Better Days
Year of the Dragon-Year of the Koala-Seal
His reaction was instantaneous.
"Iroh, you're crushing me!" I managed to choke out from his embrace. He had worn a bit of armor today and it was pressing against my (very sensitive might I add) belly. He let me go and held me at arm's length; looking from my face to my belly.
"When shall we tell them?" he asked excitedly, just like a little kid being given a large bag of candy.
I hadn't thought about that yet. I would have to tell the public sometime, for I could not lie about my swelling belly and what could I say when, or at least if, the baby was born?
But if we tell the people too soon, there was a chance of a miscarriage.
I looked back at Iroh, he was so eager to tell someone of the news.
I didn't want to take the joy away from him, but I did not want the news to be spread too soon in case I was actually mistaken and was actually not pregnant or a miscarriage, and if the baby is born; a stillbirth or a critically weak infant occurred.
"We will have to tell them when the child quickens in my belly." I replied evenly.
He didn't seem to hear the warning undertone in my voice, only taking my hands into his and kissed me on the mouth again.
"This is the best news you could give me!" he exclaimed.
If the laws of gravity did not exist, I'm sure that he would have jumped to the moon and back out of the spontaneous joy he was displaying in front of me right now. But I could not understand why he was reacting so strongly to me being pregnant with his child; maybe he always wanted a baby, but didn't find the right woman.
"I am only little more than a month in; wait a bit for the sure signs and then we can announce it." I told him, though the missed courses, my tender breasts, morning sickness, and fatigue were already obvious.
He nodded and, offering me his arm, led me back into the palace. I think many people noticed the change in him after he'd met me in the garden and kept staring at me for a clue. I felt tired, so I asked to be excused to my chamber and, once nearly flopping on my bed, fell asleep almost instantly.
I found the secret to be hard to keep.
Everywhere, someone was asking me about something or whatnot and they were beginning to wonder why I was making all of these escapades into the bathroom (and hearing retching sounds come from the closed doors) and suddenly asking only for thoroughly cooked foods.
At dinners, especially in the public dining hall for a gathering or celebration, Iroh would always place food from his own plate onto mine and smile at me knowingly.
I wish he would stop dropping these tiny yet broad hints on what I had told him and what will happen. Somehow, or should I say someone, paid attention and it happened.
Something was outside my chamber door.
I awoke at the sound of clamor and horrible attempts to muffle…laughter? I got out of bed and changing into a simple tunic and sarong, loose to conceal my lightly swelled belly, and finding a pair of comfortable shoes, opened my chamber door to be greeted by squeals, screams, and lots of questions.
Not to mention firecrackers popping almost directly in my face and most likely permanently damaging my hearing. Before I had the chance to cough the smoke out of my breath, I was snatched by dozens of hands and practically dragged to the banquet hall. I caught sight of Iroh once there.
'Did you tell?' I mouthed to him and he shook his head.
Before me, suddenly, was Fire Princess Ilsa. She took my shoulders and took a good look at my belly.
"Is it really true? Did you have your comeuppance?" she asked.
I still wondered how the secret had gotten out and my suspicions lingered on Iroh as I felt myself nod. There were lots of shouts, most of which I barely heard, but I managed to hear what Ilsa said at the end of her statement.
"…to prepare for the new Prince!" she exclaimed.
"What if it's a girl, my lady?" I asked.
Instantly, the entire crowd went silent; it was as if I had shouted, "This baby is a curse to me; I never wanted it and I hope it dies along with the rest of you!'.
"It's not likely; it's a known fact that the Royal Family is famous for breeding only prodigal sons for many generations." Iroh stepped in. I turned to stare at him and he offered me a slight smile. Ilsa was practically dancing around me for some unknown reason to me; it was an unborn child, wasn't it?
"What are we doing here just dancing the day away? We need to prepare for the baby!" she exclaimed and went off rambling about some Cherry wood cradle and anointing gown trimmed with the fur of Otoe Fox and made of pure silk.
Iroh guided me away from the crowd, all of whom didn't seem to notice even the slightest bit that I was gone, and led me to a derelict area where we were alone. He lightly pressed his hand against the tie of my sash.
"Not too tight?" he asked softly.
"It's not even 2 months grown; not right now." I replied to him.
Now that the news was out, people saw a way to climb a bit higher on the social ladder of the Fire Nation.
Daily, there were gifts of clothes, napkins, toys, room décor, everything any woman back in my old home of the Water Tribes would have envied if they ever laid eyes on the treasures
Just like when I was 14 and all those men in the Northern Water Tribes sent me those gifts, I still couldn't pinpoint exactly why, I returned them to the families with utmost courtesy and said that the Fire Nation needs more children so we can raise them to be great soldiers and people to this nation.
They seemed to take me seriously enough.
Ane became much more attentive to me, which was useful yet a pained burden at the same time. On many days, I would've preferred a servant who did not ask me 'how do you feel?' or 'how is the baby?' every 8 seconds that she was shadowing me. At least Iroh was much better; always dividing his time between me, his duties, and preparations for the baby.
At various times, I was sure that he was trying to pamper me, but most of them failed miserably and damaged much more than the material objects that had the misfortune to be in the said place at a said time.
On one occasion, the rug in my room was set on fire and the smell grew so bad that we had to throw it out. On another, I developed an irritating rash on my arm when he brought me a small container of 'special lotion'. Fortunately, we were able to laugh it off most of the time.
On the occasion of my 7th month, I woke up with blood on my sheets and screamed. The doctor came in half-dazed, with every eye of the Fire Court on me, and stated that I was fine; it was only a little blood in which I might have leaked a bit out of the stretching of my insides to accommodate the unborn child.
The winter, spring and first month of summer passed by quickly for me and I watched my body grow. In short terms, I felt fat.
I had to sustain from wines and other alcohol, but I never drank much to begin with anyways.
Food was more of a problem; most of what I was forced to eat was tasteless or tasted like something rotten. Rarely did I ever eat anything raw; even my fruit was boiled. Half of the reason I even ate the food was because everyone's eyes were on me and expecting me to eat these in order to deliver a healthy son. For the passing holidays, such as the new year, La fete du Haru, or a masquerade, I had to always sit out and the ladies accompanying me did nothing but sulk on what they were missing make new clothes for the coming child.
