A/N: Whoo..wipes forehead Just moved into my dorm and settled in. This has been a stressful weekend…But anyway…I don't think y'all care about my life. Y'all wanna hear what happens next in the story? Well, here you go! R&R! I was very happy with the response from the last chapter. Thanx bunches!!
Chapter 11: To You
"Her name was Momo Hinamori and she was everything to me…"
He heard the almost inaudible sigh escape from the raven-haired girl's lips after he revealed the object of his pain. He could feel her grip on his biceps tighten ever so slightly before loosening to the point that he could barely feel her grip. There was a moment of heavy silence as both of their minds raced with tension and confusion. Toushirou could count the number of breaths that the both of them had expelled in the moments passing. Finally, barely above a whisper, he could catch the faint words, "So, she was…"
He allowed a moment to pass as he took in the young woman, so many decades younger then himself, faintly trembling in front of him. He could practically smell the fear and uncertainty oozing from her as she fought to avoid his hard stare. "A very complicated matter."
As soon as the words left his lips, he could feel her grip tighten once again as she darted her eyes to the front, locking onto his own cerulean orbs with such intensity he fought not to break the connection. Wavering under her piercing stare, he could feel his resolve wavering ever so slightly as she must have caught wind of her sudden approach. She loosened her hold on him once again, letting her hands slide down his arms and lock onto his wrists in a soft clasp.
He could hear her breathing softly, though faster than normal, as her eyes dropped to the floor. Biting her lower lip, she blinked her lids slowly before finally looking back into his eyes, a look of pure conflict playing in her own onyx gaze. "Would you care to elaborate…?"
The uncanny presence of these unsure emotions that had manifested themselves on her face were both frightening and calming at the same time. He had almost forgotten, though knew that she was still human and possessed these emotions, and somehow, it comforted him to know that even the strongest individuals fell prey to feelings sometimes.
He breathed softly as he continued to try to read her, the enigma of structure and balance in front of him. The sturdy young woman that had somehow managed to break down her walls for a moment and let him see her vulnerability as clear as the moon that now hung in that dark navy sky outside of his office window. Her eyes were glazed and tortured as she awaited his fateful reply.
"Not here…we need to go elsewhere."
She stared at him with further question in her eyes, a silent inquiry as to his meaning.
"Just follow me. I think I know where we can go…"
He turned over his shoulder, his wrists sliding from her grasp as he exited the office, her soft footsteps padding lightly behind him on the wood floors.
After walking in silence for sometime through the now silent streets of the Seiretei, they came to the desired destination. He glanced over his shoulder at the dark-haired girl behind him as he shunpo-ed swiftly up the sekki sekki wall, sitting slowly on top of the ledge overlooking the Rukongai, beckoning her to join him. As she came to light softly beside him, he looked out over the horizon, his eyes not really seeing, but drifting away into memories.
"This is the Rukongai, the place where every soul that is not a Soul Reaper dwells. This is where I called home not too very long ago. When I died in the World of the Living, I was reborn as a small child into this land. Hinamori found me, and we decided to become a family with another older lady that she had been staying with in the town. I guess you could say that Momo was like a sister, but there was always some amount of distance between us no matter how well we got to know each other or how close we became. When she left for the Soul Reaper Academy, she was so happy and carefree. Nothing could put her in a bad mood or dampen her high spirits."
He smiled faintly at the memory, remembering the times that things were so much easier. "She used to come home from school with a huge watermelon that she would cut into two halves and share with me as we watched the sun go down every evening. She would always make fun of me and call me childish names, promising that when I entered the Soul Reaper Academy and achieved shikai, she would begin to call me by a more grown up name."
Karin watched him carefully, studying the contours and features of his face. As he paused for a breath, she noticed that his face darkened suddenly, "But then, she started coming home less and less until finally, she stopped coming altogether. I should have seen the signs early on that something wasn't right with her. In the event that she did come home for the holidays or breaks, she would always keep to herself, seeming much more distant and lost in thought than before. She began to transform right in front of my eyes, becoming someone different than the person that I had grown up with. But somehow, she always managed to return to her old self when we would lay down to sleep at night, when the fatigue wore away the daily façade."
He stopped for a moment before continuing, his face stern and steady, "Eventually, we both were attending the Soul Reaper Academy. I quickly surpassed her as we went on to join the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. I became a captain shortly thereafter, causing her much elation as she had been promoted to a Vice-Captain. The only problem was her captain, Aizen."
