Lucid Dreams

Early release!
Shout-out to Chungdoo for the review =)

Dream 11: Metaphysical Therapy

"I told a lie… I told a lie and I'm sorry…" The blue-haired girl rested her head onto the chest of the boy who lay motionless. "I said I didn't love… and I lied." The words escaped with a whisper from Eureka's breath. Would they ever reach Renton's ears? She couldn't know. Eureka never imagined that she would never know.

With the rain falling with such intensity now, it was too hard and too cold to tell if Renton's heart still beat or if he was even breathing. Eureka felt as though her soul were fading. "It's so cold." Her body let out a violent shudder. Hypothermia was setting in and Eureka was losing feeling in her limbs. She welcomed the numbness and the fading of consciousness; No longer caring for anything anymore… especially not herself.

It was impossible to see if the blood had stopped flowing, but to Eureka it no longer mattered. Renton had lost too much blood from the wound and even if he were still alive, he would most certainly not survive. Despair and hopelessness gripped the innocent teen as she was unable to even think of how to save her love.

Suddenly, warm hands and arms embraced and lifted her. Eureka felt herself being carried away, but she was too weak to protest. Her eyes drooped and her vision blurred as though they accepted the situation. With the last of her willpower and determination, she brought her hand up to feel the face of the one who held her. A familiar, yet vague sensation swept over her fingers and instinctively, Eureka pleaded desperately, "Save him…"

Her last thoughts were of Renton.

Eureka found herself in the back of a dark chapel, dressed in black, mourning attire. Alone in her row, she observed many others in front of her dressed similarly but recognized none of them. It felt as though her senses weren't working quite right… as though she wasn't fully awake. She couldn't even hear what the man at the front was saying, nor did she wish to hear. There was nothing immediately threatening or frightening about her setting, but the atmosphere was constricting and it felt like the clothes Eureka wore were getting tighter. Like a cruel torture device, it constricted and increased its pressure with each passing moment until she would break. Her breathing got harder as she gripped her chest in pain and let out an involuntary cry.

The audience simultaneously turned their heads toward her. Eureka saw that they had no facial features, nothing to be recognized by. Immediately, she stood in horror and backed away through the aisle. Nothing happened and it seemed no one paid heed as she retreated. Step after step, she found her heart beat rise in intensity as she anticipated something to go wrong. After a number of steps, she felt her back thud against something obstructing her path. Eureka turned with a sense of dread.

The sight of Renton in a coffin met her eyes as she turned around; he seemed so peaceful and sorrowful just laying there and clothed in formal attire. Eureka's lips quivered and tears squeezed out involuntarily as she felt herself go cold and unable to move; her feet were rooted where they stood. With her body trembling and her will shattered, she reached for his face to feel him one last time. Was she ready to say goodbye?

Eureka's hand would never reach Renton's cheek, however. She suddenly found her wrist firmly grasped by a hard, cold grip. Pain shot up her arm as she beheld the sight of Renton's hand around her limb. Something was wrong, however. The touch didn't feel right. It was too harsh and rough. Slowly, Renton's eyes opened and met Eureka's. A cold fear washed over her very soul.

The emotions in the chocolate-haired boy's eyes were unfamiliar and horrifying to the young girl: anger, hatred, and madness had blended together with the fury of his eyes as he slowly sat up without breaking his gaze. His grip was undeniable and the pain threatened to drive Eureka mad. Confusion and desperation had taken hold of her as she resisted. With his free hand, Renton swiftly and harshly ripped Eureka's clothes away while pulling her close. His ferocity and viciousness increased with each attack and from his lips came a primitive snarl.

It was Fear unlike Eureka had ever known before as she pulled away with all her will. She succeeded in breaking away but stumbled to the ground and found herself completely nude before Renton as he ominously walked towards her. Embarrassment mixed with the fear and anxiety as Eureka desperately sought to hide from him… but there was nowhere to hide. The audience formed a circle around Eureka and Renton; there was no escape and there was no hiding.

