So, what did you think of Sam's reaction?

This chapter was a little more difficult to write for me, but I think I definitely got the point I wanted across. I know you guys probably wanted to know what Sam was doing alone in that room, but just remember, this is from Jess's POV.

Alright, let's get this thing going!

The man I loved

Chapter 11

As Dean and I walked out of Sam's room, we entered the ICU waiting room and sat in the chairs opposite each other, the same position we took earlier that day as we were waiting for Sam's diagnosis.

The waiting room was completely quiet and we were the only ones in there, which was surprising considering this was such a huge hospital. We sat there in silence, both consumed by our own thoughts.

I didn't think it was a good idea for Sam to be left alone at a time like this, his reaction to the news took me completely off guard and I was still confused as to what to do about it. Though Sam was a sensitive, considerate guy, he didn't really like to talk when it came to difficult times, exam time was a prime example.

Exams were a horrible time for all students at Stanford, papers, studying, lectures, the lot, and I knew that coming into it. I have never been the nervous kind of person, I have learned to keep my anxiety under control for most of the time, a skill I was very happy I mastered before exam period. Always, a few weeks before his exams, Sam would start being uncharacteristically quite, yes he was usually shy, but this took it to a whole new level. He would only speak when spoken too and downright refused to stop studying for a second except to go to the bathroom and eat, occasionally. I guess I did admired him for the determination, but it made for an extremely boring and tense few weeks of silence in our small apartment. Then there was the week before exams, that's when things would get brutal. The nightmares that would normally plague him would become ten times worse, so bad that he took it upon himself to sleep on the couch instead of our bed in order to not disturb me. Sam felt more anxiety then most people during this time, he was so determine to please his family, these people who probably didn't even know he is taking these torturous exams. I knew talking about it would help, but Sam always refused. He didn't like talking about his feeling and just went about being the quite, as I would call him, 'pre-exam Sam', since during those times, he wouldn't act like the Sam I knew at all. During stressful ad upsetting times, silence seemed to be my boyfriend's best friend.

Looking back, I probably shouldn't have been surprised by Sam's reaction, I should have expected it, though that didn't make it any easier to except. It was a few more minutes of silence until Deans slightly angry voice broke through the dream bubble I was floating in at the time.

"Ok, what the hell was that?" he asked. I don't think he was really angry, just worried beyond belief, and who could blame him.

"I don't like this, not one bit. He shouldn't be alone right now!" that's when he looked up and our eyes met, I could see the desperation on his face as he spoke again.

"Jess, I really don't think he should be alone" he said finally.

I agreed, I completely and totally agreed. But I knew trying to force Sam into conversation will only make things worse, and that definitely not what he needed right now.

"Look Dean, I know it's hard for you to leave him alone, hell, it's hard for me too, but this is just what he needs right now. We need to give him some space, let him digest things, I mean, I know how hard it was for me to process this, I can't even imagine what he is going through right now. We just need to give him time, he'll come around" I said, trying to sound confident as a shot Dean a smile.

"I know I just…." Dean paused for a minute to regain his composure.

"He's my little brother, I want to be there for him, I want to help him through this. I just wish he'd let me" Dean said as a sigh escaped his lips and he looked back down at the floor.

I stood up from my chair and took a seat next to Dean. I wrapped what I hoped was a comforting arm around his shoulder and pulled him towards me, making his head rest on my shoulder and my head rest on top of his head. Dean was stiff for a moment but then gave in to the contact, relaxing slightly in my arms.

"It's going to be ok Dean, we just have to wait patiently until he calls us back in, It's all going to be alright" I said. I'm not sure who I was trying to convince, Dean or myself, but that doesn't matter because it seemed to work, just a little bit.

We just sat there, me and my boyfriend's big brother, silently comforting each other, even though, be both knew the person who needed comforting at that moment, was the young man in ICU room number 102. The one refusing to talk or get any kind of emotional assistance.

It was about a 30 minuet wait until a nurse came into the waiting room, telling us Sam was ready to see us. We both practically sprinted down the hall to Sam's room, desperate to see the person we loved so much again.

As I burst into the room I froze for a moment seeing Sam In his hospital bed, sitting up slightly. His body was facing forward but his face was turned away from us, staring out the window at the cars that were driving down the road, to a destination unknown to us.

Dean was slightly in front of me, walking slowly towards Sam's bed he spoke, his voice was soft and only slightly higher than a whisper in volume.

"Hey Sammy"

Sam turned his face towards us and that's when I caught one of the most horrible sites I have ever witnesses, one that will be engraved into my mind forever. Sam's eyes were extremely red and puffy and there where tear tracks running down his face. His mouth was trembling slightly as if he was about to break out into sobs at any moment and his hands were clutching the sheets like a lifeline, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to consume him.

I watched as Dean froze at the site and the room was completely silence.

All three of us were the very picture of misery and I had no idea what to do. I wished so badly that I could take Sam's pain away, but I couldn't, so I settled for the once thing I could do.

I stepped forward and stood in front of Sam on the side of his bed. With my left hand I took Sam's head and pulled it to my chest, my right hand on Sam's back as I pulled him into a tight, comforting hug. At first he seemed to try and resist it, but after a few moments he gave in and hugged me back.

"I'm fine Jess, really, I'm ok" he said trying to sound confident. It astounded me the after finding out he has cancer, he was the one comforting me! It just doesn't make any sense! Shouldn't it be the other way around!

I understood, he has always been so strong and independent, this vulnerability was completely new to him and he had no idea what to do with it. It made me want to cry my eyes out too. But I didn't, I had to be strong for Sam.

As I held Sam Winchester in my arms I felt my heart break more and more. He didn't deserve this and there was nothing I could do to make things better besides standing there and holding him. I would stand there until my legs fall off if that's what Sam needed, because there was nothing I wouldn't do for him, absolutely nothing.

Liked it? Hated it? Please give me your opinions; it really makes my day when I get a review!

Thank you for reading my story, till tomorrow….

-Mika xxx