Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine darn it!
Sorry for the delay in posting, working on my other story and have been feeling a little schizophrenic jumping from one story to another. Okay now though
Thanks to everyone for their reviews, they help keep this story going. This chapter has a little bit of everything, hope you enjoy.
For the next three weeks, Maura and Jane settled into a routine. Maura drove her to her therapy appointment every weekday morning and took her out to lunch before bringing her home for a nap before dinner. While Jane slept, Maura worked on files from work that Frost and Korsak brought her.
For her part, Jane was doing her best to behave and follow doctor's orders, but on her terms, and Maura was trying her best to give Jane the control she needed but it was difficult.
That first day of Jane's therapy there had been no "behaving" on Jane's part. Jane had been exhausted when she was finished with her therapy sessions, especially the respiratory therapy, but still had the energy to argue with Maura about whether taking a nap afterward was necessary.
She patently ignored Maura's advice and the doctor's, and paid for it that first night when she had been unable to get her breathing under control after having a nightmare. Mind and body had been too tired to respond properly and Maura had woken up to a noise in the guestroom, rushing in, she had found Jane on her side after trying to get up, gasping for air. Maura had been terrified and she could tell by the look in Jane's eyes that she was as well.
"Maur….can't…."
"Jane honey breathe, please…..," Maura pleaded with Jane to fight through the pain she was feeling.
Keeping her on her side, Maura placed her hands on Jane's abdomen as she tried to help Jane take normal breaths by helping to regulate the pressure on her diaphragm. With tears in her eyes, Maura had feared she would loose her that night; Jane's pulse was through the roof and the pain of her injuries wasn't allowing for her to breathe properly. Tense minutes had passed before Jane's breathing started to get under control. Maura's soothing voice and the fear, pain and urgency in it are what reached Jane. Her muscles stopped their spasms allowing her to control her breaths.
By the time the episode had passed, both women were emotionally spent. Maura lay there holding Jane as if she couldn't let her go, tears in her eyes as Jane's breathing slowed and became less labored.
She should have called 911 but Jane would never have forgiven her, but "dammit" she was tired of being scared by Jane and her stubbornness.
Jane had just lain there in Maura's arms, terrified. She couldn't believe what had just happened and was scared that this time she may have gone to far with Maura.
Tears forming, "Fucks sakes!" she thought "I can't even have a nightmare like a normal person, at this rate I'm gonna die in my sleep." The absurdity of that thought struck her as she realized that if she had just listened to Maura…
"Maura?" she croaked, Jane could feel the sobs wracking Maura's small frame and realized she couldn't do this to her anymore.
"Maura honey please, I'll leave tomorrow okay?" She turned to face her, "You don't need to go through this anymore, I'll call my mmmmph" Maura's lips had cut off her words.
It was a desperate, urgent kiss that Jane was happy to return. When they broke apart, Maura quickly put a hand to Jane's chest to check her breathing.
Smiling sadly, Jane covered Maura's hand with her own, "Maur, I can't do this too you anymore, its not fair to you."
Maura's eyes were murderous, "Jane Rizzoli if you think I'm going to let you go, ever, you're wrong."
Putting a finger to Jane's lips, "No don't say anything, just answer my questions truthfully."
Nodding her assent, Maura continued, "Do you love me?
"Maura you know I…Okay, yes, of course I love you" Maura's raised eyebrow made her correct herself.
"Do you love your family?" she continued.
"Come on Maura, you know I do, what are you getting at?"
"Shhh" Maura said, kissing her lightly on the lips, "Do you love yourself?"
"Of cou..I..Maura…what?" confused, Jane couldn't figure out what she was getting at.
Sighing, Maura shook her head sadly before asking her again,
"Jane Rizzoli, do you love yourself?"
Jane looked at Maura dumbstruck, there it was, she had been to the department psychologist numerous times and had never been asked that question. "Hell, I don't know the answer to that question," she thought.
Jane's silence filled the space between them, Maura took Jane's face in her hands "Jane I love you, with my whole being, like I've never loved anyone, but I have to admit that you scare me. I didn't know fear until I met you," Jane's eyes filled with tears "I didn't know love until I met you either, I know you think you love me, but if you can't love yourself, you can't ever truly love me." She said the last sadly, wistfully.
Jane shook her head from side to side, "this can't be happening, Maura I do love you, I…just…I…no one ever cared…I mean…Shit!" through tears "I don't know what I'm saying Maur."
Taking a deep breath and wiping the tears away, Jane started again, "I don't know how to put myself first Maur, but I don't want you to know fear because of me, I just want you to know love, you know?"