When in confinement, my temper had gotten to be short and once I shouted at a lady that if she didn't want to be here, she could just go out back into the court life and abandon the future generation of the Fire Nation, all the while being vulnerable to the men out there while I offered her protection. I had to start wearing extra pads of linen when my breasts started to leak milk and they were fairly uncomfortable, but it would be less embarrassing if I had started to leak breast milk and it stained through my yukata.
When I was 2 weeks away from expecting to deliver my baby, I was called into total confinement.
"I will visit you every time I can." Iroh called out as the door closed; sounding as if I was in prison instead of about to go into labor.
It wasn't so bad; the windows were opened to let fresh air in and take away the vile smells of the piss pots in the corner and of the heavy incense and perfumes in the room. There were many books and toys to amuse myself with.
The people of the court must've thought I was foolish; fawning over children's toys and playing with them occasionally, but there weren't many options for toys in the Northern Water Tribe save for playing with water and ice, and a few stuffed dolls or animals for wealthy girls. Here, even the most common peasant child could afford at least 3 toys and a lot of them always shared when they were in groups. I only wished that my old home was that kind.At last, my labor pains started.
I awoke at near dusk after a long nap to a sharp push of pain in my lower abdomen and screamed for Ane. The attendants and crowds of people rushed into my chambers as I felt my body convulse in pain.
"It's alright, Yukihiya." Iroh reassured me.
God, I wish sometimes that he would just shut up. Or at least be honest with me. The pains became more frequent over the period of 8 days and I was practically sobbing out of pure pain; feeling as if my stomach was going to tear in half any second. Maybe this was the feeling of rape.
"Hold on for a moment; don't go anywhere!" Iroh shouted back to me as he darted from my birthing chambers.
As if I could even sit up out of my belly.
'What happened to staying with me?' I screamed mentally as I dug my nails into the fabric. He came back with a steaming cup and poured the liquid down my throat; it taste terrible and I nearly immediately spat it all out.
"Yukihiya, please drink this; it's a drug that will help ease the pain." Iroh protested.
At the words 'ease the pain', I grabbed the glass and drained what was left of it. My nerves lightly tingled, then it was as if I went numb. At least I could go to sleep for the night without waking every 2 minutes.
After hours, days, I forget how long it was--I felt something beginning to push out. The doctors were surrounding me and I felt myself start pushing.
I heard the lusty cries of an infant and talk begin before I succumb to the fatigue that plagued my body.
I woke up a few hours later to find Iroh with the baby in his arms, clean and swaddled in a linen sheet, and it was a minute or two before he noticed I'd wakened up.
He smiled at me and scooted closer to me on the bed; kissing me.
"It's our son. A healthy, living, son." He said softly to me.
I nodded and took the infant from his arm and into mine. I couldn't help but smile as I saw the infant, fast asleep.
He had ivory skin like my husband, but I saw the darkest brown ringlets on his scalp. He had wide, almond-shaped eyes and a long, slender nose ending with an adorable little rosebud mouth and light touches of rose on his red face, probably still the aftermath of just being birthed. He had such tiny feet and hands that I could not believe that Iroh and I were once that size.
The doctor came through the door and saw me as awake.
"May we do it now?" he asked Iroh, who nodded.
He came forth and took my son from me and laid him on a table in the middle of the room. I saw the unmistakable glint of metal and the shape of scissors in the doctor's hand.
"Wh-What's he doing?" I demanded.
"It's a process of circumcision; something that happens to all males of the Fire Nation when they're born. It's a simple process; they cut away the bit of excess skin on the baby's penis." Iroh explained.
"Is it safe?" I wondered.
"Of course. Though, around my time, circumcision was done when a male was going to lay with a woman for the first time or in my case, when I was 13. It was horrible; I couldn't feel it for a full day and was in pain for at least 2 more." He winced at the memory. It must have hurt; there was a doctor slicing at the skin of an area that is highly sensitive.
The doctor returned the baby to me and I smiled as I took him back.
"What should we name him?" I asked, suddenly forgetting the past conversation between Iroh and me.
"Tradition for monarchy names usually descend from the name of a past Monarch. Maybe we can name our son after Fire Lord Izuko, but we usually change their names by one thing like adding or taking away a syllable, vowel, letter, those things. Maybe we can name him Zuko." He suggested.
I tried it out on my lips; Zuko seemed foreign to my tongue and didn't quite seem to be the right name for the boy.
"Tai." I said suddenly. "Sorry?" Iroh said.
"Tai. Our son's name. After Prince Taili." I repeated.
Iroh reached out and touched the baby's head.
"Prince Tai." He added. I nodded as he put his arm around me.
A messenger interrupted the serene moment with the announcement of Fire Lord Sozun. At once, the ladies in my room jumped up, straightened their robes and hair, and bit their lips to make them pink.
"Let me see him." He demanded the moment Iroh, Tai, and I came into his view.
I, not daring to resist royal orders, held out Tai as Sozun took his grandson in. Kuzon, Azulon, Ozai, Ilsa, and other people behind them stared at the sleeping babe on my arm. Sozun nodded to me and beckoned Iroh to come with him. With the Fire Lord away, most of the attendants in my chamber left with the crowd and I was left alone.
Suddenly, Tai opened his eyes and I saw the deepest blue in them. A moment after, his mouth opened and he began to cry. Not knowing what else to do, I guided him to my breast and let him suckle on it. I felt much better and the pain in my breast seemed to decrease.
This was the start of a beautiful bond.
After that, we never really were the same. Being a parent, as I learned, was more complicated than being a wife or soldier.
I constantly fussed over him, Iroh also did his fair share, and refused anyone other than Iroh and I to be with him for long periods of time; even the wet nurse. A woman almost always had one, but I protested; saying that he was my son and I wanted to raise him, and I paid her a small amount of money for dismissal.
Iroh was very proud of his little boy and he often unknowing boasted a bit about us and I had to pull him back onto the ground at numerous times.
I dreaded when the doctor checked me a bit after I'd turned 20 and said it was alright for me to resume intimacy again.