Renton took his time walking as each step he took seemed like an eternity to Eureka. She wanted this to end and she wanted it to end now. It felt as thought everything "imperfect" and wrong with her body and soul was in plain sight before Renton and everything she wished to hide was so plainly exposed. Eureka curled up, lay on the ground, and turned away from him with her eyes shut tight. Like a child, she whimpered and cried for the nightmare to end. This wasn't her Renton. Where was her Renton? Where was the boy she loved so hopelessly?

And then, he stood over her menacingly and threateningly. He spoke no words as he looked down, laying his sight all over her body. Eureka felt it, she knew those terrible eyes peered over her and everything she wished was hidden. It seemed another eternity passed like this as Renton remained motionless for some time. Eureka felt her heart threatening to forsake her body with each passing minute. Like a predator and its prey, Renton stayed poised with a murderous aura bent on the poor girl.

Without warning, his hands shot out toward Eureka to lay her back flat against the ground. Before she could react, Renton was on top, straddling her bare body at the hip. From below, chains materialized and pinned Eureka's hands so that she lay with her limbs spread wide, exposing her delicate breasts. She fought hard to free her hands and hide her body to no avail. Her eyes met his again and Eureka fell deeper into her despair. Renton poised his hand high above her before it came down like a spear into her abdomen. His fingers pierced her skin and he was inside her now.

Pain gripped her stomach and she was unable to curl up to defend herself or end the pain. Eureka could feel him inside her with his fingers squirming intrusively as though they were exploring everything about her. With his free hand, Renton cruelly gripped her breast and squeezed with an iron grip. The sheer amount of pain was crippling. Breathing became heavier and harder. Vision became much poorer and blurrier until it faded all together. It was the sensation of dying that she had experienced before and it was a feeling that horrified her.

As her world became nothingness, Eureka felt moments of her life pass by, as though it truly was her final moments, into her violator; Renton was seeing everything. The flash of memories of Eureka's life slowed down to the nights when the love-stricken girl pleasured herself and imagined the boy she denied for so long. Like a movie, it played out in front of her eyes, the images of herself moaning and drowning herself in desperate self-induced ecstasy felt as damning evidence to her lies and delusions.

"No… please… don't watch this." Eureka desperately cried out, "Stop looking! Please… Renton… Anything but this." She felt humiliated and disgusted. It was almost certain that Renton was disgusted too. She had hurt him so much and yet she lusted for him so selfishly. How could she have possibly thought such things would be without consequence? The sequence of memories sped forward.

Eureka was in Renton's bed again. The scene of him stimulating her with his fingers played out as it had before in her mind and an odd sense of lust took over. She felt oddly aroused despite the situation and a familiar heat in her lower region. "Renton…" her voice was weak but it had a pleading tone as though she were begging for him. Eureka couldn't tell him what she wanted and found herself hoping that he would understand… that he would grant her this last request. She knew that it wouldn't happen, however. The moment passed swiftly and other memories were now flashing past in a maddening and dizzying mosaic.

And then, Eureka felt Renton leaving, pulling out from inside her. "No… don't leave me." She could no longer speak or reach out to stop him. "I'm going to die… I'm going to die if you leave me, Renton…" Tears escaped her once more in that moment and her chest tightened mercilessly. She felt the chilling embrace of Death present and imminent. It had taken the place of the chocolate-haired boy of her affections, laughing harshly as though it were claiming its prize. Eureka felt it slowly slipping its cold fingers into the trap between her legs. A feeling of horror that she had never felt before in her life claimed her soul.

With a terrible and heart-wrenching scream, Eureka awoke.

"Calm down, Eureka!" Strong hands held the thrashing and frantic girl. "You're safe here, calm down." Her restrainers took care to avoid harming Eureka as she panicked. The white light and the brightness of her immediate area blinded her sight; another unfamiliar setting. What sick and disgusting torture awaited her here? She thought. Was there no end to her suffering? It felt as though she were paying her penance for her sins.

Finally, Eureka's eyes adjusted and her breathing calmed down. Her heart beat slowed and became less intense with each passing second, but she could feel the adrenaline pumping in her body still. She could see now that she was in a hospital bed and by her side were Holland and a familiar, red-haired doctor she had seen regularly, Dr. Mischa. Eureka was safe. She knew these people and they wouldn't hurt her. But hadn't she known Renton and hadn't he just hurt her? Still reeling from her nightmare, Eureka emotionally crashed and broke down. She curled up in the bed and sobbed painfully.

