Thor, Loki and Eeyore took turns explaining to Odin everything that had happened since he had banished them. Odin was a wonderful listener, only ignoring them for 75% of the tale while he played Angry Birds on his iphone. When they were done, he nodded once.

"All right, this all seems to have worked out to a nice concluditory place, so let's go back to Asgard."

"Excuse me, I want to go back to Jotunheim. With my lovely wife," Laufey took Jord's hand and smiled sappily at her. She smiled sappily back, withdrew her hand and slapped his hard across the face.

"I'm not leaving earth, my love!" she shouted.

"Darling, you're being irrational!" Laufey screamed. "I can't stay on earth, my throne is on Jotunheim!"

"You're a jerk, honey-bunch!"

"You're stupid, lovey-dovey!"

"I hate you, beloved husband!"

"And I hate you, beloved wife!"

Jord and Laufey glared at each other for a long moment, and then ran into each other's arms, and gave each other a long, passionate farewell kiss. "I hope I never have to see your beautiful face again," Laufey crooned.

"And I, your ugly mug!" Jord whispered, blinking back tears.

And with that touching farewell between newly married husband and wife, Laufey stuffed a sock into his own mouth and drop-kicked himself off the edge of a cliff, all the way back to Jotunheim. When he landed, all the frost giants hurriedly put their party stuff away and tried to look happy that Laufey was back. But just as Laufey was about to give a speech about how good it was to be home, Jon-Bob slipped on some ice and spilled some sort of liquid on Laufey.

"You cursed brat, look what you've done!" Laufey screeched, and he started to shrink. "I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought that a little girl like you could destroy my beautiful, wicked-"

"I'm a boy," Jon-Bob interrupted, and as a result Laufey wasn't able to finish before he completely melted away and was gone forever.

A winged monkey poked at Laufey's remaining clothes.

"He's- He's dead!" a nearby frost giant exclaimed.

"I didn't mean to!" Jon-Bob said, and then stopped for a moment. "You know what, I did mean to!"

"Great idea! Who needs a king?" a frost giant said, and then they all started to run in a circle, singing "No king, no king, fa-la-la-la-la!"

"Idiots!" Jon-Bob sneered. "We have a king!"

"But you said-"

"I have killed Laufey and now I take the throne of Jotunheim! I am your king! Stick with me, and you'll never go hungry again! Besides," Jon-Bob continued, seeing that he was losing his audience, "I hereby banish socks from the realm of Jotunheim."

There was a collective gasp from the gathered frost giants. If there were no socks in the realm, that meant that they would never again have a sock stuffed into their mouth and be drop-kicked off the edge of a cliff! As this knowledge sank into them, they sent up a cheer and brought Jon-Bob a crown, a cape and threw flowers at him.

"Hail Jon-Bob!" they shouted. "Hail Jon-Bob!"

Now, while Jon-Bob bathes in the glory of his newly found kingship, we will return to earth, where Odin had decreed that all the Asgardians were going back to Asgard. With Coulson's help, Thor had gotten his hammer back and was all dressed up in his armour again, because apparently he was worthy again. Loki, on the other hand, had never lost his powers, despite what was shown in earlier chapters, and merely magicked his Asgardian clothes back.

"All right, is everybody ready to go?" Odin asked loudly as everybody ignored him. Freya had decided on new clothes. It was a red bikini, but since the color went so well with her hair nobody could call it inappropriate. Loki hid Eeyore under his shirt to smuggle him back with them, and Thor and Jane were standing some distance away, clutching at each other's hands and staring tearfully in each other's eyes.

"I must go," Thor said, "but I give you my word, I will return for you." He kissed her hand. "Deal?"

Jane launched herself at him, kissing him in a manner that made everybody turned their back and whisper disapprovingly behind their hands. When Jane was finished kissing him, she pulled back.

"Deal," she said.

"Whoa," Thor said, dazed. He grinned like a fool and then wandered over to join Odin and Loki. "Ready to go home now."

"I'm not going!" Sif suddenly shouted. Everybody jumped and turned to look at her. "You heard me! I'm not leaving! I'm a married woman and I will stay with my husband, forever and ever."

It was at that moment that the dude who performed Sif and Coulson's marriage at the wedding chapel in Vegas showed up. He swaggered up to Coulson and Sif and grinned in a very mean, almost evil manner.

"You're not married."

"What?" Coulson gasped in horror.

The dude's grin widened. "We're not a registered wedding chapel."

Sif turned to Coulson in horror. "You lied to me?"

"No, I didn't know."

"You're Earthian, how could you not know?"

Emma tapped Sif on the shoulder. "Excuse me, I think Midgardian sounds better than Earthian."