When the doctor said those words, I almost collapsed in dread. I felt like a clumsy, overweight, disaster and very self-conscious. Of course when Iroh heard it, he was practically chasing me around the palace. If I kept pushing him away, wouldn't he try and seek solace in another woman's arms? It was one of my most constant worries. I was silent at dinner and ate only a morsel of what was laid out before me. Iroh noticed and leaned over to talk to me.
"Come to bed with me tonight." He whispered.
I only nodded and bit into another piece of potato. In reality, I was afraid of what would happen if he saw me; I was a total wreck. After we were both dismissed, we both went back to his bedchamber. I sighed, undoing the sash of my robe, but hesitated in removing it.
"What's wrong? Are you not well?" Iroh asked, concerned.
"I am fine." I said quickly and turned away.
"What is it? I am your husband; you can tell me." He insisted gently. I was touched by his concern, but what could I say to him?
"It's just that—are you still attracted to me?" I blurted out.
He seemed to be taken aback by my question, but recovered and nodded.
"Of course I am." He said and I could detect sincerity and honesty in his tone.
"How?" I murmured.
"What do you mean?" Iroh asked, clearly catching on to my question.
"I'm a wreck!" I exclaimed at him as I felt my thoughts pouring out through my throat.
"I have all of my energy back, but it's just that I'm not the same as before my pregnancy! The skin around my stomach is sagging and some of it is wrinkled! I am fat compared to the other women in this court, and I know I have gained at least 10 pounds and haven't lost it since my pregnancy! If you can tell me you are actually still attracted to me to my face without lying to me even in the slightest, I dare you to say it!" I broke off, out of breath.
Iroh was silent, only staring at me.
What a fool I was; how I had made a mockery of myself over a thing such as this when other women had it much worse. As my cheeks burned in shame, I did not notice Iroh coming up next to me and, grabbing me almost roughly, pressed his lips to mine in a mix of hard desire, yet the kiss itself was soft; like when a flower petal blew in the wind and just lightly punched your lip. I felt myself softening to him despite everything I had said and felt earlier.
"I told you; I'm your husband and you can tell what you want to me. I'm not blind; I saw your body change throughout your pregnancy and then give birth to the next heir to the Fire Nation throne. I just want to be with you again; is that such a tremendous deal?" he asked me.
I suddenly felt guilty and shook my head.
"I know this is still all new to you, but you must learn to open up again to people." Iroh said frankly and once again, I felt myself feeling so stupid for making such a big deal out of this, now I saw, little thing because of my past.
"I can learn Huowen, I can learn practically anything you teach me, but I can't just forget my past that easily. I'm sorry; it's just a part of me. And you did marry for better or for worse. I guess tonight is a big deal to you." I admitted and slipped my hand up his tunic; feeling my own desire come back like a once-dormant fire being relit.
"And there's the woman responding to her duty." Iroh breathed as he leaned down and kissed me again.
That practically killed my eagerness for him to take me.
"I thought you said you understood and respected me!" I shrieked at him.
He looked a bit surprised as I pulled away from him.
"Yes, I do understand you as your husband and another human being, but I'm still a man. And that's the way things work here." He stated in that amused/firm tone.
I gritted my teeth and, after changing into a nightshirt, lay on the bed, turned away from him, and pulled the sheets over my head.
"Fine." Iroh said to me.
I the large mattress shift and knew that he was also there.
Suddenly, I felt something rub against my thigh.
At first, I thought it was his foot (I was NOT going to fall for that again) but his foot couldn't have been that smooth or…
It took 3 seconds for me to figure out what it really was that was rubbing against me.
Instantly, I jumped out of the bed and turned to him; flustered, surprised, and a bit grossed out.
"You—no—sleep! Put your—oh, gods, you—your—PANTS—Have you--!" I couldn't even form a sentence as I faced him and stood there like a little girl after seeing a large bug. Iroh sat up from his bed and I watched the moonlight from the open curtain shine off of his muscle-stretched skin.
"It's my bed and I can sleep nude if I want to." He stated calmly.
"NOT WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME!" I shouted at him.
"Oh, come on; you've seen everything before, why so chaste now?" he practically demanded of me.
I barely remember stuttering and spitting out any comment that was on my mind, most likely some were fairly embarrassing for me; gods forgive me, I was married (and very much in love) with a shameless seducer!
I felt Iroh take my by the wrist and push me onto his bed and his weight on top of me and seized the chance; since he was laying on my back, I pushed myself up and flipped over so he was beneath me and I sat on his chest.
"Now you are GOING to put a pair of pants on and—." I began formally.
"—and you'll take them off again?" he laughed and before I could object, he rocked his upper body to meet mine and grabbed me in another kiss.
Damn his shamelessness, but even as I thought about his traits and what they could lead both of us into. Suddenly, he pulled away and stared at my chest.
My god, I was leaking breast milk. And some of it had gotten on his chest. Iroh swiped at his (now slightly wet) chest and brought the finger containing a bit of my breast milk to his lips. I saw his tongue prod out at the liquid and then he was staring at me.
Tai woke me up in the middle of the night and I saw his little bed in the corner of Iroh's room; someone must've pushed him inside after we had fallen asleep. Literally pulling myself up and away from my husband, I went to his cradle and took the crying form of my son into my arms.
Tiredly, I held him to my breasts and he began to feed. I hoped there was enough for Tai and that I hadn't found a second child who needs to feed off of my milk-gorged breasts. Tai pulled away, quiet now, and I lightly rocked him in my arms.
This is my son; a son who will one day make a great Fire Lord, I thought. A hand stroked Tai's head and I turned to see that Iroh had gotten up again and noticed me with Tai. I handed the asleep infant to him and, after kissing his forehead, Iroh lay him back down into the cradle.
"He's precious." I murmured.
"And don't you want a daughter the mirror image of you?" Iroh asked me softly.
I already got the hint and turned to him, ready to object, when he placed his finger over my lip just like he did when I was 15 and he offered me the chance to join the Fire Nation.
"To have a daughter with your skin color and your eyes who will grow up to be just like her brother; a little princess who will grow up the mirror image of you and might inherit the Fire Nation throne one day. Imagine her ruling the Fire Nation; the first woman to do so." He whispered in a persuading manner in my ear.
"What would we name her?" I asked.
"Is it really that important? How about using your old name and changing it? Like…Katana, Kaya, Kina, Kita…Katara." He suggested.