Holland and Mischa were at a loss for words as they stood by the emotionally train-wrecked teen. They felt a deep sense of pity and sadness for all that Eureka had witnessed and experienced and there was nothing they could do or say to make her feel better. Perhaps the best approach was to let her cry it all out. Slowly, her violent sobs quieted down to controlled sniffs. As she regained her wits and senses, she noticed the cast on her left forearm and touched its hard surface with her free hand with a slight curiously. After another uncomfortable moment of Eureka quietly lying on her bed, Holland sat down on his chair and pulled up close to her.

"We saw everything from the school's camera. We know what happened to you and…" He cut himself short, wary of mentioning Renton's name lest he unleash another torrent of tears from Eureka. She continued to lay there without a word. "I understand if you don't want to talk. I'll take care of everything for you, so take as much time as you need or want." Eureka still had nothing to say, but she simply nodded as she lay.

"Your arm is stable and we were lucky that the fracture wasn't serious." Mischa spoke, "You'll recover quickly and there shouldn't be any lasting damage. In fact, you could leave this hospital now if you want." Eureka sat up slowly in her bed finally.

"How long have I been here?" She mumbled curiously.

"Just one night," Holland responded, "We actually just came in for your morning checkup to find you screaming…"

"Eureka… were you having a bad dream?" Mischa inquired. Eureka simply nodded. "Poor girl…" Mischa sighed as she patted Eureka's soft, blue hair. Another moment passed before Eureka spoke again.

"Where is he..?" She felt her voice tremble. Mischa pointed to the other occupant of the hospital room on Eureka's left-hand side. She turned her head to meet the sight of her love lying in a separate bed, unconscious, but breathing.

"He lost a lot of blood and he had the bad luck of having quite a rare blood type." Mischa stated. "Luckily, I've been both Holland's and your doctor since both of you were young and found an effective match." Eureka broke her gaze from Renton to look at her doctor. "Holland was quite brave and insisting on using his blood to save that boy." Mischa paused for a moment with a slight frown. "Really, Holland, you should consider spending some time in a bed to recover. The amount of blood you gave was quite risky, as you could tell by all the forms the staff had you sign." Eureka looked to her brother with a slight panic.

"Holland… Are you hurt..?" She spoke worriedly as Holland shook his head.

"That was yesterday and Mischa did a good job making sure I was okay." He said. "I'm feeling pretty tired, but I'll be fine, Eureka…" Holland suddenly found himself in the embrace of his little sister.

"Thank you…" She said warmly. Holland simply caressed her hair.

"You begged me to save him… so I did what I could."

…

Nighttime had settled in quietly and smoothly as the hospital's daily activity settled to a sleepy calm. Most of the patients were asleep now and it was time for the wards to be closed off so proper rest could be attained. There were several exceptions, however. These rooms had patients who had not yet recovered from their sleep and had loved ones waiting eagerly for news of their awakening. Eureka sat in one of these rooms by Renton's bedside. She had been discharged from the hospital that afternoon, but refused to leave his side. Holland had permitted it, however, and told her that she would be excused from school for at least a week. He would check in at meal times to bring her food and toiletries as well as anything else she needed from home. Holland had brought Eureka's diary to her, but it lay unopened on the table by her side.

"I didn't read any of it." He promised. Holland knew better than to pry into those matters before Eureka was ready to talk about them. He knew that the time would come when she could talk to him about everything. She just needed some time and space. There was no telling when Renton would wake from his coma, and until he did, Eureka would never willingly leave his side.

Hours had passed since Holland came and left. The meal and snacks he brought her were consumed hastily and sat snugly in the trash can of the room. At least Eureka's appetite was back. She was grateful for her brother and her doctor for everything. Mischa had pulled some strings with the hospital's administration, permitting Eureka to stay for several days until Renton woke up. Fortunately, these benefits extended to the point where she was allowed to use the facilities in her ward to wash and maintain hygiene. The shower's stream of water was quite harsh and strong. Eureka thought as she brushed her teeth. How was a recovering patient supposed to be able to stay standing with that much force to fight? She dried herself off with the towel and felt a slight annoyance with her cast on her arm and her inability to clean that part of her body.

