wanted him."

Sarah shrugged, not wanting to think about her situation, her problems. He had two daughters that needed her. After a few short moments Sarah spoke again. "You know that I loved your father. Angelo. I met him after my parents had died. I was miserable until I met him. We met when I was being chased by a bunch of lowlife cops. I just remember running as fast as I could and then all of a sudden I wasn't anymore, I was in a dark space being held by a warm body. I thought I had just ran from a nightmare into another worse one. I thought he was some creep about to rape me. But he just told me to be quiet until the cops had left, he didn't sound threatening so I took a leap of faith and trusted him. He didn't hurt me. After we were certain the cops were gone we climbed out of the hole he'd pulled me into and we introduced ourselves. He said I had guts and he liked that, from that moment on we were the best of friends. We were almost equal. I fell completely in love with him. He was the only person who understood me completely. When I found out about the business they were running I was sick to my stomach and I wanted to leave but he told me that he was in love with me and proposed. I just figured that I had to ignore the things he did to be with him. He was my one true love."

Nell sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, it was the most screwed up love story that she had ever come across. "I'm sorry but I can't imagine loving someone who does things like that. Makes money off of others misery."

Sarah nodded understandingly, "You have not yet thought that through. You still love your father, Michael after learning that he killed so many people."

Nell wanted to argue that it wasn't the same but she knew that it was. Her dad had made bad decisions and done evil things just as her real father had. It was exactly the same.

"It killed me," Sarah stated. "It killed me to see those poor girls being abused like that. I took care of them and even became friends with some of them but I could never save them. I had to stay out of trouble once we were married so that the cops didn't have a reason to look into us. My life was over and the only thing I had was Angelo and then you. At least until I lost you."

"I'm sorry," Nell said. "You didn't deserve a life like that."

Sarah nodded, "Nobody does, that's why giving you up was the best decision I have ever made. You got to be that beautiful girl with that brilliant life. That's all that matters to me. Don't ruin your life. I want you to be safe, fall in love and create beautiful children."

Nell tried to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes once again. "That could happen. Either after I run away or after I kill Donovan."

"That's not an option!" Sarah cried out.

"Yes it is."

"Donovan tortured his enemy until he admitted to hiring someone to kill his brothers and then until he gave a name. Since then he'd been searching for him until he found and killed him. It took Donovan a while but he finally found a computer whiz so good that he found your father and is now searching for you. They will not go lightly."

"It will take them a while. I don't exist online, at least not in connection to any family member of mine. I need to take Donovan down before he takes down me or my family."

Nell could see the frustration growing on Sarah's face as she sighed. "And if you fail he will come after mine! Rebecca means nothing to Donovan, he will put her with the rest of the girls any day. If he finds out that I ditched my security he could give her up just to spite me. This is dangerous. I shouldn't even be here."

"What is your cover story?" Nell asked changing the subject from Donovan.

"I'm an artist and luckily there was a huge festival today. There are thousands of people there, I could still be there and they wouldn't find me."

"I hope you're still safe."

"I had to take the risk."

Nell stayed quiet as she overlooked the park. Rebecca kept creeping into her mind. Rebecca was her sister. It hurt like hell when someone killed her father, she didn't want the same thing to happen to a fourteen year old.

"I won't go after Donovan for you and Rebecca. I won't, but if he tries to hurt me or my family I won't hesitate to kill him."

Sarah nodded understandingly. She leaned over and pulled Nell into a tight hug knowing that it may be the last time she ever saw her. "I love you Emily."

Nell squeezed her tighter. "I love you, mom."