"Why not a royal name?" I asked him.
"Because it will be special." He murmured as he kissed me on the temple and walked me to the bed
"And let us make her now." He declared.
"Are you crazy? Tai is right there!" I said incredulously.
"What care I?" he asked. There he went again.
"We will wake him up!" I protested.
"Fine, then we'll be very quiet."
When the both of us came out of our rooms with Tai on my arm the next morning, I knew the eyes of many people of the court had been on us.
A plain yukata and shoes were all that adorned my body save for my wedding ring and my hair was still a bit wet. I could explain; we had both awakened when the sun was already high in the sky and had to rush around in order to get up.
Ane had run for my robes and pulled, at random, from my chests of clothing and it was a plain maroon one with a dark emerald sash. I had barely rinsed the bubbles from my hair when Iroh burst into the washroom and told me that people were becoming suspicious of us.
In the Fire Nation, the matter of duties were a priority to all citizens and gratification came only after duties were done, but I'd seen enough of the palace to say that I think the people have reversed the saying. In haste, I dumped a pot of water over my head and brushed out my hair once more before attempting to dry myself hastily.
My clothes slightly disarray and my hair, still wet, slapping against my upper back, I exited the chamber only to have a yowling infant to be practically tossed into my arms and Iroh's arm around my shoulders as we both nearly ran out of the room and into the hallway. We made our reverences at the high table and took our seats.
I let Tai feed off of my breast (it was still a common sight in the Fire Nation, as I saw when I first came here) and took a glass of fruit drink.
"Fairly sweet." I heard a voice whisper and nodded.
"But I do prefer…" Iroh continued and I fought the urge to break out into laughter.
I broke my fast with fruits and cream, bread and honey, and a bit more milk and was about to go onto my lessons, taught to me by a kind elderly woman.
Her name was Mira and, despite her slightly wrinkled face and plain dress-choices, she always seemed to sparkle at court; she caught the eye of everyone just by walking past them. Iroh had introduced me to her some time ago and she had taught me even further lessons on how to walk, talk, dress, and be like more of a 'Fire Nation Woman'. She was delighted that Iroh had taught me a bit before I came to her.
A bit after I was accustomed to her, I asked about her connection to my husband, Prince Iroh and she said that she was his Wet Nurse and adored him as if he was her own child. She also told me that her infant had died from birth because of being overexposed to smoke soon after he was born. I hoped I would never lose a child like that and I myself wanted, just like Iroh, more sons and a few daughters to raise and grow with.
Ozai, she had stated, was another story.
"From the moment he was born, ai-ya, child! He was yowling like a banshee while Iroh (supposedly, I still wondered if this was true or only just a myth to glorify him) opened his eyes from birth and extended his arms to the sky." She had told me and I laughed at the prospect of Ozai bawling like an ass.
"And while Iroh had patiently drunk and stopped after a short while, even starting to limit his portions after a few weeks of feeding, Ozai was practically biting at my nipples and never getting enough, it seemed; he has a bottomless stomach, I say! So I handed him off to other wet nurses. Of course they all hated him as well and soon returned him to Ilsa." She finished.
I tried to picture Ozai as a child, it couldn't come to me. All I saw was that dark and scornful face and the hatred in his eyes; I had figured long before that he was born with those traits.
"Well, look at me wasting the day away and boring you by telling the stories of when your husband was like your son! Let's continue with our lessons; the next one is to learn Hei-wen." She said in her 'teacher' tone.
"But the Fire Nation people speak Huowen." I said; not knowing what Hei-wen even was.
"Yes, they do, but Hei-wen is the language that the Fire Nation spoke before simplifying the entire language into what we now call Huowen. To tell you the truth, I'm one of the very few people who ever learned it in over a century!" she laughed delightedly at the prospect of being one of the few people who even knew the language now.
I rearranged my legs so they would not cramp and regarded the scroll Mira unrolled; revealing another set of unfamiliar characters.
"Now, the basics of the language are that…" she began
"And when I nursed him, I'm sorry Yukihiya but I couldn't resist, I HAD to see if the rumors were true!" she giggled after downing at least a dozen little cups of sake.
After the lessons were over, we had ordered a light meal and sake to drink. I bit into another orange, making sure to lap away the juices first so they did not stain my robes, and stared at my teacher.
"The endowment rumors, sweetheart." She explained.
I nodded; continuing to eat away at the fruit in my hand.
"So what if I took a peek? It was worth it!" she declared.
At that comment, I had to choke and began spitting out a slightly orange-colored liquid and pieces of the orange itself; what did she mean, it was worth it? Just then, Mira leaned in closer to me.
"But d'you want to know something else?" it wasn't as if I had any other choice but to listen to her; she would ramble on about it anyway.
"I also looked at Ozai's—." Oh gods, this conversation was becoming so perverted. "—and it turns out, he wasn't so…developed from birth." She finished and I felt a huge urge to smack myself when thinking on her words.
"That wasn't exactly something I—er—wanted to know, but thank you…" Maybe I should stop bringing alcohol to our lessons...
Just then, Iroh came in just in time to see Mira rise up and fall onto the floor; exposing her thighs and giggling madly as if she were a little girl being tickled by a person.
Her legs were a bit wrinkled and pockmarked, but for a second I think I saw an ink imprinting of something; like a shape of some sort. Suddenly, she somehow amazingly sobered up and smiled at Iroh; bowing politely.
"If you'll excuse me, I need to lead my wife to an important affair at state." He said; nodding to her.
I took his outstretched hand and followed him down the hall. But the way he wasn't going wasn't the way of neither any meeting room nor any council meetings, neither outside nor to the main halls for a discussion over a meal. It was only when he suddenly pushed open a door and entered, dragging me in with him, that I realized the true meaning of his words. 'An important affair of state' had become a bit of a standing bluff between us.
After we closed the door and locked it, he almost jumped on me.
"An important affair of state is that you give me another heir; the throne cannot depend on one child alone." His breath was hot against my skin and I welcomed him into me.
After that, we had slipped into what seemed to be a bit of a routine.
He was quite the terrible poet back then and I had to laugh at his verses rather than being moved by them, but it didn't matter; he made up for it in other ways.
