Chapter 11

"What happened?"

Lily was woken as Kaila jumped onto her bed. She turned over and groaned, hiding her face in her pillow.

"Oh, you couldn't play that 'sleeping' trick on me, Lils. What happened?"

"I don't know," mumbled Lily from her pillow.

"You don't know?" asked Kaila skeptically.

"Mmhmm…"

"How can you not know? Did you decide to go out with Potter or not? What happened?!"

"I don't know!" Lily yelled, sitting up in her bed.

Kaila was stunned silent by her friend's action.

Lily sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I'm not mad at you. I just- still need to figure some stuff out. I'm going to talk to James after breakfast.

"Okay…"

----

"So, Man, what happened?"

"I'm not quite sure…"

"Wow, he's thicker than I thought-OUCH!"

"Seriously, James," said Remus, taking over for a fuming Sirius, "What happened?"

"Well, she kissed me…sort of," James responded as the group made their way down to the Great Hall.

"Well that's good...I think," replied Sirius cheekily.

"I don't know," James said, almost wearily, as they sat down together to eat breakfast. "She seemed to be…doubting herself. There were moments where I was sure I had her, but others… others where she was drifting away."

Silence, none of them knew what to say.

A few minutes later, James noticed Lily coming to breakfast with her friends. They sat far away, at the opposite end of the long table. He was partially grateful for this. Despite having all night, he still had not been able to figure out what was going on in Lily's head and what he was going to say to her.

Breakfast was uneasy for both Lily and James. Both unsure what to say to each other in an imminent meeting, unsure how to reply to their friend's questions, and having friends unsure to talk to them.

An eternity and sixteen minutes later, Lily got up from her seat with a sigh. She had no appetite and… there was something she had to do.

"James, can we talk?"

He looked up at the redheaded girl standing behind him, a bit surprised he hadn't noticed her approach and only slightly amused how their position had been reversed from the day he had come up behind her at breakfast to talk.

"Okay," he agreed, standing himself. He knew neither one of them wanted to have a discussion in public at the moment. They walked silently out of the Great Hall, trying to ignore several pairs of eyes following them.

"So…" drawled James, trying to break the uneasy silence that hung between them; they reached an empty corridor and stopped to face each other. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Lily replied, her voice pitched a bit too high.

"Right…"

"You?" asked Lily, trying to contribute to the pathetic excuse for a conversation.

"I'm good."

A pause.

"This was so much easier yesterday," James commented with a touch of humor in his voice.

"Yeah, it was," agreed Lily with a small grin.

Another pause.

"You wanted to talk to me about something?" James prompted, although he really did not want to get near such a sensitive subject he assumed she would bring up, it had to be better than standing in the awkwardness they were sharing.

"Right," Lily agreed. "About yesterday…we never really- clarified what was going on with us."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"I-," she paused, her voice caught in her thought. Words she needed to say, had planned to say, were refusing to come out of her mouth.

James was watching her expectantly.

"I can't go out with you."

"What?" he asked, stunned.

"I can't- don't want to go out with you," Lily repeated, voice stronger and more assured.

"Wha-" James seemed to be having trouble getting a hold on the situation, on what Lily was saying, even if it was what his pessimistic side had been expecting. "Why?" he finally stuttered out.

"Because, I didn't fall for you,"

It surprised them both that she sounded like she was telling the truth.

"What about the kiss?" James asked, part of him trying to catch her in a lie, another part just wanting answers to his curiosity.

"I got caught up in the moment," explained Lily with a one-shoulder shrug. "It was midnight, we were alone, and the fire was dying. It just seemed right at the time, but it meant nothing more."

"I can't believe that," replied James, more to himself than to the girl across from him.

"I'm sorry, but it's the truth."

"Then why are you being so nice about it?" asked James curiously. "Shouldn't you be shoving it in my face that you won, that you were right?"

"Look, I don't hate you. I even like you as person, maybe even as a casual acquaintance or a friend if things were different. I hadn't before and I was wrong. I was wrong about you and the person you were."

"Oh." He guessed it was better than her hating him, but it still wasn't what he wanted.

"I didn't fall for you," Lily repeated as though she were trying to convince more than one person.

"Okay." James looked up from the spot he was staring at on the floor to lock with Lily's eyes. His gaze was so intense the redhead wanted to take half a step back, but she couldn't for she was glued to the spot.

"But I want you to know," he continued, these words unplanned, spontaneous, yet perfectly calculated, "That I fell for you."

Lily cocked her head just slightly to the side in confusion, without breaking their gaze.

"I thought I had liked you a lot before, but I had no clue. Yesterday I met someone that was perfectly everything that I would ever want. I fell hard and fast for you, Lily."

She bit her lip when he said her name. The way he said it was so…loaded. It was with passion, with tenderness, with honesty, with hurt and sadness, and something else….something else she didn't quite know…

"I love you."

He almost cringed. He hadn't planned to say it when he started, he was not quite sure he had meant to say it at all, but it popped into his head and flew out of his mouth.

Lily was still for a whole second before replying. "You…what?"

"I…" he couldn't go back on it now, "I love you."

"James," she said, almost in a whine, finally breaking from their eye lock and turning away from him in exasperation. "Don't."

"It's true."

"Then I am even more sorry," Said Lily turning back to face him. "because even if I liked you enough to go out with you, it wouldn't work."

"How so?"

"Because we'd feel differently about each other. We'd be expecting different things from the relationship. You'd be wanting me to catch up and love you back and that would ruin it."

"I don't think it would be that way," James rebutted softly, even though he knew this was a moot point and there was no purpose in arguing it.

"It would," replied Lily firmly, but lightly. 'And it gives me more justification to say no to you now,' she added in her head. "Like I said, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea last night…"

Students began to dribble out of the Great Hall and wander down their way.

"I gotta go to class," Lily commented to end their conversation and walked away.

James was left standing there, staring after her as the bustling crowd around him thickened, thinking that it wasn't supposed to end this way.

Lily sighed, unaware of James' feelings, but unsure if her sigh was one of relief or regret.

Aki- Heh, heh...heh... Pleeze don't kill me. Come on, its going to have a happy ending, I just want to drag out this story for a while. Making them get together too fast is no fun at all!