With a sigh, she stepped out of the ward's bathroom (fully clothed, of course) to notice that Renton had another female visitor by his side: his sister. Diane turned to acknowledge Eureka and gave her a soft and sad smile. She motioned for the teen to come and sit by her. Meekly and shyly, Eureka obliged and sat quietly next to Diane.

"Holland told me everything that happened." Diane started. "I want you to know right now that I don't blame you for any of this." Eureka's gaze became downcast. The older girl rested an arm around Eureka and hugged her softly, letting the younger girl rest her head on Diane's shoulder.

"Renton made his choice to protect you and I'm sure he was fully aware of the danger." Diane spoke again. "Just try not to hold it against him when he wakes up… You can't stop a boy from doing what he wants when he's in love." Eureka felt her eyes watering.

"He deserves better than me…" The blue-haired girl whimpered. "He deserves someone that won't hurt him like I did…"

"But he chose you." Diane replied firmly. "He had truly fallen for you and decided that he wanted you and only you… Can you say that you can return those feelings? Do you have feelings for him?" Eureka stayed silent but nodded slightly. "Then you two deserve to be together."

"I told him that I didn't love him… I lied to him…"

"Why?"

"Because I was scared…"

"Why?"

"We… I felt like we were moving too fast… I'd never felt this way about someone and I've never had someone like Renton. I didn't know what to do and I wasn't ready for any of this."

"But what about him," Diane inquired, "Did you think that you weren't the first girl he had these kinds of feelings for and experiences with?" Eureka looked up at Diane. "I'm sure Renton was scared too and he didn't know what to do… But what he did know was that you were very important and precious to him. And for Renton, that was probably enough."

"How do you know all this..?" Eureka replied. "How can you be so sure that he truly felt this way?"

"I'm his sister." Diane stated simply. "If I couldn't tell these things just by the way he's been acting this past month, I'd be a pretty shitty sibling, right?" She hugged the young teen affectionately.

"What if he hates me now? What if he doesn't want me anymore?" Eureka worried.

"Do you still love him?" Eureka blushed at the word as Diane gave her an intense look. She could only nod in reply. "Our father had a saying: 'don't beg for it, earn it, and it will be given to you'." Eureka looked at her curiously. "If Renton doesn't trust you or want you anymore, but your feelings are still the same, then win it all back. Make him fall in love with you again."

"I never knew Renton had such a strong sister…" Eureka responded meekly. "It would certainly explain a lot." Diane simply smiled back at her. A moment had passed them both as they watched Renton sleep.

"By the way," Diane had a sly and curious tone, "Is your brother single? Is he seeing any other girls?" Eureka looked to her confused initially until she realized what Diane was asking.

"Oh!" Eureka exclaimed embarrassingly. "I'm not sure… but I don't think he's mentioned anything about seeing anyone."

"Good." Diane smiled mischievously. "Talho won't beat me this time! That stupid drunk slut has been stealing all my men, but now I have the upper hand!" Eureka blinked.

"Don't worry about it."

Eureka Entry #12:

Hello, Diary,

There's just so much that's happened these past days that I can't bring myself to relive. Renton's in a coma and I don't know if he'll ever wake up again. And it's all my fault… He was protecting me from this boy that tried to do terrible things to me, and now he won't wake up. I don't know what to do, Diary. I'm scared that if he wakes up, he might hate me… he might not love me anymore. I feel so stupid and worthless…

"Eureka, you can't always be so hard on yourself…" Diane was reading a tabloid as she spoke. Eureka frantically hid her diary's contents by holding it close against her chest as Diane chuckled. "I didn't read anything, but I can tell you're lingering too much on sad thoughts right now. Try to think of other things."

"I'll try…" Eureka responded sheepishly.