By day, I would attend to matters of the Fire Nation (I was still an honored member in the war room), serve my duties as a lady of the court and as the sole Fire Princess save for Ilsa, attend lessons instructed to me by Mira or another female instructor, or just talk with other ladies of the court (I had made many 'acquaintances' and took a few ladies in waiting for companions' sake a bit after my marriage, but I barely trusted any of them) and Iroh would attend to his deities as the elder son would.
The entire ploy revolved around what we had to do on certain days and then it would be as if we were a courting couple.
He would shower me with little gifts such as a handful of flowers, seashells found near the Fire Nation coastline, and even little round balls of amber said to have been wept from a statue when the spring-summer rains began and ended. I found those gifts much more heartfelt and romantic than the gifts I received back in the Northern Water tribe where nearly every man was courting me, and I'm guessing my ladies were saying behind my back that if Iroh truly loved me, he would give me jewelry or an allowance of great value.
Poor fools; they did not know of Love, only greed and power.
Whenever I would want to call for a Tiger-Horse to ride out, there would be a small note (not containing his then-horrible poetry, thank goodness) from him and usually a candy or another kind of treat. When we were both near each other for a gathering, celebration, or just walking, he would grab my shoulder and, before I could even turn, whispered out of the side of his mouth:
"Come to my bed, wife." I would lightly giggle (though I felt like laughing out loud) as if I were a favored mistress or so instead of being his wife and step away from whichever crowd I was with. When we both reached his or my rooms, he would practically pull my clothes away.
"We only have a bit of time; for you?" he questioned. I would reply, 'yes' or 'no, for you this time'.
I guess the thrill of the entire escapade was the knowing that someone might discover us, or the fact that it would have to be quick and we needed to rejoin the people before they'd started searching for us. It was the 'duty' of a woman to promise (and fulfill that promise) of pleasure when with a man and it partly was that duty that encourated me to going with him, but it was desire and happiness that made me keep up with him.
The truth was that anyone, even royalty, could be disgraced or fall from their high place in society, but even if I, he, or we both fell, I would be forever glad to have a husband who loves me and I would stay by him for the rest of our days
For a celebration in honor of a holiday when it was the anniversary of the birthday of the first Firebender which was a little after the first day of summer, the entire court was to put on a play based on multiple ancient legends of the Fire Nation.
I finally realized the reason why Mira had taught me Heiwen; that was the language the play would be in. A few women played minor characters, mostly because they hadn't learned Heiwen yet, and the men sometimes assumed the role of major-character women.
I found it extremely funny at the prospect of Iroh with a black wig, in robes and slippers, and face makeup after he told me that he'd learned Heiwen when he was younger and even starred in the play around that time. I'd been assigned a spot of being an oracle who speaks to the Hero and Heroine to guide their path, to warn them, and to send them many signs.
Mira gave me lines and an overall script to memorize, but I found that I didn't have much spare time.
I saw Ozai scoff at me when I mispronounced a character and saw the people who understood the dialogue stare at me. I would've been very embarrassed and nervous had not Iroh smiled and winked at me from the front row.
I smiled and continued my lines; only he and a few other nosy servants knew that when I should've been memorizing my lines I was in bed with him, isolated from the rest of the miserable world and momentarily forgetting what was happening
"Let me introduce to you a few women who could be your ladies in waiting." Iroh said to me one day.
I turned to stare at him, but nodded.
"Who are they?" I asked, keeping my tone steady.
Deep down, I felt the blow of doubt. In those days, it was not uncommon for a man to have a love affair with a woman close to his acknowledgment. Here at court, the affair was usually with a close acquaintance of a woman he knows; such as one of his consort's attendants or slave. Sometime, they would take a serving-woman, but only if their woman acquaintance has no other lady friends or servants.
"They are women from another family that my father is close to; they have twin girls who are just a year older than you are. Their names are Lo and Li." He said. I didn't really need many new servants (Ane had already done more than enough for me) but I didn't want to possibly make him suspicious of why I would not take them to be my ladies in waiting.
"They sound qualifying, but what can they do?" I asked.
'Please say they don't do much or something like that, please.' I thought. Why would I take them into my little 'group' if they had no decent qualities?"From when they were young, their family was poor. The girls, since they were 3, had to work all day on their family farm just to keep their home. They're hardworking and dedicated. And when their father advanced in the society, they became servants of aristocrats whom you know might flog a servant if something is not done properly, so they know of what needs to be done. And they've been here for 6 years so they more or less know of the palace. What do you think?" he asked.
"I think I would like them to be in my household." I said; thinking of my allowance.
Since I was royalty, I was paid a monthly allowance by the Fire Nation; 60 talents of gold and other precious metals, 15 talents of jewels and precious stones and 21 combined bundles of silk, fur, and linen. At first, it seemed to be a bit much, but I soon found that I was having to pay for my own wardrobe, my servants' (even if at the time there was only Ane) salaries and their medical cares and their food and many other things (which does explain why so many people choose healthy young people who haven had a good taste of luxury for their servants rather than a too-young children who are still at risk of being infected and even dying, or too-old people who know of wealth, or weak person), for what errands I wanted to be done, and I was still required to pay the Fire Nation at least one-fourth of my coffers in order to support the war effort.
Two women, exactly alike, came from behind Iroh and bowed to me. When they raised their heads up, I could find no deception in their eyes nor could I find any dark reasons on why they wanted to serve me.
"Welcome; I accept you both as my ladies in waiting." I said respectively.
Both of them bowed and said in unison "It is a great honor to serve a woman like you."
I beckoned them all to go to bed and sleep for the night; we could all talk in the morning
The more I got to know them, the more I found a liking in Lo and Li.
Both of them had grown up with a hard life like I had and even harder when her father (later becoming famous of siring healthy, lusty sons who can Firebend before they could walk) found that he had 2 daughter mouths to feed and they themselves had no power that they knew of today. Since they could not bend nor did they find an interest in training, he was about to push them into becoming Geisha until he'd gone to court and used his daughters as pawns there. I told them bits of my story, but dare not tell the full tale to anyone. I only wanted a piece of my old self to keep so I could…remember, I guess.
Each day, I would get up and, since I'd never slept on a bed much in my entire life; Naiya hogged it all and I didn't exactly want to go onto a bed where she had lay with nearly every man of the Northern Water tribe, clean out my teeth and wash my face, and break my fast in my rooms after pulling Tai from his cradle and breastfed him.