"True," Sif agreed with a nod, "but if you think about it, you guys say that this is Earth, and we say that it's Midgard. Shouldn't we actually call it by the name that it's inhabitants want it to be called? Putting our own name on an already-named place, or saying that our name for you is better than your name for yourself isn't very nice."

"All right," Coulson said before Emma could reply, "I think I've got this whole wedding thing sorted out- THERE'S A WRINKLE IN MY SUIT!"

"What?" Sif looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"WRINKLE!" Coulson shrieked. "IRON, MUST FIND IRON!"

And with that, he ran away before he could explain to Sif what had really happened, leaving Sif with no choice but to blame him for their false wedding and so she vowed she would never marry him again and joined the rest of the Asgardians to go back to Asgard because staying on earth was just too painful after her heartbreak.

"I love you," she whispered as all the Asgardians were sucked back up through the sky to Asgard.

Once there, everybody dispersed except for Odin, Loki and Thor.

"Well, that was fun," Loki said, grinning. "Now, I really must go back to my room."

"Hold on there!" Odin said sternly. "What have you got in your pocket?"

"Not the one ring!" Loki cried instantly.

Odin's one eye narrowed suspiciously. "Empty your pockets, young man!"

Reluctantly, Loki took Eeyore out from his pocket, despite the fact that he had been hiding under his shirt.

"Don't send me away," Eeyore pleaded. "Loki's my best friend."

"Loki, this is madness!" Thor exclaimed, shaking his head as he looked at the stuffed donkey.

"IS this madness?" Loki snapped back. "Is it?"

"Oh, come on!" Odin shook his head in disappointment. "What happened on earth to turn you so soft? Don't tell me that it was that donkey!"

"Well, there are connotations there that I don't want to go anywhere near," Eeyore muttered.

Loki hid Eeyore behind his back. "Thor, you're my brother and my friend. Help me out here, will you?"

"I miss Jane," Thor sighed.

Loki rolled his eyes. "A lot of help you are, bud."

"Loki, you are too old to play with toys. It's time for you to grow up!" Odin exclaimed angrily. And with that, he marched over to Loki, grabbed Eeyore and threw him over the edge of the rainbow bridge. Loki screamed in agony, falling to his knees.

"Eeyore!" he shouted, stretching his hand after his falling friend. And, from the depth of the abyss, there came a small voice. "Don't forget me."

Thor sadly put his hand on Loki's shoulder. "It's over."

Loki stared up at him. "No, it's not over. It's just begun!"

"No, Loki," Odin said. "It's over."

Loki stood and prepared to dive off the bridge.

"Loki, no!" Thor cried, and then got distracted by remembering the kiss that Jane had given him.

Loki did a perfect swan dive off of the bridge. Odin gave him a 5.6 out of a possible 10, and Thor shouted a long "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo!" Until Odin smacked him over the head and told him to stop being so dramatic. And then they went back to the palace, where there was a big feast going on and nobody cared that Loki had dived into the abyss, which is very sad but not so different from the movie, depending on your point of view.

Now, to tie things up in one massive paragraph that may feel a little rushed, Frigga reluctantly handed power back over to Odin, but on the condition that she could banish somebody every other week. Everybody liked Freya's new style, except for Freya, who still preferred blue to red. Coulson gave Jane back her stuff and then spent a week lying in bed watching soaps and eating chocolate because he missed Sif, until he heard that Captain America had been found frozen in the ice and then he forgot all about Sif and got his collection of Captain America trading cards and went and watch Steve as he slept, being a little bit of a creepy stalker but that's okay because he's Coulson and Coulson is awesome. Darcy got her ipod back and was perfectly happy. Sif was very sad for a couple of days, missing Coulson, until she remembered that she was head over heels in love with Thor and then she stopped moping. Jon-Bob was a wise, just king of Jotunheim, and he never flirted with Frigga, although a lot of frost giants lost their toes to frostbite because they didn't have socks anymore. Even Spider-horse got a happy ending, being reunited with his dad, although his mom would soon be trying to take over the earth with an army of chitauri.

As for Loki... Well, he was able to find Eeyore again, but only after his best friend was a prisoner of the Mad Titan, and that's where we get this final epilogueish scene from.

Nick Fury opened up a briefcase to show the tesseract to Erik Selvig. Erik looked at the tesseract for a moment, and then a shadowy image of Loki, Eeyore perched on his shoulder, appeared in a nearby pane of window.

"We can use that," Loki said with a smirk.

"Loki!" Erik exclaimed. "What are you doing in the window?"

"Er- I'm not here," Loki replied.

"Yes you are."

"No he's not," Eeyore said.

"Oh." Erik shrugged, and then looked at Fury. "We can use that!"

THE END OF CRACKED THOR