At these words, she could see him visibly tense beside her, as if trying to undo the past, "She grew far too close to him, admiring anything and everything about him, even to the point of love, I think. Which was why…"
He trailed off at his next thought, unable to vocalize from shear hurt. His voice caught in his throat as he fought to not lose his composure, his jaw tightening and grinding in frustration. "Which is why she didn't fight back when he revealed himself as a traitor. He had her so far under his thumb that she would do and believe anything that he told her. It was sickening. She wasn't even her own person anymore."
The anger was rising in his voice, the temperature around them steadily dropping, "She gave everything up for him; her home, her skills, her mind, her body, and even those closest to her. He turned her against me when the time was right for him. It was just too easy for him with her that far-gone. He didn't even have to really try, just fake his death and write her a sad note. That was all it took for her to believe that he was really dead and that I had plotted to kill him. I didn't believe it at first. I thought it was a bad joke or a dream I would awaken from at any moment. But the morning never came…"
Suddenly, the temperature hit a record low, the hairs on Karin's arms standing rigid as goose bumps traveled down her spine. He breathed deeply, regaining his thoughts and sorting his words, "I died a little inside the day that she begged me to save him, knowing full well that he had tried to make her kill me and had attempted to kill her himself with his own zanpakuto. I felt betrayed, but I still loved her."
The defeat in his voice was becoming thicker with every word, "I tried to reason with her, but eventually it was no use. She defected to Hueco Mundo to reside with the three traitors and to once again become Aizen's little puppet. She was such until the day that I could take it no longer. I led the entire 10th Division into battle in Hueco Mundo a week later, under the order of the Head-Captain. She was found in one of Aizen's many hidden rooms, naked, bleeding from between her thighs, trembling from the cold, and half-starved. Her body was riddled with countless bruises, her eyes cold and lifeless. She had become a mere shell of the woman she had once been. The worst part of it was that she had been a test subject of his and, as a result, was in an aborted state of half-hollowfication. There was nothing that could be done, for the pain that she was enduring was unimaginable. She had become a toy to each of his lesser Arrancar, and they took advantage of her every night."
His voice faded as his eyes lowered to look at the ground far beneath them, his eyes glistening with tears that he refused to shed, "The third seat of my squad received orders to exterminate her, but Matsumoto was there, thank God. She stayed his hand and waited until I arrived. Upon seeing the broken woman in front of me, my heart shattered and I could only stare, too afraid to move or even breathe. Finally, Matsumoto informed me of the orders. She told me that she wouldn't allow anyone but me to carry out such a task. That was when I truly began to respect that crazy woman."
Karin could see the attempt at humor that never reached his eyes. His voice began to fade as he continued, the air thinning just a bit, "I had no choice though, I had to finish the job. It only took one stroke of my zanpakuto, but it was the hardest blow I ever had to deal. It was like cutting my own hear out of my body and leaving it to rot upon the frozen earth…"
He stopped to collect himself as Karin looked over him with a newfound respect and admiration, "I never really got over it. But circumstances as they were couldn't have been worse."
Karin sighed in understanding, "I can't imagine losing one of my siblings, but I do understand what it's like to lose someone very close to you. I was very young when my mother died, but I still remember the pain that it caused in my family and the hurt that lasts to this very day. I understand, Toushirou—"
"No!"
His exclamation caught her off-guard, "What…?"
"I said no, you don't understand. We weren't just siblings…"
She frowned for a moment, contemplating the statement. Suddenly, her eyes widened in realization of the deep confession that had just slipped from between those small, pink lips. "You were lovers?"
Hitsugaya turned to face her quickly, his shocked eyes meeting her own understanding ones before softening and facing back out at the dimly lit Rukongai, "You could say that. We only gave our virginity to one another. It never progressed past that. It was just one rainy night of pain and pleasure that happened and was never spoken of again. We just used each other to get past our pain and distract ourselves from the reality that was Aizen. You and Matsumoto are the only ones that know so I would appreciate it if it wasn't advertised and announce around the Soul Society or anywhere else for that matter…"
Toushirou nearly had the wind knocked out of him when the small, but strong palm cupped the left side of his chin firmly, hooking its thumb around the right side of his jaw and jerking his face to look at her. He was stunned and lost all thought for a moment at the audacity she had to make contact with him in such a way.