I might have been spoiling him but he was my firstborn son; he was of my blood, conceived in wedlock, and someone I could actually call my own.
While I had gone into the front chamber to eat and see my son, Lo, Li, or Ane would come into my room and make my bed and picked out some clothes for me to wear. When I came back in, they would help me dress and apply a bit of makeup onto my face and fix my hair.
Most of the time, I treated them as equals; inviting them to walk with me and Iroh (and sometimes Tai, but he was mostly cared for by midwives or Ilsa was fawning over him), talking with them casually, like friends would. I
guess they began to respect me and also find a great liking in me because once I forgot to pay them their monthly salaries but they didn't even bring that topic up to me until I realized it myself.
I offered to pay them a bit more because of my forgetfulness, but they said that I could pay them their fees next month
"I have to go to war again." Iroh told me after I had put Tai to bed.
It had been over 10 months since Tai was born and now he was leaving. But I'd read that by law, a woman had a child and was married; the father could stay home with the newborn for up to a full year. Why was he to go two months before?
"Your grandfather?" I asked with a sigh.
His birthday had already passed, I'd given him a new suit of handmade armor that I, with the help of Firebenders who had made their livings as blacksmiths, had personally made and also a new ruby earring for his pierced ear. When I entered the army, it was a requirement that the militants had their ears pierced so there was a distinct way to recognize them. The hot needle was thrust through my ears. It hurt like Hades and the piercings throbbed as if they were hearts for the next few days, but when the time passed (and after rubbing much 'safe' alcohol to clean out the small hole) I was able to wear earrings and studs, as I soon came to learn as the name of what Iroh wore on his ear.
"Duty. And honor to my nation." He replied and, seeing my face, gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead.
"I'll come back to you; I swear it." He stated.
I nodded; not wanting to say anything else.
There were so many worries when going into battle; the ship might sink, it might capsize in a storm, run off-course and force it to drift out at sea (though, with all of the development in astrology and its ability to help approximate one's location, the number of lost ships has decreased dramatically), the crew might commit a mutiny, animals kept on the ship could sudden go crazy at any time and (easily might I add) take over the ship, the ship can be attacked at any time, it can be raided by sea scavengers, and (after the Fire Nation had developed a strange kind of powder that exploded when lit) the ship can be blown up by one of its own passengers.
Once on foreign land, there are other worries: the diseases the Fire Nation has not been exposed to therefore aren't immune to them and the fear of catching, spreading it, and dying from the disease, inadequate hydrating, food and water shortages, overheating in armor, overheating in the tanks (therefore some of THEM blew up), the long marches of the day, injury, the fear of being raided by Earth Kingdom soldiers hiding out, being spotted because of your uniform, the fear that as you march, the Earth could open up right below you and swallow you in, sudden changes in weather, not enough shelter, too many things in your backpack that will lead to injury from carrying it on your back all day, and even the fear of animals or traps around and would attack or the mechanism would activate without any warning.
In fighting, it was even worse.
Always was the fear of death (but according to the Fire Nation code of honor, it was more honorable to die in battle than it is to ever surrender), the fear of injury, the fear of infections, against the Earthbenders, all of the Fire Nation weapons; soldiers, tanks, rhinos, archers, swordsmen, and master Firebenders, stand on Earth and I could not tell you how many times I have seen good people and perfect crafts of Technology being swallowed up just because of bending.
Of course, if victorious, many Fire Nation militants bring back the spoils of war; valued resources, including metals and ore, cloth or at least weaving material for cloth, and other treasured objects. Special ships held men, women, and children to bring back to the Fire Nation as prisoners or workers to tend to Fire Nation farming lands.
Surprisingly, the Fire Nation has many little islands not marked on any Earth Kingdom map where most workers (along with a master) would go and farm to bring back harvest to feed everyone; even the poorest beggars on the streets and because of that, the Fire Nation has more farming land than it does of cities. Cities were scattered about on the main island and a few were on other islands belonging to the Nation, but mostly, cities were at least a 9 days' journey away from each other; they were mostly used for trade and selling anyway, save for when many people would come to the city closest to them for a special celebration.
Some other islands are not good for growing and they're used to take care of animals and breed them for other purposes while others have food growing naturally on them and many times, the Fire Nation has sent the Earth Kingdom prisoners into the jungle to fetch certain fruits. A few of the islands have been known to 'produce' gold and other precious metals, coal, jewels, and oil so miners go there also and exchange their findings for their bare essentials.
There were even some islands whose inhabitants did nothing but fish and bring back seafood, prawns, clams, oysters (a lucky few with pearls in them) eels, even pieces of whale or swordfish.
Because the soil among other factors varies from island to island, a great variety of food is grown or taken and, after sparing what they need to feed themselves, they send the rest to the Fire Nation in exchange for other things such as more clothes or timber for a new housing. And as always, each island had a water-purifying system--or at least something to boil the saltwater and another thing to catch the steam--to obtain both water and salt.
When I was 18, just after I'd won a raid towards a northern island in the Earth Kingdom, Iroh took me to 'tour' the islands that he says Sozun gave him after he owed Iroh a bit of money for some other deed.
I had been curious enough to ask why people collected animals' turd, leaves, and other things and placed into a pile under a layer of hay to clog the smell.
"It's an age-old farming technique. Since we need fish for food instead of fertilizer, and Yukihiya, you should know by now that the Fire Nation never wastes any resources it has, so they use shit as fertilizer." He explained.
When he noticed my expression, he laughed and lightly tapped me on the forehead; stating that I was such a naïve girl, that there wasn't such a thing as waste in the Fire Nation since for generations they had been forced to conserve what they had and had to try and become more successful; not even waste was a waste.
4 days later, he donned on his new armor and I, along with many other women standing in the street, stared as he walked down; still looking like the noble man I'd seen him to be since he gave me a position in the military.
As the ships were being 'blessed', we slipped away from the eyes of the crowd.
Not many people noticed that we were missing, they'd most likely thought that Iroh had gone onto the ship and I had gone back to the palace, so no one made too much of a scene on the fact that Iroh and I came forth.
