A/N: Here's an update. Hope it works.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own.

Reviews are fans to my flame.

###################################################

Gibbs drove home in a daze. He needed some time to make sense of everything, a few shots of bourbon and a few hours of sleep to help him get his bearings. Days like this made him miss his boats; carving was great but it was intricate and delicate work. What he needed was something large and rough that he could spend hours sanding into something smooth and perfect. The sanding always put him in a meditative state, helped him process difficult things or helped him gain necessary distance at times. Though there was nothing that would give him distance now.

Dammit why does it have to be DiNozzo?

Gibbs wasn't sure if he was asking why Tony was going through this or whether he was asking why it was Gibbs had to go and develop feelings for Tony. Either way there was no answer.

Gibbs had been attracted to men before, engaged in a few " help a fellow Marine out" sessions, but never had he felt this level of pull, of out and out need for a man. It was damn disconcerting. So he asked himself the question again as he pulled into his driveway and headed up the walk.

Why DiNozzo?

As he opened the door he let all the bullshit and façade fade away and was able to be honest. His home was a safe place, his basement his sanctuary.

Because Tony is everything I am not…He makes me a real person whether he realizes it or not. He is damn good looking man…

He stopped there because that train of thought was starting to make him uncomfortable in a very tangible way.

What makes you think you have any chance with him Leroy? The man's nickname in college was "sex machine" and I'm pretty sure they weren't talking about his prowess with guys. God knows Tony has been with plenty of women and all of them young and beautiful. There's just no way he would ever look at you that way. And hell even if he were bi or gay or whatever they call it these days, he sure wouldn't want a broken down grouchy bastard like me.

By the time this internal tirade was over he was seated on his couch; beer in hand, mind numb, tired blue eyes staring into space. It was blissful to have a chance to shut things off even for a moment. But it didn't last. He heard the door open and a familiar profile entered in through the shadows.

"Hey Duck. Was wondering when you'd show up. Not really in the mood to be yelled at."

"Jethro, since when have I yelled at you? I may scold you strongly but I have never yelled at you, though I may make an exception in this case."

"Wanna beer?"

"Actually that sounds rather refreshing." Ducky had walked over during their brief exchange and sat wearily down onto the couch.

Gibbs hauled himself up and got another beer for himself and one for Ducky. He sat down with a sigh and the two men nursed their beers in silence. After what seemed like a long time Ducky finally spoke.

"Jethro, I know you don't want to hear this but you must tell the bot how you feel."

Gibbs began peeling the label off his long neck studiously ignoring the statement.

"You may ignore me Jethro but I will say my peace." Ducky averred.

"Fine." Gibbs exhaled and went back to the kitchen for another beer. "You want another one?"

Ducky shook his head. "Really Jethro, will getting drunk help the situation?"

"Maybe not for you, but I already feel a little better." He replied smugly.

Ducky just sighed and waited for Gibbs to sit back down.

Gibbs chugged half the beer and set it on the coffee table, turned his head to look Ducky in the eye. "Go ahead and shoot Ducky."

Ducky, un-amused, gave Gibbs a cold look before he began.

"Fine, I shall be as direct and blunt as possible. Especially considering what your state of mind may be a few hours from now." He pointed to the beer. Gibbs defiantly picked it up and took a swig in reply.

"If you do not tell Anthony how you feel tonight you may never have the opportunity. They are taking him in the morning to have the AVM repaired. The cerebrovascular surgeon is not optimistic."

Gibbs gulped the rest of the beer and slammed the empty bottle on the table as he got up and began to pace.

"Then what the hell's the point Ducky if he's going to die or be a vegetable anyway?"

"The point my dear friend is that you will know you told him and he will go to surgery knowing that you care."

"Yeah, I care. I care too damn much. It's not right."

"What do you mean it's not right? You never struck me as a bigot before Jethro." Ducky's tone was incredulous and angry.

"No God dammit, it's not right to stir all this up before he goes to surgery. Tony doesn't feel the way I do, he won't understand. Hell, I don't even understand. Jesus…" He increased the pace of his stride and pulled his hand through his short cropped silver hair leaving him looking a little crazed.

Ducky seeing his friend's distress stood in his path to stop his momentum.

"Jethro, I know this is hard for you. It must be very difficult for you to give your heart to anyone, let alone a man. But that is the truth of it; your heart belongs to Anthony DiNozzo. Don't you think he deserves to know about the tremendous the gift he's been given? Don't you think it unfair to hide this from him, to doubt him so much that you fear his reaction?"

Gibbs raised his head and looked into Ducky's eyes conveying with that glance what he could not bring himself to say.

"Ahhh that's it, you are afraid either that you may lose his friendship or that you will have your feelings reciprocated."

Gibbs nodded and slumped back down into the couch, while Ducky remained standing.

"Yes, love of any sort can be frightening but to find yourself at this age and in love with a man for what I assume is the first time, must be sheer terror."

"Yeah, it's pretty screwed up."

"I still think you have no choice but to tell him. He will either die tomorrow, or he will survive forever altered, either way he will never be the same again. So tell the boy now while he's still the Anthony we know."

Gibbs refused to look up from his hands. His eyes would betray too much if he looked at Ducky right now.

"Okay." Gibbs said softly.

Ducky placed his hand reassuringly on Gibbs shoulder. "Come along, I will drive you back to the hospital."

"Okay, but we're taking my car."