He was about to feel the fury rising in his chest when he noticed the stern look in her eyes that dared him to protest and argue. She wasn't going to have it. "Who in the blue hell do you think that I am? Do you honestly think that I would be so careless as to throw away our friendship on a juicy piece of gossip? Do you think that little of me, Toushirou?"
His eyes attempted to match her sternness, "I thought I told you. It's Captain Hitsugaya to you!"
Her eyes narrowed and she nearly snarled at him, "I don't give a shit about your fucking formalities right now, Toushirou. They mean nothing to me! You may be a captain in the 13 Court Guard Squads and you may be several decades older than myself, but I think that I know you better than you think and I deserve the same respect that you gave to your damn precious Momo."
His eyes found another reason to blaze at her, "Don't you dare speak of her with that arrogance and condescendence! You didn't even know her!"
Karin rolled her eyes and met his flashing orbs once again with a death glare that would rival even his own, "I know who the fuck I know and don't know. I don't have to have known her. You told me everything that I need to know about her. She lived, you loved her, she didn't love you enough, she betrayed you, you killed her, and she's gone. This is the time to stop fucking moping over her. Grow the hell up, Toushirou!"
At those words his anger stilled and utter disbelief and shock set in, paralyzing him under her hard stare. Had she really just said that?
It was then that he met her eyes, the piercing daggers cutting into his very being. She still held his chin firmly in her hand and peered at him through narrowed lids, her gaze never wavering. His eyes dropped in defeat and embarrassment as he let out a sight before being interrupted by her brash voice, "FUCKING LOOK AT ME, 'SHIRO!"
The demand frightened him slightly as his eyes drew to meet hers once again, though he thought he recognized something different in the depths of them this time around. There was a moment of heavy, tense silence as he tried to steady his breathing and regain his composure. He heard her breathing shallow out as she calmed own, "Why can't you ever just look at me? You always look away when we're not talking. Even when we are, you still never really hold my gaze. It's like you're scared to look me in the eye for more then two seconds. What am I to you anyway…?"
After she spoke, she slowly released his chin, running her thumb gently over the red mark that it left behind from the pressure. Dropping her hand she let her head drop to her chest as she let out a shuddering sigh before shunpo-ing down from the wall and slowly walking off toward her chambers.
Toushirou watched her back as she got farther and farther away from him, before turning and gazing back out into the black night. He looked up at the moon shining brightly in the distance, a beacon of light in the shroud of darkness surrounding him. He sighed softly and brought his hands to his face, cupping his face in them and massaging his temples for a moment before throwing his head back and breathing in the cool night air.
Why had she been so temperamental tonight? He had opened himself up and bore sides of himself to her that no others had seen. Wasn't that enough for her? Why did she feel that she had to get under his skin and shake him? Every time she did it he felt that he was losing another part of himself and he didn't like that. It couldn't happen, for he was far too busy and committed to what he did to let anyone shake him from his rough countenance. He couldn't afford it. Didn't she see that?
As he let himself down from the wall, he tried to pry her from his mind and focus back on the duty that lay ahead for him. But try as he might, he couldn't shake her from his conscience. She had really gotten to him this time and he couldn't get rid if her. Something about the way her voice sounded and the pleading look in her eyes just sent a shiver down his spine. Then his mind wandered back to her question. What was she to him, anyway? He hadn't really thought about it since that night that he had fallen prey to her comfort and solace. There was just something about her that drew him in even when he had tried to distance himself from her.
It was like she knew he was pushing her away and she wouldn't have it. It was as if she was fighting to regain control and get him to show that sensitive teenager that he had turned into without warning in the Material World. Well, she wasn't going to succeed. Captain Toushirou Hitsugaya changed for no one, not even the ones that he loved…
A/N: Sorry about the harsh ending, but I have a great plan for the next chapter. Be patient. All good things come in due time. You won't be disappointed. I'm sorry that the chapter was so short. The next one will definitely be longer. So, don't worry. I don't like being sad so I don't leave people sad. Read and review. I really love y'all's input. Thanks to everyone that already has. And just because you have reviewed once doesn't mean that you can't do it again on a newer chapter. I like older reviewer's opinions too! SO, if anyone has any requests or input, please let me know. Goodnight and I will have a new chappie up soon!