I gave him a soft kiss on the lips and he stepped forward to his ships and they cast off.
At first, it was hard to hear since everyone around me was shouting blessings, good-fortune wishes, prayers that they will be safe, and farewells. When the ships disappeared onto the horizon, most of the spectators left while others stayed behind a bit.
Eventually, by high noon, most of the workers moved on and kept going about in their normal lives, but I stayed.
"It'd all better be worth it." A voice growled beside me.
No surprise, it was the ungrateful little bastard of the family, Ozai.
I'd started calling him a bastard when I heard Mira's story and theory about how Ozai was not Azulon's child because of his appearance and (I can't believe certain people would judge by this testimony) endowment. She said that Ilsa was rumored to be an adulteress at the time Ozai was conceived; that was why she was always called a whore by the people.
To me, Ilsa had always looked to be a role model for near obvious reasons; Nanue seemed a bit too crazy, Ane was too submissive, Mira was a bit too perverted, so Ilsa was what seemed to be a natural answer.
"Do you not care that your brother might not come back?" I asked, unable to conceal the sadness and foreboding grief in my tone. He stared at me with his cold eyes.
"If he doesn't, he would've died for his nation and certain matters would've yet to be resolved." He replied in a neutral tone and turned away.
I was left on the docks alone and waiting for my husband, lover, and Prince of my home to come back hopefully safe and in one piece.
A small tingle shot from between my legs and I smiled at the fresh memory of him nearly jumping me just because I had cleared my nether regions of hair and it was much smoother, but grimaced at the fact that I might never be with him in that kind of way ever again.
Eventually, Tai called me back into the palace and I dedicated my time to be with him.
A few courtiers who had infant children also (most of whom were conceived when I found out that I was pregnant) sent them to play with my little boy, and I was glad that Tai was making friends, but a part of me was sad because I now had almost nothing to distract me from watching the days and fearing the worse for my husband.
Lo, Li, Mira, and Ane had all tried to coax me out of my trance by doing certain things.
Mira would let me bury myself into lessons, but even that wasn't enough.
Ane had tried to arrange for a small ride through the country side, thinking that the new scenery would make me forget about certain things, but throughout the country, I saw women working the land and doing what was essentially called 'Man's Work' because the men (save for the very young, very old, weak and crippled) were out fighting and my heart ached for them.
Lo and Li had taken me to another city in order to watch a traveling circus troupe, but the last thing on my mind was how small an object the contortionists could pack themselves into.
I thanked them, but I just stated that it just wasn't much of a match to my worries.
Days turned to weeks and weeks turned into months. I saw my 21st birthday pass along with Tai's first birthday pass as a blur. It had been 4 months since he'd left and already, I feared the worse.
As I was sitting around with Lo (or was it Li? They were very hard to tell apart since they began to dress alike as well during that time) one afternoon, a messenger burst into my chambers.
My first thought was outrage; how dare he burst into my rooms without permission? My second thought was curiosity; does he have a good reason to do so? It soon turned into hope; maybe the scout would announce that Iroh was coming back!
"Victory!" the boy panted. I shot up from my chair and rushed over to him.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Victory over the city of Gunung and the surrounding area! Admiral Iroh…home and alive." The boy breathed out. It looked like he'd been running for a long time.
"Lo, please get the boy something to drink and a meal." I requested and slipped a gold coin into his hand; a silent way of thanking him for the news. I ran down towards the main stairs and saw him in the front of the marching army; he was always the glory-hog. As I thought that, I couldn't help but laugh and I guess he heard me.
He crooked his fingers; telling me to come to him. Gracefully and slowly, I came down the stairs; making sure to walk with the hip-swaying motion Mira had taught me. I smiled coyly up at him and took his outstretched hand; watching as his much larger and a bit roughly textured hand swallow up my small dark one. He pulled me flush against him and I felt as if I had been revitalized after what seemed to be lifetimes. He continued to walk down towards his grandfather, seated on his high throne, and bowed.
"You were successful on your series of raids?" Sozun questioned.
"What less did you expect from me, Honored Grandfather?" Iroh replied.
Sozun thought of his statement and nodded.
"And here is the spoil of all the cities raided." Iroh gave a wave of his hand and, as if by magic, the double door separating the main hall with the throne room opened and soldiers poured through carrying large pots or objects themselves and spilling them right before Iroh and I.
I felt my eyes widen; before us, there were slabs of granite and marble in various colors, bars of gold, silver, copper, 'sheets' of bronze, tin, steel and other metals, and large amounts of milkweed leaves; the main food source for silkworms. On the docks, timber, coal, metals, and oil was being unloaded and put onto wagons to be sent to those who would use it to make something or another.
After the last had been unloaded, Iroh spread his hands before the object and smiled up at his grandfather. Sozun praised his grandchild and dismissed him.
"All of that in seven months?" I asked, a bit surprised at the vast quantity of gold.
"Best of what twenty towns, and their territories, in the Earth Kingdom offered. And a bit more." He added.
"Pardon?' I inquired.
"While the boat I was on had to take a more Southern route than expected, we were about to enter the 'Iceberg Pass' when my overseer spotted a bullion colored iceberg. When the fleet went closer to investigate, we'd discovered that there was a chunk of pure gold frozen into the ice! We melted the ice, cut up the gold, and loaded it onto one of the cargo ships that came back early; you remember it, don't you?" He asked me.
I remembered it, but what I couldn't believe was that an iceberg, of all things, would hold such an amount of wealth without sinking or something.
"Daddy!" a high-pitched voice called out. Looking up, I saw that Lo had brought Tai out of his chambers for the occasion.
He was running towards Iroh; glad to see his father again. With a smile, Iroh rushed to his son and, after embracing him, lifted him over his head and onto his shoulders.
"I missed his first steps?" he asked as his son laughed and clapped his hands in delight.
"Do not worry; there are many more maturing events where you already have and will witness." I replied.
Tai had begun to walk a few weeks Iroh had gone and I was sad that he did not see his son walk towards me, but I knew that there would be many other rites of passage or lessons of life that would happen to our son and he would be there to witness them. Iroh set Tai down and Lo took him outside.
He took my hand and guided me into my chambers.
"Did you honestly think I would forget your birthday?" he whispered to me as he pulled out an ebony box.