"How are you feeling?
Blinking at the change in subject, Jane realized Maura was done.
"I've felt better, but then I've also felt worse, thank you" she said quietly
"For what Jane?" The weariness Maura felt was bone deep, she couldn't keep this up and she knew it but she couldn't give up on Jane.
"For saving me again"
As Maura moved to leave and Jane grabbed her hand, "stay please...?"
"Jane, I don't think…"
"Please Maur…" she couldn't resist that voice or the desperate plea she heard in it.
She settled back in and moved closer to Jane who appeared to relax knowing she was staying.
"Maur, who don't have to be afraid anymore, I'll listen okay, whatever you and the doctor say"
"Jane, you need to do it for you."
"Can I do it for both of us?
Sighing with exhaustion, "it's a start" she said sleepily.
Jane listened, as Maura's breathing grew even and steady. She needed to make some serious changes in her life. If she wanted her life back with Maura in it, she needed to swallow her friggin pride and do what someone else thought was best.
Squeezing her eyes shut Jane tried to forget the look on Maura's face when Jane couldn't catch her breath. Pure panic, "my god, I can't keep doing that to her."
"Come on Jane" she said to herself, you can do this.
Their routine was disrupted when Korsak showed up with a request, Maura had been asked to complete the autopsy for a body that had been discovered by a jogger that afternoon. Maura was torn; Jane had been true to her word and had behaved these past three weeks. Her physical therapy was going wonderfully and her respiratory therapy though problematic initially was finally making a difference, but she knew they wouldn't have called her back unless it was necessary. With Jane still sleeping, Maura asked Korsak to stay and explain to Jane where she was when she woke.
When Jane emerged a few hours later, from the bedroom she and Maura now shared, she was more than a bit surprised to find Korsak on the couch watching tv.
"What the heck are you doing here Korsak?" "Where's Maura?"
"Hey Janie, you're up, uhm, Maura got called in to work she should be back soon"
Jane looked at him, wondering what he wasn't saying, "what else Vince?"
"Nothing Jane, nothing, hey you look good"
"Yeah thanks" she wanted to push him but didn't want to be obvious about it.
"So, you guys still coming over Saturday?"
"Me and Frost, yeah, should be" a raised eyebrow was the only indication Jane gave that she understood that meant that work might get in the way.
"Hmmm"
The sound of the key opening the door ended their conversation as Maura came in carrying some files, stopping short as she saw Jane and Korsak.
Sensing a little tension, "everything okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, everything's fine, Maura, I'll just be heading out now," hurriedly, Korsak grabbed his jacket and left, quickly.
"Well then," Maura walked over to Jane and kissed her hello, "how are you feeling?"
"I feel fine Maur, you know that, what's going on?"
"Jane I really don't think…"
"Maura, please, I'm tired of being protected, it's been two months, I feel better, no not 100%," she said quickly seeing the look on Maura's face, "but I'm getting there."
"They wouldn't have called you for just anything"
Maura sighed as she kicked off her shoes. She should be happy that Jane had behaved for at least three weeks. They had talked, a lot, and their physical relationship had grown deeper as they decided to share Maura's bed from that night forward. She had been able to learn more about what drove Jane to be the way she was and her fears had abated a bit as time went on, but she knew Jane was antsy to get back to work.
"A body was found in the park by a jogger" she said matter of factly.
"And?" Jane prodded
"She had been tazed" Jane sat down abruptly, knowing what was coming "and her carotid had been cut," Jane was opening and closing her hands as Maura continued quietly, "and there was evidence of sexual assault."
Jane swallowed and sat there quietly as Maura watched her for her reaction. Maura had been terrified about the implications when she read the file Korsak gave her, it was Hoyt, but it wasn't, regardless, they hadn't been able to keep it from Jane.
Jane looked at her hands and up at Maura, "Jane, we don't know anything yet"
"Maur I …"
Taking Jane's hands in her own, Maura sat down and forced Jane to look at her, fear had been eating at Maura for hours, but now it was Jane she was worried about.
"Together Jane, you're not alone anymore, we'll handle this together."
So? What do you think? Had to bring in Hoyt since they did at the end of S2 premiere, so figured I'd follow up there with my own storyline of course. Please let me know what you think. I try to respond to all reviews and appreciate the time you take to write them.
FYI-their relationship hasn't taken the intimate of intimate step yet, will be within next two chapters though, haven't decided yet.
Reviews are sincerely appreciated.