It's been two days since I woke up from my attack. Renton's sister, Diane and my brother drop by to visit during their lunch breaks and dinnertime. Diane told me that writing might make me feel better about all this… Maybe she's right. She thought it was really cute that both Renton and I kept a diary… I wonder what he writes about in his? Does he write about me? What does he think about everything that's happened so far? I'm really curious now…

"Ah, Holland!" Diane exclaimed excitedly to greet the grey-haired man. "How was your day? Was the traffic bad? Did your students give you a hard time? Weather was pretty hot today, huh? You must be hungry!" Diane's amazing ability to overload questions on another individual was impressive.

"Err, I, umm… Everything's fine, I guess." Holland fumbled for words as he nervously looked away. "I brought Eureka her dinner and came to check up on things…"

"How sweet of you!" Diane smiled brightly. "I wasn't here yesterday, were you? Are you coming again tomorrow? Anything I can do?" The questions just kept on coming.

"I'm trying to write here!" Eureka huffed in mock frustration. "You two, go get some dinner so I can think!" The command shocked Holland as he attempted to retort. He was cut short by Diane's enthusiastic "Okay!" before she firmly grabbed Holland by his arm and dragged him with her out of the room. He was helpless to resist.

I think Diane likes my brother. She's been asking me questions about if he's been talking or hanging out with any other girls and she seems very happy every time he comes around. I know she has to be very worried about Renton too… but she's a very strong person and I think she has faith that her brother will come around. I wish I had that kind of strength… Maybe Renton wouldn't have to protect me and get hurt if I were stronger…

Eureka paused her writing to eat some of the food Holland had brought her. She devoured it within minutes.

It's strange, but I've been feeling better physically (my arm is still recovering from a fracture), but emotionally, I feel so fragile. I try my best to not linger and not torture myself on everything I've done, but it's so hard… I feel so guilty for everything that's happened and I wish I had more sense in what to do.

I've made up my mind to do everything I can to make thing right with Renton… he deserves that much at least. I hope when he wakes up he can forgive me and that he'll still at least want to be friends… This past month has been so lonely without him and without hearing his voice. If I can just be by his side, I'll be happy…

I'm sleeping normally again. At first, I was afraid I would have another nightmare like before when I woke up at this hospital, but now that I've been sleeping next to Renton, I don't dream at all. It's nice having a full night's sleep again. Even though he's still recovering, I feel so much safer with him.

Oh! Look at the time… Diane and Holland haven't come back at all… maybe visiting hours are over. I wonder what those two are up to… No, I probably shouldn't think about that… I'm getting sleepy now, so I'll end here.

Thanks for listening, Diary. Good night.

It was an undeniable feeling of safety and comfort for Eureka. She rested her head and her arms on the bed Renton was in next to his right hand and settled snugly with the blanket on top of her back. She put Renton's unconscious hand between her hands and rested her head on it, keeping it warm and savoring the feeling of his skin against hers. With her eyes drooping slightly, she smiled as she looked upon his carefree and relaxed face.

Eureka would wait for Renton no matter how long it took for him to wake up. She wanted to be the first thing he saw when he returned from his dreams and prayed that he would accept her if he saw how she waited for him. It was her penance and her redemption to atone for Renton's broken heart and body. She could have never known that she would have to atone for a broken mind. Fate wasn't quite done with her yet.

…

She awoke abruptly and slightly startled. The sun was shining bright into the room; it was a beautiful and deceiving morning. She yawned sleepily while remaining where she had slept and wondered what had stirred her from her sleep as she rubbed her eye with a free hand. Eureka felt the hand that she slept on move and she froze. She sat up slowly in her chair and looked to Renton's face. His eyes were half-open and he blinked with apparent confusion. The soft hint of a blush was on his face as he slowly woke up from his slumber.

"Renton!" Eureka was wide awake now and was overtaken with a variety of emotions: some of sorrow, but most of relief and happiness. She couldn't think of where to start and what to say, but such thoughts were stopped short as she looked into his eyes. Something was off. Why was there so much confusion in his eyes? It wasn't the confusion of where he was or how he came to be there. There was a genuine, honest confusion and questioning look in his eyes of a boy who didn't recognize who he was looking at. Eureka was ready to accept the consequences of her actions. She was ready for Renton's anger, frustration, and even hatred. She wasn't ready for this. She could have never been ready. Eureka felt a familiar sense of dread fill her stomach once more and her world froze as Renton's lips began to move.

"Who are you?"