Opening it, I saw a necklace that draped a bit downwards and adorned with little stones sparkling with every ray of light that hit them.
He took it out and, lifting behind my hair, placed it around my neck
Suddenly, he pulled me towards my bed and nearly threw me at the foot of it.
"Iroh, do you not want—?" I began.
A drink? Food? A bit of basking in victory? To go to a victory celebration held for him? Anything else than jumping on your wife the day you come home?
"I want you."
"Tell me of your travels." I asked.
"Now?" he asked, sounding like a whining boy denied of a treat.
"Please?" I begged, rubbing myself against him.
"Well..." He told me about the sights he saw, the people he met, and his time on the front line. I sighed at his stories about war; envying his ability to go back to the battlefield while I was at 'home', worrying about him and rolling bandages (Ilsa refused to do it, stating her delicate skin would not have been able to handle it, and there had to be a female role model doing such tasks).
He also told me about a simple life; a kind of life that I'd wanted. Not that I would want to sleep on a dirt floor where animals trod, but just a place where a person could be themselves and not have to worry about others' opinions.
"I wonder what it would be like to run away." I mused.
He turned to me, curiosity in his eyes.
"I wonder what it would be like for us and Tai to just run away; to live out in a...yet undiscovered paradise." I explained; pulling the blanket over me.
"Maybe that will happen one day; I've wanted to engage in the thrill sometimes myself." he said from behind me.
I turned back to him and brushed a stray strand of his (now grown out) hair away from his eyes and smiled.
"I doubt you'd find manual labor thrilling, love." I said to him.
"Trust me, Yukihiya, I've experienced enough labor and I wouldn't mind doing so." he replied to my comment.
I had met many courtiers of the court, but the single person who stuck out to me was a young girl named Hatsuhana.
She was a standard woman of the court; scarily thin, ivory skin that was more likely powdered than natural, painted on eyebrows (I never engaged in that 'beauty task'), dark eyes that gleamed with (as I saw) ambition, raven hair always arranged in elaborate hairstyles and with what seemed to be twice her weight in gold and jewels pinned there, and always bedecked in the richest robes she owned.
I was walking in the gardens when she stood in front of me. I tried to pass her, but she wouldn't let me.
"Is there a problem?" I asked her.
"There is." She said with a hiss in her voice. "How can a woman with the looks of a barbarian wear the crown of our proud nation as if you were actually a true citizen?"
I tensed; thinking of Naiya's similar speech. 'How can a savage traitor like YOU actually be appealing to others?' she shouted at me once. I had pushed her for that comment.
I looked around my current scenery; too bad there was nothing to push anyone into save for the ground.
"You might want to watch your mouth here; you know what happens to all of those who speak out against Fire Nation Royalty." I said curtly.
She glowered at me, as if she were offended by my honesty. "I will not stand for this…this…mutiny!" she screeched at me.
"I will end your life here; ruin you. Anything to purify the Fire Nation blood again. And when I'm done and you're dead, I'll relish being given your chambers, your authority, and everything you have." Others had said that before, but their words were much louder than their actions.
"You can try. But in case you forget, I'm a master." I reminded her. Ever since Iroh went off to war again, I resumed training. It felt good to exercise my skills again and break away from the standard stereotype of a woman's roles.
"Fighting isn't all that counts." She said finally and walked away.
I brushed off her slander and kept walking. At that time, I thought of her as nothing but another courtier who was emptily threatening to take my title and Iroh away from me.
But it turns out; everything started and ended with her
"Evenings are the best." Iroh said as the wind blew through.
The wind that swept through the Fire Nation so often was called the Liang wind; occurring near the beginning of fall. Iroh and I had left the large balcony doors open and relaxed on our bed. I had Tai on the bed also, giving him his supper of goat milk and a few mashed fruits, and Iroh was lying down on my lap, as he did many times before, serenely.
"I can feel that." I replied and settled my back and head on a stack of pillows and cushions. Tai placed the cup of milk down and I placed him on a pillow; letting him sleep there.
A light fatigue seemed to come to me and, leaning against one of the bedposts, steadied my breathing and let my mind doze. Just as I was on the verge of sleep, the creaking of the large door opening woke me.
Glancing through my eyelashes, I saw that it was Hatsuhana.
For a moment, I feared that she would try to kill me, or even Tai, and readied myself if she would attack. Hatsuhana had Firebending powers, she'd made everyone she was close to know that fact about her, but wasn't taught anything more than the basic attacks, defenses, stances, and couldn't wield nor control her power too long or too much.
Hatsuhana didn't do anything; only stare at us. She took in Tai resting on a pillow at my side, I on a pile of pillows, and Iroh with his head on my lap and his arm, as I only now noticed, around my hips.
For a moment, nothing happened; as if everything was time-wisely still and then she just left; closing the door as quietly as she could. I opened my eyes fully and was about to wake Iroh to tell him of what I'd seen, only to find that he was also awake.
"Hatsuhana seems to be quite the cat-woman." He said indifferently.
"Yes, but she was staring at us…" my voice stopped, I had no words to express the look on her face as she observed us. It was one that radiated hatred, as if ready to attack, but there were mixes of other emotions within her twin pupils as well.
"Let's hope that she doesn't try to kill you." Iroh sighed. It sure looked like she had wanted to.
"I hope you're not serious." With a smile, he sat up and kissed me.
"No. Tomorrow." I promised sweetly.
When Iroh, Tai, and I entered the room the next day, the room was abuzz with something.
Ilsa stepped forth and cleared her throat. She turned to me and smiled.
"Ah, you're here. Now we can announce it to everyone." She said pleasantly.
My eyes shifted to Ozai, bedecked in a plain black robe. It was fairly unlike him to be wearing something so plain; he usually wore flashy garments to gain attention.
At his side, I saw Hatsuhana. What was she doing here?
"…and it is a great honor to see this sight before us today." Azulon's voice stated.
I turned my attentions to him.
"For today, my second son, Ozai, has decided to marry as well. Let us pay our respects to Ozai and his new bride, Hatsuhana." He finished.
The court applauded, Iroh and I also joined in, but I remembered Hatsuhana's words and it all made sense.
Gods above...
'No, no, no.'
It DID all start and end with her as Yukihiya said.